Funny / Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Funny Moments

Moment pages are spoilers off. You have been warned.

• A bit of self-deprecating humor in "Everybody Hates Keisha" when Greg tells Chris to get a condom:
  Adult Chris: It'd be two years before I knew what a condom was and eight years before I got to use one.
• "Everybody Hates Fat Mike"
  • When Rochelle gives Julius a grand chewing out for saying that he does housework better than her which can be found here.
  Rochelle: Well, ain't this about a bitch! (crash) Are you crazy?! You do my job for one day (crash) and now it ain't that damn hard?! (crash) You bacon fryin', (crash) biscuit bakin', pancake makin', bald-headed BASTARD! (crash) (transition card saying "One hour later) YOU MUST THINK I'M CRAZY! (crash) You can kiss my "ain't that hard" ASS! (crash) Have you LOST your mind?!
  • And then what Chris says afterwards:
    "And that was my mother's way of letting him off easy."
  • The fact that people actually stand by and listen to this rant from outside (combined with the fact that it's so loud it can even be heard from outside). At first, it's just a few passerby, but eventually, it's a huge crowd. The cherry on top is how they all flinch and gasp at every crash.
• Chris is pretending to be a bad boy to impress Tasha. He's confronting a waiter who threatened to throw him out while "Everybody Plays the Fool" plays and his parents walk up behind him. To the sound of his heartbeats, we see a black screen, then Rochelle's angry face, then a black screen, then Chris' Oh, Crap! face, then a black screen, then Chris lying on a bed in the hospital. A nearby X-ray reveals that Rochelle's shoe got stuck in his anus.
  Rochelle: Chris!
  Chris: What?!
• "Hey mom, can I have some cookie?" No, that's not a typo. It's actually one comically oversized cookie in an equally big Bland-Name Product bag.
• When Chris gets a dog, he takes him to a trainer in a Puerto Rican part of town to which he claims is just like Bedstuy just with more Puerto Ricans. "There was a Puerto Rican Killmoves." Cut to Killmoves wrapped in a Puerto Rican flag trying to dance to Latin music. The episode ends with Chris being chased by the dog, with the the usual episode-ending Recurring Riff being sung in Spanish.
• "Everybody Hates the Substitute":
  Substitute: Veni. Vidi. Vici....I came. I saw. I conquered.
  Chris" Eenie. Meenie. Miney. Mo....Catch a tiger. By the toe.
• From the above:
  Substitute: "The Vitruvian Man."
  Chris: "The Hang Man. Pick a letter."
• Julius having a phobia of rabbits? Funny. Finding out that he has this phobia because he saw Night of the Lepus? Hilarious.
• Rochelle gets mad at Julius for not telling her about a credit card he has, to which he tells her that the only thing he bought using it was her wedding ring, which gets her to be quiet. While he's calm about it, we then see an Imagine Spot of him doing a hilarious victory dance while singing about how he was right.
• Why did Chris decide against admitting to his father that he drove his car without permission? He imagined that his dad would throw him out the window if he found out.
• In "Everybody Hates Malvo", Caruso gives Chris a "comedy" video for his Betamax system. The film? The Birth of a Nation.
  Narrator: Whatever it was, it couldn't be as bad as Soul Plane.
• When Rochelle threatens to smack Chris "into another nationality", a quick cutaway gag shows she does so and Chris is now Chinese.
• In "Everybody Hates Funerals"
  • When Chris stands up to Maxine for unfairly criticizing Rochelle, also leads to a funny moment.

    Narrator: I might be joining my grandfather sooner than I thought.

  • Chris' grandmother Maxine threatens to "knock him into another family". Smash Cut to Chris on a couch with a white family.
    Woman: How did you get here?
    Chris: You don't want to know.
• In "Everybody Hates Ex-Cons", when Julius feels betrayed when he finds out that Drew is a fan of the Mets and not the Dodgers (which he only likes because they had Jackie Robinson for a player).
  Julius: What are you listening to?
  Drew: The Mets, they're my new favorite baseball team.
  Julius: (to the heavens) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
  (cut to a shot of the earth exploding)
• In "Everybody Hates Earth Day", Tonya gets busted at school for threatening a classmate, which Rochelle finds out is a trait that she got from her. And to add to it, Tonya repeats the threat to her family in Rochelle's voice!
• Almost any scene with Ms. Morello.
• Rochelle going batshit insane at Julius about Tonya's bra in "Everybody Hates Doc's".
• Ironically, while no one except Caruso and Greg cares about Chris's absence from school in 'Everybody Hates Gretzky', Drew's fellow classmates and teacher sure as hell do and go into mass hysteria. In fact, in the event that Drew is not present in school without a legit excuse, they have installed a "Drew Alert" button. What makes it funnier is that the teacher is crying about Drew being missing; no teacher normally reacts that way to an absence.
• In Everybody Hates Kris
  • Julius had netted himself a job as what is very likely the first black Santa Claus at a fancy department store called "Goldstein's" in which the white people are usually are the majority of shoppers. While this may not seem too funny at face value, one must be reminded that Julius is cheapness personified. Because of that, after the children tell him their wishes, he lists anything negative he can think of about getting said presents, ergo Julius unintentionally makes the children weep bitter tears. Because of his stinginess, Julius seems to think they are literally asking him rather than the character he's playing, ergo he completely misinterprets the point of Santa Claus.
  • For instance, when a girl asks for a Malibu Barbie set...
    Julius: So, what can Santa give you for Christmas?
    Little Girl: A Malibu Barbie with the pink remote-controlled Corvette, the Barbie townhouse and the Barbie swimming pool.
    Julius: Ooh. Do you know how much all that stuff costs?
    Little Girl: No.
    Julius: Well, Santa's gonna tell you. It costs $137.16. Do you have that kind of money?
    Little Girl: No.
    Julius: Well, neither does Santa.
    (The little girl starts crying)
    Narrator: Welcome to my world, kid.
  • "Black Santa Claus caused more tears than the Tampa Bay Devil Rays."
• Chris asks his family why they can't accept him having a normal girl as a prom date. Their reaction must be seen to be believed.
• "In Everybody Hates the Gout,"
  • A doctor explains to the viewers what the gout is. He also reveals that Julius' gout is due to his atrocious diet.
  • The doctor shows three types of food: smothered pork chops, smothered chicken fried bacon, and smothered chicken fried bananas.
  Julius: (to all three of his food shown) Needs some salt.
  (hand passes salt, Julius sprinkles)
  Doctor: (annoyed) Are you out yo' damn mind?!
• In "Everybody Hates Valentine's Day", Chris accidentally gives Greg's Valentine card meant for his friend Joy to Rochelle, and Greg gives the card Chris meant to give Tangee to Joy, which leads to this line from the girl's dad:
  Joy's Dad: Joy, are you dating a black guy?
  Narrator: She did 5 years later!
• The Gossip Evolution over Chris's fight with Caruso (which Chris actually lost).
  Kid #1: Chris hit him so hard my tooth fell out!
  Kid #2: Chris knocked his eye out, put it back in, and knocked it out again!
  Kid #3: Chris beat the snot out of him! You can check his nose! No snot!
  Kid #4: Chris chased him home, knocked out his family, and took their house!
• Chris at one point notes that as a black kid he could go to jail for anything from a parking ticket to throwing baby Jessica down a well. Greg responds by pointing out that hadn't even happened yet.
• “Thank god Italy won World War 4 and we got pizza.”