- Avon's vicious snark is always funny.
Vila: When you get Zen [the computer] working, ask him to prescribe something for a headache, will you? I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes.
Avon: Have you considered amputation?
Avon I've summarised the relevant data.
Blake And?
Avon Of course we've come at the worst possible time. The planet is about to enter its winter cycle. They call it The Long Cold. Something of an understatement. It lasts the equivalent of 8 and a half Earth years.
Blake: Does it support any intelligent life?
Jenna: I thought they [alien plants] died if they left the planet?
Cally: No. You have to talk to them.
Avon: That's like talking to Vila. A complete waste of time.
Avon: How long a list would you like?
Vila: ...and you rescued me
Avon: Yes. Well, every silver lining has a cloud...
Gan: Can't find Orac [a computer]. Even tried calling his name.
Avon: Oh, I'm sorry I missed that. That's the kind of natural stupidity no amount of training could ever hope to match.
Dayna: Don't you ever get tired of being right all the time?
Avon: No, I get tired of other people being wrong.
Avon: This happens to be the most sophisticated lifeform that it has ever been my good fortune to come across. Present company not excepted.
Tarrant: Life? But it looks like...
Avon: A rock. Yes. Well, when you live on the permanent dark side of a planet, nobody cares too much what you look like.
Largo: [...] I could make you an offer.
Avon: They have a sentimental value for me.
Largo: Oh, family heirlooms, eh?
Avon: No, I'm just sentimental about money.
- Blake can give as good as he gets.
Avon: I'm finished. Staying with you requires a degree of stupidity of which I no longer feel capable.
Blake: Now you're just being modest.
- Vila is also the source of many a Funny Moment.
Avon: I told you. He's a friend of mine.
Vila: Yes, I always knew you had a friend. I used to say to people: "I bet Avon's got a friend, somewhere in the galaxy."
Avon: And you were right. That must be a novel experience for you.
Cally: He fears death?
Vila: I plan to live forever! Or die trying.
- WHERE IS ORAC?
- "Gambit":
- Cally and Jenna creating a distraction in a spaceport bar by staging a Cat Fight. Funnier because those two characters usually stay out of the power-jockeying aboard the ship.
- Vila and Avon, just back from busting the Freedom City casino, are still wearing their guns and teleport bracelets when Blake & co. come up to the ship, so their nonchalant act is hilariously unconvincing.
- Servalan's pleased little smirk at the end of "Weapon" after hearing Carnell's taped farewell: "You are by far the sexiest Supreme Commander it has ever been my pleasure to work with."
- Meegat, the naïve young woman from "Deliverance" who becomes convinced Avon is a god and keeps prostrating herself at his feet. Avon, Vila and Gan's expressions as she zips up and down are priceless.
Gan: Well, she seems to be on our side.
Vila: Yes, but the poor woman's insane.
Avon: Not necessarily. - In "The Harvest of Karios", Avon is poking a "rock" with a technical implement in the foreground, as the others are busy with tactical Technobabble. It gives off a small explosion and they all turn to him.
- "City at the Edge of the World":
Bayban: It's an honour, sir.
Vila: The honour's mine.
Bayban: That's what I meant.
- Avon tosses a disarmed grenade into a foxhole:
It must have been a dud, sorry about that.
- Vila in "Powerplay" gets a wonderful scene, first yelling at Zen for not responding to him, then pretending to be an army of ten people, then when caught out still trying to carry out the deception.
Vila: Call yourself a computer? You're an idiot, Zen. You should have been melted down for scrap years ago. You electronic moron. Ooh. Help me will you, Zen. I'm in bad trouble. [Pause. A growl in the undergrowth] [to himself] Sounds big and bad tempered, I just hope it's vegetarian. Is there anybody there? [starts pretending he's part of a group of ten men and doing different voices] There's something moving out there, men. Keep your weapons ready. Yes sir. Now don't be nervous men. There are ten of us, and all heavily armed. I just hope that whoever's out there has the good sense to leave us alone. I'm going to give them ten seconds to get away from here. One, Two, Three, ... Hold your fire men. I'm a humane man. I'm going to give them another ten seconds. The poor devils don't know that it's certain death if they attack us. One, [Notices Lom's spear next to his head] Two. Aghh, Ahh, ohh oh oh.
Lom: You are hurt?
Vila: Yes, it's my arm. I think it's broken.
Lom: It has affected your mind, I think.
Vila: My mind?
Lom: You were talking to yourself in different voices.
Vila: Ah no. No, no, no, no. I was talking to my men. Communicator. My men are positioned all around here. I give them their orders through this and I can hear them answer
Lom: We've been watching you. You are alone; and you do not need to explain to me about communicators, I am quite familiar with them.
Vila: Oh. Well that seems to cover everything.
- In "Stardrive", Scorpio clips an asteroid and Explosive Instrumentation ensues.
Avon: Slave, initiate the backup system!
Slave: I'm very sorry about this, but that WAS the backup system.
- In "Sand", Orac starts experiencing electrical interference and behaving...oddly:
Orac: Teleport? I am not programmed. Three squared to the principal.
Dayna: Oh, no.
Orac: I love you.
Vila: Orac!
Orac: My emotions are deeper than the seas of space. One times one is only possible in the ultra-dimensional.
Avon: Turn Orac off.
Orac: I love you.
Avon: (Looking genuinely disturbed) Off!
Orac: We will be lovers for a little while, or maybe for a long while, who knows?
Soolin: I do. (Soolin finally removes Orac's key)
