Funny / Fate/Grand Order Arc 1.5

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Chapter 1.5 — Epic of Remnant

Shinjuku

• The event begins with the MC floating in the air and then falling. They're caught by the Archer of Shinjuku.
  Archer of Shinjuku: Unfortunately, though, your rescuer is neither a dapper young gentleman, nor a beautiful young lady. You must content yourself with yours truly: a rather shady-looking old man!
• When trying to convince Jeanne Alter to trust Archer of Shinjuku we get this gem:
  Archer of Shinjuku: *Expectant expression*
  Jeanne Alter: Nope, sorry. I can't.
  Archer of Shinjuku: Strange. For some reason, these old eyes of mine can't seem to stop crying.
• Jeanne Alter calling Emiya Alter a "stujerk."
• Jeanne Alter and Altria Alter's rivalry returns in Shinjuku with a vengeance, and is drop dead hilarious all the way. On Jeanne's end, she's gone full-on Lady Swears-a-Lot, referring to Altria Alter as 'ice bitch queen' nearly every time they talk and hurling insults left and right, while Altria (mostly) keeps her professionalism with the occasional jab at her rival. Even in the rare moments when both are in agreement on a topic there's no resisting a jab from either of them.
• After taking in Altria Alter's modern-day outfit, Jeanne Alter immediately sets out to "investigate" a nearby boutique.
• One particular bit of mention goes to a moment where the protagonist praises Mash, causing Altria Alter and Jeanne Alter to fall into envious silence. When the Archer of Shinjuku teases them about their jealousy of Mash at one point to they respond quickly, wordlessly, and violently. And Holmes amusedly suggests that he not willingly kick that particular beehive.
• To catch the Assassin of Shinjuku by surprise, the team comes up with the brilliant idea of... crossdressing the protagonist. Everyone comments on how good the genderbent protagonist looks even when the latter is complaining.
  Altria Alter: I wish Mash could see this.
  • In a rare moment of unity, Jeanne and Altria Alter decide to amuse themselves by holding down the crossdressed protagonist and taking pictures with a cell phone camera:
  Protagonist: You wouldn't...
  Altria Alter: I most certainly would. Hold him/her, Jeanne.
  Jeanne Alter: Hey, for once we're on the exact same page!
  Protagonist: I'll get you two for this!
  Altria Alter: All right, now smile, Master...let's just take a few more to be safe.
  Protagonist: Troll! Demon!
  Altria Alter: Now now, don't be like that. This is a good experience for you.
  • And then Mash sees the aforementioned pictures:
  Mash: I just have to say, Master, you look great! I'm going to treasure this photo forever!
  Protagonist: Please, no! I'm begging you!
  • The official manga has reached the chapter as of Nov. 26th, 2023, meaning we finally get to see the crossdressed Protagonist ourselves. It went viral within minutes. And just to prove that the artist knew exactly what they were doing, the next chapter showed Mash and Holmes having an Imagine Spot about even more crossdresses.

SE.RA.PH

• Tamamo and Nero are arguing over what to do for Golden Week. Nero wants to go on a tropical island like Tamamo and the others did last summer and this time, she has her swimsuit prepared! Tamamo and the protagonist both have bad memories of living on that island and vehemently reject her idea.
• BB hijacks Chaldea and launches BB Channel with her being voiced for the introduction because she's a "hax character". Unfortunately it's a one-time thing.
  BB: There'll only be voiced lines on the first appearance, so please show me your disappointed face, okay?
• BB points out how odd it is that Mash seems less concerned that BB is a highly advanced AI from the future and more worried about how she called the protagonist senpai.
• As SE.RA.PH is shaped like a giant naked Sakura, BB gets all flustered when the protagonist points this out and blames it as a side effect of her consciousness merging with Seraphix/SE.RA.PH. Throughout the story, characters with deadpan seriousness say they have to go to areas like the breast valley or the butt area. Even The Reveal that it's actually a giant Kiara and there's a much more sinister reason for the shape doesn't remove the humor of it still being naked.
• The most important question: why is Tristan here? Turns out he was one of the Servants summoned by SE.RA.PH.
• Gawain, Emiya Alter, and Tamamo Cat were the Chaldea Servants dumped in SE.RA.PH. They aren't even supposed to be here, BB's rayshift screwed something up and instead of OG Nero, Emiya and Tamamo, you get these three.
• BB brings out Robin Hood with the express purpose of showing off his new animations, and when he fulfills his purpose, dumps him into a trapdoor. Even better, he actually Level Grinded in preparation for the fight, as BB didn't give him any special power ups...but she got annoyed and then proceeded to drain his levels to use them herself.
• When Mabel meets Gawain, she immediately asks if he's married. He replies that he should remain faithful to his wife, but he's technically not bound to her as a Servant. Meltryllis's reaction is to call him disgusting.
• Passionlip's debut in the story:
  *zooms on her masked face*
  Protagonist: Ugh!
  *zooms on her breasts*
  Gawain: Guh!
• You have the choice of either commenting on her huge hands or her huge chest.
  Protagonist: What's up with those breasts?!
  Gawain: That's true. Even I can't find specimens that huge in Britain!
• When you're going to the church, Meltryllis is very excited because she'll finally get the chance to take that "Don Juan wannabe" EMIYA down a peg. Then you enter the building and meet EMIYA... Alter. Cue Meltryllis ranting angrily that she lost her chance.
• The fact that BB is the event's shopkeeper is acknowledged by the rest of the cast, who complain about the prices in the shop and even speculate that she simply found the Gate Key you need to progress with the event and is just selling it to you at a ridiculous price.
• Meltryllis angrily shouts that no, she did not rebel against BB and the other Alter Egos because she has breast envy, and that she'll kill the protagonist herself if BB keeps insinuating that.
• Tamamo Cat first shows up as a minion of BB; unfortunately she forgot to use the power-ups BB gave her and got beaten. Then she gets flung down the same trapdoor that Robin got dumped in. BB then awkwardly tries to segway out of that scene, with Meltryllis telling her she won't mention that utter embarrassment if she answers some questions.
  • After the first battle with Tamamo Cat, BB scolds her for forgetting to use her power-ups and also that her 'Matcha Robot plan' didn't finish in time. Come the second battle, Tamamo Cat is preceded by two waves full of Robin Hoods, with half of them being in the Lancer class and none being able to speak. And the cutscenes before and after the second battle make absolutely no mention of this, while the player has likely forgotten that seemingly throwaway line after farming the necessary Sakurament to unlock that battle in the first place.
• Tamamo Cat gives Emiya Alter the nickname Demiya (Detroit Emiya) because obviously he's an African-American, right? Emiya is less than amused by this, on multiple levels. The rest of the party tries to contain their laughter because they had a similar reaction themselves and just didn't want to say it.
  • In the global version, she gives him the nickname Edgemiya (Edgy Emiya) instead...which still fits given how utterly cynical he is.
• BB hastily summons a Servant to block the party's way to the far side and it ends up being a Shadow Servant Bathory (or, as BB calls her, "a Sentinel put together in a hurry"). Liz herself wonders whether she's now Elisa Alter "to go along with the trends" (she's not), and calls for proper lighting. After her defeat, BB doesn't really care about what happens to her as Bathory has had so many event appearances she's bound to come back eventually.
• Tamamo Cat's proposed solution to getting to the far side of SE.RA.PH (Sakura/Kiara's literal backside) is tickle it into flipping over. This works. And the method used? A novelty tickle stick. Which you bought from BB. Even better, BB feels the tickles.
  BB: What are you doing?!?! And I sold that to you in good faith!
• Suzuka Gozen isn't very impressed with the protagonist's party, calling Emiya Alter a "mega emo-looking brooder who is SO not my type" and getting pissed off at Tamamo Cat sending mixed signals of shrine maiden, fox ears, catgirl, and devoted wife and demanding she just pick one theme already. And then Meltryllis notes that Suzuka, who's already burdened by the JK act, just can't handle Cat's airheadedness, which just pisses her off to bloody murder when Cat agrees.
  • And in the English localization, well before that, during the protagonist's first run-in with Suzuka...she refers to them as "left-swipe." Anyone even slightly familiar with Tinder will know what that means.
• Just before you face BB, she mistakes you for Robin Hood, thinking he's already finished the errands she assigned him. Now, it might be funny in and of itself, but after beating her and the following Wham Episode... In comes Robin Hood, having apparently missed everything that happened. Why? Because he was busy running erands for BB.
  Robin Hood: Eh, seriously? Ugh, she WOULD ditch me while I'm out running errands...
• Emiya Alter's boss fight as the "Lost Man" is entirely serious... except when he accidentally kills himself with his own skill.^note Specifically, the skill triggers at the start of each of his turns, increases his NP bar, but reduces 2000 HP - if he's at 2000 HP or lower, he immediately dies at the start of his turn before he can do anything because he simply can't avoid triggering it. It's not unheard of for him to be on the brink of victory... only for him to off himself before he can attack.
• Kiara asks if the protagonist wants to join her cult and even promises to spare your life if you do so. The player then has a dialogue option stating they would decline all and any older women. She's incredibly offended at this personal slight.
  Kiara: Wha...! Of all the things you could say, you state something so groundless?!
• BB's Kiara Punisher explanation. Some words are omitted, but it's pretty obvious what she's implying.
  BB: Melt-chan's Death Whip for short! It's the whip of love born from the poor and lacking... that are as flat and lifeless as a dead wasteland!
  Meltryllis: Nice job, BB! But I'll have a word with you after this is all over!!
• It seems like SE.RA.PH was just a dream at the end with Mash and da Vinci confused at the player's ramblings about Seraphix since it was shut down a while ago.^note That is, it's the same as other singularities: once it's corrected, history adjusts to make anything lost during the incident fit the "correct" history. Since it was a particularly weird singularity, even the folks in Chaldea aren't immune and they don't realize history was "corrected". And then the player sees BB, who's taking a peek at some of Chaldea's systems and admiring how it's decently advanced... for 2017.
  Protagonist: Please go home.
• After that, you and BB go into SE.RA.PH again to increase her NP level so she can become useful for the player. BB/GO makes her debut, planning to rule the world using Spiritron created Servants and having all humans digitally uploaded to praise her forever. The playable BB praises her for this wonderfully evil idea, making the protagonist wonder which one they should defeat.
• Nero complains about her lack of screentime, while Tamamo is satisfied by her counterpart getting some action and believes Emiya feels the same way. However Emiya'd rather deny his Alter's existence and is more hung up on how cool he was.
  EMIYA: Using twin pistols, that's so... that's so obviously cool no matter who uses them...! Damn it, I wanted to use them too!
  • The english version is just as funny with EMIYA saying "Dammit... I... I want thaaaat..."
• Nero, Tamamo, and Emiya hang the lampshade that, unlike in CCC, the Sentinel fights get hit with Compressed Adaptation, praising an epic struggle that "can fill a game on its own" that we couldn't see.
• A funny moment on a meta scale. Due to SE.RE.PH being a singularity that can be repeatedly played and therefore meaning that Beast Kiara can be fought at pretty much anytime, players have taken to fighting her several times to test various team comps and strategies. This deescalates the once dreaded Kiara into little more than a punching bag for players.

Agartha

• The chapter starts with Da Vinci going on a sudden rant because you complimented her by comparing her beauty to the Mona Lisa.
• Mash isn't exactly subtle about wanting to Rayshift alongside the Protagonist.
  Mash: If you experience any numbness, headache, stomachache, or terrible, wrenching heartache at the idea of not having your kouhai with you, let us know!
• After you land in Agartha and check in with Chaldea, Astolfo pops up in your face and reveals that Meunière helped him stow away in one of the Rayshifting coffins, and Mash cuts his pay. Then Chevalier d'Eon appears and Mash decides that sneaking two Servants into the Rayshift will probably result in Meunière not receiving bonus pay at all. For his part, Meunière considers it to be Worth It to help Astolfo and d'Eon.
• Da Vinci mentions that with Astolfo and d'Eon in the field, and herself and Mash in Chaldea as support, you've got no less than four blushing beauties at your beck and call. Mash denies herself as part of the count, and the Protagonist's narration mentions that without Mash, none of them are actually blushing.
• The peaches at the resistance's base are so good that the protagonist and Servants forget everything that they're doing, much to Mash's annoyance.
• While preparing to sneak in and gather information in the Nightless City, Astolfo and d'Eon prepare to put on disguises to avoid being recognized by Assassin. Astolfo, for his part, immediately starts changing in front of the rest of the group, and when d'Eon tells off Astolfo for changing in front of you, your dialogue options are to tell Astolfo to not let it stop him or give puppy eyes to d'Eon. Afterwards, d'Eon asks whether the Twelve Paladins had any sense of decency and Astolfo responds that while he can't say as far as Roland goes, the overall answer is "nope!".
  • Afterwards, when Astolfo questions where d'Eon found their outfits - a Sailor Fuku and a maid uniform - she responds that she just found them in a chest of drawers inside a bedroom. Astolfo says that she can guess what the outfits were for. D'Eon pauses for a moment, then blushes heavily when she realizes.
• While trying to stop a public execution, Astolfo interrupts the executioners by jumping on the platform while in his Sailor Fuku, and introduces himself like a Sentai warrior. He then prompts d'Eon, who's wearing a maid outfit, to introduce themself in a similar way, much to their chagrin. When the enemies are defeated, the protagonist reveals they recorded the whole thing and have the option of sending it to either Marie or Blackbeard. d'Eon is mortified.
• Apparently, Astolfo in his Sailor Fuku is so sexy that the men in the Resistance all stare at him like he's "some sort of sea goddess". Even the protagonist can't look away, and when they glance at d'Eon, they blush and shout they're not putting back on the maid outfit.
• When Rider of the Resistance betrays the party, one of the protagonist's responses?
  Protagonist: I really shouldn't trust old men with amnesia...
• When Fergus gives a rather poignant "Reason You Suck" Speech speech about life and death to Caster of the Nightless City, she's rather impressed and states that "[his] grown-up self must be a wise and kind warrior." Everyone else?
  d'Eon: Uh...
  Astolfo: Uh...
  Protagonist: Uh...
  Mash: I'm right here with all of you but now's not the time!
• Da Vinci does this sort of sardonic whistle when it turns out Blavatsky apparently snuck off to Agartha, and again later when young Fergus's Kirk Summation involves the observation that you need both men and women to make children. Da Vinci's getting snarky as hell.
• Young Fergus' Kirk Summation to Caster of the Nightless City manages to be one part heartwarming where he's trying to be encouraging and getting her to understand it's alright to be afraid of death as long as you live a full life and don't let it get in the way...and one part funny because he keeps peppering in pick-up lines and compliments to her beauty thanks to his older self's mentality seeping into him like he's trying to make up for all the missed opportunities in the pseudo-singularity before this point.
• During the Mêlée à Trois between the party, Berserker of El Dorado and Megalos, one or both of the two Berserkers will occasionally bounce through the battlefield doing damage to you or the enemies. It being completely unexpected makes it even funnier.
• Rider of the Resistance (Christopher Columbus) betraying Helena Blavatsky was pretty shocking in the original game, but the official manga somehow manages to make it so ridiculous by exaggerating the faces to the point of comedy.

Shimousa

• Musashi referencing Fate/stay night's most infamous meme.
  Musashi: *referencing how Lancer of Purgatorio just walked off getting his head sliced off* There's no way I'm fighting an opponent who won't die even if you kill him!
• Musashi having a taste of Murphy's Law after leaving Muramasa's house
• In the manga of Shimousa at Chapter 20 the character's facial expressions become hilarious and Muramasa beats the crap out of people for screwing around, putting costs on his tab, leaving the kids with a prostitute, and not inviting him with the prostitute. The whole chapter is just one funny event after another.
• There's a noticeable Black Comedy moment where Berserker of Samghata Hell tells the protagonist to "lie back and think of Chaldea" while shoving her hand into and playing around with their guts, nonchalantly ignoring the protagonist's cries of pain as she works and commenting they should do something like count cracks in the cave ceiling to think about something other than the pain.
• After Onriedo Castle appears and the sky turns blood-red, while everyone else is worrying, Musashi is upset that the disaster will make her miss lunch. Muramasa is less than amused.
  Muramasa: The damn sun just vanished from the damn sky in the middle of the damn morning and THAT'S what you're worried about?!
• Caster of Limbo attempts to pass himself off as Abe no Seimei when the protagonists reach him in the climax but no one even tries to humor him, reasoning that Seimei is a hero that protected Edo while Caster of Limbo is completely Obviously Evil.
• When Musashi and the true Sasaki Kojirou face off, he destroys the tension when he introduces himself wielding "The Laundry-Drying Pole" (which actually is the sword's name in the real life story).

Salem

• One Servant that many players used in Salem was Mecha Eli-chan, free-to-play from the recent Halloween Event. Many players have commented on how Nightmare Retardant it is to be facing the horrible abominations that man is not meant to know when your Servant is based on Humongous Mecha and Mecha-Godzilla and can fire the Macross Missile Massacre at them. Even better, she's the one class that is strong against the Foreigner class that the boss is! This has many players agreeing that, yes, when fighting Squid Monsters, Giant Robots are the best choice.
• In the opening of the chapter, Edison is angry that someone has invaded American territory with complete disregard for the people already living there. Geronimo coldly reminds him that this isn't the first time that's happened, which isn't funny in and of itself, but the way the normally loud and bombastic Edison completely shuts up with a simple "Ah! ...Hmm..." kind of is.
• Edison also gets upset that he, a man with a lion head, isn't allowed to join the group cosplaying as ordinary seventeenth-century citizens to fit in with the people of Salem. Da Vinci refers him to Shakespeare - who she refers to as Bill.
• Shakespeare confidently explaining that despite his plays like Macbeth, witches don't really exist. While standing next to Medea. Who is really Circe, the Witch Queen. Regardless, he knows exactly what he's doing.
• In the first play, in which Queen of Sheba travels to see King Solomon and ask three riddles of him, a slight hitch arises when it turns out that Andersen and Shakespeare screwed up the scripts, leaving Robin's (who was playing Solomon) copy without the answer to the third riddle, leaving him to improvise and come up with a satisfactory answer. Particularly hilarious (and a bit sad) due to Robin's flustered panic being a pretty accurate rendition of Roman's (AKA the actual King Solomon) own panic sessions.
• The second play at first seems to involve the life of Jeanne (Hopkins required they put on a play with a witch-burning, so they chose a subject who was Wrongfully Accused). But as the story is about to begin, it gets hijacked by Jeanne Alter who doesn't want it to be a retelling of Jeanne's entire life. And then Jeanne Alter Santa Lily comes to derail the entire story to now be about the Three Little Pigs.
  • Once she hijacks the plot, Lily becomes The Leader of the sisters, the one leading and directing them to build houses out of whatever is available.
  • Jeanne is the Plucky Girl who seems to just having a good time.
  • Alter somehow ends up The Straight Man of the three who points out how ridiculous things have gotten in the story one time even calling Hans, who wrote this, a hack for blatantly ripping off the Three Little Pigs.
  • Earlier before the play starts, Mash becomes motivated to play Jeanne. Since the only other people able to participate in the play during this part are Mata Hari and Robin Hood, this means that Robin Hood was forced to play either Lily, or Alter. Given how snarky both Alter and Robin are, this likely means that Robin was playing her.
  • The hilarious inverse of the original story has the sisters building stronger houses at the start then be forced to downgrade after the wolves destroy their homes, first going from a stone fortress then a wooden cabin and finally just some tents. Also hilariously the "wolves" continually upgrade with the first group: Nero, Ibaraki and Kiyohime, being described as history's most infamous arsonists by Alter, the second group: Ozymandias, Karna and Tamamo, being avatars of the sun and the final group is the Knights of the Round table leading their army.
  • Based on the first play with Solomon, you'd expect you'll to be fighting the wolves, turns out the Players are the wolves where they'll have to face the three Jeanne's.
• Later in story, it is revealed that the "Medea" who rayshifted with you is actually Caster of Okeanos. When Chaldea gets their communication back on the party, the audio is still not yet fixed. The holographic communication has Medea making various angry gestures and looking like she's spitting rapid-fire profanities. Caster's reaction?
  Caster of Okeanos: Looks like she's upset.^note This gets funnier when you remember that Caster of Okeanos/Circe is Medea's aunt and teacher
  • There's also this bit when you choose "No, that's Hestia, goddess of the hearth."
    Caster of Okeanos: Wha... Wha... WHO'RE YOU CALLING A VIRGIN GODDESS!? I'm the great queen witch! Hey! Stop patting my head like I'm a child, Ritsuka! And YOU! Quit pointing and laughing at me, Medea!
• Circe puts on an impromptu play for the sailors at the wharf recalling how she first met her niece Medea (using her magic to play both herself and Medea Lily). It starts with Medea Lily getting thrown off her ship by the sailors who freak out upon realizing they're at Circe's island and don't want to end up cursed. Then Medea Lily meets Circe herself, who gets bent out of shape when Medea starts calling her "Auntie"...and then it devolves into Circe mocking/sadly recounting her brother Aeneas and her sister Pasiphae and how they both ended up good-for-nothings. To Circe's frustration, the sailors didn't like the play but did enjoy the skeleton battles.
• A tense conversation between Mata Hari and Queen of Sheba is very slightly lightened when Mata Hari takes note of how Sheba's animal-like ears twitch in consternation.
  Mata Hari: ...(That is SOOO cute.)
• The fact the Räum exposes himself by asking the protagonist when they figured out he was Carter. Turns out that they didn't, and Räum could have gotten away with his plans had he not expected too much out of them.
  Protagonist: "I wasn't sure until you told me just now."
• Salem also has an extra story that can be unlocked after completing the main story and the free quest at the Town Hall. It's the play that the heroes put on based on Journey to the West that wasn't shown on-screen in the main story. Many of the Servants who played roles in the "Sanzang Coming to the West" event reprise their roles here, with some additional Servants playing other roles. And it, too, has its fair share of funny moments.
  • Originally Sanzang's group had been traveling by boat along the river...until Sanzang took her turn steering. The ensuing wreck caused Bailong to drown in the process of saving the others. Cue flashback showing Lu Bu sinking into the water, screaming. But Zhu Bajie points out that he gave them the thumbs-up as he sank, so it must all be OK.
  • The following line from Taishang Laojun (played by Caster Gilgamesh):
    "This is a catastrophe! How many times now has my arrogance led to careless blunders!?"
  • Then, this exchange between Ox-Demon King (Lancer Alter) and Princess Iron Fan (Nightingale), culminating in a ridiculous Bait-and-Switch:
    Princess Iron Fan: Oh my, oh my, if it isn't my honey.
    Ox-Demon King: Your honey!?
    Princess Iron Fan: Ahh, what a momentous occasion it is to see you here in my Plantain Cave on Jade Cloud Mountain. Tell me, what brings you here? Are you feeling ill? Would you like to have dinner? A bath? Or perhaps... some peroxide?
    • Princess Iron Fan assures her husband that she's okay with the Jade-Faced Princess being "his" concubine... but she's not going to tolerate any germs from some unknown woman. Ox-Demon King has two options, either he gets disinfected over a cliff with her fan, that can put out a mountain on fire with a wave, or has a week long "disinfection", horse and all.
      Ox-Demon King: I would prefer to have dinner first! With peroxide!
      Princess Iron Fan: This WILL be your dinner tonight... my dear.