Funny / Jessica Jones (2015)

"Two-for-one hoagies all day! Two-for-one hoagies all day!"

For all that this is a very dark series and a superhero-themed look at the dynamics of abusive relationships, rape and obsession, it's still very much a Film Noir-style detective show, and that means having a detective with an acerbic wit. Which is to say:

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

Season 1

Episode 1, AKA Ladies' Night

• The introduction: Jessica is shown slamming a difficult client who found out his wife is sleeping with his brother through her door.
  Jessica Jones: And then there's the matter of your bill.
• Then she goes to visit Jeri.
  Pam: Jessica, did Ms. Hogarth ask you to stop by?
  Jessica Jones: Yep.
  Pam: ... You're lying, aren't you?
  Jessica Jones: Yep. [sees Jeri] Got anything for me?
  Jeri Hogarth: I thought you didn't like or trust me.
  Jessica Jones: Oh come on, I meant lawyers in general.
  Jeri Hogarth: "Scumbag henchmen for corporate America?"
  Jessica Jones: Well...
• Jessica puts on an over-the-top girly voice while gathering information over the phone and on her laptop... while on the toilet. And just as she is about to rejoice her acting worked, she gets pissed because she's out of toilet paper.
• Jeri hires Jessica to act as a process server, and deliver a summons for a club owner who is protected by bodyguards that make him difficult to serve. When he doesn't cooperate, she lifts up the back of his car, then repeatedly slams his car door shut every time he opens it. Then she threatens to melt him with her laser eyes.
  • Extra points for the Hypocritical Humor of a Semi-Flying Brick who's hunting Kilgrave treating laser eyes like the most ridiculous thing they've ever heard. Or just making fun of the guy since he was willing to believe she had another random power too just because she was super strong. This also becomes a case of Hilarious in Hindsight due to the later reveal that there already is a hero with laser eyes in the MCU.
    Jessica Jones: "Laser eyes." Moron.
• After Jessica uses her Super-Strength to force open the door to Hope's old apartment:
  Jessica Jones: ...It was open.
  • As Jessica interrogates Hope's friend, Hope's friend's artsy new roommate Raj is filming with a GoPro, much to Jessica's annoyance. When Jessica tells him to stop, he insists that he's filming a continuous shot as part of a time-lapse video of a year in his life, which means there can't be any cuts. Jessica then tosses his GoPro away.
    Jessica Jones: Look at that, I found a cut.
    Raj: You destroyed my art!
    Jessica Jones: Mercy killing.
  • As Jessica is leaving, she says without looking at Raj, "You turn that thing on, I'll put your underwear through your eye."
• Malcolm's response to Jessica trying to chase him out of her apartment:
  Malcolm Ducasse: You use sarcasm to distance people.
  Jessica Jones: And yet, you're still here.
  • Considering Malcolm was going into social work before Kilgrave made him get hooked on drugs, he's actually right in this instance.
• "I don't flirt, I just say what I want."
• This exchange between Jessica and Malcolm:
  Malcolm Ducasse: You look bad.
  Jessica Jones: I need money.
  Malcolm Ducasse: You can have my TV.
  Jessica Jones: [stares] Thanks, Malcolm. You keep it.
  Malcolm Ducasse: [Beat] I stole it.
  Jessica Jones: [rolling eyes] I figured.
• Jessica looks through photos of Hope:
  Jessica Jones: Track... track... track... Jesus, more track.

Episode 2, AKA Crush Syndrome

• Jessica finally confronts her noisy upstairs neighbors, Robyn and Ruben. When she leaves, it's revealed that Ruben wasn't wearing pants, but he did wear a diaper.
• While threatening Robyn by grabbing her by her collar, Jessica tells her:
  Jessica Jones: I don't give a bag of dicks what kinky shit you're into, just be into it quietly.
• Jessica's witty retort to her Robyn's succinct "Reason You Suck" Speech:
  Jessica Jones: Lady, you're a real... perceptive asshole.
• This particular moment from when Jessica threatened Robyn:
  Jessica Jones: You know why I live alone?
  Ruben: Because people don't like you?
• When Jessica acts abrasively to a man she asks for directions to the nearest hospital:
  Man: Rude girl is lonely girl!
  Jessica Jones: Countin' on it!
• Jessica's message to Trish after Trish sends a mechanic to fix her door: "Don't call, don't send messages and don't send strange men to my apartment with power tools!"
• Jessica steals a disguise out of a locker in a hospital. It's an insufferably cheerful hearts shirt. She winces as though it's causing her physical pain.
  • When a nurse questions what she's doing there Jessica says she was sent by "Dr. Carter" and that she transferred from "Seattle Grace" hospital.
• The Reveal of Luke Cage's powers — he's in the middle of a bar fight, and someone tries stabbing him. Cage simply has the reaction of "This shit again?"
  • Also for comics fans in the know, they can get a laugh at the thought, "A bunch of drunks thought they could get the upper hand on the Power Man."
  • One of them smashes a bottle on his head. Luke just rolls his eyes and knees him in the face.
  • He even bitch slaps one of them!

Episode 3, AKA It's Called Whiskey

• When they each find out the other is super-strong and tough, Jessica and Luke realize this means they finally have a partner they can cut loose with. Cue a sexual encounter that literally breaks the bed under them.
  Luke Cage: Sweet Christmas.
  • That was the first time Luke used his catchphrase. It takes Jessica a second to realize she has no idea what he means.
• Luke refers to The Avengers as "the big green dude and his crew." Just imagining how Tony Stark in particular would react to that is worth a few laughs.
  • In the next episode Jessica refers to the "green dude and the flagwaver". Steve's reaction to that would be even more funny.
  • What's hilarious is that Luke is from Harlem. Of course Hulk is the most prominent Avenger to him, considering what happened last time he was in Harlem.
• This exchange when Jessica asks Trish for drugs (e.g. sufentanil, a real-life type of painkiller) that can nullify Kilgrave's power temporarily:
  Jessica Jones: I really need to get some drugs.
  Trish Walker: Uh, graduating from alcoholism?
  • Made substantially less funny (or substantially more, depending on your point of view) since it's been heavily implied (and confirmed in Season 2) that Trish had a serious drug problem when she was younger.
• Jessica attempts to get Wendy, Hogarth's wife, to prescribe her some sufentanil. When she tries telling her that she needs it to stop a mind controller, Wendy prescribes her an anti-psychotic.
  • And then Jessica actually takes the prescription, "just in case."
• Kilgrave orders the family of the apartment he's occupied to come out to fight Jessica one at a time to cover his escape. Jessica eventually says after overpowering the last member, "I hope this is only a three-person family."
• Jessica gets woken up by contractors sent by Trish to fix her door.
  Jessica Jones: You're early.
  Contractor: ... we're three hours late.
  • These contractors are very good at stating the obvious:
    Contractor: Uh, this is a very broken door.
    Jessica Jones: Thank you for the diagnosis.
• Luke can be a troll when he wants to be.
  Luke Cage: Is it a racial thing?
  Jessica Jones: [stares at him]
  Luke Cage: I'm kidding. [beat] Is it?

Episode 4, AKA 99 Friends

• Jeri and Jessica together, in this one interaction:
  Jeri Hogarth: You are coming across distinctly paranoid.
  Jessica Jones: Everyone keeps saying that. It's like a conspiracy.
• Pam tries to get Jessica to wait before entering Jeri's office, with little success:
  Pam: [to Jeri] She won't wait, she wouldn't listen.
  Jessica Jones: I couldn't hear you over that print. (She's referring to Pam's very colorful, eye-gougingly bright dress.)
• A woman hires Jessica to follow her cheating husband but Jessica finds they're working together as the woman wants to kill Jessica. She blames all super-beings for her mother dying in the Incident. Jessica puts up with being shot, tearing the room apart and angrily ranting that the woman and her husband should vanish. The husband has only one thing to say once Jessica leaves: "I want a divorce."
  Jessica Jones: You shoot at me, I'll pull the bullet out of my ruined jacket and shove it up your ass with my pinky finger, and who do you think that's gonna hurt more?
  • The woman also randomly insults people with mental issues.
    Audrey Eastman: "Gifted". Stupid word. It's like calling someone "special". They're not special, they're retarded. You're not gifted, you're a freak.
    Jessica Jones: [confused] What have we or the mentally challenged ever done to you?
• The Terrible Interviewees Montage that ensues as Jessica tries to weed out folks who are making an excuse and those who have actually been manipulated by Kilgrave to use in Hope's court case. Among the funnier ones are a stoner who claims Kilgrave was a Yellow Peril guy who forced him to shoplift from a 7/11, a junkie who claims Kilgrave emerged from the ocean and made him shove a purple staff up his ass, and a conservative mother trying to claim that Kilgrave was a handsome, perpetually shirtless gardener who charmed her daughter and every girl on the block into sleeping with him.
• Jessica and Jeri talk about the support group that Jess set up:
  Jeri Hogarth: You starting a support group? Will you be participating?
  Jessica Jones: Like I'd waste my time circle-jerking with a bunch of whiners.
  Jeri Hogarth: Yes, you are a paragon of mental health.

Episode 5, AKA The Sandwich Saved Me

• We open in a flashback, with Jessica at a boring office job nonchalantly throwing a big ball of rubber bands at her computer screen, when her supervisor suddenly snatches the ball away from her.
  Supervisor: Do you think rubber bands just buy themselves, Miss Jones? Last week it was a 20-foot paper clip chain, and it's been reported that you've been taking six-packs of Diet Coke home from the employee kitchen.
  Jessica Jones: Two! I took two cans!
  Supervisor: If you're lucky, they won't fire you. Just dock your pay again.
  [Jessica smirks, then whirls around and prints something off her computer]
  Jessica Jones: It doesn't take a genius to know that you can't afford that suit on mid-management salary.
  Supervisor: What are you talking about?
  Jessica Jones: Not to mention these weekly trips to Atlantic City. Then there's this non-existent employee, Jane Smith?
  Supervisor: You are way out of line.
  Jessica Jones: What doesn't line up are these missing funds. What is that word? Embezzlement? Or is it that other word? Starts with an 'f'. Fa... Fa... Felony?
  Supervisor: [in a low voice] What do you want?
  Jessica Jones: Same thing as you.
  Supervisor: For you to quit.
  Jessica Jones: Actually, it's better if you fire me and give me six months severance pay, and a glowing recommendation, or...I email that to HR.
  Supervisor: A budding extortionist. Your parents must be so proud!
  [Jessica stops in her tracks. After a beat, she promptly shoves over an entire row of filing cabinets with one hand and walks away. She takes out her phone and calls Trish]
  Jessica Jones: Hey, it turns out I'm free for happy hour. [beat] Well, it's five o’clock somewhere and I need to update my resume. Would you put day-drinking under "Experience" or "Special Skills"?
  • As Jessica and Trish are having drinks at a bar, a creepy fan tries hitting on Trish. Jessica challenges him to the "Strength Tester" game with a deal that if she wins, he must apologize to Trish, and if he wins, she'll meet his bald-headed bishop. Jessica manages to score a perfect 999 points while the creepy fan only gets a score in the 500s range. After the man apologizes:
    Trish Walker: You could use your abilities for something more useful. I mean, you can fly... well, jump.
    Jessica Jones: It's more like guided falling. [pauses] Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you put on a cape and go run around New York?
    Trish Walker: You know I would if I could.
    Jessica Jones: I don't get you. You have money, looks, a radio show, creepy, if not adoring, fans and you're a freaking household name. What more do you want?
    Trish Walker: To save the world, of course.
    Jessica Jones: You wanna be a hero? I'll show you how to be a hero. [picks up some cash] SHOTS ON TRISH WALKER, EVERYBODY!
• Jessica's first act of heroics is to save a little girl from getting run over. Awesome, right? Well, it is, but it's slightly undercut by the fact that Jessica is wearing a sandwich costume at the time.
  • The girl's response is the source of the episode's title: "The Sandwich Saved Me."
  • And then the driver shouts, "HEY! Get out of the road, you stupid sandwich!"
  • "Two-for-one hoagies all day. Two-for-one hoagies all day." You can practically hear in Jessica's voice that she is really saying, "Please! Get me out of here!"
  • The Visual Pun may be unintentional, but the last line before this flashback is Simpson's "I've seen heroes. You're not even close."
• In another flashback, Trish tries to show off a superhero costume for Jessica to try out:
  Trish Walker: This is it! This is the one! [Trish holds up a white and blue outfit, with a large purple jewel at the waist]
  Jessica Jones: Tell me you're kidding.
  Trish Walker: Superheroes wear costumes!
  Jessica Jones: The only place anyone is wearing that is trick-or-treating, or as part of some kinky role-playing scenario.
  Trish Walker: Well, this is just a mock-up. Ultimately, it's gonna be a lightweight, highly durable fabric, waterproof, flame resistant, and it will hide your identity.
  Jessica Jones: No.
  Trish Walker: Well, you can't keep saving people dressed as a giant Hoagie!
  Jessica Jones: Put on that mask.
  Trish Walker: Fine. [Trish puts the costume down, picks up the mask, and puts it on] Oh, this is rad! [Trish does an action pose. Jessica rotates the mask so that the band is covering Trish's eyes]
  Jessica Jones: Try and hit me now.
  Trish Walker: Fine. [tears off mask, exasperated] Be the Naked Superhero! That can be your alias.
  Jessica Jones: Well, it's better than the name you came up with.
  Trish Walker: Jewel is a great superhero name!
  Jessica Jones: "Jewel" is a stripper's name, a really slutty stripper. And if I wear that thing, you're gonna have to call me Cameltoe.
  Trish Walker: [laughs] Okay, okay, fine. So you're really gonna do it? You're gonna be a hero.
  Jessica Jones: We'll see.
• Jessica shows up to talk to Trish about what she's learned on Malcolm's meetings with Kilgrave, only to discover that she interrupted Trish in the midst of receiving oral sex from Simpson.
  Trish Walker: He's a war hero.
  Jessica Jones: Who's also the guy who was filled with remorse about attacking you, until he decided to turn it into a booty call.
  Will Simpson: That is not what happened.
  Trish Walker: And that is not your business, Jess!
• As they prepare to black bag Kilgrave, Jessica and Simpson discuss what to do if the other gets controlled by Kilgrave:
  Jessica Jones: If Kilgrave gets me—
  Will Simpson: I'll take you out.
  Jessica Jones: I was gonna say, "Dart gun me." But sure, shoot me in the head.
  • The plan almost gets ruined when some nearby kid pops a balloon, causing Kilgrave to look in Simpson's direction. Jessica tries to get Simpson to abort because Kilgrave almost certainly is looking directly at him, but Simpson refuses to back off. So Jessica gets Kilgrave to turn his attention away from Simpson by shouting, "HEY SHITHEAD! OVER HERE!" And it works.
• When Jessica and Simpson are testing out the soundproofing of the hermetically sealed room, they take the opportunity to insult each other without the other hearing.
  Jessica Jones: You, G.I. Joe. You definitely have a screw loose. Guessing you left the military because you burned down a small village.
  Will Simpson: So, what, you think because you have these abilities, you're some kind of hero? I've seen heroes. You're not even close.
  [both grin and give a thumbs up to indicate that the glass is soundproof]
• Kilgrave demands selfies of Jessica to keep Malcolm safe.
  Kilgrave: Send the picture, save the junkie... heh, sounds like an ad campaign.

Episode 6, AKA You're a Winner!

• Luke Cage shows up at Jessica's door with his clothes torn apart, clearly back from a fight:
  Jessica Jones: You're hurt?
  Luke Cage: [just gives her a blank stare]
  Jessica Jones: ... That was a stupid question.
  • From the same conversation. A five-eight, 100-pounds-wet junkie on one hand and Luke Cage on the other.
    Malcolm Ducasse: Don't make me kick your ass.
    Luke Cage: [bemused look; "Please..."]
• Kilgrave's... original... methods of cheating at poker.
  [a player lights a cigar, much to Kilgrave's displeasure]
  Kilgrave: If you light that thing, I'll make you put it out in your eye.
  Harvey: I'd like to see you try.
  Kilgrave: Arseholes try. I just do. Put that out. [Harvey drops the match and his cigar into a glass of whiskey. The dealer begins dealing cards]
  Dealer: Okay, gentlemen, who's feeling lucky?
  Kilgrave: [takes his cards] All righty! What do we have this time? [Kilgrave looks at his cards]
  Harvey: You might want to work on that poker face.
  Kilgrave: What the hell? I'm all in. [places all of his cash in the middle of the table]
  Harvey: Freakin' weirdo. I'm out. [places his cards in the center]
  Kilgrave: What?! Where are your balls?! Don't we all have balls here? [to the other women in the room] Ladies, tell us we all have balls.
  Ladies: [in unison] You all have balls!
  Kilgrave: See! You have balls, Harvey, so go all-in! [Kilgrave gives a piercing stare to Harvey across the table. After a few seconds, Harvey relents and pushes his money into the center] Man knows how to live. Tell you what, let's take a walk on the wild side. Let's have everybody go all-in. Let 'er ride.
  [all of the other players push their stacks of cash into the center]
  Kilgrave: Yeeeeah! [drumrolls on the table] Now it's getting interesting! [to the dealer] Best estimate, where's the pot right now?
  Dealer: Just over a million dollars.
  Kilgrave: Yeah, that should do it. [to the players] Let's make it really crazy: everybody, fold.
  [All of the players slide their cards into the center. Except for Kilgrave, who suddenly realizes...]
  Kilgrave: Oh! I guess that makes me the winner! [shows his cards: a seven of clubs and a red two of hearts] And me with a deuce and a seven! [waves over one of the attendants] Will you pack this money for me? You'll be dining out on this story for years: the night you lost a million dollars to the worst hand you had ever seen.^note In Texas Hold 'Em, an off-suit two and seven is literally the worst hand possible. [laughs and gets up]
  Player: You're leaving? [Kilgrave tosses one of the stacks to the dealer]
  Kilgrave: For the luck. Thank you!
  [Kilgrave leaves the table with his money. As he's walking out, Harvey tries to block him]
  Harvey: I don't know what just happened there. But you're gonna sit down and give us a shot to win our money back.
  Kilgrave: I've got a better idea: let's see how long it takes you to put your head through that post. Go on. [Kilgrave leaves while Harvey starts bashing his head against a solid wooden column]
• Kilgrave's slightly awkward reaction to actually having a normal conversation with someone, remembering that he's no good at small talk. He then catches himself from using his powers out of sheer frustration to hurry the purchase of Jessica's childhood house along.
  Man: May I help you?
  Kilgrave: I like your home. Nicest on the block.
  Man: Thanks.
  Kilgrave: And the neighborhood, the big trees, grass, birds. Wish I'd grown up somewhere excessively normal like this.
  Man: I'm sorry, what is it you want?
  Kilgrave: Yes, I've always been bad at small talk. I'm used to just saying things and they happen. It spoils you.
  Man: Well, what a burden.
  Kilgrave: You have no idea.
  Man: Well, I need to go. [The man begins to close the door. Kilgrave sticks his foot in it just before it closes]
  Kilgrave: I'd like to buy your house.
  Man: It's not for sale.
  Kilgrave: I've done some research. I believe it's worth just over $600,000.
  Man: Like I said, it's not for sale. Now, move your foot.
  Kilgrave: [looks him in the eye] You are going...[He takes a deep breath, catching himself before he can mind control the man]...I wanna show you something. [Kilgrave walks over to where he left the bag of money and opens it] This is $1.26 million. I'd like to give this to you in exchange for your beautiful home.
  Man: You can't be serious.
  Kilgrave: I am.
  Man: But you could buy two houses with this much money.
  Kilgrave: I know. Exciting, isn't it?
  Man: I mean, is this even legal?
  Kilgrave: Completely. I've had a real estate agreement drawn up. [Kilgrave hands the man the papers. He looks them over]
  Man: I'd have to show this to a lawyer.
  Kilgrave: Mmm, feel free, I want everything above-board and binding. Avoid seller's remorse. There is one condition. You have to have moved out of here by the end of day tomorrow...if you choose to sign.
• Jessica's ridiculously perky "You're a winner!" message to the person with Antoine's phone. And then immediately reverting to her default scowl immediately after the call is over.
• When Jessica calls Hogarth, Pam picks up the phone. Jess acts abrasively to Pam, which Hogarth is less than thrilled about:
  Jeri Hogarth: Were you just rude to Pam?
  Jessica Jones: I'm rude to everybody. Did you get Hope's meds?
  Jeri Hogarth: Pam picked them up. Yes, Pam is helping with this. Pam, who has been waiting for my divorce with the patience of a saint, Pam, who I want to spend the rest of my life with! [Pam looks up in surprise]
  Jessica Jones: [bemused] Jesus, I didn't ask for your wedding vows.
  • Best part is that Jeri meant every word of that.
• After Jessica and Luke fight the loan shark's lackeys, the first thing Jessica asks about is the well-being of the guard dogs. These heroes have fantastic priorities.
  Jessica Jones: The dogs all right?
  Luke Cage: Of course they're okay. I don't hurt dogs.

Episode 7, AKA Top Shelf Perverts

• After Jessica is tossed out of a bar, she lands in a pile of trash, startling a homeless man who was sleeping there. He then complains that she stinks.
  Jessica Jones: Well, I'm a piece of shit, and shit stinks.
  • When he asks for change, she gives him a loyalty card to a sandwich shop. Two purchases away from a free sub!
  • And just before that:
    Jessica Jones: I Was Just Leaving. You didn't kick me out, I just left.
• Jessica after accidentally dropping Wendy from the subway platform: "... shit. I didn't mean to do that." It's all in Krysten Ritter's deadpan delivery.
• Jessica's deadpan response to Dorothy Walker's insults:
  Dorothy Walker: Taking you in was the worst decision of my life.
  Jessica Jones: Thanks, mom.
• After Jessica expresses concern that she might come home to find Trish bludgeoned with her vacuum cleaner, Trish replies "We both know that you don't have a vacuum cleaner."
• When he's not being a total creep, Kilgrave can be a laugh: "I am new to love but I do know what it looks like. I do watch television!"
• Kilgrave's last command before walking out of the precinct is to tell the cops, "In thirty seconds, you will all realize that this was a hilarious joke and let Jessica Jones leave." He then walks out. After a beat, every single cop in the room breaks out laughing like they've inhaled laughing gas. Jessica rolls her eyes as if to think "You guys are sooo funny..." and walks out.

Episode 8, AKA WWJD?

• Kilgrave is complaining about how he has to watch what he says. "I once told a man to go screw himself. Can you even imagine?"
  • Made even better by Jessica's reaction, who turns around whispering "Jesus!".
• Kilgrave tells the hired cooks to do something if he doesn't return from a little outing with Jessica. There's just something funny about watching Kilgrave politely relieve someone of their free will with the same tone of voice you'd use to say "Please make sure to feed the dog while I'm out":
  Kilgrave: Alva? Laurent? If I'm not back within two hours, please remove the skin from each others' faces.
• Crime-fighter Kilgrave. Soon to be replaced by tax protester Kilgrave.
  Kilgrave: The man's clearly insane. He is never gonna be a useful member of society! He's going to go to prison and feed of the tit of the taxpayers—
  Jessica Jones: You've never paid a goddamn tax in your life.
  Kilgrave: Fair enough.
• Kilgrave has some fun using his powers on a cop with Jessica in tow.
  Kilgrave: We can go about our business. Move along.
  Jessica Jones: Obi-Wan Kenobi?
  Kilgrave: (But cooler.)
• “How do you people live like this? Day after day, just hoping people are gonna do what you want. It’s unbearable.”
• This conversation with an old neighbor about how Jessica was like as a kid:
  Elizabeth de Luca: Oh, she was the strangest tomboy. She wore princess dresses with high tops.
  Kilgrave: Really? I can't get her to wear a dress for the life of me.
  Jessica Jones: I'll wear one to your funeral.
• When Jessica is at Kilgrave's fancy dinner, she outright chugs the wine the moment she sits down. Then she pours another glass and downs it immediately, and then another. Then asks for another bottle. Kilgrave's face is particularly priceless.
• "I WANT CAKE! CHOCOLATE, WITH STRAWBERRIES ON TOP!"
• Kilgrave, who still has Jessica's phone, has been texting Hogarth while pretending to be her. "BITCHES, RIGHT".

Episode 9, AKA Sin Bin

• After Trish is stuck with taking Simpson to the hospital after Kilgrave used Jessica's neighbor as a suicide bomber.
  Trish Walker: I will kill you if you die in my car!
• When Jessica finds out Kilgrave isn't his real name, she mocks the hell out of his fake name.
  Jessica Jones: I know it's mundane, but "Kilgrave"? Talk about obvious. Was Murdercorpse already taken?
• When Jeri is left behind by Jessica to keep an imprisoned Kilgrave:
  Jessica Jones: Don't listen to him, don't talk to him.
  Jeri Hogarth: Or he'll mind control me?
  Jessica Jones: No, because he's an asshole.
• Jessica's annoyed retort to the man who Kilgrave forced to give up his jacket:
  Jessica Jones: Dude, you lost a jacket, move on.
• When Jessica finds out that Kilgrave's parents infected him with a virus that gave Kilgrave his mind-control powers:
  Jessica Jones: [to Kilgrave's mom] So you infected him. Wow. I wish I had a Mother of the Year award so I could bludgeon you with it.

Episode 10, AKA 1000 Cuts

• Black Comedy sure, but when Jeri tries to escape Kilgrave in her car, we get this:
  Kilgrave: STOP!
  Jeri Hogarth: [pulls out a gun] Stay away from me!
  Kilgrave: Throw that bloody thing away and unlock the door!
  [Jeri throws the gun out the window and unlocks her car doors]
• Jessica outwitting Kilgrave's command for Trish to "put a bullet in [her] head" by holding a bullet inside Trish's mouth.
• While Wendy is stitching up Kilgrave's stab wound, they vent about their relationship problems.
  Kilgrave: I bought Jessica her bloody childhood home and restored it perfectly. If that's not a grand romantic gesture, I don't know what the bloody hell is. You know what I mean, Wendy.
  Wendy Ross-Hogarth: Yeah. I took her to Paris for our ten-year anniversary.
  Jeri Hogarth: Shut up, Wendy.
  Kilgrave: You shut up.
• Kilgrave breaks into Jessica's apartment again, has hostages ordered to hang themselves if she tries to kill him, and demands for his father be brought to him. She tries to stall for time and texts Trish in the bathroom.
  Kilgrave: ~You're stalling, Jessica!~
  Jessica: I'M PEEING!
  Kilgrave: ~No you're not!~
  Jessica: [Flushes toilet]
  Kilgrave: ~You're buying time!~

Episode 11, AKA I've Got the Blues

• "IT'S PATSYYYYYYY / IT'S PATSYYYYYYY / I REALLY WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND / HOPE THIS DAY WILL NEVER END." Cut to Trish whining about having to visit her sister's sickbed for a "photo-op".
• Robyn, in a stunning display of Hypocritical Humor:
  Robyn: (about Hope "stabbing herself") I hate mental illness!
• This exchange before Jessica and Trish go to the morgue:
  Trish Walker: [sarcastically] Are you going in undercover as a corpse? You're covered in blood.
  Jessica Jones: Well, it's a morgue. It's not a photo shoot.
• While attempting to get Maury Tuttlebaum to recognize Trish, Jessica starts singing the "It's Patsy" theme song. Trish hits her.
  • Maury eventually gives in when Trish books him a restaurant reservation. When the corpse isn't the one they wanted, Jessica tells him to warn them if any horribly mangled body appears, followed by Trish saying, "I'll get you the chef's table at Per Se. Thank you. Call us."
• Jessica feeling too cynical after being hit by a truck:
  Jessica Jones: Humanity sucks and they don't deserve saving.
  Trish Walker: Okay, so, if you could save a class of first-graders or kill Kilgrave, you'd kill him?
  Jessica Jones: Screw 'em.
  Trish Walker: Puppies?
  Jessica Jones: Yeah, puppies never did anything for me.
  Trish Walker: All right, what about nuns?
  Jessica Jones: They still make those?

Episode 12, AKA Take A Bloody Number

• Jessica tailing someone through the park keeps getting blocked by people: first by a guy making bubbles, which she says isn't cool, and then by a pair of families, which she calls "Goddamn Breeders". The latter is particularly funny because in the comics outside of Alias, Jessica is best known for being the girl always carrying her baby.
• Malcolm's increasingly clear bafflement with Robyn, despite trying to remain sympathetic to her plight.
• This exchange between Malcolm and Robyn about Ruben:
  Malcolm Ducasse: Ruben was such a great guy. He was kind and gentle, and... I don't know what he put in that banana bread, but it was like crack. [Beat] Wait, was it crack?
  Robyn: Nutmeg.
• When tossing the iPad charger Robyn wanted to give to Ruben: "Goodbye, Ruben. I hope they have free express shipping in heaven."
• When Malcolm initially tries to comfort Robyn by taking her to where Ruben's body was dumped in order to allow her to say her goodbyes, Robyn assumes he's coming on to her. Malcolm's increasingly baffled expressions just sell this scene.
  Robyn: Look, broomstick, you're into me. It happens.
  [Malcolm stares with a confused look on his face]
  Robyn: Romantic backdrop, it's working.
  [Malcolm stares up at the sky, still confused]
  Robyn: But I'm in mourning.
  [Malcolm stares at her even more confused]
• Luke explains to Jessica how he encountered Kilgrave. In flashback, he confronts Kilgrave just as Kilgrave is about to get into a car, having just left Jessica with Hope and the other hostages. Kilgrave immediately has this exasperated look of, "Great, another person has turned up who wants me dead."
  Kilgrave: STOP! Who the hell are you?!
  Luke Cage: Luke Cage.
  Kilgrave: Tell me what you want. Quickly!
  Luke Cage: To kill you.
  Kilgrave: Well, take a bloody number! Did Jessica tell you to do this?
  Luke Cage: No. I followed her here. I thought she might lead me to you.
  Kilgrave: Oh, great. Just great. Just get in the sodding car! Go on!
  • Luke and Kilgrave get into the car, and drive off:
    Kilgrave: I didn't kill your silly wife! Jessica did. All I wanted was Reva's copy of that video. What was I supposed to do, allow someone to expose me?
    Luke Cage: Yes.
    Kilgrave: Oh, shut up! [beat] How do you know Jessica?
    Luke Cage: We were lovers. [Kilgrave looks at Luke, thinking "What the hell does Jessica see in you that she doesn't see in me? So unfair!"]
    Kilgrave: What was it, a pity shag?
    Luke Cage: No. There's... something between us.
    Kilgrave: But she lied to you.
    Luke Cage: Yes. Then she told me everything.
    Kilgrave: [to his father] Oh, look at that, Dad. Jessica being honest with someone. [to Luke] Tell me the truth: did you bugger my chances with her?
    Luke Cage: No. You screwed that up yourself.
    Kilgrave: ... I'll have to think of a fitting response to that.

• Kilgrave testing his powers at a rave and complaining about his progress.
  Kilgrave: A hundred feet. Call that an improvement?
  Albert Thompson: That's up from 80. The changes are incremental, not exponential-
  Kilgrave: I don't have time for incremental, Dad! Jessica's trying to kill me now!
  Albert Thompson: Well, we won't know if you can control Jessica without Jessica. All we can test for is time and distance.
  Kilgrave: Well, my distance is piss all! Did you hear the hecklers in the back row?
  Albert Thompson: "Get off the stage, arsehole!"
  Kilgrave: I didn't ask you to recount it!
  • Then one of the ravers comes out to praise Kilgrave for said event, only for an annoyed and stressed out Kilgrave to snap, "Stop talking!" After returning to his conversation with Albert, he's only able to continue for a couple seconds before he notices the raver is still standing there and grinning like a maniac.
    Kilgrave: [to the heckler] Cross the street, face that fence and stay there, forever! [The heckler leaves to carry out the order]
    Albert Thompson: Kevin, be reasonable.
    Kilgrave: Well, it won't actually be "forever", because it's incremental, not exponential, remember?! Come on, we've got work to do.
  • We later cut to them at an apartment with the gay couple being commanded to face a wall.
• When Luke suggests Jessica search for Kilgrave by looking for people thinking his powers are a hoax or performance art or something. Jessica googles it. Luke notices one of the results.
  Luke Cage: "Horse fetishist in Central Park"...
  Jessica Jones: Nah, everybody knows about them.
  Luke Cage: Apparently.

Episode 13, AKA Smile

• The reveal that the badass rock song (courtesy of Sleigh Bells) scoring Jessica's entrance is actually in-universe as she's listening to headphones to keep from hearing Kilgrave's orders, causing it to instantly cut out whenever the camera goes to him.
• Kilgrave in the final confrontation after Jessica removes her hood: "Oh for God's sake, it's Patsy!"
• The doctor's rather deadpan tone when she realizes Luke is "one of those."
• The image of 5'9" Krysten Ritter briefly carrying the 6'3" Mike Colter bridal style.
• Almost everything out of Claire's mouth once she realizes she is dealing with another "gifted".
• Just about all of Claire Temple's interactions with Jessica.
  • Jessica trying to convince Claire to help with Luke.
    Jessica Jones: Look, I know that we scare you and that you've never seen anything like us, but this is a good man.
    Claire Temple: And you?
    Jessica Jones: I'm an asshole.
  • When Claire asks about where Jessica is taking Luke:
    Jessica Jones: Out of here. That's as far as I got.
    Claire Temple: Well, you're not taking him to my place. Been there, done that. Lost my lease.
  • This exchange between Claire and Jessica in the elevator:
    Claire Temple: I want everything to be my fault. Good or bad. Means I have some control.
    Jessica Jones: You don't.
    Claire Temple: Obviously. But it keeps me dreaming that I can change things for people. Case in point. [points at an unconscious Luke]
    Jessica Jones: You're in total control. You're responsible for all of this and I blame you.
    Claire: Don't push it.
  • Claire talking about helping Jessica with a leg wound she got while escaping the hospital goes... a bit sideways.
    Claire Temple: Take off your pants.
    Jessica Jones: I usually like a little more romancing.
    Claire Temple: [smirking] Don't we all?
    • Especially funny since it's made abundantly clear through the whole series that Jessica Jones doesn't give a shit about romance.
  • Claire getting in on the Running Gag of snarking about Kilgrave's name.
    Claire Temple: Guess it's just harder to believe that someone would call himself "Kilgrave". I mean, why not just "Snuffcarcass"?
  • This exchange between Claire and Jessica about Matt Murdock.
    Claire Temple: I had... have a friend like you and Luke.
    Jessica Jones: Bleeding and unconscious?
    Claire Temple: Yeah, actually, more often than not.
  • Claire goes to get Luke a glass of water and comes back to find him gone. After a beat, she just takes a sip herself.
• "Oh, I'm no one's sidekick."
• In a dark sort of way, Kilgrave finally lives up to his comic book name, The Purple Man, when Jessica is choking him long enough for his face to turn purple.

Season 2

Episode 1 - "AKA Start at the Beginning"

• Jessica's first case in the season is a pizza place's owner who wants to kill her deliveryman for "sleeping" on the job. Jessica proceeds to tells the guy about his boss's plans. And when she insists that Jessica is a killer, she throws an unclaimed pizza still on its metal plate, embedding it on the wall and states, "a heroine would denounce you for planned murder, a vigilante would beat the shit out of you for it! Choose which one you want me to be?" She then proceeds to steal a pizza yet to be delivered, and later enjoys it with Trish.
  • When Jessica tells the guy about the hit offer, he looks her over and scoffs "you?" With a tired sigh, Jessica just grabs a chair and crushes it easily.
• Malcolm rousts a very hungover Jessica for a morning of client appointments. Cue a Terrible Interviewees Montage as Jessica chugs Red Bull after Red Bull and listens to clients, including a woman who firmly believes that lizards in skin suits are taking over the government, a whistle blower, and a fat guy in a yellow suit who claims to be a speedster and calls himself The Whizzer.
  Jessica Jones: I bet they did. Why don't you take a lap around the block? I'll time you.
• Trish is introduced headlining the birthday party of a hospital employee's daughter dressed as Patsy Walker in order to get access to Jessica's hospital records.
  • The employee's husband's reaction to Trish not being in a mood to stay family-friendly.
    Husband: Patsy's kinda mean...
  • Trish clearly wishes she was dead during all this.
    Trish Walker: It'll be our secret, along with that performance.
• Trish ends up trapped on the terrace because unlike Jessica, she's not strong enough to open the door.
• Once Jessica lifts a fridge with ease to go down a corridor, Oscar's son gets really happy at meeting a "super vigilante" (while Jessica rolls her eyes, of course).
• Pryce Cheng spots Jessica spying on him. His smug smile earns him a middle finger from Jessica.
• On top of the Cheng thing, Jessica has to deal with Trish delivering her family ashes in a box. The argument has this golden gem:
  Jessica Jones: What is this, "Crap on Jessica" Day?
  Trish Walker: That's next month.
• Several Running Gags with Jessica and Malcolm.
  • Jessica tries to fire him a couple of times but he just keeps coming back to work anyway.
    Jessica Jones: Let me be clear, this time, you're fired.
    Trish Walker: Jess, you can't fire him!
    Malcolm Ducasse: [packing up his work tools] She's not. See you tomorrow, boss.
  • Jessica happens to say some several good tips as a PI. Malcolm wants to write them down but she stops him, saying they're not lessons.

Episode 2 - "AKA A Freak Accident"

• A guy in a bar compliments Jessica's butt. The scene cuts to them having anal sex in a bathroom stall. And then Jessica stops and kicks the guy out for saying "freak." After Jessica bends the walls of the cubicle while grabbing on.
• Malcolm meets Trish at the Greenpoint Stages in Brooklyn, where she's about to grease the wheels with Max Tatum. She gives him her gym card and tells him to pose as her production assistant.
  Trish Walker: Just like what you do for Jessica, except on a movie set.
  Malcolm Ducasse: You mean, "getting yelled at and ignored"?
  Trish Walker: Pretty much.
• When Malcolm accosts Max so he can punch him, Max initially thinks he's a mugger.
  Malcolm Ducasse: [with the most hilarious look of disbelief] I don't want your damn car!
• Pryce Cheng comes in at the tail end of Jeri's orgy:
  Hooker: You are not the pizza.
  Pryce Cheng: You're not Jeri.
• Jessica is just getting out of the shower after returning from Dr. Kozlov's wake, when there's a knock at the door from Detectives Costa and Sunday, who want to question her about Whizzer's death.
  Detective Costa: Are—are we supposed to knock or just come in? I—I never know with doors like this. [points to the Alias Investigations logo] Is this a business or a home?
  Jessica Jones: Both.

Episode 3 - "AKA Sole Survivor"

• To get access to Jessica's buried memories about IGH, Trish hires Dr. Maynard Thibault, a hypnotist she's hosted on Trish Talk, who practices his technique on Jessica while she lies down on Trish's couch. Of course, Jessica isn't the most cooperative patient:
  Jessica Jones: Can I get another pillow?
  Trish Walker: You have seven pillows.
• As Jessica returns to her apartment with Banker's boxes of Trish's notes, Malcolm stops her outside her door to show her the eviction notice that Oscar is serving her with. Jessica decides to go up to confront Oscar, ignoring Malcolm's protest that getting physical isn't going to make things better.
  Malcolm Ducasse: Time to update the resume...
• Jeri, when Chao and Benowitz drop in to her office to reveal their plans to oust her:
  Jeri Hogarth: ...Do you not trust me to find my way to the conference room?
• "Dr. Hansen" calls and insists on Trish meeting her alone. Jessica doesn't want Trish going, and insists on going herself because she's walking in with powers whereas Trish is not. With Trish being insistent, Jessica enacts the only thing possible to sideline her:
  Trish Walker: It's my voice on the radio, she wants to meet with me!
  Jessica Jones: [sighs in defeat] You're right.
  Trish Walker: Thank you! [Jessica suddenly pulls her iPhone out of her pocket] What are you doing? [Jessica raises her iPhone and snaps a picture of Trish, then turns away to begin typing something] Jess, what are you doing?
  Jessica Jones: [typing] "Dear @TMZ, Patsy and Griffin are on the outs. #HotTip"
  Trish Walker: [angrily] Goddamnit!
  Jessica Jones: Can't do cloak and dagger with the paparazzi on your tail. [starts walking towards the door]
  Trish Walker: Griffin has gone out of his way to be nice to you!
  Jessica Jones: [ignoring her] He'll understand...
  • Trish has Malcolm act as a decoy to chase away the paparazzos when she needs to sneak out of the building. He exits the lobby, wearing a camera, and after taking $200 from one photographer, he tells them that he's "heard" that Trish is staying at Griffin's place. He watches as the paparazzos all run off in the direction of Griffin's place, then turns around, sporting this amused smile that reads of, "Look at those imbeciles scatter. And I made $200 off one of them tax free!"
• Remember Maury Tuttlebaum? Jessica and Trish pull a favor with him to get him to identify the charred human head from the incinerator. The way Trish makes her entrance when Jessica gives her the signal is to ask how he enjoyed Per Se.
  • Much to Jessica's relief, Maury is that guy who leaves his log-in information on a sticky note where anyone can see it.
    Jessica Jones: Thank you, Maury....
• Jessica sends Malcolm to their landlord's apartment to settle the dispute with Oscar. Unfortunately, Jessica never told Malcolm in advance that the landlord is gay, resulting in the landlord thinking Jessica sent Malcolm to seduce him.
  Eugene: Can I help you?
  Malcolm Ducasse: I hope so, sir. I live in your building on West 46th.
  Eugene: Oh, well if there's an issue, I prefer you settle it with the super.
  Malcolm Ducasse: Unfortunately the super is the issue. I work at Alias Investigations.
  Eugene: Wait, you work for her?
  Malcolm Ducasse: For Jessica Jones, yes. And... Mr. Orocho, he's trying to evict her. Now I've heard that you're a very reasonable man-
  Eugene: [scoffs] Who said that I was reasonable?
  Malcolm Ducasse: Well, you have a stellar reputation, sir, in the building.
  Eugene: Miss Jones didn't say I was "reasonable". She said I was "an entitled prick of a slumlord," that's a quote.
  Malcolm Ducasse: Well I'm sure she didn't mean that. 'Cause obviously, you're—you're very nice...
  Eugene: [laughs] Oh my...she sent you here, right? Aw, that's very clever. Y'know, she's completely devoid of charm, while you—you are not.
  Malcolm Ducasse: [stammering] Look, I'm just here...to discuss the situation.
  Eugene: Well my discussing days are over, I'm off the market.
  Malcolm Ducasse: No dude, you don't understand-
  Eugene: No, you don't understand. [motions to the picture in his foyer] See that is my boyfriend Kio. He's finally moving here from Cambodia next week. I'm sorry she wasted your time...
  • Understandably, Malcolm is annoyed at Jessica trying to use him as eye candy for this little stunt, and she's entirely shameless about it.
    Malcolm Ducasse: Next time you plan to objectify me, at least tell me first.
    Jessica Jones: That's not really how objectification works.

Episode 4 - "AKA God Help The Hobo"

• Jessica's anger management session. RIP stress ball.
  • When she gets back to her apartment, Malcolm asks her how it went.
    Jessica Jones: Still angry.
• Jeri calls Jessica late at night to see if she has anything on Jeri's partners.
  Jessica Jones: Yeah.
  Jeri Hogarth: Hogarth. Chao and Benowitz?
  Jessica Jones: Yeah, I know the name of your firm.
  Jeri Hogarth: I'm asking if you have anything on Chao and Benowitz.
• Jessica and Trish pay a visit to a wig shop where Trish got the wigs she wore as a child star.
  Trish Walker: God, it hasn't changed in 17 years.
  Jessica Jones: Explains the Ghosts of Showbiz Past.
  [Jessica walks over to a wall lined with pictures of past child stars. She notices that one of the pictures is of Trish from her "It's Patsy" days]
  Jessica Jones: [reading Trish's writing] "Thanks Sal, you rock. I really wanna be your friend." [gives Trish a "puppy eyes" look]
  • Then, as if on cue, Sally comes out of the backroom, and freezes upon seeing Trish.
    Sally: [with a tone of dread] Dear god, it's Patsy.
    Trish Walker: Sally! Wow, uh, I...so remember you!
    Sally: And I, you. You destroyed a dozen of my best wigs. [points to her wrist] Oh and this. I still have the scar from where you bit me.
    Trish Walker: I was young. And...entitled.
    Sally: And high out of your bratty mind.
    Trish Walker: Sober ten years now. Thanks.
    Sally: "Patsy Goes to Rehab." There's your comeback show.
  • When Jessica shows the photo she has of the fake "Leslie Hansen," Sally demands payment for every bit of information. Trish pays a few $100s, "for the wigs I tore up," but is told that won't cover synthetic hair, so has to fork over another $100 to get Sally to talk. After a number of questions, they ask her what else she knows, to which she replies that she doesn't have anything else...after getting paid another $100. As they leave, Trish grumbles that things like that are why she bit her.
• With Max Tatum having failed to make the 48 hour deadline, Jessica and Trish decide to make good on Trish's threats. They visit the star of the gangster movie he's working on, and show her Malcolm's blackmail footage, which is enough to get her to walk off the set. As Max returns to his car, he finds Jessica and Trish waiting for him.
  Max Tatum: You! You did this!
  Trish Walker: I gave you a deadline. You missed it.
  Max Tatum: So you got my star to walk off the set?!
  Trish Walker: I just played her a little video, Max!
  Max Tatum: You're gonna cost us thousands of dollars!
  Trish Walker: Good.
  Jessica Jones: [steps over] Hey Max. I've heard a lot about you. All of it nauseating.
  Max Tatum: Who's this?
  Jessica Jones: [motions to the bandage on Max's nose] Looks like your face got in the way of someone's fist. Want a replay?
  Max Tatum: Who is she, supposed to scare me? Like your thuggy boyfriend?
  Jessica Jones: [to Trish] Is he talking about Malcolm?
  Trish Walker: Must've been.
• Trish shows she has kept Simpson's rifle, and asks Jessica if it's too much stopping power for someone like Inez.
  Jessica Jones: Well not unless you're grocery shopping in Texas!
  • Trish then finds a modified taser in Simpson's bags. Then she has to be talked into tazing Jessica with it.
• Jessica and Trish ask around a community of homeless people for Inez Green. One old man who's missing half his teeth says that he calls her "Mean-ez Mean" because she's, well, mean. He's got this pride in his tone as if it's the most clever nickname ever devised.
  • When Inez is asked if she's met the assassin, her freaked out reaction leads Jessica to comment, "yes, she does."

Episode 5 - "AKA The Octopus"

• Jessica taunting the cop overseeing her phone call, who has a hand on his gun and looks like he's itching for an excuse to take it out of the holster.
  Jessica Jones: Hands off the gun, itchy fingers!
  • At the end of the call:
    Jessica Jones: Bummer, you didn't get to shoot me.
• Just to troll Jessica, Malcolm moves her booze from her cabinets to the bookshelves while Jessica is in jail. He lets out a mischievous grin at Jessica's exasperation when she finds her booze missing and thinks Cheng's people took it.
  Jessica Jones: [after taking a sip from the bottle] So what else did you find, besides new places to put all my shit?
• Jessica tasks Malcolm with delivering Inez to Jeri's apartment. She tells Malcolm to introduce himself to Jeri as her associate.
  Malcolm Ducasse: Did—did you just promote me?
  Jessica Jones: Maybe.
  Malcolm Ducasse: [chuckles] Does it come with a raise?
  Jessica Jones: No. Get going.
  Malcolm Ducasse: [heading for the door] Whatever you say, "associate." [laughs]
  Jessica Jones: I'm instantly regretting this.
  • Malcolm goes into his own apartment to find Inez, only to find that she's stolen his TV to pawn off for bus money. He chases her down to a pawn shop, and convinces her to stay by suggesting she be bait to lure out the killer. Inez relents... and slams Malcolm's TV on the sidewalk in front of him.
    Inez Green: You win.
  • When Malcolm gets Inez to Jeri, he whispers to Jeri to keep an eye on her TV, just in case Inez tries to make off with it.
  • Jeri even compliments how Jessica's people skills are rubbing off on Malcolm.
• Dorothy's and Jessica's dialogue when Jessica arrives at Griffin's surprise engagement.
  Dorothy Walker: How was jail?
  Jessica Jones: How does this plant taste? Keep talking if you wanna find out!

Episode 6 - "AKA Facetime"

• Jeri returns from a shopping trip to buy clothes for Inez.
  • She finds Inez has eaten some of her expensive truffles.
    Jeri Hogarth: Glad to see you're enjoying my gold-leaf truffles from Switzerland.
    Inez Green: Ah. That's why they taste like rusty nails.
    Jeri Hogarth: Says the homeless woman who asked for a $100 t-shirt with holes in it.
  • Inez takes off her shirt to put on a bra in front of Jeri while talking about IGH. There's a long Beat of Jeri stoically looking up and down before they continue their conversation.
  • Once Inez has changed her clothes:
    Inez Green: So, how do I look?
    Jeri Hogarth: Like a waste of my time.
• Jessica to the Iranian jewelry store owner when she and Trish ask him to bring up security footage:
  Jessica Jones: Look, fish were hurt, people were terrorized, we just want to find the people responsible.
• At the country club, Trish creates a distraction for Jessica by going off on an over-the-top tirade against the maitre d'.
  • Her rant eventually ends with her throwing up from withdrawal symptoms as a result of being off Simpson's inhaler. After Trish leaves, the maitre'd has this to say:
    "I used to watch her show. [shakes his head in disappointment] It's sad."
  • As for why they needed a distraction, it was a men's only club. Both Trish and Jessica sound genuinely offended.
    Trish Walker: This is bullshit.
    Jessica Jones: Who wants to be a part of this circle jerk, anyway? (both of them storm off, then...) I'm going in.
• Following her one-night stand with Oscar, Jessica's embarrassment when she wakes up naked in his bed and finds him painting her sleeping form.
  • Jessica gets back to her own apartment and finds Malcolm there with a shit-eating grin on his face.
    Malcolm Ducasse: [grinning] Good morning!
    Jessica Jones: What's that supposed to mean?
    Malcolm Ducasse: I just said good morning. It doesn't take a PI or a PI's associate to recognize the walk of shame: you left your phone here last night, you got some serious bedhead going on and you're covered in paint. Banging the super, huh?^note Which is funnier because it can be taken both ways: Jessica, the superhero, is banging Oscar; or Jessica is banging the building superintendant
  • Later in the episode, he drops off the finished painting as a gift. Jessica just puts it in the corner.
• The yearbook photo that's available of Karl Malus shows him with very long hippie hair.
  Trish Walker: That looks more like a cast member from Hair than a scientist.
• Trish, hopped up on Simpson's inhaler which makes her more aggressive and paranoid, spots a huge, scary-looking, tattooed guy who appears to be carrying a concealed gun. She follows him onto a bus and sits down across from him with this over-the-top angry glare on her face as she waits for him to draw the gun and give her an excuse to beat the shit out of him. When he finally reaches for it, Trish practically jumps out of her seat...only to be disappointed when he instead pulls out a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking and starts reading it.
• Jeri's reaction when Inez finds her ALS medications:
  Jeri Hogarth: So? You wanna join the Ice Bucket Challenge? Throw me a fundraiser?

Episode 7 - "AKA I Want Your Cray Cray"

• The title comes from Trish's attempt at becoming a pop singer: the world premiere of her terrible, heavily auto-tuned debut single with an equally terrible music video to accompany it. The one good thing Jessica has to say about it is "took the It's Patsy theme outta my head, so there's that."
• In the middle of the night, Jessica and Stirling get visited by the loan shark that Stirling owes money to.
  Jessica Jones: What's going on?
  Stirling Adams: Jess, this is Wyatt.
  Jessica Jones: [motioning to Wyatt's two pals] And Humpty and Dumpty? [Wyatt chuckles]

Episode 8 - "AKA Ain't We Got Fun"

• Karl's comment to Alisa throwing a violent tantrum up in the kitchen:
  Karl Malus: She is making breakfast, I think.
• Jessica and her mother get some alone time once Karl leaves.
  • Jessica's opinion on her mother hooking up with Karl:
    Jessica Jones: Gotta say your standards really took a nosedive.
  • Then Alisa brings up her marital problems she and Jessica's father were having at the time of the accident.
    Alisa Jones: We hadn't had sex in almost a year.
    Jessica Jones: I so don't... need to hear that.
  • Alisa immediately turns Jessica's antisocial excuse on her head
    Alisa Jones: Jesus, you're good at shutting yourself down.
    Jessica Jones: Maybe it's because I'm afraid people will tragically die on me! Wonder where I got that from!
    Alisa Jones: You were like that before the accident.
    Jessica Jones: No I wasn't.
    Alisa Jones: You didn't have any friends, you refused to play team sports, you locked yourself in your room all day, playing depressing rock.
    Jessica Jones: Nirvana isn't depressing.
    Alisa Jones: Oh, really? Didn't that guy commit suicide?^note Kurt Cobain committed suicide by shotgun on April 5, 1994
    Jessica Jones: So what other memories of mine do you want to crush?
• Alisa being backseat driver to the cabbie using his phone while driving with Jessica to her apartment. Jessica tries to point out that they're suppose to be keeping a low profile.
  Alisa Jones: [to the driver] Please get off your phone, that's dangerous.
  Jessica Jones: How about we don't draw attention to ourselves?
  Alisa Jones: No. I'm in the right.
• Jessica admitting that she's really improvising at this point:
  Alisa Jones: Just tell me what's going on in that head of yours.
  Jessica Jones: I don't know, okay! There's no manual that tells you "What to Do When Your Mother Who Has Been Dead For 17 Years Comes Back and Is a Mass Murderer." I'm kinda winging it.
• Jessica is embarrassed when her mom finds the painting Oscar made of her.
• When Detective Costa makes a surprise visit, Jessica is forced to hide Alisa from him as she goes to the door to talk to him. Once he leaves, and Jessica goes back inside, Alisa has seemingly escaped. She goes outside and frantically searches all over the block for her mother, until she gives up. As she is getting off the elevator on her floor, she mentally facepalms as the first thing she sees is her mom in the hallway flirting with Oscar.

Episode 9 - "AKA Shark in the Bathtub, Monster in the Bed"

• Jessica when her mom starts going more and more about her father being a bad driver:
  Jessica Jones: I so don't need to hear about my dead father's dick!
• Jeri and Inez when Trish abruptly drops by seeking to put Inez on her show:
  Jeri Hogarth: Forget it. We brought Inez here to keep her safe. She is not a puppet for your crusade.
  Inez Green: Yeah, if you want a martyr, try East 84th and Park.
  Trish Walker: [gives a look of "Come again?"]
  Jeri Hogarth: It's a church. She means "Jesus".
  Trish Walker: Well I don't want Jesus, I want justice.
• Gluten lady’s reaction when Trish goes off-script on the radio before storming out. She has a look of “And this is why I don’t do interviews.”
  • And the fact that Trish is doing a ridiculous Alex Jones style rant while wearing a third-rate hotel bellhop in the first place.

Episode 10 - "AKA Pork Chop"

• Jessica is forced to come clean with Malcolm and Trish about what's been going on that she had to keep secret:
  Jessica Jones: The moral of this story is, "if your long-dead parents show up alive, bury them back again."

Episode 11 - "AKA Three Lives and Counting"

• Hallucination!Kilgrave singing 'I want your Cray Cray', in a very high pitch tone.
  • Hell, most of what Jessica's hallucination of Kilgrave says or does Crosses the Line Twice so much so that it's so Laughably Evil compared to the actual Kilgrave.
  • When Jessica and Malcolm deduced that Trish tries to gain superpowers, Hallucination!Kilgrave notes that she'll be a better superhero than Jessica. One of the possible names Hallucination!Kilgrave suggests was "Captain Patsy" (which is similar to "Captain Deadpool").
• Jessica and Malcolm lock up the pet shop worker in the dog kennel.
• The flashback scene with Alisa and Karl is mostly bittersweet, but it does have a couple of good moments, such as Karl admitting he got over his fear of the ocean cause he needed weed money, and Alisa indulging in some snark that would make her daughter proud:
  "I can jump ten stories but I can't grow hair. What kind of a lame-ass power is that?"

Episode 12 - "AKA Pray For My Patsy"

• The son of the guy Alisa steals the van from doesn't even notice it driving away, being too fixated on his iPad.
• Hogarth's choice of supplier for a gun? Turk Barrett. Which is his favor to repay after she got him a lighter sentence.^note It's heavily implied that Jeri's referring to the charges Turk was facing for his part in Wilson Fisk's criminal enterprise. Notable for being the only time we've ever seen Turk not suffer some misfortune.
• Maury Tuttlebaum gripes about Trish moving away from her lifestyle pieces as he's helping a morgue technician load a corpse into the van.

Episode 13 - "AKA Playland"

• "If you say With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, I'm gonna throw up on you."
• "Not the first time, you were a barfy baby."
• Jeri when giving her demands to Chao and Benowitz and revealing the dirt she has on them:
  Jeri Hogarth: I partnered with assholes, not idiots.

Season 3

Episode 1 - "AKA The Perfect Burger"

• A video of Jessica throwing a guy at the beach is posted online with the title "Chick uses superpowers to toss old dude into sandcastle!" by SurfBrah1995. People she meets keep bringing this up.
  • A comment says "oh shit, isn't that Jessica Jones???"
• After Jessica has complained about her garish new couch to her secretary earlier in the episode, her reaction when Dorothy dares to criticize it.
  Dorothy Walker: What a hideous piece of furniture.
  Jessica Jones: (defiantly) I love it.

Episode 2 - "AKA You're Welcome"

• Surprisingly Realistic Outcome big time during Trish's initial forays into becoming Hellcat:
  • After the awesome ending to last season where she catches her phone with her toes, she immediately tries to do it again and totally flubs it, wrecking the phone's screen.
  • It takes a lot of painful training on a playground before she's able to do complicated parkour moves, and after sticking her first backflip she's adorably proud of herself.
  • She goes through several goofy costume ideas, finally trying on a perfect replica of Hellcat's comic outfit. Just like Luke Cage, the sight of it in live action gets a disgusted "Hell no!"
  • She gets a police scanner to track down crime fighting opportunities, but most of what it picks up are on the level of getting cats out of trees. When she finally does get a significant lead, the police have already wrapped everything up by the time she gets there.
  • Beating up a mugger who easily recognizes the former child star and popular radio host gets her sued.
  • She later finds some actual detective work to do, which involves stalking people for weeks for clues. It's the part of Jessica's job she didn't envy which is boring like watching paint dry.

Episode 3 – "AKA I Have No Spleen"

• The Incredibly Lame Puns by the doctor treating Jessica concerning her splenectomy.
  That's what I'm trying to expleen to you!
  [...]
  Your body has spleen better days!

Episode 5 - "AKA I Wish"

• Sallinger getting a dismembered hand thrown through his window. Given how completely in control he usually is, the look of "... the hell?" on his face is especially hilarious.
  Gregory Sallinger: (to the hand) ...do I know you?

Episode 6 - "AKA Sorry Face"

• How does Jessica reveal Trish's newfound powers to Dorothy? By throwing Trish off her window to show that she can land on her feet.
• While trying to explain her mother why she didn't tell her about her power, Trish explains she was afraid to her reaction, as she assumed from her dislike of Jessica that she had Fantastic Racism toward people with superpowers. Dorothy clarified her dislike of Jessica has nothing to do with her superpower- she just dislikes her for being generally rude and unpleasant. Even better, Trish admits this is true.
• Before that, Dorothy assumes she's finally going to hear Trish and Jessica are dating and groans "there are much better lesbians out there" while Jess gives a "seriously, dude?" shrug.

Episode 7 - "AKA The Double Half-Wappinger"

• Trish's feigned meltdown outside the police station, during which she wails things like "I am psychologically shutting down!" and "This is very triggering for me!" Also the resigned look she's got on her face when she starts.
• Trish/Hellcat's dramatic posing for the camera, looking very much like she's a model at a formal photo shoot.

Episode 8 - "AKA Camera Friendly"

• Jessica shows Dorothy a photo of Trish in vigilante costume that was caught by people:
  Dorothy Walker: (horrified) ... Oh, no!
  Jessica Jones: I know.
  Dorothy Walker: That costume is a disaster!
• The fact that Sallinger kept on display, among his multitude of genuine awards and achievements, a "most improved player" trophy. Apparently no stroking of his ego, however miniscule, can be spared!
  • Also, the fact the threatening, intimidating, arrogant serial killer who keeps acting like he got everything under control gets easily triggered by Jessica breaking his trophies.
• Dorothy and Trish try to advise Jessica as she is about to have an interview, insisting the key is to be "camera friendly":
  Jessica Jones: ... So I am screwed.

Episode 10 - "AKA Hero Pants"

• Dorothy manages to be passive-aggressive from beyond the grave. In her will, she leaves Jessica the contents of her liquor cabinet. And also takes care to describe her as, "my adopted daughter Jessica, who has so much potential if only she'd learn to take advice."

Other

• The show's Twitter is a Character Blog with all the snark (including towards the other Defenders) and drunken self-loathing one would expect out of Jessica.
• The second teaser pans over a horrible mess in Jessica's bedroom, including an empty liquor bottle, before her alarm goes off at 3:00 PM. Her response is to crush the clock with one hand.
• Another teaser has Jessica putting "Bad Reputation" to play as she walks to her shot of whiskey, passing by a lot of beaten up people.
• David Tennant has revealed the shot of him licking Jessica's face was filmed shortly after he first met Krysten Ritter, and he profusely apologized afterwards while she was a complete pro about it.
• At one point while filming, Krysten Ritter was carrying Tennant over her shoulder, but then her hair got caught. When she tried to drop him, she fell to the ground.
• Someone made a "silence your cell phones warning" using Kilgrave's scene at the precinct, by replacing the original ringtone with the Nokia ringtone.
• Following all the researched octopus facts that David Kawecki rattles off in episode 5, Google searches for "Octopus DNA" spiked so much that even the Twitter blog lampshaded it:
  "Haven’t seen this much Octopus DNA since finding The Whizzer’s stash of tentacle porn."
• Trish's full music video for "I Want Your Cray Cray" is posted online and includes some amusing Pop-Up Video-style factoids.
  • (A male dancer appears onsceen) Trish dated this guy. So did her mom. She said they were sisters.
  • Four days after this video was released, Trish went to rehab.
  • In the original concept for this video, Trish and her dancers dressed as crayfish.
  • Snatch and Grab was Trish's first and only big screen role.
  • "Cray Cray" is slang for "crazy". Other slang words are: wackadoo, nutzoid, whackjob, fruit loop, and gringa loca. The tabloids have used all of these words to describe Trish.
  • Kourtney does not have a last name. She later went on to star in TV's Crime Hospital and Crime Hospital: Cincinnati.
  • After the abrupt cancellation of her first tour, Trish was sued by over 100 venues.

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