Funny / Blindspot

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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Season 1

Pilot

• Kurt Weller has that "goddamn it" face when he decides to get Jane Doe to help him talk to a Cantonese-speaking foreign student because he wasn't talking in English.
  Jane: Forget something?
  Weller: Can you please come upstairs with me for a minute, ma'am?
  • Reade asks Weller if he can come as well, instead of keeping an eye on Jane.
    Reade: Can I come too, or you want to roll the window down for me?
  • The reason why the student hesitated to talk to them? He thinks they were arresting him for his expired student visa.

A Stray Howl

• Weller decides to stop talking when Jane shows that despite her amnesia, she's able to handle an assault rifle safely.

Eight Slim Grins

• It's hard to take it seriously when the code name for the robbers and ex-SEALs]is Candymen.
• After two episodes of telling Jane to stay back and let the FBI handle them, they decided to give up and let her join the CIRG team instead.
  • Especially funny since Jane thinks she's being pulled from the field.

Bone May Rot

• Every scene with Patterson's unbelievably geeky boyfriend.

Authentic Flirt

• Anything that comes out of Rich Dotcom's mouth.
• Zapata's disdain for the name "Rich Dotcom."
  Patterson: Put everything he had into [Bitcoin], and within a couple of years he was worth half a billion.
  Zapata: Smart guy.
  Patterson: After that, he changed his name to Rich Dotcom.
  Zapata: I take it back.
  —
  Zapata: We've been searching properties that Enver owns within a helicopter's flying radius.
  Reade: Don't you mean Dotcom?
  Zapata: I'm not calling him Dotcom.

In the Comet of Us

• Before Reade could tell the civilians to get to safety after he accidentally activated a homemade IED, he turned around and saw only one person left while he gripped the door handle, which was the IED's switch and sighed.

Season 2

In Night So Random Bridged

• After concluding the case (unrelated to Jane) in the opening, Weller demands an explanation for Reade and Zapata's glum, silent attitudes.
  Zapata: We miss working the tattoos.
• And something in a Meta way: The caption TWO WEEKS LATER fills the screen, but it seems like cutouts put in the ground like lawn decorations instead of a standard digital caption, and the camera zooms forward and between the letters to shift focus on the action now starting in the background.

Resolves Eleven Myths

• As usual, Rich completely steals the show with his lines.
  • "This is like when they brought in the second Aunt Viv."
  • Why is this ruthless assassin after Rich? Because he hit on the wife of the leader of North Korea at a party. "I thought they had an open thing going. Note for your files: They do not."
  • Rich wants the team to consider an alternate setup:"You chase criminals, I eat brunch with them. It could be a weekly thing, maybe I'll wear a hat or something"
• Rich thinks he's tricked the gang into thinking Boston died and then using his partner to escape custody. It turns out the gang knew and was ready for him. How? Because Patterson recognized that Rich's story of Boston dying in his arms on the beach was just like Dobby's death in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
  Boston: You made me Dobby the House Elf? Even in the books, there are thousands of characters....

We Fight Deaths on Thick Lone Waters

• Clive painting himself as a badass who saves Weller and Jane with the former being the wimp who can't fight and Jane as the damsel he wants to impress.

Borrow Or Rob

• Once more, any episode featuring Rich Dotcom is a bonanza of funny lines.
• The flashback of Rich in college, using his usual smart mouth to try and get past a guard...and gets tasered for his trouble.
• The grand This Is Gonna Suck faces of everyone when they realize they need Rich for this.
• Rich's grand entrance, in shackles, a saffron yellow Buddhist robe and red cloak around him, a yamakule on his head, carrying a Bible and a Koran, holding various religious medallions in his hands.
  Reade: Looks like someone found religion.
  Jane: Looks someone found all the religions.
• Boston is still ticked at Rich for getting them arrested.
  Rich: How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
  Boston: Once! How about just once?!
• Rich states Zapata is too grumpy to play the part of his date and he's going to need someone else, while looking at Weller. Weller points out that Jane is off on another assignment so she can't...and then again has a This Is Gonna Suck face when he comes to a dawning realization.
  Weller: Beat...you weren't talking about Jane, were you?
• Rich introduces Weller as his "husband." Thad snorts "this guy has hooker written all over him."
• Rich: "Gunfire doesn't kill people! People kill people! Actually, on second thought, gunfire does kill people..."
• Thad holds Rich as a hostage against Weller.
  Thad: Get out of here or your Buddhist friend here gets his third eye.
  Rich: That's actually a Hindu thing...
  Thad and Weller: SHUT UP!
  • Weller ends up shooting Rich in the leg to catch Thad.
  Rich: Your obsession with the movie Speed is becoming unhealthy.
• Rich brushes off the surprise of knowing about the tattoos with "I'm here every other week."

Regard A Mere Mad Rager

• Kiva could give Rich Dotcom a run for the money in hilarious lines.
• Revealing she is a woman, not a man as most assume:
  Kiva: What?! A woman?! Every federale is looking for two men. Talk about unconscious bias.
• Revealing that an "MI-6" agent she executed is actually her sister, she puts on a spooky voice with "then she must be a ghooooooost!"
• Weller complains about being beaten in the mission and she replies "Rule 6, subsection B, nobody likes a sore loser."
• Weller wins her over with talk on he and Jane risking lives to help a stranger. "Looks like someone has been reading O magazine."
• Her parting words:
  Kiva: A wise woman once said your fates are now forever intertwined. I said that. I'm the wise woman.

Season 3

Back to the Grind

• Jane is rocked to discover who the FBI's newest asset is: Rich Dotcom.
  Rich: (seeing images of Jane's tattoos) If you want my comprehensive analysis, I require full nudes.
• Rich rants and goes on about how he figured something out and Weller moans "he's worse than Patterson."
• Reade and Zapata bicker over which MREs they got to eat while in a black site in Venezuela.

Upside Down Craft

• Rich's ridiculously over-the-top voice-disguised "threat call" including repeating the last word over and over like it's an echo.
  Patterson: It goes on like that for a while...
• Karen realizes Rich and Patterson were the other two Blind Mice by their antics in interrogation.
  Karen: "Opposite, opposite?" You wrote that in every text, who says that?
  Rich: Yeah, who does say that?

Adoring Suspect

• Naturally, Rich insists on helping in the case involving actor Keith Rhodes.
  Patterson: Our only other lead right now is an overrated Hollywood actor.
  Rich: Overrated? The man has a Moon Man Award for Best Kiss, how dare you!
• Rich notes the plot of Keith's new movie as "an FBI agent gets too close to his asset during a case involving a mysterious conspiracy. Wow, that sounds totally ridiculous..."
• Rhodes denies knowing terrorists funded his movies.
  Zapata: He's playing dumb.
  Patterson: Sadly, I don't think he is. He's not that good an actor.
  Rich: You shut your mouth!
• To get the movie producer to give up codes, Rich pitches a movie idea to him. He acts nervous with Jane actually kicking him when she realizes he expects the idea to be bought for real.
  • It's clear this is basically Rich's life story which he begins with his great-grandmother. Throughout the pitch, he tries to trick the producer into saying certain phrases to activate a door code. Seeing him get the guy to say "Excalibur," "poodle skirts" and "butterscotch" is great. In the end, Jane has to get him to say it by claiming it's "her personal mantra" to share.
• Rich talks about Jane's kid.
  Rich: I'm terrified there's a little Dotcom out there somewhere.
  Jane: Because of the child support?
  Rich: No, because a soothsayer told me I would be murdered by someone with baby hands, don't worry about it.
• Janes gives chase to a terrorist, the duo running past a studio tour tram. The tram driver tells the passengers not to take flash photos as "we don't want to ruin the scene."

City Folks Under Wraps

• Rich notes that with Patterson framed for murder, "this does not feel like a very safe work environment."
• Rich enters a room whispering "Marco? Marco?"
  Patterson: I am not going to say Polo!
• Patterson demands Rich find a way out and he asks why folks think he knows how to escape the building. Patterson gives him a look and he shrugs.
  Rich: Okay, follow these instructions. Up, up, down, down, left, right...Oh, no wait, that's Contra. Okay, left, right, right, skip two rights, right, then left. Is that right?
• He scoffs at following Patterson through the vents as "I'm going to use the hallways like a regular person!"
• Rich is offered complete immunity and the chance to find his boyfriend if he gives up the locations of everyone currently on the run, complete with a contract for him to sign. He signs it "Suck It", in the most graceful, feminine handwriting... complete with a heart dotting the "i".

Technology Wizards

• Patterson is showing the gang videos of people acting up, being blackmailed by someone using her "backdoor" of her video game to blackmail people. She shows videos of such things as a guy forced to run naked down the streets of New York.
  Tasha: Sadly, not the first time I've seen that in New York...
• Rich can't believe Patterson got his ex-boyfriend Boston to help build her app.
  Rich: He's a thief. He's not into hurting people. I know, I've asked him.
• Rich does a big speech on how Boston is a world-class intellectual, speaks seven languages and an expert con man and "you'll never find him if he doesn't want to be found." Right on cue, Boston shows up at the front door.
• Rich is upset to hear Boston was dating a known dark web crook.
  Rich: He's a lowlife, dark web-trolling, womanizing/manizing pathological scumbag that will do anything to make a buck!
  Boston: (shrugging) I have a type.

Warning Shot

• Rich welcomes Nas back by doing a bad British accent and asking for tea. Nas' reaction is to ask what the hell he's doing there.
• The team call up hacker Daphne with Rich instantly identifying himself, causing epic Face Palm reactions from Nas and Patterson.
  • Daphne actually laughs and says "you're just some 4Chan bro who found 50 million dollars somewhere." When Rich talks of a "Devil's Threeway," she gushes "you are Rich Dotcom!" And then Rich uses the whole thing to get an invite to the Dark Web party he'd been bugging the team about attending.
• At the party, Rich introduces Nas as "Gwendolyn Tuffington Havershire," his head of security "among other things." Nas is clearly thinking of all the ways she's going to kill Rich when this is over.
• Jane and Weller realize an old foe, Saul Ahktar is at the party. Rich brushes it off as him being "so high at the time" he won't recognize him. Right on cue, the guy comes up to "his old friends from the FBI" and Rich shrugs it off.
  Rich: I sold you out! What about when you double-crossed me in Zurich? I still can't look at a cabbage roll!
• Rich finally gets a taste of his own medicine as Daphne is a nutball who spends her time ranting massively on the inequalities of the world and bullies and such. She's about to tell them where the device is but goes into shock from an allergic reaction to one of the treats Rich gave her. She waves to her phone as Rich rummages through her purse but just finds "an empty pen."

Everlasting

• Patterson's groundhog dreams while she's in a coma. Highlights include:
  • Getting in an elevator with a naked Roman. And she almost kissed him.
  • Entering the elevator and out in a classroom. High School!Tasha thinks that Patterson is hot for teacher.
  • She figures out what ends each loop.
  Patterson: All I have to do is stay away from the centrifuge.
  She's instantly teleported to the centrifuge which is about to explode.
  Patterson: Oh, come on!

Artful Dodge

• Rich is warned that his standing with the FBI is under review and they spring it on one "as a surprise, like a drug test so you're not prepared."
  Rich: Yeah, unless you have a bottle of clean urine strapped to her leg at all times and that wouldn't really help here...
• Rich moans about hating to go back to Riker's Island and "the toilet paper is only one-ply."
• A fun turn on Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap! as Rich tells the FBI reviewer how he helped prove Patterson's innocence by using secret tunnels he's set up in the building, hacking various computer systems, dropping a virus into FBI systems, knocking out a security guard and making a fake bomb.
  Rich: What are you writing down?
  Reviewer: Oh, just adding up how many years you've tacked onto your prison sentence based on that story alone. Now tell me more about the virus.
  Rich: I, uh, I don't want to...
  • The woman marches off after reciting a line at Rich of "don't ask what your country can do for you..."
  Rich: You're quoting JFK? He was sluttier than I am!

Clamarous Night

• Rich pushes for Jane and Weller to go on a date night. When they're reluctant, Rich says he just used Weller's credit card to book them a dinner at a posh club and "it'll cost you $400 to cancel it."
• It takes Reade about four tries to get Rich to understand that his order to not go snooping into an FBI superior is not some secret code to do it.
• Patterson goes on a blind date which starts with her finding out the guy does a Bigfoot podcast, then how he plays her video game from a pirate site and then attacked by a gunman.
• Rich is able to track down a woman by finding out the guy sitting next to her in a bar, hacking the bar computer to get his name, finding his Instagram account and seeing a selfie he posted with the woman's face in the background.
  Rich: Even I'm attracted to myself right now.

Let It Go

• The revelation that Patterson's birth father is...Bill Nye.
  • We must emphasize. Not played by Bill Nye. He is literally Bill Nye!
  • Weller is a total Fan Boy for Nye. When Jane claims to have no idea who he is, Weller defends it on "she has memory issues."
  • And then it turns out Tasha already knew, having had dinner with them.
  • Also, Nye is where Patterson got the "opposite, opposite" line.
• Nye claims that Patterson's mom is publishing a paper with his "arch-nemesis" who's named...Rodney McKay. (SGA also once featured Bill Nye as a fictionalized version of himself, and he and Rodney didn't get along. As it turns out, the executive producer on Blindspot was also one of the producers on Atlantis. The best part is that Stargate's multiverse means that Blindspot could technically be in canon, even if there's no evidence that the world of Blindspot is regularly attacked by evil alien Egyptian gods.)

In Memory

• The team realize Roman is quoting The Count of Monte Cristo. However, he keeps putting in three words that were not in the main text. Weller asks what they are and the answer is..."What Three Words." Naturally, this leads to a Who's on First? talk as people keep asking "what three words" mean and are answered "what three words" for various confusion.

Season 4

The Quantico Affair

• The team go to find Rich who tells them where to find a bomber. As in, he just flat out tells them where to find him with no big production. After they leave, Patterson is outraged that Rich didn't go into the fun of detailing how they figured it out.
• Patterson has a steamy one-night stand with a hot guy...and then finds out he's part of the team of FBI recruits she and Rich are training. And then she finds out she's Director White's nephew.
  • At one point, White tells Patterson to "be on him all day" and Patterson nearly chokes on her coffee.
• Jane, Weller and Reade come back from stopping the bomber...covered in paint and feathers thanks to a bomb he set off.

Sous-Vide

• Rich breaks into Weller's apartment to solve a tattoo... by making a recipe. Weller is confused by this and Rich mentions that it's one of the many ways to do so. Weller warns him that he's breaking and entering, even if he has a key.
• Allison is asking Kurt if he's nuts to take on a rogue US military unit that's secretly conducting a WMD experiment on FBI personnel in the New York. He says yes.

Sun, Moon and the Truth

• Rich's ridiculous 3-D conspiracy movie trailer.

The Tale of the Book of Secrets

• Jane is temporarily blind after a surgery. Naturally, Rich yells to her as if she's deaf.
• Reade and Tasha ask Boston to pose as a terrorist named Del Toro.
  Boston: Will I also be playing Maria in a Boise State production of West Side Story? Del Toro? Do I look like a Del Toro?

Frequently Recurring Struggle for Existence

• Rich's latest genius idea: Creating a full-scale puzzle board game based on the team.
  Jane: I am both impressed and horrified.
  Weller: Why is my figure smaller than Patterson's?
• Rich uses the game to explain his plan to take down some arms dealers.
  Dave: Why am I a peanut?
  Rich: Because you're not part of the team.
  Dave: Saving my for the expansion, got it.
• To the amazement of everyone, Rich is the one person who has never seen the Mission: Impossible movies.

The One Where Jane Visits an Old Friend

• Jane tries to explain her entire insane story to a therapist. It goes as well as one might expect.
  Therapist: Now, these tattoos...is that a metaphor?
• Patterson notes how Boston is probably "sipping drinks at the beach with new friends."
  Rich: New friends? What new friends? If it's Chester, I swear to God...
  • Minutes later, Boston shows up and Rich complains he "smells like the beach."
• Boston has been bragging about his success as an artists...unaware that Rich is the only person secretly buying all his paintings. As he's leaving, Boston throws out how "I didn't know you had so much wall space in your place."
  Patterson: Wait, so...he knows? And...you know he knows but neither of you is saying anything?
  Rich: I love us.

Ohana

• The return of Bill Nye as Patterson's father. Rich, of course, is convinced this proves Nye is secretly an evil mastermind.
• Weller is still a fanboy.
  Weller: I'll talk to him. A familiar face might help.
  Patterson: Like his daughter?
• Weller wants Nye himself to do the briefing...on the very chemical he's accused of using. Patterson insists she can do it as "I can be fun."
  • And then Rich turns on a video of Nye from his TV show lecturing on that very topic. Weller actually laughs at it.
• Patterson's entire jealousy over how Bill's assistant, Ginny, is so much closer to the point her alibi for the day of the theft is because she was celebrating her birthday with Patterson's parents.
• Rich actually calls Nye "dad" as Nye clearly has no idea who this guy is.
• Reade sums up the plot:
  Reade: We have to find Bill before these poisonous bees exchange hands. Wow, that's a really weird sentence.
• Ginny groans over how "those poor bees" are the real victims and Nye agrees that "it'll be bad PR for them" as Patterson just gives "are you kidding me?" looks.
• Even the bad guy's henchmen don't want to hurt Bill.
• Patterson tries to calm Ginny down.
  Patterson: We handle this and we can keep our heads.
  Ginny: They're going to behead us?!

Everybody Hates Kathy

• Patterson and Rich reunite with their completely insane former hacker buddy Kathy...who wants them to be her "bridesmaids" for her wedding. And blackmails them to force them to agree.
• Rich actually likes his bright suit. Patterson...does not.
• Patterson offers ten grand to Kathy's wedding...only for her to claim her "dream wedding" will cost ten million dollars.
• Kathy claims the two were "free as foxes." They're baffled by the metaphor.

Coder to Killer

• The team talk to old foe Saul Ahktar about information...but he keeps being interrupted by construction workers outside the office.
• Saul and Rich still hate each other.
  Rich: You should take a class on snitching, you're not very good at it.
  Saul: I tried signing up for yours at the learning annex but the class was full.

Season 5

I Came to Sleigh

• Weller's idea to remove Rich's tracker is to use a big machete.

We Didn't Start The Fire

• Rich insists on calling the bunker "Archie."
• Patterson has a chore wheel set up for the group.
• The gang realizes there's only one person they can count on for help: Bill Nye. Hilarity Ensues.
  • We first see Bill playing video games and driving off other gamers by going into the history of a rocket ship.
  • "Are you happy? Are you hurt? Are you flossing?"
• White thinks Bill is coming onto him at a party.
• Bill Nye going on a massive rant on these "evil politicians" as a distraction has to be seen to be believed ("this bow tie is a camera!")
• The team lampshade that, to keep a bomb from going off, this is one time they want to have White talk non-stop.
  • Madeline's baffled stare at White's ridiculous speech dragging on is beautiful.

And My Axel

• Rich coming back talking seriously on "it was tricky but I got it"...and revealing he was just on a snack run.
• Patterson and Tasha realizing they met in 2004 when Patterson was a random lab tech and neither remembered it.
  • Patterson as a classic nerd in eyeglasses, ponytail, and lab coat. No wonder Tasha never put it together.
• In Tasha's recall of events, Weller is literally barking like a dog at her.

Ghost Train

• Rich is in a "nautical mood" which includes wearing a navy cap, smoking a fake pipe, ringing a bell and speaking in a bizarre "sea captain" accent.

Meta

Meta

• Some of the Blindspot-related questions are met by Jaimie's deadpan snarker replies.