At breakfast, Logan tells Carl to stay out if his way, to which Carl replies that he wasn't planning on going near him anyway.
Logan's reaction to Calvin and Linda kissing and Calvin's response:
Logan: Good grief, get a room! Calvin: You get a room, it's my house!
Gordy vomiting on Carl's timetable.
Mr. Morris' introduction:
Mr. Morris: Alright, dickheads! My name is Mr. Morris, and I'm the Math teacher of set two, cuz apparently, I just wasn't good enough for set one!!
Mary-Lynn thinking that the rule of Pythagoras is a dragon.
At the end of the episode, Boo suggests that he and the others go to Goomburger. Carl then gets a message from Calvin telling him to come home for being sent to the Principal's office on the first day.
Carl: I'm free, let's go!
Remastered 2022 Episode
"This milk tastes like ass!"
Linda being overly worried about Carl going to school.
Grace shows up late to class as she thought the classroom was on one of the higher floors. When Ms. Bishop tells her that the Class number was clearly Class 17, Grace says that she thought 17 was a big number and therefore should have been on a higher floor.
Mr. Morris' introduction is funnier than in the original episode, and all because of Roberto's presence.
Mr. Morris: That's it! You're on the warning list! Roberto: Cool, am I the first one?
Carl throwing a calculator at Gooper, but missing and hitting Mary-Lynn instead.
Mary-Lynn: My face!! I spent all morning working on it!!
In the episode's Cold Open, Blooper explains to Mr. Morris that using pathetic fallacy creates a good atmosphere, but since no one can understand his blooping language, Mr. Morris tells him that he's not quite right and that he didn't seem to be listening.
Mr. Morris has actually written "Pathetic Fallacy and other crap" on the whiteboard.
Jim Flaig's girly scream when Carl stabs him in the leg.
At the end of the episode, Gooper is completely wrapped from head to toe in bandages after being heavily injured, leaving only his eyes visible. As Bob and Liam are wheeling him away, a bird poops on his eyes.
Pidgey Problems
Carl's first meeting with Steve, Grace's pet Pidgey, concludes with Steve spitting on Carl's shoulder. After the latter says that they're like bros already.
Carl: I believe spit is a sign of affection with birds!
When Carrie and Sally ask Carl to let Steve out of his cage so they can play with him, Carl refuses, leading to this exchange:
Carrie: What!? That's not fair! Carl: No, what's not fair is that Shape of You has been at number 1 for weeks, yet Castle on the Hill flopped horribly!! Sally: What's a castle?
The fake ending that occurs when Carl covers Steve the Pidgey's cage with his blue bedsheet.
Calvin gets attacked by Steve while he's in the shower. He then retaliates by throwing the shower brush at him. Unsurprisingly, he then gets knocked out when Steve charges into him.
After the above moment, Steve promptly evolves from a Pidgey to a Pidgeotto.
While pursuing Steve in the rain, Carl gets soaked when a car drives through a puddle.
Carl:*Sigh* I hate rain...
The last line of the episode:
Grace: Hang on... I didn't know birds could change gender...
The Great Race
Principal Steelix telling Principal Onix that he's fat after the latter boasts that his school has made 40,000 dollars.
Boo's reaction to sinking into the sink sludge that Gooper's crew dumped onto the racetrack.
Dry Bones: BOO! LOOK OUT! Boo: For what— (Splat) Oh, I see...
Even better, Boo still ends up winning the race anyway. How? By riding on Ho-oh, of course.
Blooper suddenly appearing in Carl's cart after he was in an item box.
Motorhome Trip
Carl's father suddenly appearing in front of Carl while he's getting changed to go swimming.
Carl: Dad!? Don't sneak up on me while I'm getting changed! Carl Sr.: I'm your Dad, I've seen everything!
Gooper constantly getting messaged by Mary-Lynn. She apparently tried to call him at least 10 times.
Jim: Why don't you just break up with her? Gooper: Quit being an idiot, Flaig! She's one of the hottest girls at school! Bob: Yeah, what you want is to just get with another girl for a couple of hours!
The ending where Talia has got her job at Goomburger back. After she gives Carl and his friends their drinks, Boo is quite pleased, though not for the same reason as Dry Bones.
Boo: Well, that worked out well! Dry Bones: Yeah, I was afraid she'd never get another job! Boo: No, not that! This is the exact same cup I had last time!
Logan's New Girlfriend
In the Cold Open, Calvin and Linda hear Logan's rap music.
Calvin: God, I hate his stupid rap music! How come no one listens to Queen or Oasis anymore? Linda: Come on Calvin, what would the world be like if people didn't accept that other people have different opinions? Calvin:The internet.
Marvin attacking Janine in Goomburger after Carl takes his eyes off him during Gooper and Mary-Lynn's argument.
Carrie and Sally both riding on Cuddles and Kisses, ultimately culminating in Carrie being dragged along the floor by Cuddles' chain.
Mary-Lynn's assumption that Carl and Linda are both the parents of Carl results in a pretty chuckle-worthy response from Calvin.
Calvin: No no no no no, I'm Logan's father, she's Carl's mother, and we're married. We keep having to explain this cuz the audience still thinks I'm Carl's Dad.
During the dinner scene, Linda asks Mary-Lynn if she doesn't want any beef, prompting Sally to gasp and ask who the beef is with.
Too Much Water
For starters, the episode's title: "1-7.8/10: Too Much Water".
Dry Bones and Boo dropping garbage into the water, followed by Blooper confronting them.
Dry Bones: Hey, losers. (Dry Bones and Boo both throw their rubbish into the water) Dry Bones: So, we off to the park or what? Blooper: What the hell are you doing!? Dry Bones:Flying to Europe, what does it look like we're doing? Blooper: No, what are you doing with your garbage?! Boo: Oh, we're throwing it in the water! Here, watch. (Dumps a large bag full of garbage into the water) Blooper:STOP THROWING GARBAGE IN THE WATER!!!
If you look closely at the bag of garbage that Boo dumps into the water, you can see that it's actually a Trubish without any body parts.
After Blooper and Roxanne give their speech on why they should help to build a wall to prevent people from dumping garbage into the water, everyone applauds Roxanne for offering to give copies of Laid in America to the first five people who donate, especially Gordy.
Gordy: Awesome! I could finally get something to burn! Ms. Bishop: Shut the *** up Gordy!
Carl: Uh, Boo, I got a question, where'd you get that big blonde wig? Boo: Oh, your mom's room. Carl:Oh. That's not worrying at all.
Unfortunately, their attempt at seducing the Gyarados doesn't work because they forgot one small detail: Female Gyarados have white whiskers, so the male thinks that another male has entered his territory.
Mary-Lynn being sent flying away by the Gyarados after he asks Blooper if she's his friend.
Gyarados: Is she your friend too? Blooper: Hell no. (The Gyarados smacks Mary-Lynn with his tail, sending her flying off into the distance)
The episode ends with a freestyle rap from Carl.
Halloween Party
Gooper getting arrested for consuming alcohol despite being a minor. He even breaks down crying when Officer Mitchell tells him that his blood is going to be tested for alcohol and will be sentenced to community service if any alcohol is found.
Flaig: Hey, can I come get tested too? Gooper: SHUT UP FLAIG!!!
Boo claiming that he and the gang have learned about the value of friendship, followed up by Carl's response of "Sorry, what?"
Playing Hookie
Dry Bones casually telling his father that he is taking the day off school.
Dry Bones: Hey Dad, I'm taking the day off school today, see ya! (Walks out of his house)
At Goomburger, Carl wonders what everyone is doing at school.
Mr. Morris: You're telling me I came ALL this way from Donut Plains, and barely anybody decided to show up?!? I HATE THIS STUPIDASS LOW PAYING JOB! (Cut to only 2 students being in the classroom, one of whom is Talia) Mr. Morris: What are you looking at!?
The Fire Flower scene.
Officer Mitchell and his fellow officers watching Content Cop.
Boo's reaction to being spotted by Calvin.
Boo: Do you mind? We're trying to leave.
At the end of the episode, Carl says he is glad that he and his friends didn't get caught. Unfortunately, Coach Ronson almost immediately approaches them.
Coach Ronson: Hey, you four. Steelix wants a word with you. Carl: Aw, ***!
A Christmas Carl
The episode opens with Carl's family having decorated the Christmas Bush. But it turns out that Logan's only contribution was yelling "Close the door, I'm cold!" while the others were bringing the bush inside.
The entire conversation about why the family decorates a bush instead of a tree:
Carl: I wonder why we decorate a bush? Why not something like a tree? Logan: A Christmas tree? That's the dubest thing I've ever heard! Carl: What, and a bush is sane? Calvin: Do not mock the tradition of the bush! Every year families find a sacred bush and bring it inside to put presents around. How is one family supposed to bring an entire tree inside?
The scene that ends the episode, and the first season, is Carl being visited by Grace in hospital. While it starts out heartwarming, it veers into funny territory at the end when the Doctor tells Grace to leave.
Doctor: Alright, Grace, time to leave, we have to fix his heart, it's started beating really fast... Carl:(Muffled speech due to his bandages, but the viewer can still make out him saying "Doctor, what the f***!?")
Season 2
Carl's New Car
Detention
Carl being frustrated with Calvin after he doesn't allow him to go and see the new "Space Wars" movie. He even goes so far as to trash him for not wearing his shell.
Carl: I hate you! You're such a controlling waste of space! And put a shell on, you look disgusting!
Coach Ronson playing Flappy Bird while overseeing everyone in detention.
When Carl and company are being chased by Coach Ronson, Dry Bones comes out with this:
Dry Bones: Enough! Prepare to be boned! Carl: That doesn't sound right, dude...
Coach Ronson running into a table with paint buckets on it, resulting in him getting a bucket of blue paint on his head.
HERE'S RONNY!
Blooper squirting ink into Coach Ronson's eyes, causing him to fall into a table that has chemicals on it.
While everyone is watching "Space Wars", Ronson, who has been covered with paint and chemicals while pursuing Carl and company, shows up in the theater.
Calvin: HOLY CRAP, IT'S AN ALIEN!! Sally: Wow, the CGI in this movie is really good! Calvin: Alright, everybody stand back! (Electrocutes Ronson with his tazer)
The ending. Just as Calvin and Linda patch things up with Carl, Calvin gets a phone call.
Roy Koopa suddenly appearing at the end of the title sequence.
Roy: Okay, dudes, I'm here for the crossover episode! (Dry Bones shoots Roy with a Bill Blaster) Boo: Who the hell was that guy?
Marvin biting an elementary school teacher's mouth after she tells Carl and Logan to leave.
Toad Town Grammar
When the girls find out that Blooper has left for Toad Town Grammar, Talia tries to comfort Dry Bones, but he just replies with this:
Dry Bones: Nah, screw him! We don't need him! We'll just replace him with the Sea Pipe Statue! Kylie: That's a terrible idea.
Carl and his friends trying to find the password to get into Toad Town Grammar.
Computer: Password. Dry Bones: Whaddya mean, password? Computer: You need to know the password to enter, you dumbass. Boo: Man, these guys are good, they've got a password and everything. Carl: Um... 1234! Computer: Incorrect. Dry Bones: Admin! Computer: Incorrect. Carl: Open sesame! Computer: Incorrect. Dry Bones: Qwerty! Computer: Incorrect, you guys are absolutely horrible. Carl: Man, this thing's tough! At this rate we'll never get in! Boo: This thing's pretty good, though! We should ask Steelix to install one at Toad Town High! Dry Bones: Nah, Steelix is an asshole! Computer: Password recognized. (Door opens) Please enjoy your day at Toad Town Grammar. Carl: Can't argue with results!
Bonus points for the computer being voiced by Microsoft Sam.
Carl's New Teacher
In the Cold Open, Mr. Morris is trying to teach his students about Trigonometry, but Tucker and his friends are busy talking about sports.
Tucker: Yo, so if we wanna win we gotta come up with a good game plan! Harry: Oh, how about Roberto and Mark go in defense? Roberto: What, you tryin' to say somethin' puttin' me in defense? Mr. Morris: Hey! Talk about sports in your own time, I'm trying to teach a lesson here! Gooper: Well, keep trying, maybe one day you'll get good at it! Mr. Morris: I don't have to take your crap, Jordans! I was promised a promotion! Gooper: Yo, maybe if you got a promotion your wife wouldn't have left you! Flaig: Yeah! (Chuckles) You suck! Gooper: Shut up, Flaig.
Mr. Morris: THAT'S IT! I'm done! *** you! *** you all! *** you, you portentious, lazy, ungrateful pieces of ***! I do my best to try and create a good lesson, and you *** just sit on your phones and talk like a bunch of ungrateful little ***! You behave yourselves around Steelix, and around Ms. Bishop, and that boring old *** Mr. Moore, but with me, you think you can do whatever you want!? Well, I'm done! I'm done putting up with your bull***! I QUIT!! Gordy: Don't swear, please. I don't like it. Mr. Morris:(Throws a chair at Gordy, then runs out screaming) Carl: Geez, I barely even said anything.
It turns out that Carl's new teacher is none other than his own mother, Linda. How did she get this job? She simply painted a classroom.
Gooper's attempt to hit on Linda.
Gooper: Hey, uh, Mrs. Mitchell. I dropped my pencil over there, could you pick it up for me? Linda: Oh, Gooper, Calvin does this all the time! I know you're just trying to get a look at my ass. Gooper: WHAT!? No way, I wasn't doing that! I'm a perfect gentleman! Mary-Lynn: Hah! Linda: Aw, you're so cute!
Dry Bones tells Carl that they both know what he's going to have to do in order to stop his mother from teaching at the school, prompting Carl to respond with this:
Carl: I'm not doing a crossover with the koopalings, that won't solve anything.
The Hike
In the Cold Open, Carl is asleep when he hears footsteps. Thinking that it's a burglar who has broken into his house to take the fizzy gums, he goes to get his mother and Calvin, only to walk in on them getting it down. Sally almost immediately walks in with some food.
Sally: This should be enough for the midnight feast— *Scream* So that's what mommy's butt looks like...
After the above moment, Calvin is chastising Carl for last night's incident.
Calvin: You idiot! What gives you the right to just barge into our room in the middle of the night? I've told you never to go in there, do you never listen to me?! Linda: What Calvin's trying to say, honey, is that you should maybe knock or something next time instead of walking in without warning. Calvin: No, I'm saying you're a moron! Carl: I'm sorry, I heard noise downstairs. Calvin: Well then maybe when I hear noise downstairs, I'll barge into your room!
Boo briefly thinking that Steelix has had a sex change when he first sees Principal Staffordshire.
Boo: Woah, did Steelix get one of those operations or something?
At Goomburger, Carl and company are discussing what they should do about the situation involving the school's toxic food. When Boo asks Carl if they're going to tell everyone about the food, Carl thinks that they may not have to tell everyone, leading to this:
Boo: Ah, I see. We're gonna murder them. Carl: Uh, no. Dry Bones: Where the hell did ya draw that conclusion? Boo: I'm not sure, really.
Carl's House Party
In the Cold Open, Calvin calls Carl and Logan down to tell them something.
Logan: Could this wait 'till later? I'm busy working on my music! Calvin: When you actually make something out of yourself, then you can work on your crappy music! Logan: You'll be singing a different tune when my song goes to number 1! Carrie: I've heard you rapping, and it sounds more like a number 2.
Jim Flaig responding to someone telling him to shut up.
Flaig:(Laughs) Looks like Carl's havin' a little party. I know someone's gonna wanna hear about this... Roberto:(Walking past) Shut up, Flaig! Flaig:(Grunts) Make me...
Gooper is about to assault Carl, but then all of a sudden, Kisses, one of Calvin's 2 pet Chain Chomps, attacks him and mauls him. What makes this funny is Logan's reaction.
Logan: Aw, crap. We forgot to feed the Chomps.
And just after the above moment, Gooper finds out that there are actually 2 chomps in the house, as Cuddles shows up and attacks him too.
Logan's response to Calvin saying that the house is "almost too clean".
Logan: Oh, don't worry, we'll be sure to spill some juice on the carpet next time. Calvin: You watch yourself, or next time it'll be you coming home early! Sally: I'm not sure that made any sense, daddy.
The ending. Logan assures Carl that nobody else in the family will find out about the party they had. Unfortunately for them, there's still one thing they didn't manage to take care of...
Carrie:(Screams) There's a dead body in our room! (Beat) Carl: Goomburger? Logan: Let's go!
Mr. Mitchell vs. Mr. Grey
"Stupid kids, throw your rocks at someone else's car."
When Mr. Grey asks Calvin how Carl is doing, he responds with this:
Calvin: Well, the views aren't as high as Bowser's Children, but it's still going well.
The Truth Comes Out
Snow Day
The Election
Toad Town Strikers
The Impossible Test
Jim Flaig appearing in the girls' bathroom and the girls' ensuing reactions.
Summer of '19 (1/2)
Summer of '19 (2/2)
Season 4
Grounded
2020
Gooper's reaction after Grace hits him with a barstool.
Gooper: Ugh, I hate this decade...
Happy Anniversary
The School Trip
Gordy still being stuck in the sand at the end of the episode.
Steelix running over Gordy and later Gooper due to his crappy driving.
Parents Evening
The Talentless Show
The performances of the students, merely because of how bad they are:
Mary-Lynn singing Rollin' in the Deep. It's even considered to be one of the most memorable scenes in the entire episode, if not the series.
Oscar and Janie try to put on a Gymnastics performance. Janie launches herself at Oscar, who then has to catch her. Just in that moment, Oscar gets distracted by a TikTok notification, causing Janie to crash into wall.
Roberto's performance consists of him eating a pile of hamburgers. That's all.
Dry Bones getting hit with the wrecking ball that was supposed to hit Carl while singing a song to try to win Talia back.
Carl’s performance has him swear up a storm. He later mentions that while he got detention, he still won.
Boo: Odd, I saw your Dad at the store yesterday. Dry Bones: He don't know that! Boo: Oh, OK. So, when's it my turn to drive? Dry Bones: Leave it to the pros, Boo. I once beat Lewis Hamilton at a high-speed race in Brazil!
Dry Bones even drives the car past a pair of police officers who are about to end their shift.
Tommy: Hey, that car was going kinda fast. Should we pull 'em over? Franklin: Nah man, let the kids be kids. Tommy: But they're going thirty miles above the speed limit. He could seriously hurt someone! Franklin: Meh, they'll be fine. Our shift ends in fifteen minutes anyway.
Dry Bones suddenly crashes the car into a lamp post.
Dry Bones: Who put that there!? Boo: Dude, the car's busted! Carl's gonna kill you! Dry Bones:Relax, it's not that bad. [The car suddenly bursts into flames] Dry Bones:We'd better go...
Coach Johnson attempting to hit on Staffordshire while she's telling him to break up Carl and Dry Bones' fight.
Coach Johnson: Yo, Sydney! You single yet? Staffordshire: Break their fight up, now! Coach Johnson: If I do, will you take me out for coffee? Staffordshire: Now!! Coach Johnson:(Screams) Alright!
Before the above exchange, Staffordshire is giving a tour of the school to two parents. When they see the fight, they decide to leave.
Bob remembers the time Jim Flaig had to pee at the park.
Jim: Hey, I had a lot of soda! Dry Bones: Ever heard of this thing called a public toilet? [Gooper, Liam and Bob laugh] Jim: Grrr. Asshole...
Civil War (2/2)
Season 5
The Thanksgiving Dinner
Carrie and Sally try to avoid helping to set up the house for Thanksgiving dinner by hiding in their wardrobe.
Sally: You think she'll find us? Carrie: When Ash Ketchum has a birthday.
Wattson: What's her middle name? John: How am I supposed to know?! Grace: Carl, what's my middle name? Carl: Annie. Wattson: And he's from the generation that spends a thousand dollars on a phone stand! John: Fine, nobody remembers middle names anyway! Sheila: When's my birthday? John: Um... uh... January Thir— Wattson: Wrong. John: Let me finish! January Thirty One— Sheila: May 8th! My birthday is May 8th! John: I knew that!
Logan's New Place
Toad Town Puckers
Boo's Big Date
Looking Back
It's revealed that in the 90s Mr. Morris had the dream of becoming a famous musician, and he had a troublemaker of a student whom he would usually tell that he had no future whatsoever because of how disrespectful he was. Fast-forward thirty years and Mr. Morris and the student meet up again. The former student is now a friendly individual who managed to turned his life around and became the C.E.O. of the company that provides the paper Toad Town High uses while Mr. Morris is still the same bitter teacher he was back in the day. The best part is that the former student is completely oblivious to Mr. Morris' building anger.
Grace:(Screams in shock) Mary-Lynn:(Screams even louder than Grace) Carl: Oh dear... Kylie:(Enters the room) Carl, I need to tell you- (Sees Leon's corpse) Oh... never mind.
The Christmas Captive
The Valentine's Bowl
Bad Roxanne (1/2)
In the episode's Cold Open, Gooper tells Roxanne how much he likes dark hair, much to the frustration of Mary-Lynn who has dyed her hair blonde.
Dry Bones and Boo dressed in drag. That's all that needs to be said.
Bad Roxanne (2/2)
Dry Bones tells Boo that he might get suspended for two weeks if he gets into a fight with someone. Unfortunately for Boo, his attempt at picking a fight with Blooper doesn't go so well.
Boo: Hey Blooper, you suck. Blooper: I'm not fighting you, Boo. Boo: Aw.
Boo's attempt to explain why Roxanne has been acting so badly.
Boo: Call me crazy, but maybe, that's not actually Roxanne at all, but that she actually has an evil twin! Grace:(Gasp) Boo: And that evil twin kidnapped her, so she could pretend to be her in front of the whole school! What if it goes even deeper than that, and that Roxanne was actually the evil twin all along? Carl: Please stop.
Calvin walking in on Carl and Roxanne in his underwear.
Calvin: Yo, Carl, can I borrow your razor again? I've got this really annoying hair on my chin! (Sees Carl and Roxanne) What the- this is why I told you to tell me when you're having friends over!
Liam stands up to Gooper by punching him in the face.
Liam: Never treat my sister like that again, man. (walks off)
.