Funny / Death Note Abridged (Dogface701)

• Tempting Fate:
  Light: ...the only way this day could get any worse is if an evil notebook fell from the sky!
• Death God Ryuk does his part to save the planet:"Oh, great idea, waste a whole sheet of paper on one name. Way to save the environment! Do you know how much paper costs in the Shinigami Realm... A LOT because there are no f_ing trees!"
• Light bonds with his little sister:
  Light: ...and that, Sayu, is how I kill people.
  Sayu: Awesome! Can I have a death note too?
  Light: No, you ignorant child. And if you ever get kidnapped by a gay blonde man, I will kill you.
• "If anyone attempts to force the drawer open it ignites the C-4 under the desk which sets off the atom bomb under the house killing everyone within a 50 mile radius."
• Stalked by the F.B.I.:
  Ryuk: Hey Light, there's this big, ugly, scary lookin' guy following you.
  Light: Ryuk, for the last time I know you're there!
  Ryuk: No, not me!
  Light: Oh. A rapist?
• [+ "DON'T WORRY I HAVE A PLAN!!!"+ ]
• Ryuk's Lampshade Hanging: "But hey, be sure to stand there and gloat while he's dying, because surely there are no surveillance cameras IN A PUBLIC SUBWAY!"
• Bystander Syndrome:
  Raye Penber: I'm dying! Somebody help me!
  Random Pedestrian 1: Shut up Emo!
  Random Pedestrian 2: We have problems too, you know.
• Poor Light...
  Ryuk: Say, whatever happened to that Yuri chick you were dating?

[Post-traumatic flashback of Domestic Abuse]

Yuri: FLOWERS... AND NO CHOCOLATE?!!! [/end flashback]

Ryuk: Did you just piss yourself?

Light: Shut up, Ryuk! At least I like women!

• Light and Naomi:
  Light: It's important that I not let her find out anything that could link to me being Kira... Hi, I'm Light Yagami, the one your fiancé was investigating. I murdered him in cold blood! Right in front of everybody and no one cared enough to help him...
  Naomi: * crying* I did my best! I did my best!
  Light: Ryuk, I don't get it. I didn't even write her name down yet.
  Ryuk: That was the most f__ed up thing I've ever seen-and I'm a Death God!