Funny / Detective Heart of America: The Final Freedom

• Right off the bat, before the intro is even over, the movie gets right on track. For one, Obama is listed as an executive producer. Plu-Lax is listed as Executive Executive Producer, as the true president of America.
• The opening scene in it's entirety. Reggie getting kidnapped and waking up on a space elevator, and Heart of America completely failing to be of any help.
• The bitcoin video, and Heart of America still not getting any of it.
• This:
  DHOA: Oh by the way, happy birthday Chief!
  The Chief: Oh my god, you remembered!
  DHOA: Of course chief! I've even baked you a big chocolate cake!
  (a small, partially eaten cake comes into frame)
  The Chief: That's my favorite! CHOCOLATE IS MY FAVORITE!!
  DHOA: I ate a piece of it already, I guess I'll just, like, mail the rest to you.
  The Chief: You're the only one who remembers! Not even my kids bother call-
  (DHOA hangs up)
• Heart of America's encounter with the baby:
  DHOA: GET ON THE FLOOR! ...oh, uh, hello?? I know there's a goddamn baby somewhere here...
  (silence, then suddenly something is flung across the room)
  Baby: JUSTASHTUPIDBABEH
  DHOA: HEY! Bweep bweep. Hey!!
  (the baby is flung back to where it came from)
  Baby: BACKOVERHERE
  DHOA: Bweep bweep! Stop it!!
  Beat (the baby scoots across the floor)
  Baby: BEHBEHUNDERDACAR
  DHOA: OH MY GOD WHAT PART OF "Bweep Bweep" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!
• Heart of America finding Madison Square Garden the zebra, who sneaks out at 2 in the morning to break into a park to go down a slide and then go right back home.
• The encounter with Chess Mate, Heart's mortal enemy... who he's never met before in his life.
• DHOA meeting back up with Reggie;
  DHOA: So that's where I'm at so far in the case.
  Reggie: Sorry it's not going better
  DHOA: Yeah I don't really know what to do now, I talked to a baby, I yelled at a zebra, and thus I'm at a dead end.
  Reggie: Yeah where do you go from there?
  DHOA: So how have you been doing man? What happened after I didn't catch you, went home and didn't follow up at all.
  Reggie: Oh, Sabina tracked me down and brought me to a hospital. Luckily I had landed on a pillow factory. Unfortunately I landed hit the roof ...and the factory was run by wolves and cobras.
  DHOA: Geez, what a day that was, huh?
  (beat)
  Reggie: I only dream in nightmares now.
• Gorslax constantly ridiculing Reggie over having dead weeds in place of a garden, sarcastically taunting him with how proud his late florist father would be.
• Gorslax getting caught in a garden ornament, then a tree, then a time vortex.
• Ulathar's scene:
  DHOA: Ulathar, oh great horse of infinite knowledge, I have been sent by Gorslax to receive a vision that might aid in my quest to save America, the beautiful.
  Ulathar: (guttural noises)
  DHOA: Oh yeah?
  Ulathar: (guttural noises)
  DHOA: Is that a language? Are you talking to me?
  Ulathar: (guttural noises)
  DHOA: Are you so much smarter than me that I can't comprehend what you're saying, or are you having a medical issue?
  Ulathar: (guttural noises)
  DHOA: Alright well I'm gonna assume this is how the conversation is supposed to be going
  Ulathar: (guttural noises)
  DHOA: Should I close my eyes? Is that a thing I need to do to get my vision?
  Ulathar: (guttural noises)
  DHOA: I'll take that as a compliment on my insightfulness, and a yes. Closing my eyes now...
  (Heart of America gets a vision of him and an Uncle Sam eagle bolting at each other wielding swords.)
  DHOA: (beat) Well I don't fuckin' get it.
• When Pinocchio finally shows:
  Pinocchio: Oh hey asshole how's it goin'?
  DHOA: (turns) Oh shit it's Pinocchio!
  (nothing's there)
  DHOA: Wait hold on a minute.
  (a hand comes from offscreen and turns the eagle statuette slightly, Pinocchio comes into frame)
  DHOA: Oh shit it's Pinocchio!
• The hacking website for the deep web is called butts.life, and features an array of security measures involving clicking animated butts and quoting Jurassic Park, cue...
  DHOA: There had to have been a better way to secure this site.
• Pinocchio explicitly telling Heart of America he will not dip his testicles into a variety of his possessions or stand naked in his bedroom for several hours.
• Chess Mate still showing up, even in HOA's hallucinations while deprived of oxygen.
• The World Trade Center re-appearing after OUYA erases America ...only to disappear once again.
• The Chief becoming a bumbling nonsense Brit without America.
• The cast venerating the Holiday Inn in hopes that the parent company won't sue the producers over filming on site.
• Heart of America contemplating his situation.
  DHOA: America is gone. It's all of my worst nightmares come true... except the one where my mom eats my face. Who am I, without America? Am I even still American? Oh God, am I a foreigner? I don't like thinking about this stuff, about myself. It makes me feel weird. I need to think of something else. Like the comic strip Garfield. Oh God, does Garfield still exist? I would be totally fine if it didn't. What am I going to do about all this? How can I save a country that never existed? Why does Garfield hate Mondays? Why does John let Garfield be so abusive towards Odie? That poor dog. Garfield seriously just like, beats him, all the time. Gaawh, I just realized Futurama probably doesn't exist anymore! But I guess neither does LOST so I guess it all evens out. I suppose I should see if my friends still exist... that's probably one of the first things I should've been thinking about... instead of Garfield...
• Gorslax getting more harsh about what Reggie's father would have thought, then getting caught in another time vortex.
• The film taking it's largest supporter, Brendan Mcleod, and putting him in the movie as an radical robot plot device from a previous iteration of reality.
• The country that took America's place is called "Fug". Everyone is now named Fug. Heart of America guesses if the flag of the country is just a plain white flag with "FUG" written in big uppercase letters in Helvetica font. As we see later in the climax, he is exactly right.
• Chess Mate tracking down DHOA, detailing a plan (that's not in motion yet), and then Heart of America getting smashed to bits by a car.
• Jesus is a merman. 'Nuff said.
• Jesus sends DHOA back into the world of the living ...several hundred feet above the ground where he promptly falls to his death again. He then tries again, sending Heart of America barreling down the roof of a cabin to the same result. Finally, he sends him flying into the ocean, where he survives ...but is then attacked by seagulls. Smash Cut to a disembodied hand blowdrying DHOA with a wall-mounted hotel hairdryer.
• Heart of America trying to rebuild America by learning it's fundamentals. He starts with the positives: Freedom, Love, and affordable lamps. The negatives are: 9/11, Lost, and "whatever subprime lending is". America is an idea, a rich history, hope, and a map of the country. He names Florida, Wyoming, Texas, California, New York City, Vermont and "a bunch of others" as the states that make up America. After a while, he concludes he has made absolutely no progress.
• DHOA and Brendan conclude the way to rebuild America is by reproducing how it was founded in the first place: by invading the land and slaughtering natives.
• The Native Fugmericans introduction:
  (off-key pan-flute music overlaying shots of a forest)
  DHOA: Hello? I'm looking for Native Fugs? Hello? ...is it racist that I'm looking in a forest? I feel like this is racist.
  Debrah: Hello friend.
  (the pan-flute resumes as a doll walks into frame)
  Debrah: I am a Native Fugmerican.
  DHOA: What really?
  (beat)
  Debrah: Mmhmm.
  DHOA: "Fugmerican"
  (beat)
  Debrah: Mmhmm.
  DHOA: My name is Heart Of America, what's yours?
  (pan-flute music crescendos as the camera zooms in on Debrah, and then suddenly cuts out)
  Debrah: Debrah.
  DHOA: Okay.
  Audrey: And I am Audrey.
  (pan-flute music resumes as another doll walks into frame)
  Audrey: I am a Native Fugmerican as well.
  DHOA: Sure. So, what tribe are you two from?
  (beat)
  Audrey: All of them.
  Debrah: What brings you to our forest Heart of America?
  DHOA: I'm trying to save my country, and I think to do that, I need to learn the ways of the people that were here first.
  Audrey: You have come to the right place. We are definitely not a troop of actors that got lost in the forest and never found our way out.
  Debrah: Certainly not!
  Audrey: We are Native Fugmericans. And the Native Fugmericans have been here for millions of years.
  DHOA: I feel like I know a lot less about native people than I thought.
• The Natives showing DHOA the pillars of their society. A Native named Jane shows him the first pillar: vegetables. HOA is shown a bunch of carrots and squash, deemed "yellow things" as well as full packages of popcorn kernels precariously shoved into the dirt and told it is a garden. A Native named Rooney shows him the next pillar: art. He is shown a picture of various flora with teeth, and is told if he only notices the teeth then he misses the overall message: there are teeth all over the place. Yvonne presents the next pillar: death. She has strangled and beat Santa to death and taken his clothes, the lessons here are: Santa is a bastard, you don't fuck with Yvonne, and die. The fourth pillar is shown by Linda, jewelry, where she calls a tangled string with garbage flimsily attached to it a necklace, and then gives HOA her wig. Rita shows the next pillar: tying knots. She tells Heart of America that if you accept something into your heart, you can tie its knot. She also shares forbidden knots, such as the lasagna, coffee and napping knots. The lesson is anything Garfield likes makes a forbidden knot. Elsa presents the final pillar: bugs. She asks what DHOA's favorite bug is, and he hastily replies worms. She lifts her hat to reveal huge, grotesque, flailing worms, creeping out the party.
• Pinocchio and MSG tracking down the Natives in hopes that committing genocide will set America's formation in motion, followed by:
  DHOA: Stop it! Let's just think about this for a minute!
  Pinocchio: I thought about it for lots of minutes!
  DHOA: Oh yeah? How many?
  Pinocchio: Twenty? Thirty? Fuck, I dunno!
  DHOA: C'mon, we can all make a big, beautiful America without killing anyone except foreigners!
  Pinocchio: Step aside Heart of America this needs to be done! If you're not up for the task just uh, put on your dress and go home!
  DHOA: WHAT?! Fuck you, what's wrong with dresses?!
  Pinocchio: It's just a phrase man!
  DHOA: Well it's a stupid phrase! Fuckin' Xena the Warrior Princess wears dresses, why can't I?!
  Pinocchio: I don't know!
  DHOA: I'm gonna make a dress and wear it and then do a bunch of ninja moves on you lookin' like a fuckin' badass.
  • Followed by:
  Debrah: A dark wind sets upon a cold land...
  Heart of America: …what?
  Debrah: Nothing. That means absolutely nothing.
• Heart of America having a vision of the Uncle Sam eagle impaling him with a huge fork while looking into a chemical waste fire, and still not understanding anything.
• The battle: DHOA wearing a dress and the Natives are lined up at sunrise against Pinocchio and MSG, the former apologizing for his comment before admitting the dress looked pretty good, and saying after some thinking he realized they never really had a step 2 beyond killing the Natives, and doesn't want to end up killing anybody if he's just going to spend the rest of the day jacking off or something.
• Aliens arrive and start killing everybody.
  Pinocchio: Oh hey, what's up?
  (explodes)
• The Natives' dying proclamations of love:
  Yvonne: Death, it comes for us all.
  (explodes)
  Madison Square Garden: I DON'T FORGIVE YOU MOM!
  (explodes)
  Jane: ELSA!!
  Elsa: What is it Jane?!
  Jane: I love you! I've always loved you!
  Elsa: ...oh.
  Jane: "Oh"??
  Elsa: I'm sorry, I'm in love with Rita!
  Jane: RITA?!
  Rita: Elsa! I never knew!
  Rooney: Hey, I'm in love with Rita!
  Rita: Well, I'm in love with Linda...
  Linda: I'm just kind of in love with myself. I don't really want a relationship.
  Jane: Wait is anyone in love with me??
  Rooney: I do! You're my #2!
  Jane: Oh cool! Do you want to go out some time?
  Rooney: Oh jeez I guess not.
  (explodes)
  Jane: It wouldn't have worked out anyway, I'm still not over Elsa.
  Audrey: This is how it has ended for millio-
  (explodes)
  Debrah: MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I DIDN'T SKIP MORE SCHOOL AND DO MORE DRUGS!
  (explodes)
  DHOA: NO! NO!!! AMERICA!!!!! AMERICA!!!!!!!
  (explodes)
  (poof)
  Jesus: Jesus Christ what was that??
• Jesus accidentally calling Heart of America "Dan" and being reluctant to divert power from the cubes he uses to watch people masturbate to help send DHOA back to Earth. For the record he once again causes DHOA to fall to his death before remembering the ocean.
• The shark council entirely. Just the whole thing. Incidentally he asks them if they know who Dan is.
• DHOA finding Brendan dying, as he ran out of "cube energy". Before dying he gives Heart of America a phone number of a resistance force that's looking for him, and a dying gift: a bottle of pure Surge soda mix, good for one last glass. DHOA tells him that Coke brought Surge back, and Brendan, in his own words, dies sadder than he could have possibly imagined.
• DHOA dials the number, which is literally just the number 8. And is forwarded to a Pizza Hut employee who, after a lengthy conversation slamming Pizza Hut's menus, gives him a rendezvous address ...which is also 8.
  DHOA: Fucking... 8.
• He somehow finds 8, where Gorslax comes to pick him up. Soon, they are pursued by an alien, and can't get away in time due to Gorslax forgetting the parking brake is on. Cue Chess Mate's trap, which ends up saving Heart of America and killing the alien... and that's the last time we ever see him.
• The meeting of the resistance ... right back in the same hotel where DHOA was staying. The same room in fact.
  Gorslax: Well here we are, resistance headquarters.
  DHOA: What!? This is where I'm staying!!
  (Smash Cut to DHOA's room)
  DHOA: THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE I'M FUCKING STAYING!
  Gorslax: Well you know, we thought we could save more bucks this way.
• The resistance: Reggie, Sabina, OUYA, the Baby, FANNIE AND EARL, and Fug the Cat.