Funny / Lindsay Ellis 2015 Episodes

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Loose Canon: Starscream

• After introducing the episode (on Starscream, in a new series where she talks about different iterations of a character she knows a lot about), she says “...I'm an adult”.
• Giving into her Bay obsession and pulling up a picture up of him with "my senpai" on it.
• Her reaction to the Kiss Players Transformers comics. "Oh my."
• Comparing Armada Starscream's voice to that of Krusty the Clown.
• Describing the Bay movies version as looking like a "pointy dorito on roids".
  • And followed by her making a series of disgruntled groans.
• "-or as I like to remember it, Transformers: Chins." Cue Nostalgia Chick enthusiastically pointing her chin at the camera.
• Getting distracted and giggling at suspicious-looking white fluid dripping down Starscream's head.
• Comparing Starscream to Loki in terms of lady popularity, calling him “baby's first Loki”.
• Her impersonation of Alexis Thi Dang in Transformers: Armada. “He's an asshole, I just need to try harder.”
• Her comment on the Autobots just sort of leaving Skyfire buried in the snow. "Yeah, thanks for digging him out, assholes."

Loose Canon: Hades

• Trying to Canon Discontinuity the 90s Disney Hercules, calling the The Goddess Of Spring her favorite and cutely side-eyeing “what Disney version did you think I was talking about?”
• Her description of Hades from the Clash of the Titans remake as Voldemort by way of Terl.
• When talking about the Hercules: The Legendary Journeys Hades:
  Hercules: He took Persephone, but why?
  Demeter: BECAUSE HE HATES ME!
  Lindsay: Oh. Kaaaaay.
  Persephone: You know I can't eat the food of the other side. I'll be stuck here forever.
  Hades: Would that be so bad? (kisses her shoulder)
  Lindsay: Nope, looks like Demeter was wrong and this was a semi consensual kidnapping!
  Persephone: That was a pretty wild chariot ride...
  Lindsay: Stupid sexy Hades!
  Persephone: Why does it have to be this way? (kisses Hades)
  Lindsay: Stupid irresistibly sexy Hades!
  (Hades is watching a couple in a moment of intimacy)
  Persephone: Hades, don't be a voyeur.
  Lindsay: Wait, what? Ew. No. Okay nevermind, you're not stupid sexy Hades.
• Her scrunchy uncomfortableness with the Xena: Warrior Princess episode “Motherhood”.
• Her description of Disney's Hercules portrayal of Persephone as "this Sarah Brightman-lookin' motherf*cker".
• Her long groan at the Justice League portrayal of Hades.
• When Wonder Woman asks her mother whatever did she see in Hades, Lindsay replies “did you see his tongue?”
• In the prelude to her summation of the Wonder Woman (2009) Hades, which is...very different from his usual portrayals:
  Lindsay: Hmmm...Hades you look different...

Loose Canon: Wicked Witch Of The West

• The stepford reaction to Sidney Lumet and Joel Schumacher teaming up on The Wiz.
  Lindsay: [thumbs up and gritted teeth] What an obvious team to create this funky fresh re-imagining of The Wizard Of Oz.
• Calling the witch's name in Tin Man one of her self-insert characters in the sixth grade.
• Getting distracted by how awful a Dorothy Zooey Deschanel is in Tin Man.
• Facepalming at just a few seconds of The Muppets' Wizard of Oz. And then she's nearly crying at Miss Piggy's melting scene, which is both first offensive (as Miss Piggy is more interested in losing weight than melting) and then horrifying (as who wants to see her die?)
• Sobbing at Oz the Great and Powerful and then having a rant at the audience for making her do this.
  Lindsay: So I was gonna say that the worst thing about you guys choosing, you, you did this, you choosing The Wicked Witch Of The West for this video was that I had to watch this fucking movie again! But then I had to watch the Muppet version so that did put it into perspective, because there's a lot I can live with; I can live with the fact that Franco looks high all the time, and the bottomless to how much he does not care about his performance. I can live with the tired ass shitty faker is deemed to be the chosen one second he lands in this wonderful world and lies to everyone narrative, GOD I hate that plot. I can even live with the fact that the studio took a universe that almost always had female protagonists or males that turn into females...and gave it a male one. But I cannot take the reason why the Wicked Witch is wicked!
• Her utter bafflement at some of the weirder aspects of Once Upon a Time, describing it pretty accurately as "Disney's great big vertical integration Domestic AU fanfic, some of the time."

Loose Canon: Captain America

• "We've got our own ubermensch and he doesn't like you, Hitler!"
• The Running Gag throughout the show of referring to Steve as The Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
• Lindsay pointing out that Cap's origin story is pretty standard throughout all variations, and warning the audience that they're gonna see a lot of defrosted white guys.
• Swearing that Steve's brief stint as "Nomad: the Man Without a Country" is not as emo as it seems.
• Brushing over the entirety of 90s-era cap, except for the fact that he was a werewolf. Yeah.
• On the CBS movies:
  Lindsay: And what more obvious a choice to capture the late-70s disillusionment with the U.S. and the economic ennui than Captain America?
• The non-star power of the unreleased 1990 film:
  • From the director of Cyborg (1989), Nemesis, and Cyborg Nemesis.
  • Starring Matt Salinger, of J. D. Salinger's son fame.
• Calling Mark Millar "the patron saint of angry thirteen year olds" and "odious f*ckboy".
• Lindsay nearly breaks down laughing explaining how Marvel 1602 Steve is the blonde-haired blue-eyed Native American "Rojhaz".
  Lindsay: See I had to say it out loud for it to make sense.
  • Explaining Cap's desire to stay in the past and fix all the problems of his own america like Genocide, Slavery, McCarthyism, Scientology, and Space Jam.
• She's pretty amused by how The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes manages to use HYDRA to cut Nazi Germany out of WWII entirely.
• Re: Civil War (2006), giving Tony the award for best character assassination and Steve the award for best literal character assassination.
  Lindsay: As he gets assassinated at the end. *Beat* Oh he comes back.
• Doing the narm-y HYDRA salute while shouting "Hang Glider!"
• Declaring that Chris Evans' face is carved by angels.
  Lindsay: Really. Perfect. Casting.
  Peggy Carter: Well, nobody's perfect.
  Lindsay: I beg to differ.
• Her final word on the subject.
  Lindsay: People from all political walks of life can aspire to be compassionate, intuitive, trustworthy, adaptable, and just. And that is just the character that Captain America has evolved into. As long as Mark Millar isn't writing him. :D

Loose Canon: Death

• Her mention of the translation issues in the Bible she already explored in a previous episode.
  Remember how we said there was some translation wank in the Bible in the Hades episode. This is that. Continuity!
• She had some choice words for the protagonist of Neil Gaiman's The Sandman series.
• How she justifies Death and alien engineers tagging along with Bill and Ted's protagonists to save their girlfriends and win the battle of the bands.
  Because Bill and Ted.
• Her squeeing over baby Robert Redford appearing as Death in the episode "Nothing In The Dark" of The Twilight Zone (1959), and commenting that he gets Wanda to come with him by, like, "blue-steeling" her.
  "Death is such a cinnamon roll! What a great guy to transition people out of this life and into the next."
• Her reaction to the... ahem... flamboyant reaper character from Black Butler.

  Grell: I'm the queen of the reapers, the ripest fruit there is!

  Lindsay: Oh, Japan.

• Her summary of the motif of Death and the Maiden: "He's like 'Hey brah, you don't even have lips brah, why are taking all my girls brah?'"
• Her blase justification of the third brother "greeting death as a friend" after it killed his elder brothers:
  Apparently his brothers were huge dicks.
• Her... dissatisfied look at Meet Joe Black, it being the remake of a movie she actually likes.
  (hitting something repeatedly in the voiceover while the clips are playing) It. Is. Twice as long. Kill everything.
  It's ironic how this movie makes you long for death... (inserts clip of Brad Pitt being hit by a car)
  Hey brah. Thanks for letting me use your body brah.
• Her awkward attempt to describe Terry Pratchett's depiction of Death without making it sound like the author's actual death.
  I try to save this one for last, as I think few would argue that Terry Pratchett's d... The death of Terry Pr... (Face Palm) Oh, god. There's no way to phrase that. DISCWORLD!
• Her breakdown of Death Takes A Holiday's ending is this, for some reason.
  Lindsay: So when death straight up says "No, you have to die to come with me," she's like, "It's cool."
  Death: No, you can't come with me!
  Grazia: Yes, I can.
  Lindsay-as-Grazia: Will a single goddamn one of you trust me with the decisions I am making? I get it. I know who you are, and I'm down.
• When discussing the use of the Death and the Maiden motif in The Phantom of the Opera, Lindsay is sure to sneak in a dig at what a Drama Queen Erik is.
  Lindsay: But Erik, much as he will tell you otherwise, is not Death himself.

Loose Canon: King Kong

• Lindsay's attempt to justify how thorough her research about primates' private parts was.
• The natives trying to set up an exchange rate for women, and Lindsay picking up on the implicit racism.
  So, 6 women of colour on the Anne Dollar today, uh?
  • "To quote an old Mel Brooksian proverb: Where da White Women At?"
• The lack of effort put in the 1933 sequel does not go unnoticed in her commentary.
  Our holy-shit-let's-crap-a-quick-cash-in-literally-the-very-same-year...
  At least it's... short.
• Japan's association with Unfortunate Implications is starting to become a Running Gag in this series, as evidenced by her bewilderment at the natives in the 1968 version.
  Apparently Blackface never really went away in Japan...
• Her reaction to the animatronics in the 1968 version.
• Lindsay can work Tom Hardy into anything.
• Her succumbing to the So Bad, It's Good nature of the 1970 Jessica Lange version.
  • The villain being an oil man is "the most 70s thing that ever 70'd".
• "At the end of King Kong Lives, King Kong dies. Moving on."
• There is a lot to cut in the 2005 version... but not the Anne/Kong scenes. Keep those. Even the ice-skating! Wee~!

Loose Canon: Nightcrawler

• Throughout the review, she pronounces Kurt's name and nickname in a German accent.
• She seems about to justify Kurt's success as a character with some profound statement... but her adoration for the character ends up taking over:
  Because he's the best. That's it.
• Her Incredibly Lame Pun concerning Kurt and Wolverine's Did They or Didn't They? panel.
  Nobody at Marvel noticed. Cheeky! Literally!
• Comparing Pryde of the X-Men to Jem and the Holograms.
  Magneto is truly, truly, truly outrageous!
• Creepy Kurt. STRANGER DANGER!
• The noise of glass shattering she juxtaposes with the picture of a newly-ordained Nightcrawler who "really found God".
• How could Kurt be ordained, defying all the rules of priesthood?
  Whatever. He's blue.
• She just cannot keep a straight face when explaining Chuck Austin's theory about Nightcrawler's multiple penises. Later, this is given a Callback.
• When mentioning the Ultimate version:
  Hello darkness, my old friend.
• A short moment, but the hilariously awkward and audibly uncomfortable way she describes an alternate-universe Nightcrawler as "a... raaaaa-pist."