Funny / Gettysburg

• One of the 2nd Maine's complaints, as described by Private Bucklin, are that their commanders were "so stupid they couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions written on the heel."
• Harry Heth's report to General Lee, explaining how the "militia" he thought he was dealing turned out to be dismounted cavalry who were not about to be swept away so easily.
  "Well sir—they wouldn't leave!"
• The camp scenes with Pickett and his brigade commanders have quite a few.
  • Longstreet's quip about Pickett ranking dead last in his class at West Point, "Quite a feat if you consider his classmates."
    • A bit of a Genius Bonus, it's even funnier as a Take That! to George McClellan (Who graduated second in his class in that year, but ultimately proved to be a rather ineffective field commander), though the West Point Class of 1846 also included Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson and a dozen other officers of both sides.
    • Jackson himself had been regarded as a dumb country bumpkin at West Point, due to his origins as an orphan in rural western Virginia, and his performance at the Academy was considered mediocre at best. He was not taken seriously until the Mexican War, when it was discovered that he was utterly fearless, had an uncanny talent for field command in combat, and could instinctively read a tactical situation and respond appropriately. As that war faded from memory, Jackson was again regarded as simple-minded and eccentric (Spending much of the time between wars as a decidedly mediocre math teacher at VMI didn't help), even if he was highly-skilled, bilingual, and one of the most decorated war heroes in American History to that point. Once Jackson had another war to fight, his negative reputation disappeared again.
  • Kemper telling Pickett he has a talent for "trivializing the momentous and complicating the obvious," then suggesting he run for Congress.
  • Armistead and Pickett's evolution debate. "George, all science trembles before the searing logic of your fiery intellect."
    • As Armistead and Longstreet walk away, Kemper can be heard asking how many of Pickett's relatives are apes.
    • The following argument against evolution: while one could suggest that Pickett or Armistead might be descended from an ape, no one would ever suggest that General Lee is descended from an ape.
    • And then Longstreet's exasperated eye roll over the whole thing as he walks away.
• From after the 20th Maine's bayonet charge:
  Soldier: I'm moving these Rebs with an empty musket.
  Chamberlain: Sh. Not so loud.
• Before that, when the 20th is moving into position under artillery fire:
  Chamberlain: Tom, move farther down the line. Another one like that and it could be a hard day for mother.
• Armistead and Garnett's last exchange before Pickett's charge is darkly funny.
  Garnett: How are you, Lew?
  (A shell explodes just a few feet away)
  Armistead (unfazed): I'm fine, Dick.

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