Funny / Fugget About It

• Almost anytime McCool proclaims "FOR CANADA" one example.
  FOR CANADA! AND NAMING CITIES WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK!!
  FOR CANADA! WHERE POOP IS YOUR FRIEND AND ALSO YOUR BLANKET!
  FOR CANADA! WHERE LIVING IN SIN AINT NO SIN AT ALL!
  FOR CANADA! AND THE FACT THAT WE'RE NOT AUSTRALIA!
• At the end of the pilot, in a break the fourth wall moment, Theresa tries to take off her shirt in front of the camera to show off her boobs. Cue Jimmy freaking out and covering the camera right as she about to flash the viewers.
• Basically anything Cheech does.
• McCool getting a lap dance, but insisting the Strippers follow pre designated rules of a Strip club.
  • In that same episode, Theresa tries to get a job at the strip club, and finds out her dad is running it. Her reaction ?
  Wow, so I have a connection!
• When Jimmy finds out when he lost his virginity, it was to a hooker arranged by his father. In a fit of shock he regresses to his teenaged musical-loving persona, and prepares to burst into song only for Cheech to pull a gun on him.
  One more verse, and I swear to God I'll put you out of your misery.
  • Jimmy is at first crestfallen to know that his first time was with a hooker, since he got so much confidence from what he thought was a successfull pickup, but then he "got to thinking about it in the shower" the next morning, and decides it doesn't matter, and that he should do the same for Pete.
• At one point Jimmy and Cheech get jobs out at a bull breeding farm, they ask how they get the bulls sperm out.
  Breeder: Same way you do it at home.
  Cheech: So in front of the window with the neighbours watching ?
• A subversion of Toy Ship used in one episode, where Gina is pickpocketing tourists at a winter carnival and see's a boy doing the same. The boy bashfully introduces himself to Gina and Gina does the same, before punching the boy out and stealing his money.
• Jimmy going Determinator on a golf course, where be becomes so desperate to win he plays through various injuries, including decapitation.
• In The Broadfather, after Jimmy's father who had a sex change operation is reunited with the family, Cheech starts flirting with him/her. We get this line.
  Mrs./Mr. Falcone: (Totally deadpan) Cheech - you're flirting with your brother.
  • Also Theresa coming home drunk because Robot!Pete caused a lunch lady to knock whiskey into the soup at the school.
• In the first episode, we're shown the FBI telling Jimmy and Cookie the Witness Protection Program will place them somewhere remote and cold.
  Jimmy: Why does it have to be cold?
  Agent: Because the cold sucks and we don't like you.
  Jimmy: (beat) I can see the logic in that.
• McCool reveals that he used to have a gambling problem that cost him almost everything, and is shown in the flashback with long hair and a tie-dyed shirt. Jimmy's reaction?
  Jimmy: Why did you look like a hippie if it was the 90's?
  McCool: Try to stay on topic, Jimmy.
• When the family finally get around to actually reading the new identity profiles the Witness Protection Program gave them (in season 3!), they discover that this version of Jimmy and Cookie were never officially married, but are instead common-law married. Jimmy also took Cookie's last name.
  Jimmy: What was my maiden name?
  McCool: Kardashian-Bin Laden-Cosby!
  Jimmy: Yeah, no, McDoughal's fine.
  • Cookie is hugely upset to discover that she and Jimmy aren't married under church law, and McCool tries to comfort her. Emphasis on tries.
  McCool: But these are false identities, you still enjoy the same legal status as legitimate marriages (Cookie starts bawling her eyes out) Sorry, poor choice of words...
• After watching Rain Man, Cheech starts to wonder if Petey might be autistic and if he can count cards like Dustin Hoffman's character in the movie. He actually can, but it's unrelated to autism, he's just really smart. On top of that, Cheech doesn't actually seem to know what "counting cards" means.
  Cheech: (while literally counting cards and throwing them on the table) Tell me when we're about to hit blackjack!
  Petey: That's not what counting cards means! The idea is to keep a tally of cards until there's a high concentration of high-value cards in the deck that favors the player!
  Cheech: (beat) I wonder what goes on in that tormented brain of yours.
• Cheech is pulled over for speeding, and notices that the officer is a Native American. He can't resist doing a ton of offensive Indian jokes, and gets arrested.
  Cheech: Hey, you can't arrest somebody for speeding!
  Officer: Sir, this is Canada. I'm arresting you for hurting my feelings!
• When the FBI is training the family for their new lives in Canada, they teach them the different words for the same things, such as processed cheese instead of American cheese. Then the agent in charge tries looking up the Canadian word for whole milk, and is confused that it's apparently "homo milk" (not realizing that is short for homogenized milk).
  Jimmy: WOAH, what kind of sick country are you sending us to?!
  Cheech: And who exactly milks these homos?!
• "Who the hell goes on the internet to look for big butts?"
• A flashback in one episode shows Jimmy using his then infant kids in his crimes. The kicker being Gina, who despite not being able to walk yet, is left to manage the crowd of a bank robbery. When Jimmy and Cheech exit the vault, the entire crowd of hostages has had the ever-loving crap beaten out of them.
  Gina: They moved.