Funny / Diamond Is Unabridgable

Diamond is Unabridgable

Episode Zero: "Shine On, You Super Rushed Pilot"

• When Jotaro meets Koichi for the first time:
  Jotaro: Is your middle name Josuke?
  Koichi: I don't think it is?
  Jotaro: Dammit! Maybe if I just say he's Josuke to the old man, he'll buy it? He does have grey hair like Gramps, that's close enough, right?
  [Jotaro overhears a delinquent]
  Delinquent: Heeeey, Josuke!
  Jotaro: I'm going to leave you here now.
• Jotaro's response to the name of Josuke's turtle acts as a Call-Forward:
  Josuke: I'm just trying to pet this little turtle? I already named him Alphonse!
  Jotaro: Dunno, looks more like a Polnareff to me.
• The two delinquents that get beaten up by Josuke:
  Delinquent #2: He can never model now!!
  Delinquent #1: What's the point of living?!
• "He gave her the old bareback, saddle-ride to Fucktown!"
• Kars speaking with an Auto-Tune voice in itself.
• Jotaro seeing a group of high-school girls approaching him; causing a Trauma Button, Call-Back AND a Malicious Misnaming all at once.
  Jotaro: These bitches are armed with pens!
  [Jotaro puts on a tough face while thinking]
  Jotaro: Oh wait, it's okay, Jotaro, it's alright. Remember what the therapist told you, it was just Kakyoin's Cee Lo Green shoved up that chick's vagina.
• Koichi wondering why Jotaro and Josuke are getting beaten up since he can't see Stands.
  Narrator: Jotaro and Josuke both have special, supernatural spirits that allow them to harness the power of gods! However, YOU young Koichi, will never have this power! You're just a normal, boring, human lame-ass.
  Koichi: Oh, okay! I understand now, thank you! ... I guess?
• "You messed up my hat, buddy. The one thing my loving daughter Josephine gave me!"
• "I wish that steamroller killed me..."

Episode One: "Shine On, You Crazy Pompadour Prince"

• The jokes from the pilot are kept here, but added to them are...
• When Jolyne is saying goodbye to her father, Jotaro:
  Jolyne: Have fun! But.. there's enough Captain Crunch to last until you come back, right?
  [Jotaro drives away]
  Jotaro: Good thing I brought all the Captain Crunch with me, otherwise I could have starved!
• "Get me cream puffs, you little bitch!"

Episode Two: "Shine On, You Pervy Milkman"

• The driver's remarks to Tomoko:
  Driver: Ho-baby! What a catch! Lemme suck on them fun-bags!
• Nearly all of Ryohei's lines:
  Ryohei: Hey wait.. my massive mandible senses something is wrong...
  [beat]
  Ryohei: The drug store... they're almost outta donuts let's go!!
• Josuke and Koichi's reactions to the creepy old lady who's apparently into exhibition porn.
• The racist cop who's at the scene of the robbery:
  Cop: Everyone stand back, this man is a killer! With a gun! And he has a hostage! From the market!
  Bystander #1: Hey um, uh... I think that's a knife.
  [Cop shoots Bystander #1]
  Cop: Any other funny remarks?
  [Eminem's "My Name Is" starts playing]
  Bystander #2: Oops! That's my ringtone-
  [Cop shoots Bystander #2]
  Cop: Okay, he totally provoked me with his black people music, you all saw it.
• Angelo's voice and his entire conversation with Tomoko.
• Josuke asking if they can make a truce with Angelo:
  Josuke: I bet he loves SOMETHING, right? How about dogs, everybody loves dogs, right?
  [cut to Angelo eating a dog alive]
• Josuke playing Final Fantasy VII and witnessing Aerith's death for the first time.
• "Haha, perfecto! An elderly random cop! I love randomly killing random cops! Especially when they're.. randomly elderly."
• The "Death of Mufasa" music playing over Josuke trying to revive his dead grandpa.
• "Rain means water.. Water means aqua.. Aqua means Kingdom Hearts 2.8..."
• Josuke punching Angelo into a rock form, complete with a Killer Instinct hit counter and signature "ULTRAAAAA" at the end.
• Angelo's entire re-telling of how he got his Stand in prison.

Shorts/Specials

Trailer #1

• Okuyasu's reaction to the Abridged Series being announced:
  Okuyasu: Yo, Josuke! We're getting our own abridged series!
  Koichi: Is Antfish making it?
  Josuke: No, some new guy.
  Okuyasu: Fuck it then, I'm not watching it.

Trailer #2

• Josuke's Hypocritical Humor regarding product placement:
  Josuke: Money or not, I will not bow to any sponsor!
  [Cut to Josuke wearing Crystal Pepsi merchandise with the Pepsi jingle]

Final Trailer

• The newscaster's blatant Narrating the Obvious:
  Newscaster: So far, the police don't have any leads or suspects regarding this recent string of gruesome murders. In other news, a very dangerous murderer escaped from prison last week.

DIU Episode 0 Premiere

Kira: Step aside, Dio Brando, for there is a new murderous villain on the loose. And I can assure you, he is quite the nasty bastard, that one!

[Kira starts laughing evilly, only to start coughing]

Kira: Oh dear...

DIU In Top 81! VOTE For Us NOW!! (#TIBA)

• Okuyasu really wanting to win something from the contest:
  Koichi: We should just like, you know, let things come naturally.
  Okuyasu: Oh, shut up! I've never won anything in my LIFE! If things came naturally, God would have never invented fiber bars!
• Okuyasu again...:
  Josuke: Remember, you can vote for anyone you like.
  Okuyasu: But vote for us, or we'll kill ya!

Rohan REACTS To LOSING #TIBA!

• Rohan reacting negatively to Koichi's pep-talk:
  Koichi: Come on, Rohan. You gotta be a team player!
  Rohan: You know who says stuff like that, Koichi? Losers, that's who.
• "I lost the award that compensates you for losing already!"