Funny / Fable

Fable

• The little boy tripping on mushrooms in Bowerstone South.
• If you're not strong enough to remove the Sword from the Stone outside the Temple of Avo, the dramatic crescendo that plays during the cut-scene ends abruptly and anticlimactically.
  • Followed promptly by the Hero grabbing his back and growling in pain.
• "You have now learned the 'Sexy Hero Pose' Expression."
• During The Lost Chapter's last few quests, Jack of Blades will take over Mission Control. Some of the "tips" given are rather humorous.
  Jack: There is an important quest card waiting for you at the bottom of a slime pit!
• Also in TLC, if you choose to kill the Guildmaster, you cut off his Badass Boast by killing him with a single attack.
• Jack's voice change form the original to Anniversary, from snobby brit to demonic growl, is explained in Flavour Text for his outfit, as his former outfit was too tight on his crotch! and got tailored for more room.
• Giving 'evil' books to the schoolmaster in the book donation side quest often results in hilarious cutscenes where he awkwardly presents the blatantly inappropriate content to the children in his class. One of the funniest books is 'Guild of Zeros' which satirizes the Heroes' Guild and makes fun of the game's tutorial section. Even the teacher's shocked initial reaction when offering him the book is funny, "I thought your Guild had all the copies of this burned, along with the author!"
• Almost everything about the Dark Wood Bordello and it's workers is Played for Laughs. The Demon Door there tasks the player with having sex enough times before opening which ends with the Door asking, "what was it like?" One of the working girls, Polly (formerly 'Pretty Polly'), is clearly too old for this line of work. Hedwig the BDSM specialist is a hilariously over the top Large Ham.
• The Prophets of the Fire Heart are obviously impatient after being trapped in the Heart's chamber waiting for someone to "just solve the bloody puzzle." Their protests are especially amusing if the player takes puzzle shortcuts that end up killing them off.

Fable II

• Murgo's sales pitch at the start of the game, including hawking a "magic" mirror that makes you look more attractive, but only if you look into it in complete darkness.
• During the prologue, one quest has you deliver a love letter from Monty to his beloved Belinda. You can take the "evil" option and give it to Belinda's cruel and overbearing mother instead, which causes the old woman to storm out, confront the would-be paramour, and give him a tongue-lashing. Monty tries to claim that the letter was intended for the mother, and is mortified to find the woman apparently reciprocates his "feelings"...
• One of the loading screen tips includes a hilarious Take That, Scrappy!, which mentions a rumor that, during the fall of the Heroes Guild, the Guildmaster was found dead with the words "YOUR HEALTH IS LOW" carved into his forehead.
• Since the expressions system affects everyone nearby, flirting affects all interested parties in the area. Which can hilariously lead to a town full of people head over heels in love with you, making suggestive comments at you. Even if you're married.
• Theresa voices over a lot of in-game announcements, including "You are now famous enough to use the 'Kiss My Ass'" expression. It sounds quite odd coming from someone so dignified, and she even seems to rush through it.
• A child might say something like this: "If I hold my breath for thirty seconds, I can see funny stuff."
• One quest has you go into an ancient tomb to find an old woman's son, Charlie. Then it turns out "Charlie" is a full-grown man and a professional explorer, and his mother is just being overprotective.
  • Takes on a more darkly humorous tone should Charlie die while leaving the tomb. The Hero can take his hat, wear it, and pretend to be him for his mother.
• Flavor Text does NOT take itself seriously in this game. For instance, on the Worn Comfy Chair:
  "The weight of many arses has worn a nice groove for you to settle into."
• The Hero's "Joke" gesture involves him performing a hand puppet show, even providing cute little noises for the hands. It needs to be seen to be believed. The best part? It causes everyone who sees it to laugh, even enemies in the middle of a fight!
  • If you botch the gesture, the show ends with the hand puppets fighting and one of them savagely attacking the other. Needles to say, people who see this get freaked out.
• Heard from a bandit after the Hero gets killed in combat:
  "There's always one that comes back from the dead."
• After Reaver learns that Lucien has reneged on their arrangement (while the Hero's off delivering the Shadow Seal to the Shadow Judges, Reaver sells the Hero to Lucien in exchange for gold), he has this to say to the Hero:
  Reaver: Lucien and I had a gentlemen's agreement! How dare he betray me? Just when I was in the middle of betraying you!
• The Final Boss against Lucien for just how much of an Anti-Climax Boss it is. Especially if you take too long and Reaver gets fed up with his Evil Gloating and kills him instead.
  Reaver: I thought he'd never shut up. Oh I'm sorry, did YOU want to kill him?
• The rite of passage to join the Temple of Shadows requires you eat five Crunchy Chicks, which are basically live bird chicks you have to munch on while they're still alive!, cue the shadow priest growing more and more horrified with each chick you eat.
  Shadow Priest: *Gasps* I can't believe you did that! It-It was still alive!
  Shadow Priest: Ugh.... I think I'm going to be sick! that one was still chirping as you swallowed it.
  Shadow Priest: Three?! You ate three! the last one who got this far dropped dead! We could still hear the chirping inside his stomach!
  Shadow Priest: There goes another one, extra crunchy, ugh, you don't have any scruples, do you?
  Shadow Priest: That... that is the most vile thing I've ever seen! and this is coming from someone who never misses Torture Tuesdays!

Fable III

• The side-quest "The Game," which has the Hero drafted into playing a tabletop RPG with a trio of proto-geeks. Lampshade Hanging aplenty ensues, along with some Self-Deprecation on Lionhead's part.
  "Why do you guys want to put chickens in everything?"
  "What kind of rubbish game lets you kill the villain in one hit?"
  "Two girls kissing, isn't that kind of a cliche?" "An incredibly hot cliche."
• Jasper's reaction to you putting on your Chicken Suit.
  "You're...dressed as a chicken. What are you— What are you planning to do...dressed as a chicken?!"
  • Make a royal decree, of course.
• Jasper in general tends to be hilarious. When you get the Normanomicon:
  "Ah, the Normanomicon. As a young boy, I often heard tales of its sinister exploits and prayed dearly that I would never encounter it myself. Incidentally, thank you for bringing it into my living quarters."
  • Of course he's funny, considering who does his voice.
• The chicken quest. Especially the dialogue at the end where the quest-giver and his wife are debating over whether to save the chicken's lives.
  Wife: But they could make wonderful poetry and literature!
  Husband: They could destroy the town, or maybe even the world!
• The Enemy Chatter among mercs and robbers is often hilarious.
• If you toss fireballs at mooks, sometimes they'll say, "Ha ha! Lucky I wore my fireproof underwear today!"
• The Gnomes, replacing the Gargoyles from Fable II, have some hilarious little catchphrases.
  "I think I'm gonna come around your house for tea, and then I'll 'ave yer mum!"
  "I like to think about puppies. About slowly, slowly crushing them."
  "I'd like to get to know someone like you. And then drown them."
  "You have your mother's looks! (Beat) Eww..."
  "If I had a friend like you, I'd tell them secrets. Like that I'm gonna set you on fire."
  "I sensed your presence before you even arrived. What did you EAT?!"
  "We could be best friends, if I liked people with an arse for a face!"
  "I can help you find what you're looking for! Step 1: pull your head out yer arse!"
  "Philosophers tell us that there are those who create, those who destroy... And those who are wankers, like you!"
  "Oh, look at the doggie! He looks delicious!"
  "Nice weapon you've got there. What are you, compensating for something?!"
  "Look at those broad shoulders, that handsome countenance - you look pretty funny, for a lady!
  "My favourite things are sunshine, dancing and love. And pain."
  "It's a great day to be alive! And a better day to kill!"
  "You remind me of an old friend! He was a twit, just like you!"
  "I was hoping you'd show up. I could use a good laugh!"
  "You are so righteous, so pure of heart. It makes me want to vomit!" (fake retching sounds)
  "I said it before and I'll say it again. I hate you."
  "Are you lost, milady? I can direct you to the nearest kitchen."
  "I had a dog once... ate him along with some mushy peas!"
  "Heeere doggy doggy. Come over here and die."
  "It must be nice to be able to lick your own privates." {beat} "But doesn't that embarrass your dog?"
  "I think your weapon might be bent. Oh no, wait, that's you!"
• Sir Walter Beck gets some good lines. And also says "balls" a lot.
  "Before we go any further, I'd just like to say one thing. BAAAAAAALLLLLLLS!!!"
• The Mistpeak Valley Demon Door is writing a book and needs two heroes to act out romance for him so he can write it. He sounds like a gentlemen, but after you finish, he tells you:
  Demon Door: Thank you! Now when the two characters shag at the end, it will pop right off the page!
• If you listen to the bandits who robbed a carriage carrying a gargoyle long enough, they'll eventually start debating philosophy absolutely seriously, with the terminology and everything, trying to justify robbing a carriage they weren't paid to rob that wasn't carrying any money. Philosophically. Glorious.
• How Walter gets past a magical barrier set up by a hobbe: He shouts "BOO" and the hobbe is so shocked that the barrier it's keeping up disappears. And then it dies of a heart attack.
  • Before that, when another hobbe erects a magical barrier and the Hero heads off to find a way around it, Walter is heard ranting at the Hobbe.
• Some of the finishing moves are hilarious:
  • One of the sword moves for hobbes is to point behind them. The hobbe actually turns around and you slash their back.
  • Another hobbe finishing move is to punt the little sucker.
  • Using a hammer against them, well, here's the pitch, HOME RUN, MOTHERFUCKER.
  • When you're fighting a little hobbe, if you attack it with a pistol at a certain range, it jumps up and tries to eat your arm. Then, you pull the friggin' trigger with your arm down its throat!
  • Also, kicking them into the air and shooting them with your rifle into the opposite cavern.
  • Enemy chatter when you use finishing moves, kinda hilarious when there's one guy left and he sounds crazy scared...then bum rushes you.
• Since you can still hear other people during sex, this line can and will come up if you do so near a weapon shop.
  • Wife just gives a sigh of contentment when a shopkeeper yells "We sell melee weapons of all shapes and sizes!"
  • "Nice doggy!"
    • Anything during sex is funny because people are seriously just standing around WATCHING. But your character is like "Doesn't matter...Had sex!"
• Every single time you make one of the "moral" decrees rather than the "profitable" ones, Reaver makes a hilariously tongue-in-cheek public service announcement trying to put a positive spin on things...from his own twisted point of view.
  "At Reaver Industries Orphanage, we care. Even if you don't deserve it."
• After reaching the shores of Aurora, the Hero and Walter start walking into a cave, wherein Walter says a few funny lines, starting with the shouting of his pseudo-Catchphrase "balls." Laugh now, because it goes downhill from there.
  • Not long after, he and the Hero come across a retracted bridge, with the switch being on the other side. After a quick detour to reach said switch, Walter warns him/her to be careful when pulling the switch, as they don't want to make any more noise than they absolutely have to. Cue the bridge appearing in a manner so loud that the entire cave shakes, causing several large boulders to fall from the ceiling in the process, and ending with the bridge locking into place with a ridiculously loud "thud".
    Walter: Yes...and quiet as stealthy mice, the adventurers forged on ahead.
  • As the creepy starts setting in...
    Walter: You ever feel like someone's playing games with us?
    The Hero: (casually) All the time.
• Lemmy's comments when you do terribly at the shooting range are hilarious.
  Have you been drinking? If not, you should try it. It couldn't hurt.
  Barrel might be out of alignment. Or maybe you just don't shoot very well.
  You might want to aim or something.
  Don't take your eye off the, um... oh, whatever.
• Some of the house names are quite funny. There's one called "I Know We Can Make This Work Manor" and it is ever so tempting to move your spouse there after you get married.
• When a wisp flies into the ground to revive Lieutenant Simmons in Mourningwood Fort, Major Swift is heard barking "Lieutenant Simmons, I specifically ordered you to remain buried!"
  • Followed by Ben going "Why doesn't anyone follow orders anymore?"
• After Sabine charges the Hero with proving himself/herself and the Hero asks for confirmation of the tasks given:
  Sabine: Yep, that's the lot. Off you go then. Nice knowing you.
• After the Hero proves himself to the Dwellers, Sabine starts to give a grand speech about storming into the castle...only for Walter to step forward and say they need to gather more people since they're still outnumbered. Sabine's disappointed response?
  Sabine: I was afraid you'd come off all logical and sensible.
• Kalin getting a chance to dish out some snark.
  Ben: How's that better than my idea?
  Kalin: We will live longer than a few seconds?
• Kalin's narmy war cry during the Battle of Bowerstone.
• During the Battle of Bowerstone, Sabine is rhapsodizing about being in a fight (after nearly dropping a building on the Hero, Walter, and Ben, no less) until Boulder gives a few panicked grunts, leading to this:
  Sabine: What is it, Boulder? (looks and sees what's wrong) Oh, bloody hell! MOVE, MOVE!
• Sabine's farewell during Walter's funeral:
  Sabine: If ever you need to save the world from another abomination, you know where to find me.

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