Funny / Just Friends

• Chris plowing through the entire opposing ice hockey team (comprised of grade-schoolers, mind you) in brutal, epic slow-motion, culminating in him taking a slap shot on the open goal. The puck hits the crossbar, bounces back, and punches him in the teeth.
• Afterwards, while strapped into a gurney at the top of a snowdrift and being loaded into the ambulance, Chris rocks himself loose, sending him screaming down the snowdrift and off a ramp, resulting in him flying through the air and landing face down on the ice.
• Part three of the post-ice-hockey fiasco, Chris is strapped down in the ambulance en route to the hospital, gauze in his mouth preventing him from speaking. Right after Jamie gives Dusty her number, an oxygen tank falls off a shelf and nails Chris in the groin.
  Chris: [muffled] THIS IS BULLSHIT!!
• Any time Mike and Chris have a fight as a testament to their sibling rivalry.
  • Topped off by Christmas morning, when they look like they're about to start a fight, then exchange "I love you"s instead.
• Chris's breakdown in the car after his day-date with Jamie. (2:38 here)
• Mike accidentally tasering Samantha making her fall off a balcony. Best part is the Big "OMG!" done by one of the bystanders.
• Samantha tasering Chris in the groin.
• This moment.
  Samantha: (keeps calling Chris's name)
  Chris: (finally had enough) I'M BUSY!! (all the people at the bar look at Chris)
  Samantha: I'm busy! Stupid dick! (all the people at the bar look at Samantha)
• The following:
  Chris: You have her (Samantha's) poster on your wall?
  Mike: Yeah. I slapped the ham to it, like, an hour ago.
  Mom: Mike? What ham did you slap? Not the ham I just bought?
• Hello Joyce?
• The "be yourself" song
• Fat!Chris saying "OH MY GOD!" upon finding out that Tim has his year book with a message in it for Jamie.
• The following:
  Mike: [Samantha has found out that Chris is seeing someone else] The jig is up! RUUUUUN!
  Samantha James: You son of a bitch!
  Chris: Samantha! You're here! Shit!
  Samantha James: There she is. There's the little slut you've been banging behind my back!
  Old Woman: Me?
  Samantha James: Not you, wrinkles.
  [Points at Jamie]
  Samantha James: Her!
  Jamie Palamino: Who are you?
  Samantha James: I'm Samantha James, bitch!
  [Shoves Jamie]
  Jamie Palamino: DON'T SHOVE ME!
  [Shoves Samantha back]
  Samantha James: YOU'RE A WHORE! SANTA'S LITTLE WHORE! SANTA'S LITTLE WHORE!
  Jamie Palamino: Get off!
  Mike: [In an excited, high pitched voice] Cat fight!
• The following:
  Chris' Mom: Dusty, what kind of car is this?
  Dusty: Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.
  Chris' Mom: I think it's so neat that you kids care about the environment.
  Chris: I love the environment.
  Chris' Mom: But honey, don't you drive a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?
  Chris: [pause] Well, I had a really nice time tonight, and I hope we can do it again soon. Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'.
  Dusty: Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really. Thank you all for having me. It was so nice.
  [Chris takes out his retainer]
  Dusty: And hey, before I forget, make sure to that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay? Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool with germs and bacteria. Now put that back!
  Chris' Mom: Christopher, put that back.
  Jamie: Put it back!
• Mike: "Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!" *raises hand*
• Mike: (to Chris) "You'll always be fat to me, Chris!"
• Jamie Palamino: "Will you try it on for me? Please? I think it will fit... "
• Fat!Chris: [putting on Jamie's gift] "It's a little snug."
• Jamie Palamino: "Aww. "Shakes come and go but friends are furrr-ever." That's adorable! Let's go show my mom."
• This little gem:
  Samantha James: [hiding under huge earmuffs ,saying hi... hi... hi... hi... ] Chris, let's get it to go people are staring at me.
  [Not one person in the restaurant is looking at her]
• The following:
  Samantha James: I love it that you're taking me home to meet your mom. Was this one of your clever little plans?
  Chris: (sarcastically) Yes. I planned you setting the plane on fire.
• And this:
  Samantha James: God, I wanna lick your skin off!
  Chris: I'd prefer you didn't.
• This exchange when Mike picks up the phone:
  Mike: Dude I think she (Jamie) left you hanging.
  Chris: It's probably just an important businees call, get off the phone.
  Mike: What? The bar ran out of curly fries?
  Chris: Get off the phone!
• "I swear"
• "Forgiveness...Is more than saying sorry."
• Mike telling Chris that The Notebook is "so gay".

—.

• The twelve second exchange between Samantha and Mike in the bathroom. Mike knew Chris' location and Samantha wants to know. How does she accomplish this? She aggressively kisses it out of him.
  • It's further amusing considering these characters relationship builds to this culmination during the movie. It's obvious throughout that Mike's insanely hot for the massively randy (not towards Mike but his older brother whom she repulses) Samantha.
  • Instantly after meeting her, Mike confesses his infatuation to Samantha and that his wall displays her poster. Shortly after, it's shown Mike's wall is unseeable behind Samantha's many suggesive posters.
  • Twice Mike accepted Chris' offer to distract Samantha, with obvious intentions, and both results were disastrous.
  • Samantha later permits Mike's company and begins complaining about her sex-starvation, ignorant to her torturously arousing the teen. The conversation takes a sudden bizarre turn when Samantha tries seducing Mike. It's evedinet they're playing off the ego and crush of the respective other though Mike's comically unskilled at it:
  Samantha:Wait a minute, how old are you?
  Mike: I'm 22, 20, 19...I'm 18.
  Samantha: 18 (makes seductive growling sound).
  '''Mike: (Fails at mimiking her growl).
  • Next Samantha enquires about her poster in his room, and if he really pleasures himself to it. Mike admitted eight times of pleasure a day (indicating abnormally large desire for her), surprising and stimulating Samantha further. Responding to Samantha's "backache" Mike offers her a massage and she casually strips her top half, keeping her back turned to him and chest obscured from the audience. The massage is hilariously unsexy and Chris' arrival stops the sequence cold.
  • Laughter ensured the next night. Chris got Mike's agreement to keep his whereabouts from Samantha, unaware she was awake. Samantha later trapped Mike in the bathroom and shoved him against the wall, demanding Chris' location but Mike refused. Undeterred, Samantha passionately French Kisses Mike who immediately complies.
  • Samantha already demonstrates a love for obnoxiously tonguing Chris early in the movie. It seems like an unpleasant, forgettable character trait but, when used on Chris' brother, caused hilarious turmoil.