Anybody got any hand sanitizer?
- When Gru meets with Mr. Perkins to ask him about funding for his plan to use the shrink ray, only for him to realize that he doesn't actually have the shrink ray, this happens:Mr. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money?
Gru: Apparently... - The first time Gru tries to infiltrate Vector's lair, it doesn't go very well. He keeps on being taken out by Vector's various traps and weapon, and all the while, Vector is just playing around with the keyboard he uses to control them, not even taking things remotely seriously. At one point, he's even shown rubbing the keyboard on his butt like a towel (as pictured above).
- The fact that Vector hid the Pyramid of Giza near to his house by spray painting it blue and painting clouds on it.
- Gru trying to impress Ms. Hattie by speaking Spanish. She thinks it's a compliment, but she has no idea what he's really saying.Gru: You have a face... como un burro. translation
- And the next time Ms. Hattie appears, she mentions that she bought a Spanish dictionary so she could figure out what it meant, and slaps Gru across the face with it in anger.
- There's just something about Vector screwing around with the shrink ray and the idiotic one-liners he shouts while shrinking his BATHROOM.Vector: Boo-yah! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash!
- He then receives a phone call from his dad and says he has the shrink ray. You can faintly hear him on the other line ask something along the lines of "Are you playing with it, you idiot?"Vector: No, I'm not playing with it!
- Four words: "CURSE YOU, TINY TOILET!!" (After he shrinks the toilet and gets sprayed with a blast of water).
- He then receives a phone call from his dad and says he has the shrink ray. You can faintly hear him on the other line ask something along the lines of "Are you playing with it, you idiot?"
- When Dr. Nefario mishears Gru saying "cookie robots" and makes boogie robots instead. Gru's reaction just sells it.Gru: (watching the boogie robots dancing in bewilderment) Eh, question: what are these?
Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! BOOGIE! (laughs and dances along with them) Look at this! Watch me!
Gru: (turns them off and sighs) "Cookie robots." I said "cookie robots." W-Why are you so... so old?
Nefario: OK. I'm on it. - Nefario showing Gru the fart gun.Gru: I said dart gun! Not... (gags and fans the stench away) Okay...
Nefario: Ohhh... yes, well, I was wondering... under what circumstances would ever use something like this? - One Minion samples an anti-gravity serum and immediately floats up through an open skylight an into the stratosphere, babbling in a confused panic all the while:Nefario: "...I meant to close that."
- This exchange:Margo: Four boxes of Mini-mints, two Toffee Totes, uh, two Caramel Clumpies and fifteen boxes of Coconutties.
Vector: Exactly! I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies! Not likely! Name one person who ordered more cookies than me!
Margo: (unimpressed) That'll be $52.
Vector: Right. (starts counting money) Seven... eight... nine...
Agnes: Why are you wearing pajamas?
Vector: (scoffs) These aren't pajamas! It's a warm-up suit.
Edith: What are you warming up for?
Vector: Stuff.
Margo: What sort of stuff?
Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand.
Agnes: Like sleeping?
Vector: THEY ARE NOT PAJAMAS! - Gru trying to cheer up a dour-looking Dr. Nefario by holding up some cotton candy and saying, "Cotton candy!" in a doofy singsong voice.
- The girls messing with Gru's presentation.Gru: "I fly to the moon... I shrink the moon... I grab the moon... I sit on the toilet... wait, what?"
- He then tries to pretend he was the one who drew it, and it was an attempt at a joke, he then says, "I know how much you like to laugh". The bank guy just gives him a Death Glare, so he awkwardly adds, "...Inside."
- From a sign: "Bank of Evil (formerly Lehman Brothers)"
- Early on in the movie, there's a game at an amusement park where you have to knock over a tiny spaceship prop. The reward is a stuffed unicorn (Agnes' was destroyed earlier). After two tries, Agnes hits the spaceship... but the vendor decides to get smart-alecky and invoke Exact Words, saying that she didn't "knock over" the spaceship. In response, Gru proceeds to bring out his Plasma Cannon and blast the stand. The entire stand is obliterated... except the planet and spaceship. The vendor stares at the wreckage, and the ship disintegrates.Gru: [in a smug sing-song] Knocked oooooo-ver!
- Particularly hilarious is watching how blithely the carny taunts Gru: "Uh oh! Somebody's got a frowny face!" Big mistake, wiseguy...
- Agnes' very enthusiastic reaction to the unicorn plushie she spots during the games fair.Agnes: IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!!
- And again when Gru wins it for her:Agnes: (deeper, shakes the plushie violently) IT'S SO FLUFFY!!
- And again when Gru wins it for her:
- Gru's little slip-up during the adoption:Gru: ...who's Debbie?
Hattie: Your wife.- In a Black Comedy way, the fact that this mistake still doesn't change Hattie's mind about letting him adopt the girls, even though she doesn't believe his cover story anymore, assuming she ever did in the first place.
- Before that, when Gru starts fake-crying, Miss Hattie has a hilarious unimpressed expression on her face. He also, as part of his dentist act, says, "It's like my heart is a tooth and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children!".
- Agnes holding her breath when her beloved unicorn toy is destroyed.Gru: ...that's freaking me out, what is she doing?
Margo: She's going to hold her breath until she gets a new one.- Margo's dry tone of voice indicates that this is a regular occurrence.
- The minions go shopping
for a new unicorn toy for Agnes. They dress as humans with one in men's formal attire, one in drag, and the smallest one in Goo Goo Getup. The one in men's clothes finds a massage chair and has fun on it, the one dressed as a baby tries to drink soda but shakes the bottle, resulting in an uncontrollable stream of fizz causing him to first swell up full of soda and then fly around the room. The one in drag is the only one who manages to buy anything, and he ends up making a "unicorn toy" out of a toilet brush, an ice cream cone, googly eyes, and a golf ball. - The little shadow puppets during the end credits can also make one laugh.Minion: (talking through shadow puppet of Gru) "Hello! I am Gru. Back to work. Back to work!"
- Even Gru thought it was Actually Pretty Funny!
- When Gru goes into the bank, the teller at the front desk is fast asleep. Behind him is a sign which declares "We are always alert to all your needs!"
- Agnes singing at the orphanage during bedtime, much to the annoyance of Margo and Edith. The latter even uses her pillow as a makeshift set of earmuffs in annoyance.Unicorns, I love them. Unicorns, I love them.
- Two of the Minions altering Gru's credentials while Ms. Hattie is reading them. Then getting into a slap fight over what to add, and then one Minion starts forcing the other to slam his head against the keyboard repeatedly, causing the credentials to turn to gibberish and confusing the hell out of Ms. Hattie.
- Made even funnier when a crowd of Minions (surrounding the two) start chanting "fight" when the two Minions get into said slap fight.
- Before that, one of the Minions calls the other an idiot after pushing him off the chair.
- One of the fake credentials is that Gru can hold his breath for 30 seconds. Miss Hattie's negative response is what led to the Minions fighting.Miss Hattie: "And you can hold your breath for... thirty seconds?! It's not that impressive!"
- In one scene, Gru makes pancakes for the girls, and Edith is delighted.Edith: Mine's shaped like a dead guy!
- One of the side effects of stealing the moon... a werewolf turns back to normal.
- Another side effect of stealing the moon: the tide goes straight out, sending a surfer crashing onto the rocks.
- When Gru is telling his adoptive daughters the new rules, he says, "Rule number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or burp or fart. So, no annoying sounds!"Agnes: Does this count as annoying? (Puckers mouth and smacks puffed-out cheeks, making a popping sound)
Gru: VERY. - Jorge (the short plump minion with the spiked hair) xeroxing his rear end on the photocopier, much to Stuart and Jerry's amusement.(snickers) "Butt."
- Then when it turns out that the Shrink Ray is not permanent, causing their ship to blown back up to full size before their eyes, they look at it with a beat of stunned silence, until the Xerox spits out the next image. "Eh, eh, eh? Butt!"
- The girls and two minions throwing TP around the house. Gru sees this and he is not amused.Edith: Umm ... (Points to the minions) It was your cousins' idea!
Jerry: WHAAAAT?!- Also this, which is both funny and cute.Gru: Okay, bedtime.
Girls: Awwww.
Jerry and Stuart: Awwww.
Gru: (Points to the minions) Not you two!
Jerry and Stuart: YAAAAY!
- Also this, which is both funny and cute.
- When Vector fires off his squid gun, a random man can be heard yelling, "AAARRGH, there's a squid on my face!"
- And just before, the look in that squid's eyes. It clearly has no idea what's going on...
- And then the second one rolls his eyes at Vector's boasting.
- Gru can't even pretend to enjoy the girls' favorite kitten book the first time they ask him to read it, and barely gets through a full sentence before going:Gru: "Woah, this is garbage! You actually like this?!"
- Then, when he makes them a new book, he uses his nose as the horn for the unicorn's horn and says that the original book was "accidentally destroyed maliciously".
- This scene:Agnes: Aw! My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly!
Edith: That's a Cheeto.
Agnes: Oh. (eats Cheeto)- Margo's and Edith's reaction just sells it.
- The gag with Nefario's ridiculously slow mobility scooter.Nefario: Quick! We have to warn him... AND FAST!
- Gru's odd "good night" to the girls during their first night there.Gru: All right, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed-bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. (turns off lights, starts to leave, but pauses) Oh, and there's probably something in your closet.
- Gru's first appearance. He makes a balloon dog for a child... and then pops it.
- This:Edith: When we got adopted by a bald guy...I thought this would be more like Annie.
- The Brick Joke in which Ms. Hattie mentions the offscreen Box of Shame, then when the three girls leave the room, they say hi to the girl imprisoned in the now-visible box. Later, when the girls are returned to the orphanage, they are each put in one of these boxes for their sizes. This time, it's not all that funny anymore...
- Edith's face when she sees Gru for the first time.
- While Margo tries to reassure the other girls (and herself) that they're going to be happy living with Gru, Agnes (who'd mentioned earlier she hoped the house would be made out of Gummy Bears) beelines to the candy Gru left them in a dog bowl and chows down.
- He also gave them newspaper marked "Pee-pee & poo-poo".
- The reference to The Godfather with Gru finding the makeover doll head in his bed and freaking out.
- Gru speaking to Dr. Nefario over the video intercom, and acting as if everything is normal... despite having Kyle hanging off his arm, and eating his muffin, having sunk his teeth into it.
- When Gru brings the girls home; Agnes spots Kyle, shrieks, "Ooh, fluffy doggie!" and runs up to give him a hug — whereupon he yelps in fright and runs away. Priceless.Gru: Kyle, these are not treats, they're guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my...dog.
(Kyle snarls)
Agnes: Ooh, fluffy doggie! (runs toward Kyle, who whines and attempts to runs away; griefs in disappointment)
Margo: What kind of a dog is that?
Gru: He's a...I don't know. - Gru and the girls argue over pizza:Edith: Oh, can we get stuffed crust?!
Gru: I'll stuff you ALL in the crust!
Agnes: (laughing) You're funny. - After the pyramid is stolen in the opening, various governments around the world protect their landmarks... such as one guy with a shotgun defending "The Big Beer (16000 fluid oz)" and a platoon of tanks in China guarding the Great Wall and all swiveling their turrets to shoot a passing bird.
- Kevin (the minion who gets shrunk later on) reacting to Gru shaking his hand like he just met Elvis and fainting.
- When Gru tells the minions to buy Agnes a unicorn toy, they argue in Minionese over whether what Gru said translated to "baboy" or "papoy". It ends with the first one saying, "Da da da, papoy. Pfft!" in an unamused voice.
- When the girls first find the secret lair, Edith finds a strange-looking solution:Edith: Can I drink this?
Nefario: (equally cheery voice) Do you want to explode? (Beat)
Edith: (kicks him instead)
Nefario: Gru!!! - This conversation.Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing?
Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard and I don't appreciate it.
Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go.
Gru: Unless they're dead. (Laughs) I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, have a good one.
Fred: (Not sure how to react) Oh, okay. Uh, yeah! - When Agnes says, "Pretty please," Gru replies that "The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep."
- The Minions' Establishing Character Moment: a pair of minions are busy at work hammering in rivets, when right as the minion with the hammer is about to pound in the next rivet, Gru interrupts them telling them it's time for the minions to assemble. The first minion runs off, leaving his friend seemingly depressed... and then runs back and smashes him in the top of the head with his hammer for literally no reason.
- Gru's less then impressive steals other than the Time Square Jumbotron.Gru: But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty!
(Minions all happily cheer)
Gru: The small one from Las Vegas.
Minions: Awwwww.
Gru: And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! (A Minion wheels in a smaller Eiffel Tower) Also Vegas. - What do the Minions use the Jumbotron for? Watching football.
- When Gru reveals his newest scheme to become the world's greatest villain, the Minions get a little too excited and pull out weapons well before he reveals what it is. And then one Minion accidentally fires his rocket launcher, blowing up several others.Gru: Hey, Dave? LISTEN UP PLEASE!
- Gru strides confidently toward his spaceship, preparing to launch his grand plan for stealing the moon... wearing a hot pink spacesuit (it was once white, but was stained pink after getting washed with the girls' ballet costumes).
- During the Dance Party Ending, after the minions carry Gru up onto the stage, he looks down at the minions and the girls with a sort of "I am not getting involved" expression. Then he starts nodding to the music... and a moment later he's boogieing down for all he's worth, still wearing a flat "I am not doing this, I am not having fun, how dare you even suggest I am having fun" glare on his face.
- When Agnes says that Gru is "nice", Edith replies, "But scary". Agnes says, "Like Santa!".
Minion Madness Shorts
- Home Makeover:
- Margo imitating Gru's voice when speaking to the social worker. Priceless.
- The girls and the minions decorating the house.
- Agnes's last lines "I think he likes it" when Gru comes to the door. (Specifically, she thinks Gru likes the newly-decorated house, even though he'd just passed out).
- Banana
- It ends with the minions going crazy over a fruit again, this time an apple, and they start chantin, "Bapple."
- The scene where the minion shouts, "BANANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
