Funny / Donnie Darko

• With sincere desperation, on the verge of tears, Kitty realizes not everyone is as invested in the six year olds' dance troupe as she.
• "I'll tell you what he said! He asked me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card into my anus!"
  • The Reaction Shot directly following this line. Mr. Darko stifles a snort of laughter, Rose just stares, and in the very back, Donnie is smirking.
• 'You can go suck a fuck!' 'Oh, please tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?' Made even better by the fact that Elizabeth looks angry for a split second, then bursts into laughter.
  • From the same scene, "What's a fuckass?".
  • Most of Elizabeth and Donnie's scenes, really, once you consider that they're played by real-life siblings Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal, and that Vitriolic Best Buds dynamic might not be faked.
• When not a Tearjerker, the hypnotherapy sessions are this. Dr. Thurman's increasing frustration trying to get Donnie talk about something that isn't sex is funny. Her freaked-out expression after waking him up to stop him masturbating on her couch, as if she was worried it wouldn't work, is priceless.
  Dr. Thurman: What do you think about during school?
  Donnie: Married... with Children.
  Dr. Thurman: You think about your family?
  Donnie: [laughing] No, I don't think about fucking my family.
• The Smurfs conversation.
• "That's some good shit, huh?" "It's a fucking cigarette."
• Drew Barrymore's Atomic F-Bomb after getting fired.
• The Stylistic Suck of Jim Cunningham's "Cunning Visions" video is pretty funny to start with, but made even funnier on the DVD deleted scenes section where you can watch it with commentary by the in-universe producer and director, who are convinced they've created a masterpiece... and end up squabbling over who ate whose donut.
• In a deleted scene, Donnie refuses to tell Dr. Thurman anything more embarrassing about himself unless she tells him something. Dr Thurman mentions fantasising about Mr Rogers, to which Donnie lets out a flat "Whoa". He then starts talking about how Gretchen won't kiss him until the moment is just right, but Donnie just wants to get it over with so he can "get to the good stuff". Later at home, Donnie tells his parents that Dr Thurman is really easy to talk to.
• Gretchen doesn't want to kiss Donnie because the time isn't right... and because "there's some fat guy over there staring at us."
• This little exchange after the school is flooded:
  Emily: Beth's mom said the boys' locker room was flooded and they found feces everywhere.
  Susie: What are feces?
  Emily: Baby mice.
  Susie: Aww.
• From the director's cut when the family is staying at a hotel:
  Samantha: Why do I have to sleep with Donnie? He stinks.
  Donnie: When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face.
• Karen Pommeroy's idea of welcoming a new student to her class is to tell Gretchen to "sit beside the boy you think is the cutest". She treats it as Serious Business, silencing the giggles from the others with "let her choose".
  • You can also see several boys attempting to make bedroom eyes, as though thinking that will actually make Gretchen choose to sit with them.