Funny / Dirty Potter

General

• Any moment with sound effects created entirely out of the dialogue, such as the infamous "skeet" sound.
• Just try to imagine Jim Dale, MBE, established British actor and singer-songwriter with a career going back to the 1950s, making all those skeeting, pooing, and farting noises with his lips while he's in the recording booth. Then try listening to any of his actual audiobooks.

Dirty Potter

• "Dirty Potter and the Fabulous Gay Farty Pee and Poo Party. Chapter Poo...* ahem* I mean, Two."
• "I usually save it for book signings" said J.K. Rowling.
• "Then J.K. Rowling suddenly let loose a great echoing fart, sending him face-first into the table, and Ron was ass-blasted off his feet, so forcefully, he shot straight into another fucking dimension."
• Fuckbeak and Friends Chapter 1:
  Jim Dale: He (Fuckbeak) gave the middle finger to his computer and then he threw it as hard as he could against the wall. It was a smashing success.
• Fuckbeak and Friends Chapter 2. Harry spontaneously decides to put on a medieval suit of armour and starts having sex with a Dumbledore sex doll.
• The hilariously cliché lyrics to Jim Dale's rap in Fuckbeak and Friends Chapter 2.
• At the same time as its qualification for Nightmare Fuel, Jim Dale malfunctioning in Fuckbeak and Friends Chapter 2 can come across as this, particularly with the claim of, "Every book on earth...EVER...read for you by Jim Daaaaaaaaaaaaale..."
  • This exchange just as Jim Dale starts malfunctioning:
    Jim Dale: (Slightly breaking into laughter) Stop the tape!
    In-Story-Jim Dale: I'm sorry, Jim. I'm afraid I can't do that!
  • After the Jim Dale Rap, the audiobook cranks the racism up to eleven with "Suddenly, KKK":
    Hagrid: Niggers should be put down; and Jews too! They're just nutters, Hermione; chuck 'em straight in the fire.
    Hermione: 'How could you say that?' I want niggers to fuck off back to Africa instead!
  • It then ends with Jim Dale proclaiming his love of racism, and saying "It's funny because "Nigger" is a very offensive term to minorities!"
• Near the end of Fuckbeak and Friends Chapter 3, as Harry's penis gains the ability to percieve countless different universes, it finally ends up in a universe where Dirty Potter is narrated by Stephen Fry instead of Jim Dale. Jim Dale doesn't approve of this turn of events at all, but Stephen Fry quickly tells him to shut up.
  • Also a reality where Jim Dale's life is narrated by Harry Potter characters. He takes the time to admit how much he hates that reality.
  • Chapter 3 is the first audiobook to be animated, and it gives us some great visual gags: Dirty Potter!Harry's scar being a penis instead of a lightning bolt, and Fuckbeak "[smoking] three whole joints", with the wrong ends in his mouth, a shit-eating grin on his face, and blowtorch-esque flames coming out of the ends.
  • The same audiobook gives us Snape's lesson:
    "Class, sit down!" said Snape. "Today, we shall discuss the history of Farty Poo-Ass Bunghole Mc Monster Crack. And then, I'm going to explain the process of curing Professor Dumbledore's life-threatening ass explosions by giving him a fucking tight JUICY handjob onto Dumbledore's face, making him invincible. And then, how to make an excellent pudding from Dumbledore's spooge, to be handed in next lesson. And then, I am teaching you the dark art of power-pooping your smelly shit directly up the butt in reverse. And then, how to reopen the Chamber of Illegal Sex. And then... and then... how to... do stuff. And then-"
    
    "Professor, wait!", said Harry. "I don't under-"
    
    "Do not interrupt me, Potter!" said Snape. "As I was saying, you will write me an essay on me: Professor Severus Sexy, master of your buttholes. And then, I am teaching you all how to take your bags, and get out of my sight! Forever. Any questions?"
    
    "Yes!" said Hermione. "What are you talking about?"

• A Very Dirty Potter Christmas
  • The intro: "Warning! This audiobook contains offensive CHILDHOOD-DESTROYING sex, immature poo poo jokes, and gay stuff. And it's dirty too, so take a handkerchief and get ready to wank 'til you CUMMMMM!"
  • "Merry Christmas, cunt! Love, Malfoy's butthole."
  • Harry vomits so hard while making out with Ron that it goes right through Ron's body and blasts out of his ass all over Hermione.
  Jim Dale: 'I shouldn't have drank so much buttnog.' He (Harry) thought to himself as he came in his trousers (skeet noises).
  • "And then Snape came in, farting down the corridor."

Dirty the Pooh

• The giving gifts sequence in Dirty the Pooh.
  "For Roo, a bottle of magic mushrooms for his first day at school. For Kanga, a set of seven rubbery cocks, one for each day of the week. Eeyore did not know what a cock was, or what it did, but it sounded necessary. For Tigger, a pogo stick- up the butthole."
• "After that, a new game became popular in the Forest. It was called 'doing the bitch.'"
• In Dirty the Pooh chapter 3, Ron is blasted into the Hundred Acre Wood and encounters the demon spiders. In order to escape them, he tries to noclip and fly away, but he makes the mistake of noclipping through the floor and is immediately permabanned by Jim Dale, which according to him is very good because he had no friends and was a huge noob. This actually pays off for him - sort of - since although his current location is unknown, Word of God confirms that this chain of events allowed him to survive.
  • Pooh eating Piglet alive has one pitch-perfect moment of Black Comedy:
    "'Nom,' said Pooh, chewing.
    'Ow!' said Piglet, dying."
  • One of the trials of the Assembly from Hell are Zombies. In one of the outtakes, they come up from the underworld, go to their desks and start "selling vibrators. But at horribly inflated prices!"
  • " And now it's getting worse," "Said Eeyore, as the Four Fucking Horsemen of the stinkpocalypse came riding out of his butt, mounted on horses made from the devil’s shit and wank and they all raped everybody with their 666 fire-breathing penises so hard that blood and sperms spurted relentlessly out of the animals orifices. All of them."