Funny / Futurama Season 2

Looks like Zapp's balls and Leela's sweaty boot rash go together in more ways than just kicking.

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I Second that Emotion

• Amy ditching Leela:
  Amy: Armando is taking me to the back seat of his car for coffee. Are you gonna be alright?
  Leela: Sure. I'm having a great time, really! You two go enjoy yourselves.
  • Bender feeling Leela's reaction to being ditched.
    Bender: (to Fry) You think you're so hot!
    Fry: Uh, what?
    Bender: The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp! (slaps Fry)
    Fry: (through tears) They're just responding to my personality!
• In a fit of depression, Bender is locked in a bathroom, disassembling himself and flushing his parts down the toilet (in an attempt to retrieve Nibbler, who he flushed earlier) while a panicked Fry pounds on the door and calls to him frantically. As the last of Bender is swept away, Fry breaks the door open and casually asks one of the best non sequiturs ever:
  Fry: Bender? Bender?! (Forces open the door) Have you seen my sombrero?
• When Leela suggests turning back in the sewers, Fry suggests that the only way out is through an extremely thin pipe, (cue Bender and Leela glowering at him) then reassures them by saying:
  Fry: Don't worry. It gets wider after about a mile.
  Bender and Leela: Idiot.
• A "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" gag at the vet scene is a robot with a pet Rust Monster◊ (a creature from Dungeons & Dragons that rust metal with its touch for consumption). Viewers might also notice that the robot is covered in rust patches too.
  • There's also an anthropomorphic cat with a naked human as a pet, and a dog with a head at each end that's said to take a pill that works as a suppository for the other head.
• After meeting the mutants, the gang gets a tour of the mutant city. They're taken to a library which contains every book that was flushed down the toilet.
  Bender: Nothing here but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.
• Farnsworth takes a few tries to tune into Leela's emotional frequency.
  Farnsworth: There we go. [He takes Bender's head out of the vice and rejoins it to his body.] Now I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.
  Bender: My God! I'm overcome with ... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to ... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads.
  Zoidberg: That's me, baby!
  Farnsworth: Hmm.
  Bender: Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela, but at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.
  Amy: Uh ... that's me.
  Fry: (whispering) Thanks for covering.
  Bender: This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated.
  Amy: Bingo!
  Hermes: That's Leela!
• Fry asks the sewer mutants about Sewer Gators:
  Fry: So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?
  Mutant: No. That's just an urban legend.
  Bender: (pointing to some large amphibious reptiles with long heads, powerful tails, and armored bodies) Then what are those?
  Mutant: Crocodiles.
• Bender's coworkers jump him while he's watching TV and hold him down so Farnsworth can install the empathy chip.
  Bender: (as Farnsworth unscrews his head) Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head?
  Farnsworth: I need to tinker in it.
  Bender: Why don't you just use a potted plant, like Fry?
• Leela happens to walk in just as Nibbler is disappearing down the toilet drain and rushes over to the bowl with a Big "NO!"
  Bender: Hey! Can't you see I'm usin' the toilet?
  • Later, after unsuccessfully trying to flush himself whole: "Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?"
• Leela can't bring herself to harm El Chupanibre.
  Leela: I can't. I love every living creature.
  Fry: Even me?
  Leela: As a friend.
  Fry: Damn.
• After Professor Farnsworth tells Leela he has a way to have Bender feel her emotions
  Fry: Uh-oh. Is this gonna be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross? (Farnsworth makes the "a little" gesture with his hand)

Brannigan, Begin Again

• Couch Gag: "Not Y3K Compliant"
• On a planet with extreme gravity:
  Zapp: Let me ask you a serious question, Leela: does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...
• Every single line from the Neutrals:
  If I don't survive, tell my wife, "hello".
  All I know is my gut says "maybe!"
  I have no strong feelings one way or the other!
  • The neutral response to distress: "I have no strong feelings one way or the other." For an added bonus, the like-dislike bar was kept perfectly even for years.
• The noise Fry makes when Brannigan has Leela point to the person in the room she had sex with. Simply majestic.
  • When Zapp is found guilty a few minutes later, Leela does her own version of the same noise.
• Zapp's... odd train of thought upon discovering Leela mid-"assassination".
  Zapp: It was almost the perfect plan. But you forgot one thing; Rock crushes scissors! ... but paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper! Kif, we have a conundrum!
  Kif: Uggh.
• Kif: Sir, I don't think that's wise.
  Zapp: Kif, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude!
• Zapp blowing up DOOP headquarters, by accident, thanks to trying to cut a ribbon with a laser. A laser set to Hyperdeath (TM)
  Zapp: Whoopsie-daisy!

Zapp totally throws poor Kif under the bus after he's rightfully found guilty, getting him court-martialed as well. He went full Greyhound on this one.

Zapp: My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform, but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.

Kif: [dropping the flag Zapp made him wave] What?

• The cold opening where Fry and Bender play Dejarik, with Fry's knight beating up Bender's bishop and gets a check. Bender, however...
  Bender: Hmmm... GET HIM, BOYS!
  (Bender's chess pieces beat up Fry)
  Fry: (weakly) Good move.

The scene immediately Zapp and Kif are court-martialed, on the street outside the temporary DOOP headquarters.

Zapp: One day a man has everything; the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station- and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.

Kif: [disgustedly] No, it doesn't.

Zapp: Come, Kif, it's time to begin our life as civilians. [Kif remains while Zapp walks offscreen.]

Zapp: [returning] That's an order, soldier!

• Zapp's irrational hatred for Neutrals.
  What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
  Neutrals! I hate those filthy Neutrals! With enemies, you know where they stand. But with Neutrals, who knows?
• Zapp pimps out Kif to Crazy Cat Lady Hattie McDoogal. The wretched Kif sloughs into the back seat of the limo like he's going to his execution.
• Zapp and Kif, filthy, hungry and at the end of their rope, show up at the door of Planet Express.
  Zapp: Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me.
  Leela: I never loved you.
  Zapp: I mean physically.
  Leela: What do you want?
  Zapp: Just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floors.
  Leela: You don't know how to do any of those things.
  Zapp: Kif might.
• Zapp's Insane Troll Logic during the court-martial scene: he asks Leela if they've met, then asks if she had sex, then when she says yes, he asks her to name who she slept with. When she reluctantly says his name, he replies, "The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters!".

A Head in the Polls

• Richard Nixon gets inaugurated President of Earth. The first thing he does it start tear-assing around Washington in his new war machine body. "WHO'S KICKING WHO AROUND NOW?!" Funniest bit, though, is when he marches up to the White House, shouts, "Knock, knock!" and smashes through the wall, leaving a three-story tall hole.
  Morbo: Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg President. May death come swiftly to his enemies.
• From the same episode
  George Washington's head: So, telleth, Bender. What hath happened to your body?
  Bender: I hocked it.
  Washington: Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that?
  Bender: Same reason you hocked your teeth.
  Washington: Ah. Booze money.
• Then, of course:
  Nixon's head: I paid for this body. I'd no sooner give it up then I would my cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.
  Checkers: (barks)
  Nixon's head: SHUT UP DAMNIT!
• Exchanging pleasantries:
  Nixon's Head: Hello, Morbo. How's the family?
  Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
  Nixon's Head: Good man! Nixon's pro-war and pro-family!
• Nixon finally hears himself on tape:
  Nixon: My god, do I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality!
• The debate before Nixon's entry:
  Jack Johnson: It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say: "I'm against those things that everybody hates"!
  John Jackson: Now I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man but, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!
• Proving that a millennium hasn't improved Nixon's skill for televised debate:
  Morbo: If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child, would you seize and consume it?
  Jack Johnson: Unthinkable!
  John Jackson: I wouldn't think of it!
  Morbo: And what about you, Richard Nixon? I remind you that you are under a truth-o-scope.
  Nixon: (sweating profusely) Uhh... well, the question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, or... whether anyone is watching... (wipes brow) In any case, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.
  (''Truth-o-scope goes nuts'')
• When Bender sells his body to the pawn store and gets left out in front:
  "Game's over, losers! I have all the money! Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves!" (a dog comes up and starts sniffing him) "No! Wait! I'll give you five bucks to not do what you're thinking about doing!" (Dog cocks his leg as the camera pans up) "Heh, heh. You just lost five dollars."
• When Bender goes to get his body back, and this discussion occurs:
  Bender: You sold my body!? To who?!
  Pawn shop owner: I can't reveal that information, but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what, I'll give you fifty bucks for the kid.
  Fry: Hey! My clothes are worth 50 bucks!
  Pawn shop owner: Deal.
  (Smash Cut to Fry and Bender back at Planet Express, with Fry completely naked)
• While at the voting booths, the Professor talks with the NRA representative.
  Professor: So what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices?
  NRA Man: Well, first off, we're gonna get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists.
  Professor: Damn straight! Today the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device, tomorrow it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?
  NRA Man: Amen, brother. I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax. (he leans in toward the Professor) Fer duck hunting!
• The first episode of "The Scary Door" takes Tempting Fate to ludicrously insane levels.
  (A man is walking through a devastated library)
  Narrator: Please find enclosed, the last man on Earth.
  Man: Finally, solitude! I can read books for all eternity! (he trips, his glasses fall off and smash) It's not fair! It's not fair, I-... wait, my eyes aren't that bad, I can still read the larger print books. (his eyes suddenly fall out) It's not fa- Welp, lucky I know how to read braille. (His hands drop off) AAAAAAAAHH - (the man's tongue falls out, then his head drops off) ... hey, look at that weird mirror.
  (The scene changes to Bender and Fry watching, both of them wincing)
  Bender: Cursed by his own hubris.
• The sign at the presidential debate:
  Tonight: Presidential Debate
  Tomorrow: Vice Presidential "Yo' Mama So Fat" Contest

Xmas Story

• Bender tries heckling Conan O'Brien's head, but Conan fires right back.
  Conan O'Brien's Head: Listen, pal, I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012, but I've got one thing you'll never have: A soul.
  Bender: Meh.
  Conan: And freckles!
  (Bender starts sobbing)
• The robot trees. When Leela says, "Trees down!", they go down while saying, "TREES DOWN" in a comically robotic voice.
  Fry: Cool! Hey, what do you if you want the trees up?
  Trees: TREES UP
  (Fry gets caught on the trees)
  Fry: (weakly) Trees down...
  Trees: TREES DOWN
• At the ski resort, the Professor is skiing surprisingly well... and it turns out he's asleep while doing so. Later on, he skis into the lodge unharmed, and he confusedly wakes up with a bronze medal around his neck.
• Also at the ski resort, Hermes prepares to go down a bobsled run. However, his (hovering) bobsled flips over. When he asks Zoidberg for help, Zoidberg just pushes the upside-down bobsled with the screaming Hermes in it down the track. As Zoidberg laughs at Hermes' misfortune, he slips and ALSO begins sliding down the same track (backwards), screaming too. And the cherry on top is when Fry, who's been watching all this, says, "Oh, what the hell?" and jumps down the track after Zoidberg and Hermes.
  Zoidberg: You, a bob sledder? That I'd like to see.
  Hermes: Listen, you filthy crab! A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of Jamaican bob sledders!
  Fry: Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages.
  Hermes: (sincerely) A true inspiration for the children!
• The idea of 31st-century Santa Claus being a Killer Robot who decides that almost everyone on his list is "naughty" and needs to die is a rich source of Black Comedy.
• This exchange:
  Amy: You can't stay out on Xmas Eve! You'll be killed!
  Fry: Say what?
  Farnsworth: Good lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus!
• "Did you ever stop to consider... Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?
  • Becomes a Brick Joke when Robot Santa reaches the Planet Express building.
    Robot Santa: You've all been naughty! Very, very naughty! (turns to Zoidberg) Except for you, Dr. Zoidberg. (hands him a pogo stick) This is for you.
• The Professor offering a depressed Fry sympathy would normally be heartwarming, but the Professor just happens to be naked.
• When Tinny Tim sees Fry and Leela running from Santa: "Why, humans! Shall we mug them, sir Bender?", he replies, "No wait, I know these guys! They got nothing."
• When Leela calls Fry selfish, Hermes responds earnestly, "I axe him to set the table, and he goes out to buy you a present! Selfish dog!"
• When Fry and Leela try to convince Santa they're not naughty.
  Robot Santa: You've been VERY naughty, Fry and Leela, I've checked my list!
  Fry: Well, check it twice!
  Robot Santa: I perform over fifty mega-checks per second! You're both naughty for disregarding each others feelings.
  Leela: But we set things right! Fry even risked his life to get me a present!
  Robot Santa: But what about your other co-workers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?
  Fry: NO, I SWEAR!!
• "Oh dear Lord, they'll be killed on our doorstep! And there's no trash pickup 'til January 3rd!"
• When the thieving robots ask Hattie for a drink, she only allows them one glass. However, they can be heard drinking way more than that. She says, "Okay, that's enough...", only for them to ignore her, so she yells, "I SAID that's ENOUGH!" at which point they rob her.

Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?

• Anything involving Claw-plach (a traditional fight to the death between Zoidberg's species)...especially the Decapodian national anthem (the fight leitmotif from Star Trek: The Original Series)...
• "YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!"
  • Fry's speech before that:
    Fry: My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each others brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend, and though a woman has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason - (Zoidberg reaches up and casually cuts off Fry's arm)
• "Yo-yo-yo! Wassup! Wassup! Give up the rock!"
• This:
  Zoidberg: I choose to fight with my own two claws! I want the pleasure of chopping Fry right here, (points to Fry's neck) in the gonads!
  Fry: (whispering) Shhh! Nobody correct him!
• Bender complaining, "Augh! What is this? The Middle Ages?" when the beer machine pours the beer onto his chest instead of directly into his mouth.
• Preparing for the mating display:
  Zoidberg: How do I look?
  Bender: Like whale barf.
  Zoidberg: Then the illusion is complete!
  • Then there's the mating display itself...which consists of every male Decapodian in the beach screeching incoherently, trying to get their potential mates' attention.
    Fry: Hahaha! Look how riduclous they look!
    Bender: Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms; shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive!
• When Fry tells Zoidberg to ask Edna how her day was, she goes on a long rant, and Zoidberg says, "Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up." Fry advises him to just "nod [his] head and say, "Uh-huh", so Zoidberg does, and then Edna ends her rant with "...and then you threw and octopus at my window".
• "Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be must be. Takin' all bets! I'm giving ninety-two to one on Zoidberg, the crab with the jab! The great red hope!"
• "Fry, I've never asked for anything from you before, but when it comes to the ninth round... just let [Zoidberg] win."
• When Zoidberg starts kicking himself for missing out on the Frenzy mating season and wonders how he'll dispose of his "male jelly" (essentially the term for Decapodians' semen), Fry offers him the arm he chopped off during their fight.
• Fry goes to the steam room...the wrong one:
  Fry: Co-ed steam rooms! I love the future!
  Leela: Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.
  Fry: Ah, futuristic!
  Amy: Psst, look what life was like before genetic engineering.
  Leela: Those poor 20th century women.
  • Especially funny considering later on in the series, they both ended up having sex with Fry. First with Amy then with Leela.
• A classic Crosses the Line Twice moment from when Zoidberg goes berserk:
  [Scene: Randy (the blonde Camp Gay guy) is the head of a pool exercise class for pregnant women]
  Randy: Nice and gentle, we don't want any unnecessary stress.
  [Zoidberg appears in the middle of the pool, howling and gibbering. The women scream as he scuttles out of the water. The sound of a splash followed by the cries of a baby is heard.]
  Randy (concerned): Is there a doctor in the gym?
  Zoidberg: I'M A DOCTOR! (roars)
  [More screaming and more births]
• When the crew arrives on Decapod 10:
  Decapodian: Welcome home, old friend. Just 19 hours until the mating frenzy!
  Zoidberg: Excellent, excellent!
  Decapodian: See you there, Doctor...(says something in the Decapodian language)
  Fry: Is that how you say "Zoidberg"?
  (the Decapodian runs off crying)
  Zoidberg: You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.
• The bunch of pervs in raincoats and such trying to spy on the mating ritual, many with binoculars and telescopes.

The Lesser of Two Evils

• At the beginning of the Past-O-Rama commercial:
  Announcer: Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?
  Bender: Shut up and get to the point!
• There's this beautiful gem whilst Fry, Bender, and Leela are on their joyride in the car, the scene cuts to a music hall where a line of robots are doing the can-can. Cue the car suddenly crashing through, knocking a leg off each robot. The robots then proceed to kick up their remaining leg, somehow remaining up in the air for a moment, before all crashing to the floor and breaking.
• Fry in the robot strip club:
  Fry: I don't like it here! It's over a hundred degrees and there's very little oxygen.
  Bender: Shut up and hoot!
  • And then Fry gets a lap dance from a giant blocky robot that squashes him.
• Bob Barker's exasperation and annoyance with the Ms. Universe competition.
  Alright, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.
• "Bender was the evil Bender? I am shocked...SHOCKED! Well, not that shocked."
  • And then:
    Fry: I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turn out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?
    Bender: Eh, they're both fine choices. Whatever floats your boat. (smokes a cigar)
• The Professor shows the crew a Jumbonium atom in a very suggestive manner:
  Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition.
  (Everyone exchanges worried glances with one another.)
  (At Farnsworth's bedroom, the Professor sits on his bed and the staff and Flexo gather around.)
  Farnsworth: Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. (Everyone climbs on and Farnsworth presses a button and makes the curtains around the bed close. What goes on inside is hidden from view.) Feast your eyes on this!
  (Everyone gasps.)
  Leela: It's beautiful.
  Amy: And huge.
  Fry: Can I touch it?
  (Behind the curtains, Farnsworth holds the Jumbonium atom)
  • Moments later, a visibly uncomfortable Leela asks to discuss it somewhere else, which Professor agrees to. Cut to them surrounding Professor naked in a bathtub continuing his lecture.
• This exchange at the end of the episode:
  Fry: Well, you guys [Bender and Leela] might both be losers but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet.
  Leela: Fry, that's a radiator.
  Fry: Oh. (Beat) Is there a burn ward within 10 feet of here?
  • invoked What makes this especially Hilarious in Hindsight is that a few seasons later in "The Sting", among his previous lovers attending his funeral is a radiator.
• The whole runner of Bender wearing clothing that just happens to cover his neck, along with introducing his Character Catchphrase of "Me, Bender", just to fool the audience into thinking he's Flexo.
• The opening disclaimer of Cop Department:
  Narrator: Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people.
• Fry's reaction to seeing a 1992 Latura:
  Fry:Hey my girlfriend had one of those! Actually it wasn't hers it was her dad's. Actually she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
  Leela: Fry, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Put Your Head on My Shoulders

• Bender goes to a mechanic to install shock-absorbing bumpers to prevent catastrophic butt failure, but they make Bender's ass look more human and bigger, much to his shock.
  Bender: You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!
  Mechanic: Very well, but sooner or later, that ass is going to blow. And when it does, I pray you're not mooning someone you care about.
• Amy attempting to haggle down the price of a car, only to drastically increase the price.
  Leela: I know sticker says 55,000, but we'll only go as high as say...
  Amy: 60,000!
  Victor: ...I will have to ask my manager.
  Leela: Amy! You're not supposed to go up from the sticker price!
  Amy: I thought it was an auction.
  (In the background, Victor and Malfunctioning Eddie talk, then dance with joy, before Victor returns)
  Victor: He's not too happy...
  Amy: I'm sorry, 80,000?
  (Malfunctioning Eddie's head explodes)
• Valentine's Day gives Bender a business idea:
  Bender: Wait. You mean people would pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I—
  (Smash Cut to Bender in a courtroom)
  Judge: (bangs his gavel) Five hundred dollars and time served.
  Bender: (now with a gold tooth in his mouth) Stupid anti-pimping laws! (to Leela) Well, pay the man! (walks away with an exaggerated swagger, accompanied by two Fembots)
  Fembot 1: Bender, honey, we love you!
  Bender: Shut up, baby, I know it!
  • And the Call-Back later, when he gets his second idea:
    Bender: I'm running a computer dating service. It's like pimping, except you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head".
    Leela: Bender, this is stupid! Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?
    Bender: Hey, don't make me go upside your head!
  • And following that, when Leela passes on Fry's offer for a date:
    Fry: Then I have no choice but to do something so shameful I can't even tell you.
    Leela: Bender's in his office.
    Fry: Thanks.
• Fry at the car dealer:
  Dealer: Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn'cha?
  Fry: (pouring himself some coffee) Yup, she's beautiful coffee alright.
  Dealer: No, the Ford ThunderCougarFalconBird. (shows Fry the car) Nothing makes you feel more like a man than the Ford ThunderCougarFalconBird.
  Fry: No thanks.
  Dealer: Ah, I see sir, and I think it's good that you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.
  Fry: I care! I care plenty! I just don't know how to make 'em stop!
  Dealer: One word: ThunderCougarFalconBird.
• Victor the car salesman: Heh heh. No dog food for Victor tonight!
• Fry trying to dump Amy: "You know how you like chocolate at first, but then you start to get bored with it?" "You're saying you don't like chocolate?" "Look, could chocolate just let me finish?"
• Zoidberg: Your body was badly damaged in the crash.
  Fry: How badly?
  Zoidberg: That's it over there. (camera pans over to reveal Fry's headless body, revealing that Fry's head has been grafted onto Amy's body)
• Zapp Brannigan obliviously dating what is very obviously a man in drag.
  Zapp (as his date leaves): Honey, wait! You still haven't shown me your surprise!
• Fry and Amy bond:
  Fry: Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?
  Amy: I guess it's 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though!
  Fry: I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the Pope?
  Amy: Yeah, and if you were the Pope they'd be all, "Straighten your Pope hat," and "put on your good vestments!"
  (Both laugh.)
  Amy: Y'know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff, and junk.
  Fry: Yeah, it's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff, or whatever!
  (Held Gaze, romantic music)
  • A while later, the towing guy finally arrives. He sees the car hood is steamed up and he makes a perverted giggle, expecting Fry and Amy to be having sex. He rubs off the condensation and sees the two of them staring at him while playing cards, making him sigh in disappointment. Then, when he's towing Amy's car:
    Amy: [to Fry] So while they're towin' us, you wanna do it?
    Fry: Yeah.
    [They kiss and disappear below the seats, causing the towing guy to make a perverted giggle again.]

Raging Bender

• How the episode kicks off:
  Professor: Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love. (said toaster leaps onto the table, acting like a dog. Bender forcefully slaps it away.) And Hermes returns from his vacation today.
  (Hermes enters, with a Brain Slug stuck to his head)
  Hermes: (in a monotone) Good mornin', people.
  Amy: Hey, Hermes, how was the Spleef Nebula?
  Hermes: The flight had a stopover on the Brain Slug planet. Hermes enjoyed it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.
  Fry: Hermes has all the fun! ... wait a minute, he's got a Brain Slug on his head!
  Leela: Ssh! You'll get us all assimilated!
  Amy: Just act natural and switch to a garlic shampoo.
  Hermes: Onto new business, today's mission is to go to the Brain Slug planet.
  Zoidberg: What're we supposed to do there?
  Hermes: Just walk around not wearin' a helmet.
  Professor: Sounds great Hermes, whatever you say! (nervously laughs before leaning toward the others) Let's ditch him and go to the movies.
• Destructor's introduction, when Bender makes it clear he won't fake losing.
  Bender: What if I refuse to lose?
  Abner Doubledeal: Then [Destructor] will just have to beat you the old-fashioned way: To death. (presses his intercom) Melissa? Send in the new kid.
  (Destructor smashes through the wall)
  Destructor: I. AM. DESTRUCTOR! BLAAAAURRGGH!
  Bender: (putting on his tutu) See ya at the fight!
• The ad for Bender's fight against Destructor;
  Announcer: You loved him as Bender the Offender, now get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality as the Gender Bender!
  (Cut to Bender in his costume, lying flirtingly on a bed with a phone.)
  Bender: I'm a real toughie!
  Announcer: Squaring off this Saturday with his opponent, Destructor!
  (Cut to Destructor, who also has a phone)
  Destructor: I will destroy you! MRAAAAUGGGHHH!! (Hangs up. Picks up phone again) And stop calling me!
• Leela, having previously refused to help Bender train because of his ego once he needs help, changing her mind again when she sees Fnog is teaching Destructor.
  Leela: Not Fnog! C'mon, Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm gonna teach you to fight like a woman.
  Bender: (as tense music plays) I'll put on my tutu.
• The play-by-play for the Ultimate Robot Fighting League:
  George Foreman: This could be the most lopsided fight since 1973 when Muhammad Ali fought a 100-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. Now, my memory's not what it used to be, but I believe the entire Earth was destroyed.
  Rich Little: Interesting if true.
  • Foreman and Littles' commentary in general.
  George Foreman: Interestin' side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead!
  Rich Little: No argument here.
• The Foreigner:
  The Foreigner (in an exaggerated Latino accent): I'm not from here! I've got my own customs! Look at my crazy passport!
• Fry and the gang watching the adverts before a movie.
  Fry: Oh, real futuristic!
  Crow T. Robot: Shh! No talking during the movie!
• After the fight's over, and Bender has been literally squashed flat, Leela offers some sympathy. Some.
  Leela: I'm sorry, Bender, you lost. You lost bad. But the important thing is, I beat up somebody who hurt my feeling in high school! Ha-ha!

A Bicyclops Built for Two

• While browsing the internet, Amy comes across a door that says "Amy Wong naked". After looking into it, she exclaims that it really is her, only for Bender to refute that statement, saying that he just stuck Amy's face on someone else's body. Leela's reaction after looking into it implies that Bender stuck Amy's face on Leela's body.
• Upon seeing Alcazar's palace, Bender realizes he'll need more space to keep looting, which involves emptying his compartment of several goldfish bowls.
• The backstory of Cyclopia and how Alcazar survived it, starting with the missile.
  Cyclopian: How far away do you think it is?
  Cyclopian with telescope: A trillion miles?
  (missile lands behind them and explodes)
• The entire second act quickly devolving from a very tragic, beautiful, and romantic story set in a Grecian environment to a frame-for-frame recreation of Married... with Children, complete with Leela dressed as and acting like Peg Bundy and a group of sleazy animal-people acting like the raucous Studio Audience that would wildly cheer over Married... with Children's sex humor.
• How quickly does Fry degrade in a cell? Leela has to inform him that at least animals in cages poop in the corner. Fry is amazed by this revelation.
  Fry: The corner?! Why didn't I think of that!
• Bender singing after coming to his senses about not wanting to steal anymore:
  Bender: ♫ I love stealing, I love takin' things. ♫
• This line when Fry and Bender discover what Alcazar has hidden in the "Forbidden Valley":
  Fry: My god! Four identical castles!
  Bender: Each more identical than the last!
• We also get this line from the final scene when Alcazar is revealed to be a shapeshifter:
  Leela: Alright, Alcazar, I just have one last question for you.
  Alcazar: What's that?
  Leela: If you can change form, why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?
  (everybody begins hooting and cheering wildly)

A Clone of My Own

• When Cubert is brought to life from his capsule:
  Cubert: (noticing everyone staring at him in horror) What? You've never seen a genius's wiener before?
• After the Professor is taken:
  Farnsworth: (on holo-recorder) I know you're all very upset, especially Bender.
  Bender: Well, life goes on. Except for you!
  Professor: I'm sure that Bender has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.
  Bender: YOU BASTARD!!!
• Bluffing the Near Death Star guards:
  Cubert: Stupid robot.
  Guard: (points guns at Fry) Did your hump just say something?
  Fry: Uh, I've got... talking hump syndrome.
  Guard: Ah, THS.
• Why the Professor thinks he's in trouble with the university staff:
  Professor: Oh, everyone's in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great-white shark, oh, suddenly you've gone too far!
• Staying with the Professor, his rant at the university staff
  The Professor: Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me! Dean Vernon, I know the truth! It was you driving your hover-car that night, not your horse! Dean Episilon, I know all about your "department of pool-boy studies"! And Doctor Wernstrom... Weeeernstrom!
• "Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement, so anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye."
• Ordinarily, a child being hurt wouldn't be funny... but since it's Cubert, and he's spent the entire episode being a little jackass, it's hilarious. Like, for example, when they need a blood sample from the Professor to bluff the Near Death Star guards...
  Cubert: This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the Professor's DNA!
  Bender: (looking at Cubert) I think I know where to get some... (Bender draws a syringe, Fry and Leela grin maliciously. Oh, Crap! look from Cubert).
  (Exterior shot of the ship as we hear Cubert scream.)
  • When the guards request the sample, Bender gives them a beaker full of about half a gallon of blood.
    Guard: We only needed one cell.
    Bender: Keep the change, buddy.
• The crew tries to shock an unconscious Professor Farnsworth back to life:
  Bender: Your social security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!
• The entire discussion with Professor explaining to Cubert the technology behind his ship:
  Farnsworth: These are the dark matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours!
  Cubert: That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.
  Farnsworth: Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
  (later in the engine room)
  Farnsworth: And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency!
  Cubert: That's especially impossible.
  Farnsworth: Not at all! It's very simple.
  Cubert: Then explain it.
  Farnsworth: Now that's impossible. It came to me in a dream and I forgot it in another dream.
  Cubert: Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bolog-nium! It's all impossible!
  Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being is a scientist is all about!
  Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about!
• Farnsworth's translator:
  Farnsworth: And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.
  Cubert (speaking into it): Hello.
  Universal Translator: Bonjour!
  Farnsworth: Crazy gibberish!
  • Perhaps the funniest part is that this is a joke that got foreshadowed as early as the very first episode, with the year 3000's round-the-world countdown montage including a shot of people in France using English instead.
• The crew talking about who'll replace the Professor:
  Zoidberg: Only I have [The Professor's] lobster-like tenacity.
  Hermes: Up yours, Zoidberg! Up wherever your species traditionally crams things!
• Farnsworth thinking he's dying, so he says the stereotypical "Goodbye, cruel world!" line. But then, it switches to Black Comedy when he adds "Goodbye, cruel lamp! Goodbye, cruel drapes, with your little pom-poms, lined with what seem to be a cute muslin cord, cruel though they may be, I-" and then the Grim Reaper robot gets him.
• Bender as MC of the Professor's birthday celebration, turning it into a celebrity roast.
  • While introducing Zoidberg: "They say you can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps, so here's the Professor's oldest and dearest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster."
  • "And where would the Professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there!"
  • "And now a man who needs no introduction.(sits down; nothing happens) Fry, get up there!"
  • The Professor's speech is a real Tear Jerker, but Bender, who is clearly not listening, claps and says "Funny, funny stuff!"
  • Zoidberg's lame joke: "I'm not saying the Professor is old, but when you consider his age, then he's likely to die soon." This is followed by an awkward silence.

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

• When Hermes reaches his Despair Event Horizon everyone is shocked that he is going to jump to his death and protests. Everyone that is, except Bender. "Do a flip!"
• This bit when the Planet Express crew decide to head to the Central Bureaucracy for Bender's brain back:
  Fry: We've got to go to the Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back!
  Amy: Why?
  (long pause)
  Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
  • The Professor's objection:
    Professor: You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy! It's a tangled web of red tape and regulation! I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there.
    Leela: Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.
    Professor: Oh, I've been there, lots of times. (he cackles insanely)
• From the same episode:
  Bender: Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing scazwag. (Leela gestures him to shut up) Why, if she were here, I'd— Uh-oh, is she behind me?
  (He feels behind his head)
  Morgan: No. I'm in front of you.
  (Bender lets out a girly scream)
• Earlier when Hermes is about to jump, Farnsworth attempts to coerce him out of it by suggesting to use another method that doesn't damage his liver ("Other people need that, you know!"). Later on when Hermes comes to save the day from a higher level:
  Farnsworth: Dammit, Hermes, just jump already! Stop hogging that healthy liver!
• When Morgan promotes Fry, he tries to get a high-five, despite everyone glaring at him for it.
  Morgan: Mr. Bender, would you return the high-five so we can continue this meeting?
  (Bender angrily gives Fry his high-five)
  Morgan: And on the rebound?
  (Bender kicks Fry in the shin. Fry hisses in pain)
  Morgan: (still bureaucratic) Meeting adjourned.
• When Bender discovers Morgan and Fry in bed. Adding to it is Fry saying he's stuck in a loop, which might mean that Bender had been ranting all night.
  Bender: Oh, now I see! Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place: The office, the promotion, that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now! I must say, this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson!
  Fry: Morgan, come back! He's stuck in a loop!
  Bender: For I was blind but now I see!
  [Timelapse to dawn at the Planet Express office]
  Bender: The cat's out of the bag now!
  • Before that, when Fry is worried Bender will come home and catch them, Morgan says that she kept him at work by ordering him to flush out Farnsworth's ear wax.
    Bender: Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with—(DRAMATIC GASP)
• When Fry learns (after knowing him for several episodes/weeks) that Hermes is Jamaican, Fry responds that he always thought he was "some kind of outer-space Potato Man."
• Hermes petitions Number 1.0 for an Emergency Sort-And-File, under Regulation -
  Number 1.0: Uht-dut-dut! Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. (dramatic pause) We kept it gray.
• Morgan's line when she shows up: "I should have known you'd come here rather than follow standard procedure. And I did know. And that's why I came here."
• Everything about the labor spa.
  Hermes: (on seeing the Australian man pushing carts) Look at that, the carts go out full, but they come in empty! It's criminally inefficient!
  Australian man: Quiet, mate! Hauling these empty carts is the closest we get to sleep!
  Hermes: But don't you see! They could increase efficiency 4% if they used the carts to bring in heavy mining machinery!
  Overseer: Hey, I like the way you think. (pulls a lever, causing a piece of heavy mining equipment to fall into the empty cart)
• The cameo from the Dungeons & Dragons Beholder. Turns out he's actually a bureaucrat!
  Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping!
• Bureaucrat 1.0 congratulating Hermes: "You are technically correct. The best kind of correct."
• Bender being only able to say, "I AM BENDER! PLEASE INSERT GIRDER!" and somehow still managing to get a part in the episode's musical number!
  • The reason he can only say that is because Morgan stole his "brain". When she does so, Fry says, "B-But Bender need brain... for smart-making!"
• From said musical number:
  • Hermes revealing that at age four, he cried all night from a hurricane... because it blew his alphabet blocks out of order.
  • Farnsworth mentioning that others "poo-pooed" his "electric frankfurter", which is just what it sounds like.
• Zoidberg wants his own song. Seeing as this is Zoidberg we're talking about, it goes about how you'd expect.
  Zoidberg: Now it's time for my song! When I was two, there was a tidal wave in the- (gets cut off by end credits) Awwww.

The Deep South

• At first, it seems like the crew has discovered the fabled lost city of Atlantis...but it turns out that the lost city in question is Atlanta.
• After Bender receives a suitcase from a random stranger in the middle of the ocean: "Hey, guess what you're all accessories to?"
• When Zoidberg fails to break the diamond tether cord that's dragging the crew's ship down, he laments "Well, at least I'll die with my friends," before realizing everyone's already jumped back inside the ship.
• The show once again displaying its fast and loose understanding of science as the ship gets pulled 5,000 feet under:
  Farnsworth: Dear Lord, that's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!
  Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?
  Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.
• "I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the paper-mache is dry!"
  • Quickly followed by:
    Leela: Where's Fry?
    Bender: I didn't kill him. Professor?
    Farnsworth: No, I've been busy.
• Leela's diagnosis of Fry:
  Leela: It's ocean madness alright. Sailors call it aqua-dementia, the deep-down crazies, the wet willies...
  (The rest of the crew leave the room, having stopped listening to Leela)
  Leela: ...the screaming moist.
• Anything involving Zoidberg's "house" and its failure to conform to physics, from it being Bigger on the Inside to when it burns down underwater. Hermes complains about the blatant disregard for reality.
  Zoidberg: How did this happen?
  Hermes: ...that's a very good question.
  Bender: So that's where I left my cigar...
  (Bender plucks a lit cigar from the burnt husk of Zoidberg's house and keeps puffing on it. And blows out a smoke ring)
  Hermes: That just raises further questions!
  • How Zoidberg found his "house":
    (Zoidberg spots a small glowing thing)
    Zoidberg: Yum, yum, yum...
    (He bites it, and it turns out to be the lure of a giant anglerfish)
    Zoidberg: Uh oh.
    (Zoidberg flees doing his "woop woop woop" routine until he finds a giant conch shell and hides in it. The angler leaves afterwards)
    Dr. Zoidberg: (returns to Fry and Bender wearing the shell on his back) Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!"
• When the Professor accidentally sprays himself with fish pheromones...
  Zoidberg: I'm so into you... (starts sucking on the Professor's bald head)
  Farnsworth: (disgusted[?]) Oh my.
• Farnsworth hands out giant anti-pressure pills to every to keep them from being crushed by the ocean's atmospheric pressure:
  Fry: I can't swallow that!
  Farnsworth: Well then, good news! It's a suppository!
  • Later, when they meet the citizens of Atlanta, the mayor gives them the same breathing devices that his daughter Umbriel gave to Fry:
    Farnsworth: This is uncomfortable and humiliating; now if they could put it in the form of a suppository...
• When Farnsworth is complaining that Fry, angry at being Mistaken for Insane, slammed the door: "He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness."
• While fishing, Bender taunts Fry:
  Bender: Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.
  Fry: Quiet, Bender. You're scaring away the fish.
  Bender: Fine, I'll head over to the other side. GOOD LUCK FISHING ON THIS SIDE!
• Professor Farnsworth comes to dislike Atlanta and gets impatient with the rest of the crew about leaving, culminating in:
  Farnsworth: Let's go, damn it, let's go!
• Fry suddenly changing his mind about staying with Umbriel, and the girls on the team seeing right through him.
  Fry: Well, it turns out that I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her.
  Amy: (aside to Leela) Trouble in bed.
  (Leela nods in agreement)
  • "Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on the top and the lady part on the bottom?!"
    • It's the quick jump cut from Umbriel explaining how he's supposed to fertilize her eggs by spraying them with his milt to Fry rushing back to the Planet Express in a panic that really clinches it.
• The crew departing from the mermaids:
  Hermes: Well, this is all very nice, but we gotta get going. I miss me wife. And me oxygen.
  Professor: Yes, we all have our missed loved ones and gasses.
• Leela Fishing for Sole throughout the first act. Her first effort nets her a boot that leads Amy to remark, "So this is where you get your boots." Second time, she finds something "20 times heavier than a boot"... only to get a crate with 10 pairs of boots. Third time, it's moving... and it turns out to be Dr. Zoidberg eating a boot.

Bender Gets Made

• Leela's blindness throughout the episode is just a gold mine for funny moments, including when she flies through the roof before it completely opens:
  Hermes: (staring at the rubble, then turning to Zoidberg) That's coming out of your pay!
  Zoidberg: (bursts into tears)
• At Taco Bellevue Hospital, Zoidberg winds up doped after expressing his distrust of the doctor ("I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated!"):
  Doctor: (to Leela) It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.
  Zoidberg: Nice try, little boy! You might have your textbook knowledge, and your real diploma, but I have skill in my little claw that you have in your whole carapace! (he warbles and clacks his claws at the doctor)
  Doctor: (Unimpressed) You seem to be on edge. Here, (removes some pills from his pocket) try these.
  Zoidberg: Sure, butter me up with candy! But it won't work, sonny! (Zoidberg immediately devours the pills before he stops as his pupils instantly dilate) ...Why always the fighting?
  • He then, still high, stares at his claw with a dazed expression, snaps it, and says, "...Clack."
  • Later, he has a headache from the pills and yells, "Oh God... I'm COMING DOOOWWWNNN!"
• URL and Smitty reach new lows:
  (As the Planet Express Crew are being arrested at Elzar's, Fry starts picking his nose)
  Smitty: He's making a break for it! Get 'im!
  Fry: No, no, I'm just picking my nose!
  Smitty: He's picking his nose! Get 'im!
  (URL and Smitty start beating Fry senseless)
• The end of the chase:
  Joey Mousepad: They're headed toward our general proximity! Maybe you should give 'em the clamps, Clamps!
  Clamps: Gee, ya think? You think I should use these clamps, that I use every day, at every opportunity? Yer' a freakin' genius, ya idiot!

Mother's Day

• Mom's unusual expression of hatred:
  Mom: If I ever see that man again, I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!
• Farnsworth has never even heard of wheels and says, "Show us this 'The Wheel'."
  • And of course, Fry being the idiot he is, he can't even make them the right shape.
    Leela: Wouldn't it make more sense if they were round?
    Fry: It's my invention, we do it my way!
• Fry versus the tin can:
  Fry: You don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss army knife.
  (Fry tries to open the can to no luck, and tries smashing it against the counter.)
  Fry: (sobbing) I'm hungry...
• The massive sign on the conveyor belt that Mom's gifts are put on. It's the harsh mechanical buzzing as the message changes that does it.
  THANK YOU. THANK YOU. IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
• Why did the Professor break up with Mom? She wanted to weaponize a kid's toy he made, and make it eight feet tall. He only objected to the last part.
  Professor: Things that are eight feet tall aren't cute! That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll failed!
  • And just as he and Mom make up:
    Professor: It was wrong of me to get upset over that doll. Five feet, fifteen feet, what does it matter?
    Mom: You should see the new sixteen feet models!
    Professor: (suddenly outraged) Sixteen feet?! GO TO HELL! I WAS A FOOL TO THINK YOU'D CHANGED!
• Fry at the Wax Robot exhibit.
  Fry: (motioning to one of the robots present) Who's this guy?
  Janitor: I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here.
  Fry: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were made of wax.
  Janitor: I am made of wax. What's it to you?
  Fry: I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots.
  Janitor: Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots?, or does that confuse you?!
  (Fry backs away slowly)
• The "See Through the Eyes Of a Bender Unit" viewer, which Leela tries. It shows her the blood-alcohol content of everyone in the room, points out theft targets and tags Fry with the suggestion "POSE AS FRIEND, THEN ROB AND LEAVE IN DITCH."
• Igner: Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse?
  Mom: Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood.
  Larry: Why's that, Ma?
  [Mom sighs wistfully, lightly slapping Larry]
  Mom: One Mother's Day, 70 years ago, the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman.
  Larry: Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter—
  Mom: [shouting] CRAM IT, APE!! [slaps him hard}
• Zoidberg's declaration of "LAND ROBITS!"
  • And the Slurm Machine. "I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!"
• Larry whispering "bra" like it's the filthiest word in existence.
• This exchange between Fry and Farnsworth is pure gold:
  Fry: The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom.
  Farnsworth: Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall!
• Comrade Greeting Card knows how Bender's mind works, when the revolution turns violent.
  Greeting Card: Come, Bender, let us take to the streets!
  Bender: This isn't going to be the boring kind of taking to the streets, is it?
  Greeting Card: No, the violent kind, with looting. And maybe starting a few fires.
  Bender: Yes! In your face, Gandhi!
• WHO THE SWEATY HELL IS IT?!?

The Problem with Popplers

• During the TV debate Linda van Schoonhoven conducts with Leela, Free Waterfall Jr. and Fishy Joe, Leela tries to make her pet poppler talk to prove they're intelligent.
  Leela: Come on, say "mama".
  Poppler: Caca!
  Linda: OK, we'll have to bleep that!
  • Also during the "debate", Free Waterfall Jr. constantly muttering "Shut up" whenever either of the others are talking. Eventually Linda tells him to shut up (please), to which he shoots back the same (please).
  • later, the Poppler says, "Caca-head! Mean old caca-head!"
• Lrr eating Free Waterfall Junior. But his reactions ("I think that hippie's startin' to kick in...") are even better.
  Lrr: People of Earth, we've all learned a wonderful lesson. I've realized now that (the drugs in Waterfall kick in.) ... dude, my hands are huge! And they can touch... anything but themselves... (puts them together) ...Oh wait.
  • When the Omicronians leave in their saucers, Lrr is still high.
    Whoa, I feel like I'm flying!
• At the end of the episode, the crew digs into a dolphin:
  Bender: Who wants dolphin?
  (Everyone gasps)
  Leela: Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent.
  Bender: Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.
  (Everyone says something along the lines of 'That's okay then')
• Zapp's orangutan scheme:
  Zapp: Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan!
  Leela: Oh, great, Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus^note Fry and Bender here?
  Zapp: (to Fry and Bender) Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're gonna give the aliens the old switcheroo!
  Fry: You mean-
  Zapp: Correct. I found a giant hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.
  [Kif wheels in a cage holding an orangutan wearing a tank top and an eyepatch.]
  • Later, Leela starts to come around to the orangutan idea:
    Leela: You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another.
    Zapp: True! At the negotiations, they thought Kif here was the statesman, and I was a jabbering mental patient!
• When Free Waterfall Jr. sabotages Zapp's ploy to trick them into eating an Orangutan (a plan that was actually working), Zapp gives him quite a dressing down.
  Zapp: Why'd you open your bong-hole, you smelly hippy?! You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must have smoked some bad granola.
• The Omicronians then test Waterfall's claim the only way they know how.
  Lrr: (after looking at a photo of Leela and the orangutan for several seconds) The one called "Smelly Hippy" is right! This is a monkey!
  Ndnd: (eats the orangutan in one go) Yes, definitely.
• "They're like sex, except I'm having them!" - Fry trying out Popplers for the first time.
• "They're tasty, right? Let's call 'em 'Tasty-cles'." - The first name suggested for the Popplers.
• Farnsworth arguing with Free Waterfall Jr.
  Farnsworth: Hey! Unless this is a nude love-in, get the hell off my property!
  Free Waterfall Jr.: You can't own property, man!
  Farnsworth: I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.
• Fry learning Leela's full name.
  Fry: Turanga?!
  Amy: That's her name, Philip.
  Bender: Philip?!
• "There are many good reasons to eat: Hunger, boredom, wanting to be the world's fattest man."
• The gang theorizes ideas as to why Leela heard a Poppler talk:
  Fry: Even if you heard one talk, that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk. And we eat them, right?
  Bender: Yeah! Maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry.
  Fry (sounding exactly like a parrot) Like Fry! Like Fry!
  • Doubly funny when you remember parrots are intelligent.
• Leela and Jrr say goodbye;
  Leela: I hope you always think of me as your mom.
  Jrr: When my species grows up, we eat our moms!
  Leela: Whoop! (Tosses Jrr back to Nndn)
• Nndn berating Lrr for putting too much salt on the orangutan by saying, "Would you like some human with your salt?", not realising that the ape he's trying to eat isn't even a human.

Anthology of Interest I

• This gem:
  Al Gore: If we don't go back there and make the event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed. And as an environmentalist, I'm against that.
• Pretty much all of "Anthology of Interest I", but particularly the Impulsive Leela episode. The best line is at the end after Fry and Leela have slept together.
  Leela: So, Fry, what do you think of the impulsive new me?
  Fry: I like it.
  Leela: Good. Now let me just get the lights. (evil look right before the lights go out)
  Fry: (screams) (pause) I really like it.
  • Also this:
    Farnsworth: (after Leela pushes him into a killer anteater pit) You've killed me!
    Leela: Oh God, what have I done?!
    Farnsworth: I just told you! You've killed me!
• Zoidberg starts investigating, while also missing the blatantly obvious:
  (Zoidberg is standing over the anteater pit, while in the background we hear Hermes screaming in pain)
  Zoidberg: Alright, Anteater No.1, who are you protecting? Don't stick your tongue out at me, I need a name!
  (Behind him, Leela rushes into the room, grabs an axe, and runs back out again)
  (Down in the pit, one of the anteaters makes a noise)
  Zoidberg: What? How do you spell that?
  (There are violent chopping noises from the other room)
  Hermes: What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? (really violent chopping sound) IT IS! MY PRECIOUS TORSO!
  Zoidberg: Quiet, Hermes, I'm deducing things!
• Then there's the double Trope Namers:
  Bender: There's nothing wrong with murder, so long as you let Bender wet his beak.
  Leela: You're blackmailing me?
  Bender: "Blackmail" Is Such an Ugly Word; I prefer "extortion". The "X" makes it sound cool.
• Any of the scenes were Leela kills a co-worker in that episode:
  Leela: OK, that's it. No more killing! Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. (She sighs.) Now to dispose of the body.
  (cut to Leela driving a go-cart made of Bender's parts in the Planet Express lounge)
  Amy: Wow! Sporty go-cart, Leela! So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.
  (Leela narrows her eye.)
  Leela: Do you have any gum?
  Amy: No.
  (Leela's shadow creeps over her and she screams)
  • Second prize to Leela casually eating Zoidberg.
• The Planet Express crew turning Zoidberg into a giant:
  (Zoidberg walks past the Professor's lab, when he sees a guinea pig)
  Zoidberg: What's this? Two meals in one week?
  (Zoidberg approaches and eats the guinea pig, only for a dome to cover him, and the crew emerge from cover)
  Zoidberg: Help, friends, a guinea pig tricked me!
• Giant Bender's dying words, after being fatally impaled:
  Bender: I came here with a simple dream. A dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real giant robot monster here? Not I. (he coughs) Not... I...
• Nichelle Nichols and her reaction to the entire universe being destroyed:
  Ugh. Eternity with nerds! It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again!
• The third short ends with Fry, Al Gore, Nichelle Nichols, Deep Blue, Stephen Hawking, and Gary Gygax playing Dungeons & Dragons for the rest of eternity.
  Gary Gygax (holding out a copy of the First Edition Monster Manual): Anyone wanna play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?
  (Everyone agrees and they gather in as the game is set up)
  Al Gore: I'm a 10th level Vice President!
• Detective Zoidberg in the second short. All of it.
  My first clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped. My next clue came two hours later at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse!
  • In the same vein Giant Zoidberg from the first short:
    So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it! Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? [Destroys building.] Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. "Boo" me off stage on open-mic night, huh? I'll show you! [Destroys building.]
• Just the concept of man-eating anteaters.
• Fry asking Mr. Pannucci if he believes him about the Fry-Hole gets this response:
  Mr. Pannucci: There's only three real monsters, kid: Dracula, Blacula, and Son of Kong. Now quit picking yer nose and knead that dough!
• Farnsworth calling Fry's What-If simulation preposterous, not because it features a Reality-Breaking Paradox but because it shows Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.
  • Speaking of Hawking in a pizzeria, Fry's reaction to seeing him at Pannucci's is worth a mention.
    Fry: Stephen Hawking! Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity?
    Stephen Hawking: Sure, why not.
  • Stephen Hawking decides to name the space-time rip that Fry saw a "Hawking Hole".
    Fry: No fair! I saw it first!
    Stephen Hawking: Who is The Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?
• Fry's turn to pose his question for the "What If?" Machine comes around.
  Fry: What if Bender was really giant?
  Leela: You idiot! We already saw that.
  Fry: I know. I liked it. I wanna see it again.
  Farnsworth: We're not seeing it again! Ask something less stupid.
  Fry: Oh, alright. How 'bout this? What if I never fell into that freezer-doodle and came to the future-jiggy?
  Farnsworth: That question is less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.
• Deep Blue being part of Al Gore's Vice-Presidential Action Rangers, despite only being a robot who's really good at chess. When Fry refuses to be frozen and gets pinned down for refusing to protect the space-time continuum, Deep Blue remarks "Check."
• At the end, it's revealed that this entire episode was all part of a What-If simulation where Farnsworth asked what would happen if he invented the Fing-Longer. In other words, inventing a really long finger leads to three of his employees generating What-If scenarios of their own.

War Is the H-Word

• Fry and Bender are told that yes, they can indeed use their military status just for discounts and then quit, unless war is declared. Then an alarm goes off, signaling that war was declared.
• When Kif is forced to scrub Zapp Brannigan's back: "Lower...lower...lower...lower...TOO LOW! ...lower."
  • And then the camera pans over to Fry being forced to scrub Kif's back while loudly and happily singing "Walking on Sunshine."
• Leela: "My friends always die if I'm not around to save them." (Fry nods in agreement).
• Zapp's Rousing Speech... isn't.
  Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. (solemnly) They will be the luckiest of all.
  • The briefing doesn't go too great.
    Nixon: This is the brass ring, fellas: Spheron-1.
    Zapp: It's an ugly, desolate little planet, with no natural resources or strategic importance whatsoever!
    Soldier: Why is this god-forsaken rock worth dying for?
    Zapp: Don't ask me. You're the ones who're gonna be dying.
    Fry: Who's the enemy, again?
    Zapp: A good question! We know nothing about them, their ways or their values, but we do know this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you look like dorks.
    Bender: They look like dorks!
  • Brannigan dispatches the troops:
    Zapp: And now for the battle plan. As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise.(pause) Surprise! (He drops the troopers out of the carrier with the press of a button)
• The soldiers waiting for the enemy:
  Fry: Man, it's creepy.
  Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
  Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
  Soldier: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle. (whimpers in terror)
• The M*A*S*H references, with the robotic surgeon iHawk (who has a martini glass replacing one hand and has a switch that flips between "Irreverent" and "Maudlin") and the very accurate jokes... with Zoidberg playing Frank Burns!
  • This series of jokes stands out in particular:
    Jellyfish Alien Nurse^note Playing the role of Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan.: Are you ready to operate, doctor?
    Zoidberg: I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. (Laughs) I kid! I kid!
    [a bit later]
    Jellyfish Alien Nurse: Are you ready to operate, doctor?
    iHawk: I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. (Laughs)
    Zoidberg: That's my joke! I'll kill you! (Runs to iHawk and starts trying to throttle him with his pincers)
  • Zoidberg operating:
    Zoidberg: Scalpel! (cuts something) Blood bucket! (puts it under the patient) Priest! Next patient!
    iHawk: Gee, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill.
    Jellyfish Alien Nurse: Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone! He has twice the training you do.
    iHawk: Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher!
• With the enemy the characters are fighting against being giant balls, ball jokes are abound, though most of them are still hilarious, especially this line as Bender and Henry Kissinger's head negotiate with their leaders:
  Henry Kissinger's Head: Please, gentlemen, we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks.
  • At the end of the episode when humanity's won the war, we're given a Spinning Paper of "Balls Thoroughly Licked." What's especially hilarious is that according to the DVD commentary, this was actually the result of censors rejecting their old line "Earth Licks Balls", meaning getting around a filthy line was done by making an even filthier line.
• The fake-outs of Bender appearing to say "ass".
  Bender: My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the, uh, what do ya call it? Lower back! Yeah, the whole region.

  Bender: These balls are making me testy. If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling, I swear I'll shove this treaty up their— Wait a second. Where do you shove things up a ball?
• Once Bender discovers the bomb inside himself that would be triggered by saying "ass" in the middle of negotiations, he uses his position to threatens to blow up the planet if they don't cooperate.
  Bender: I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute listening to these idiots talk about bouncing!
  Brain Ball: Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce of the handle.
  Bender: That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a—
  Brain Ball: Wait, stop!
• Brannigan shows a list of Bender's most-commonly used words. The five most-used words are, from least to most used, "Bite", "My", "Shiny", "Daffodil", and "Ass".
  • Two of the words on the list are "Yours" and "Up". Knowing Bender, it's not hard to imagine under what circumstances Bender would use those words.
  • His sixth most-used word is "pimpmobile."
    Bender: (fed up with the interrogation) Enough of this crap! I'm catchin' the next pimpmobile outta here!
• The episode ends with Bender casually saying "ass" and...not blowing up, leading to The Reveal that Farnsworth rewired the bomb to detonate when he speaks his least used word since he couldn't defuse the bomb entirely. Bender then rattles off a bunch of words he doesn't use to try to find out the hard way, much to the dismay of the rest of Planet Express staff. He finally explodes when he says "antiquing."
  • One highlight of the bit is Bender asking if the word is "please" when he just said "please".

The Honking

• This exchange:
  (Fry, Bender, and Leela enter ancient robot village)
  (Robot citizens notice Bender, gasp, and mutter prayers while doing quick cross motions)
  Bender: (annoyed) Yeah, yeah.
  Leela: (annoyed) We know.
  Fry: (dismissively) Cursed.
  Bender: Whatever.
• The arrival of the robot ghosts is preceded by the startup sound of Windows 98.
• "Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much. Or not enough, I forget how it works with you. The point is, you haven't been drinking exactly the right amount."
• This exchange.
  Leela: 0101100101. What's it mean?
  Bender: It's just gibberish. (looks in the mirror and gasps) 1010011010!^* 666 AGGGGGGHHHHH!
• Bender's description of the were-car: "It crept along the ground on round, rubber feet... like a wolf!"
• "I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it!"
• And then there's this:
  Bender: So otherwise I can never die?
  Gypsy-Bot: Who said that? Sure you can die! (pulls out laser gun) You want to die?
  Bender: No! I want to live! There's too many things I don't own!
• Bender's Uncle Vladimir specifies in his will "to my loving nephew Bender, assuming he's not responsible for my death..." Clearly, Vladimir knew his nephew.
• The crew's reaction to the Professor explaining how there can be robot ghosts.
  Hermes: Of course! It was so obvious!
  Professor: Yes, that bunch of words I said made perfect sense.
• From the crew's arrival at the village:
  Bender: Excuse me good peasant, could you take us to yon castle?
  (The villagers break out in terrified whispers and hurry away. One walks over to the crew)
  Villager: Some say unholy things happen up there.
  Villager 2: For example, all of us say that.
  Professor: Pfft, superstitious mumbo-jumbo.
  Villager 2: Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo? Perhaps not. With all your modern science, have you any idea how a robot talks, or walks?
  Professor: Yes, you idiot! (opens up the villager's chest cabinet, revealing a diagram) The circuit diagram is on the inside of your case!
  Villager 2: (slams his chest shut) I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe!
• After learning about the Were-Car, Fry, Bender and Leela go to track it down. They arrive at a house outside Bender's uncle's castle.
  Leela: The tracks lead here.
  Fry: Thanks, Eagle Eye.
  Leela: Now it's daylight, so he should be in robot form, but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent.
  Bender: I wish I was stupid and violent, then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him until I- (someone hits a pitchfork against Bender's head)
  Robot: Get ye to yuir houses, ye ignorant villagers!
  Leela: We are not ignorant villagers. We are sophisticated New New Yorkers. (Beat) Whoop his butt!
  • They proceed to beat up the villager until he asks them why and they explain that they're doing it to kill the original were-car. It turns out that this guy himself was attacked by one and he leads them to the next part of their journey, but not before this little exchange:
    Robot: Ye think me be he?
    Bender: Sí.
    Robot: Nee. ...I mean, "no."
• A painting in Uncle Vladimir's castle appears to watch Bender, but upon closer inspection...
  Professor Farnsworth: It has motorized sensors attached to motion detectors.
  Bender: So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...
• Bender is dancing around the Planet Express office singing an apparently improvised song about his own greatness. Hermes mutes him with a remote control. He keeps going as the others talk.
• Bender receives a black-bordered envelope in the mail.
  Amy: Oh no! Someone you know must have died.
  Bender: I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck!
• After a hit-and-run occurs outside the robot porno theater that Bender was in the "general area" of, he's convinced that the driver that ran him over followed him home.
  Hermes: Bender, mon, no one's tryin' to run you over. Stop bein' a big hallucinating baby.
  Bender: (marching purposefully up to couch where Hermes is sitting) Yeah, well could a big, hallucinating baby do this? (bursts into loud sobs) I'm scared.
• Bender has been cursed to kill his "dearest friend." Fry is furious when that turns out to be Leela.
  Fry: I can't believe this! Bender is supposed to murder his closest friend, which I thought was me. But he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me!
  Leela: Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot.
  Fry: Stop rubbing it in!
  • When Bender detransforms after nearly killing Leela:
    Bender: Oh God, Fry, I'm so glad to see you! I didn't hurt you, did I?
    Fry: Not physically, but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela?
    Bender: I tried to run you over?
    Leela: It was very sweet of you, Bender.
    Bender: Fry, it doesn't mean anything! I have love enough for two!
    Fry: Words! Nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter orange wax in my ears.
    Leela: Enough with the feelings, you two.
  • It cumulates in Fry expressing total delight as Bender comes within an inch of running him down:
    "Yes! He chose me! He's trying to kill me! Leela, I'm so happy!"
  • And the end of the episode, when Fry's apparently dead (he's just stuck in Bender's chest)
    Fry: You didn't murder me at all! But I know you wanted to, and that's what matters! (gets out a beer and opens it) Here's to you. (starts drinking)
    Bender: Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!
    Fry: (sincerely) I'll kill you too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.
    (Bender starts throttling Fry. Cut to credits.)

The Cryonic Woman

• When Bender and Fry take the Planet Express ship on a joyride:
  Bender: Hey Fry! I'm steering with my ass!
  Fry: That's the best thing I ever saw!
• Let's not forget this gem from the same episode, when the main crew is mulling in the park over what to do upon being fired:
  Leela: We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans.
  Fry: Well, what would you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!
• Fry: I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and you were well on your way to getting your life back on track.
• The Professor draws the line after the latest screw-up.
  Professor: (to Fry, Bender, and Leela) I should fire you all right now, but I'm just not that cold-hearted enough. (he whispers something to Hermes)
  Hermes: You're all fired.
• As the trio walk away from Planet Express:
  Zoidberg: Goodbye, friends! I'll miss you! (as the three walk past another hole in the wall) Bah, good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one!
  • "Yes, yes. Let's all talk to Zoidberg." (Zoidberg suddenly inundated with conversation)
• Bender scaring recently unfrozen patients:
  [A freezer opens and an old man walks out. Bender runs towards him wearing a giant fly head and a cape.]
  Bender: Welcome to the future, human slave. [The man trembles and Bender laughs.] Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly! [He takes the cape and head off.] I'm a horrible robot! [The man backs into the freezer as Bender walks towards him, spinning his head and outstretching his arms.] Kill all humans!
  [The old man clutches his chest.]
  Terry: Dear God! He's having a heart attack!
  [Bender pushes the old man into the freezer, turns the dial and freezes him.]
  Bender: Ah, they'll probably find a cure for that in the future.
  Terry: We have a cure for it now!
  Bender: Oh, good. Then you won't mind if I use this.
  [He puts a gorilla mask on.]

  • What really sells it as Bender is terrifying the unfrozen old man is that, as he chants "Kill all humans! Kill all humans!" his head starts spinning around. That is exactly the kind of crazy killer robot cliche that someone like Bender would use to mess with people.
  • Later:
    Bender: Who should be unfreeze next?
    [Fry and Bender pass a commando with a gun and a grenade.]
    Fry: No. [They pass "Weird Al" Yankovic.] No! [They move onto the next one.] Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore!
    Bender: Alright!
    [He puts his gorilla mask on.]
• When Michelle and Fry debate whether he loves her, we get this gem:
  "Fry, why must you analyse everything with your relentless logic?"
  • When Michelle introduces the subject of freezing themselves:
    Michelle: Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other.
    Fry: Oooh, romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there.
    Michelle: It's not a there, it's a then. ''(setting one of the freezer dials to "1000 years":) The future.
    Fry: Whoa, whoa, girl! I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff!
• Before getting into the cryogenic tube, Michelle and Fry promise not to regret their choice. On stepping out into a desolate wasteland, Fry says this:
  Fry: Michelle, I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament it.
• Just before the race between Fry and Butch, there's this:
  Michelle: My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong!
  Fry: (genuinely hurt) Beth said that?