Funny / Carry On Dick

• During Harriet's interrogation:
  Captain Fancey: Where can we find Dick?
  Harriet: Ooh, search me. I've been livin' here for ten years and I've never found any.
• Sergeant Strapp constantly smacking his head on the doorframe.
• Captain Fancey whinges to Reverend Flasher about his wild experience with Madame Desiree:
  Captain Fancey: The minute I entered her room, she asked me to bath with her!
  Dick: Perhaps she wanted to show you the beauties of that fair city.
  Captain Fancey: Not that Bath! (Beat) But you're not far from the truth, I know what beauties she wanted to show me.
• This:
  Captain Fancey: Well nothing definite, I'm afraid, sir. It seems one of the Constable's men did see the women leave last night, with someone they thought was me.
  Sir Roger: And you know who that was, of course?
  Captain Fancey: Oh no, it wasn't me, sir. I'm pretty sure of that.
  Sir Roger: I'm talking about the two women, ya fool.
• Dick, Harriet and Tom fooling the police by slipping out the back of the carriage, locking Sergeant Strapp in, smacking the horse's behind and knocking the driver unconscious, sending the horse with the carriage on its way.
• The Constable's mannerisms, particularly the way he walks and talks incoherently.
• When the Birds of Paradise are held up:
  • Dick threatening Madame Desiree with his gun:
    Dick: Excuse me, Madame, I don't think you've noticed what I've got 'ere.
    Madame Desiree: Hmm, that doesn't scare me. I've seen bigger ones in my time.
  • This:
    Dick: Alright lads. Get yer bags.
    Tom: I'll 'ave the big blonde.
    Dick: Yer saddlebags, ya fool!
  • During the actual robbing, Madame Desiree has her necklace ripped off. It's a shame that was the only thing holding her knickers up.
    Madame Desiree: No, no, you must not touch that, eet-eet eez my only means of support!
    Dick: Come on, let me 'ave a look at it!
    Madame Desiree: No, you mustn't! Argh! (Beat) I told you it was my only means of support!
• When Sir Roger and Lady Daley are robbed by Dick again, thinking that he was already arrested:
  Sir Roger: Well it might interest you to know, that the man who was so scared by you, last night robbed us of everything we've damn well got!
  Lady Daley: He took my most treasured possession!
  Captain Fancey: Oh come, m'lady, surely that went long ago.
  Sir Roger: Hmm?!
  Lady Daley: My mother's bracelet!
  • In the same scene:
    Lady Daley: All this talk about "Big" Dick. I've had enough of it!
• Captain Fancey learning what a "diddler" is.
  Captain Fancey: Flap me sideways!
• Tom being trampled on by excitable members of the public at the church sale.
• Dick and Tom's disguises.
• Madame Desiree has this with Bodkin the innkeeper after watching her girls make out with members of the audience:
  Madame Desiree: You know my orders! They are only allowed down here to perform!
  Bodkin: I thought that's what they were doin'.
• In disguise as the Reverend Flasher during a church service, Dick suggests that anyone in the congregation that believes they haven't committed a sin that week should leave the church. Bodkin goes to leave and is praised by Dick, but he points out that Dick's talk of adultery and sinning reminded him of where he left his hat last night. Everyone except the gobsmacked Miss Hoggett roars with laughter while Tom and Dick corpse.
• Madame Desiree threatening the audience with a sword if they touch her girls.
  Captain Fancey: I wouldn't fancy a poke with that.
  Madame Desiree: What did you say?!
  Captain Fancey: Your blade, ma'am. You handle it too expertly for my liking.
  Madame Desiree: Well I shouldn't worry. You don't look as if you've got much to lose.
• This:
  Bodkin: Is the law after you then, sir?
  Sergeant Strapp: After 'im? You've obviously never heard of... Dandy Desmond?!
  Bodkin: "Randy" who?
• Sergeant Strapp making his penis-spying too obvious. Even to the point of using a magnifying glass on one urinal user.
  Captain Fancey: I fear this is gonna be a long job.
  Sergeant Strapp: Well if it is, it'll be easier for me to see, won't it?
• Bodkin trying to introduce the Birds of Paradise:
  Bodkin: It's my great pleasure to introduce Madame Desiree and her Ois... Oswas... (Everyone laughs) Madame Desiree an' 'er Bloody Birds.
• Sir Roger courting Madame Desiree:
  Sir Roger: Yes, but one doesn't want to view a luscious ripe peach without wanting to sink one's teeth into it.
  Madame Desiree: A "peach"? Is zat not what you Eengleesh play creekit on? Heh.
  Sir Roger: No ma'am. Though I must confess, I'd relish an innings with you.

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