Mr. Binx: Winifred Sanderson? Winifred:[casually, as if there isn't a noose around her neck] Yes? Mr. Binx: I will ask thee one final time. Winifred:[as if she earnestly intends to answer his question but has no idea what it could be] Yes? Mr. Binx: What hast thou done with my son, Thackery? Winifred: Thackery, hmm.... Mr. Binx: Answer me! Winifred: Well, I don't know. Cat's got my tongue! [the sisters all laugh at this] Thackery: Meow! (Translation: Fuck you!)
While the witches have nooses around their necks and their hands bound with rope, Sarah breathlessly comments on how "terribly uncomfortable" it is with an expression that shows she is really enjoying it.
The deleted scene of Mary asking Mrs. Binx to run in to check if she left the cauldron burning.
Mrs. Binx: Evil woman…Hast thou no heart?
Mary: You're right, I’m wrong.
Mr. Binx reacting to a small cat Thackery Binx trying to get his attention with the words "AWAY, BEAST!"
After Max lights the Black Flame Candle, everything goes to shit, lights popping, wind indoors, the works. When it stops, Max asks wide-eyed, "What happened?!" Dani replaces her hat on her head and says deadpan, "A virgin...lit the candle."
Max's hammy delivery during the "Burning rain of death" gambit.
"Aaah! Burning rain of death!"
Sarah standing with her mouth wide open realizing the water's harmless as Mary splashes some of it on her neck.
Mary: Most refreshing!
This is one most viewers don't realize until they take a better look at the scene. After realizing Max's "burning rain of death" is just ordinary water, the sisters decide to chase after him to get the book back. The background music being played sounds like an epic chase theme... and it's just the three of them hurrying out the front door.
They all also have to pause and hike up their cumbersome dresses in unison just to move semi-quickly.
A lot of the movie runs on Funny Background Event, and a lot of fun comes into re-watching the movie and noticing something you missed the first time due to Mary's tendency to groan and make noises, along with Sarah's fidgeting spazziness.
Winnie looking like she's about to have a conniption fit before finally punching Sarah in the gut to make her stop.
Sarah, "What a pretty spider..." *MUNCH*
And while Winnie is explaining why they need the book, Sarah takes another bite of the spider, chewing as Winnie talks. And, being Sarah, she isn't even paying attention by the end.
Winnie: Otherwise it's curtains! We evaporate! WE CEASE TO EXIST! Dost thou comprehend?
Mary: Oh you explained it beautifully Winnie, the way you started out with the adventure part and then slowly-
Sarah: Explain what? Winnie:[looks at Sarah with eyes narrowed for a beat, then decides to let it go] Come! We fly!
When Billy is brought to life and explodes out of his grave, then turns and sees three humans and a cat. They all look at each other, then scream in Billy's face in unison. Followed immediately by the zombie looking at himself, wondering what all the fuss was about. Then he notices his own gravestone and grunts as if to say, "Son of a bitch..."
What follows is him noticing the sisters, with Winifred barking orders at him. Billy gives her a dirty look and waves his hands as if to say, "Now I remember!"
"I AM CALM!"
"Oh sister, thou art not being honest with thyself. Huh? Huh? Come on, come on, gimme a smile."
This exchange when the sisters are at the "master's" house:
"Master": (referring to his wife) I want you to meet the little woman.
Mother: I'm sick to death of you blaming every idiotic self-destructive choice you've made in your life on me!
Cue Winnie throwing the phone into a pot of boiling water
Same script also has Mary crying over the ending of The Blob and saying "They didn't have to kill it."
Mary's reaction to the baby commercial.
"BLAAAAHHHHH!!"
"The Master's" wife seeing him slow dancing with Sarah, leading to this glorious line as she kicks the sisters out:
Master's Wife: Now tart face take your Clark bars and get out of my house!
Mary trying to use the TV remote on her and wondering why it's not working.
As Winifred explains to Mary and Sarah that Halloween's become a holiday for children to dress up in costumes, Mary suddenly looks like she's hit the jackpot as she realizes she's surrounded by kids.
Mary: Oh, Winnie, just one child...
The part where Max tries to tell a police officer (actually a guy in a Halloween costume) about waking the witches. Dani yells out, "He's a virgin!" which leads to a very awkward moment where the officer asks, "Are you a virgin?" The look on Max's face is priceless.
The Reveal that he's not actually an officer; he puts on the demeanor of one and tells the kids to scram, followed by his girlfriend saddling up to him.
"Cop": They thought I was a real cop! [cackles as they ride off]
Max and Dani's mom dressed as Madonna at the Halloween Party. Especially Dani's reaction, which is basically to do a double take. Then look at her mom like she's strange.
Max uses a "learn to speak French" tape to lure the witches into the school oven. When they escape, Winnie quotes it. "Hello, I want my book. Bonjour, je veux mon livre."
Just the fact that while Winnie is obviously not amused, she quotes the recording so flippantly.
Jay: Man, how come it's always the ugly chicks that stay out late? (The Sandersons stop dead in the tracks and slowly turn around, clearly unamused) Winifred:Chicks?
Gilligan Cut to Jay and Ice both locked in cages back at the Sanderson house.
After the sisters see the light sent out by the book and realize that all is not lost;
Winnie: "Come, Sisters! We fly!"
Mary: "We fly! ...on *what* do we fly?"note Three little girls who were out trick-or-treating stole their brooms earlier.
They end up raiding the janitors closet (because their house was turned into a museum) with some... interesting results.
Winnie:[brings out a normal (but modern) broom, cackles and jumps on as it starts rising into the air] Into the night! [more cackling]
Sarah:[comes out with a mop and raises it into the air, moaning suggestively as she wraps her hands around the handle before jumping on and riding away]
Mary:[wheels out a VACUUM CLEANER onto the porch, visibly nervous] ...Winnie? [sighs and mounts the vacuum, which actually STARTS TO FLY] Broom Ho! Ugh!
The "Ugh!" is because Mary is startled by the fact that the vacuum cleaner begins vibrating and making vacuum noises... despite not being plugged in. The shot of the witches riding off into the night shows Mary's vacuum still has the cord trailing behind it as they fly. There's also the fact she just slammed a vacuum cleaner between her legs.
If riding on a vacuum cleaner wasn't goofy enough, there is the way that the kids are able to defeat Mary; Billy, Alison, and Dani simply grab the cord and begin pulling her to the earth. Sara comes and tries to help her sister, only to end up getting dragged along with her. The three let go and end up sending the two flying so hard that they nearly fall onto the hallowed ground of the churchyard.
"She really hurt my feelings! She doesn't even know me!"
And the fact that she lightly hits Sarah for saying it aloud.
"She's jealous."
"You know, I've always wanted a child. And now I'll think I'll have one... ON TOAST!"
Any scenes with Billy the Undead tend to be very humorous, beginning with his reaction to seeing his own gravestone, finally culminating with him hurling some truly nasty, ultimately deserved and satisfying insults at Winifred.
Billy: Wench! Trollop! You buck-toothed, mop-riding, firefly from Hell!
And the dialog that immediately follows:
Billy: (whispering to Max) I've waited centuries to say that.
After Winifred threatens to kill Billy again, he does a motion with his hands that's basically telling her "Ah, shut up." Or, more likely, "I'm already dead, what else can you do?"
"Winnie do you wanna hit me again, would that make you feel better?"
Even their deaths are hilarious. As Winifred realizes the sun's coming up, she only sings out "Boooooook!" and turns into a statue. And then:
Sarah: Winnie! (begins to explode, pauses for dramatic effect, breathy tone) Goodbye! (explodes)
Mary: (begins to explode) Uh oh. (waves, weakly)... Bye-bye. (explodes)
Before their deaths, as Winifred tries to suck out Max's life, she notices the sun rising, then she notices she's standing on holy ground. This is followed by her and Max staring at the ground, then at each other, back at the ground, and back at each other.
Max suggests "Ice" spend the day learning to breathe through his nosenote AKA, he's a mouth-breather. For those who have not heard this slang, it refers to someone who is dumb - the idea is that dumb people let their mouths hang open, and end up breathing through the mouth rather than their noses. Even Jay laughs at this until "Ice" gives him a filthy look.
A quick gag one might not even notice at the beginning, when Winifred yells for the other two sisters to come back into the house, Mary shoves Sarah out of the way to be first back inside.
Winifred mourns and weeps over losing her book and dramatically dreads their eventual and imminent demise. When Mary offers Winnie to hit her in order to console her, the latter does it so apathetically.
Winnie: This is the end, I feel it. We are doomed. I feel the icy breath of death upon my neck. Mary, take me to the window. I wish to say goodbye. (Mary starts walking her to the window) Goodbye. Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye to life. (Mary keeps walking with her while repeating "goodbye") Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye to all of it!
Winnie trying to remember the last time she used the book: "You, Mary, you were there. Sarah, you were in the back, dancing idiotically..."
Sarah then tries to replicate that exact dancing.
Easily missed but when Allison attacks Mary with a broom, she calls, "Mary!" Mary then turns around and says, "Why, hello..." just as Allison whacks her round the head.
Sarah's scream of terror when a little girl dressed as an angel tells them, "Bless you." Then Winnie's total confusion seeing a child dressed as Mrs Potts.
While Winifred's preparing to make Dani drink the potion, Mary's trying to get Ernie to eat more candy while Sarah's gleefully jabbing the bottom of Jay's cage with a tiny pitchfork.
When Max tells the Sandersons there's something they don't know about, Winifred exasperatedly asks, "And what is that, dude?" Sarah and Mary laugh at this.
Mary then mocks Max saying "daylight savings time."
When the witches freak out seeing the supposed sun, they dramatically collapse with Sarah letting out a pained "It hurts!" before finally hitting the floor.
After realizing they are not, in fact, dead, Sarah's grabbing her own face to confirm she's still alive while Mary's grabbing at Winifred's. Winnie almost bites her hand.
Winifred: He's tricked us again!
Mary: Oh you're right you're always right I don't know how you-
Winifred: It's my curse! That, and you two.
"Thackery Binx, what took thee so long?"
"Heh, sorry, Emily. I had to wait 300 years for a virgin to light a candle."
During the opening, as a teenage Winnie stomps around 17th century Salem, one old woman is seen leaving her house before seeing Winnie and immediately going back inside.
The Reverend gives young Winnie one last chance to agree to marry John Pritchett. She refuses
Pritchett: OH PRAISE GOD! (The crowd murmurs disapproval with one woman shouting “Blasphemy!”) I apologize, Reverend. It is only she is so ugly and unpleasant. (Crowd murmurs in agreement) Winnie: And thou art some prize?
Even the Reverend admits he is quite odd.
Mary, a voracious Big Eater of children as an adult, is the one who told Mother Witch that maybe witches get a bad rep because of the whole child eating thing.
When the Mother Witch vanishes after giving the sisters Book, Sarah thinks she just turned into leaves.
Becca and Izzy initially bluff the witches by claiming they only look like teenagers, but are actually 40. This causes the sisters to stop and comment in astonishment on how well they've aged.
The sisters are giddy at the thought of Becca and Izzy idolizing them.
Winifred: Idols? My favorite word! Thou dost worship us?
Mary: Which one do you think is the best?
Sarah: Get in line, get in line.
After stating there's an entire industry of youth and beauty products, the girls specify they don't need to kill kids anymore because the products are made with "already demised souls." Sarah is briefly heartbroken that her one job's no longer needed because she enjoyed luring kids to their deaths.
Sarah: No more luring children to their demise?
Sarah: I, delighted, in the luring. 'Twas my only job.
The witches approach an "apothecary" with "sickening lights"... which is just a regular Walgreens with fluorescent lighting.
Winifred:Fluorescents... you know, I think we knew her. I believe she was in the Paris coven.
Mary: She was a fierceful witch indeed.
Winifred: Oh such a lie.
Sarah especially is in awe when the witches see the inside of the Walgreens.
Sarah: It is bright, like the moon! And it is... ENOOOOOORMOUS.
The girls trick the Sandersons into thinking the beauty products at Walgreens are magical youth potions (made of children), so the sisters begin feasting on perfumes, facial masks, and jars of anti-aging cream.
Winifred: Delicious! Floral, with a woodsy finish. Sarah: Tastes tinkly. My favorite feeling. That means it's working! Mary:(holding up a facial mask) Look, 'tis the face of a child! Winifred: A newborn! Oh sister, what does it taste like? Mary: Raspberry. Sarah: Oh. "Re-ti-nol." Such a charming name for a child! Oh, little Retinol...
Later, a couple of teens dressed as the witches ask to take a selfie with them. Since the picture uses a makeup filter that makes them look younger, the sisters are convinced that the potions worked. Then they look up at a round mirror that distorts their faces, and scream in horror when they believe the potions actually disfigured them.
Sarah completely misses the ruse when she assures Winnie they already drank the life potion, earning her an epicDope Slap across the face.
What makes it funnier is if you watch the behind the scenes footage:
Bette(To Sarah Jessica Parker): Can I hit you?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Do whatever you want.
What proceeds to follow is a montage of Bette slapping Sarah culminating in one almighty smack around her facewhich nearly knocks her out.
The spellbook refuses to share the Magicae Maxima spell so Winifred has to struggle to get the damn thing open. Tellingly, it's Sarah who points out it really doesn't wanna do this.
Sarah: I-I have mixed feelings about helping you.
Winnie tries gnawing on the book to open it, with Mary reminding Winnie her teeth are her calling card.
In order to cast Magicae Maxima, one must recite the incantation seven times in a sacred place. Sarah thinks that the "sacred place" is supposed to be a church.
Sarah: Ohhhh, a sacred place, we are not allowed in those...
The witches kvetching about having to repeat the incantation several times due to how annoying it is in case they mess up and have to start all over, while Mary loves that the spell requires blood.
Gilbert suggests the witches could form a calming circle and Winifred suspiciously demands to know how Gilbert knows about that. Apparently Reverend Traske wrote about them often.
Sarah: All nice things, I hope.
Gilbert: Not really.
The witches unknowingly step into a costume contest based on themselves, with the host mistaking them for guys. They somehow lose their own contest to a trio of younger women, and Winnie actually gets salty about it.
Winifred:(snatching the trophy) There's been a grievous error! (the audience boos) Begone, they do not want you here. See, they despise you!
The host then tries to take the trophy back from Winnie. She quickly pulls it away and tosses it into the crowd, knocking out a judge.
When Winnie encounters a drag queen dressed as her:
Winnie: Lose the teeth.
Drag Winnie: Mind your business.
The Drag Sandersons then cheer Winifred on when they think she's doing a skit about wanting to kill the mayor, with Drag!Mary exclaiming "Take all his blood!"
Sarah enthusiastically greets all of the contestants dressed like her with "Hello me!" When the "Sandersonettes" win the contest, Sarah starts cheering "We won!" because she actually thinks the impersonators are them.
Mary encounters a man with a full beard dressed up like her and loves it.
Mary: Is that what I look like? Damn girl, we look foxy!
Still on the hunt for Mayor Traske, Sarah suggests "inquiring" someone about it, to which Winnie responds, "Who would be stupid enough to lead three witches to the mayor?" A few moments later, they're shown chasing down a terrified Mike, who leads them straight to the mayor's house.
Sarah:(singsong) I told thee it would work. Winifred: Oh please, it's mere luck we stumbled upon the village idiot!
When the teens trap the witches in a salt circle, Sarah tells her sisters that they should try enchanting them with a song. Keep in mind, the teens are right in front of them, so they hightail it out of there while Sarah and Mary try to work on their harmonies.
Winifred: Next time, do not tell people we wish to bewitch that we are about to bewitch them!
Mike was completely oblivious to the constant microaggressions he was throwing at Becca and Izzy, and has a look of utter horror on his face as he considers how many people he's accidentally treated like crap. Becca and Izzy are almost taken aback by how genuinely unaware he was of his behavior.
Mayor Traske's anguish over the loss of his desired caramel apple from Sandy's Candy Cauldron, culminating in him ranting about having to settle for what might be "a caramel covered matzo ball" from Walgreens. According to Cassie, her dad spent weeks looking forward to that apple.
After the girls escape the witches in Walgreens, Winifred claims the one broom on display. Sarah finds a Swiffer Wet Jet and Mary enchants two Roombas that she rides like a hover board. In the hilarity of watching Mary try to surf on her broomies, it’s easy to miss, but Sarah’s swiffer leaves a trail of bubbles in the air.
Mary: Winnie my broomies are misbehaving! Winnie! I'm surfing cowabunga haha!
In the Mayor's house, the witches encounter an Siri and think a tiny woman is trapped inside. Winifred's utterly horrified and runs off screaming.
Mary: Winnie. There is a small woman trapped in that box.
Winifred: No!
Mary: Yes!
They're not terrified because a small woman is trapped inside - they're terrified because the last time they followed a voice in a box, they ended up being burned alive in a kiln!
When the witches confront Becca a third time, Winifred blanks on her name. Mary thinks it's "Shish-ka-baby", while Sarah calls her... Edward.
Even after Becca tells them her name, Sarah still thinks it's Edward.
of Mary asking Mrs. Binx to run in to check if she left the cauldron burning.Mrs. Binx: Evil woman…Hast thou no heart?Mary: You're right, I’m wrong.