The apocalypse earns an F. . . F as in Funny.
Season 1
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Josh vs. The Apocalypse Part 1
- Terry, Captain of the Golf Team, intends to make our hero, Josh, his slav — er, indentured American. Josh, having none of that, threatens them to back off with his katana. Terry flips the bird and starts laughing. Dramatic music swells, Josh looks as though his Berserk Button has been seriously pressed, swings his sword. . . and buries it in Terry's hand.Terry: (in massive pain) Is this what you were trying to do?
Josh: I was trying to cut it clean off. It was gonna be rad!
Terry: GET IT OUT, FUCK-KNUCKLE!
Josh: Can't. It's stuck in the bone!
Gary: (chuckles) Bone. - Josh rescues who he thinks is Sam, from the Golfers... Only for the girl to turn out to be Angelica, a 10 years old girl he babysitted pre-Apocalypse, his reaction is priceless.
- Terry mocks Josh after being hit with a balloon filled with blood due to it not doing anything to him... And then a ghoulie promptly kills and eats him.
MMMMMMM-HMMMMMM
- Wesley begins the episode with a training montage showing off his samurai skills, slashing at various objects and a video game announcer calling out certain feats, such as "Sick Moves" when he stabs a watermelon, "Ole" when he cuts the head off a pinata, and "stunt double" when he does a cartwheel. He finishes. . .Wesley: (pointing around at the mess) So, uh, clean this shit up, then it's your turn.
Josh: What? - Then Josh takes a turn, and does. . . substantially less well. He fails to cut through a can of E-Z Cheez, instead just knocking it off the table, while the same video game announcer shouts "Ninja!" He bumps his head while crawling under a table to "Quick Hit!" He misses a watermelon, bumping into the table it's set on, prompting a "Oopsie-Daisy!" He forgoes his sword against the pinata and just punches it, shouting "Fuck yeah!" Finally, slashing at the mannequin, he only dislodges its forefinger.Wesley: Well, that is ironic.
- Hoyle's montage of "evil" through the school is so full of petty jerkassery it wraps around to being amusing. Special mention to the girl he boinks in the bathroom, who's so unimpressed whatever is going on in her phone is more interesting.
- Sam storms into Principal Burr's office to demand to know why he isn't doing anything about Hoyles. His response?
- He launches into an explanation of the bureaucracy and economics of being a school principal, while an increasingly-confused Sam just waits for him to get to the point, all while he's grinding said pencil to a nub in an electric sharpener. Notably, he is actually trying to tell her what's going on between him and Hoyles without actually saying it. At the end, he hands Sam the pencil nub.
Sam: Thank you? Glad I came in. - And Eli's always good for a quick zinger.Eli: (to Angelica, offering her a makeover) Your ends are so split they need a divorce attorney.
Homecoming Redux Or My So Called Stunt Double Life
- Wesley giving Josh some advice on him "missing Sam pretty hard."Wesley: Maybe you should try masturbating.
Josh: Dude. . .
Wesley: (pulls out a packet of weed labelled "Maybe You Should Try Masturbating.") Also, you should try masturbating. A warrior will rub one out before heading into battle.
Josh: I thought samurai were like monks, you know, on a strict NoFap diet.
Wesley: Samurai are the samurai of burping the worm. Why you think action figures got kung fu grip? - Angelica trying to coach Josh through losing Sam.Angelica: There are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, depression, rebound sex, Korean spa.
- Wesley and Eli (very, very stoned) brainstorming ways to kill Josh.Wesley: I don't want to kill Josh, but. . . (takes a big hit) if I did, it'd have to be quick, and painless, and untraceable. A perfect murder.
Eli: We get a mutant pug.
Wesley: A falling air conditioner.
Eil: We get a hippo.
Wesley: A hive of angry bees.
Eli: We get a shark.
Wesley: Ricin cigarette.
Eli: Banana Peel.
Wesley: Parking meter?
Eli: An angry Roomba.
Wesley: Reprogram the escalator.
Eli: Truck with lots of rebar in it.
Wesley: A whole bunch of marbles.
Eli: Oh, oh, an exploding xylophone!
Wesley: Texting while driving.
Eli: Ricin cigarette.
Wesley: I said that.
Eli: Oh. . . Extra-long bungee cord.
Wesley: Hot-dog eating contest!
Eli: Oh, a parkour contest.
Wesley: Freddy Kruger cosplay!
Eli: Pray to Thor.
Wesley: Kale.
Eli: Waterboarding by Ghoulie jizz.
Wesley: The fuck? - After seeing how the proto-Daybreakers' Homecoming is working (smashingly, by the way), we cut to see how the Jocks are doing at their own version. A bunch of Jocks all standing around, still in their Post-Apunkalyptic Armor, listening to "More Than Words," and no one dancing. Bear in mind, while the Jocks aren't exclusively male, females are in the distinct minority, and the ones there are definitely give off a One of the Guys vibe.
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- Turbo's whole "(mostly) accurate recreation" of the battle of the mall. Especially him slamming figures representing himself and Josh together to emulate them fighting. And his failure to spell "assassinate," with "assassate" and "assassass" both getting scribbled out before he gives up and admits he can't spell it. Note, this is happening in his subtitles.
- Josh is working on his skateboard, when KJ (who only speaks Mandarin) slides up to him. She looks around nervously, leans in close, and starts speaking quietly.KJ: You're right. Turbo needs to go. And now is the perfect time to do it.
Josh: (stops working on his board and stares at KJ in shock)
KJ: When he's injured, hit by an arrow during the battle. Unfortunately, these mall kids are pure priss. They're not even the kids that got picked last for kickball. No, these are the kids who had a doctor's note to get out of gym because they're allergic to dander.
Josh: You. Speak. ENGLISH?!?
KJ: We are in America.
Josh: English?
KJ: Look, we all do what we need to do to survive. Suburban whities ignore anyone who doesn't look and sound like you. People say anything around me because they think I don't understand shit, and that nets me information. Intel is the only real currency that anyone can trade on. You wanna take out Turbo? You need a tribe with skills.
Josh: (long beat) ENGLISH?!?
KJ: (eloquent "fuck my life" expression)
Canta tu Vida
- The beginning of the episode has Ms. Crumble's Imagine Spot of staring in a sitcom version of Daybreak where she eats kids and the director is none other than Angelica.
Josh vs. The Apocalypse Part 2
- Eli takes over the narrative of the series renaming it Elibreak, in order to make fun of Josh's flaws and his less than stellar actions throughout the series to the audience, it concludes in him inserting himself in Josh's and Sam's flashbacks of Episode 8, where Josh has had enough and begins chasing him across flashbacks to scenes where they even weren't present.Eli: Yo, you can't weaponize flashbacks, that's emotional profiling!Josh: It's just a memory of Eli, he's not allowed to do this.Eli: Says who?Josh: It's my story.Eli: Well, not anymore bro. I'm jacking your narration, and I'm showing everyone, just how awful you are.
- During the sequence, other characters react to Eli and Josh appropiately. With Wesley and Sam looking confused in their respective flashbacks and Angelica outright telling them they weren't even in the part where she and Ms. Crumble joined the Cheermazons.
Angelica: Hey, you *** twats weren't even here for this! - Wesley attempts to explain his feelings on their relationship to Turbo, and why he thinks they need to fight to the death, via the (very thin) plot of a fictional kung-fu movie.Wes: You are the sexy aerobics instructor—[Turbo starts to smile]Wes: Possessed by evil.[Turbo stops smiling.]
FWASH-BOOOOOOOOOOO...OOOOOOOOOOOM!
- How does Josh know sign language? He was an extra on a Canadian kids' program called The Adventures of Red Bear and Panda Bear. Which was sponsored by the Communist Party of Ontario.
