Funny / Bad Creepypasta

• Jeff the Killer's Northern English old man voice.
  • Which prompted Irish Slender Man, Scottish Sonic, and Welsh Rake.
  • In general, the voices they give to the characters are usually hilarious. From Jane the Killer^note Big Jane Lebowski being given a stereotypical fat Italian chain smoker voice to Jason the Toy Maker being given the voice of Nelson Mendela. ^note He was then given the voice of Skeletor when they realized that they had been voicing the female child protagonist the entire time.
  • On the topic of Jason the Toy Maker, the story gets briefly derailed when the others give Toby shit for only having two different woman voices when trying to voice the protagonist's mom, whereupon he briefly voices her as Pingu, before choosing to instead voice her as Macho Man Randy Savage.
  • More pop up as The Rake is given the voice of a weedy old man and Silent Sonya is given the voice of an "African Tribal Fighter".
  • Even more when Judge Angel from the titular creepypasta is given a monotone voice, Luke Skywalker from Tenchu Z is given an unintengible voice that changes every 5 seconds in the Baby Alive Doll, and Kaitlyn is given the voice of an old 20th century English grandmother ^note Which Matt requests in the video to be named as "Old Mrs. Miggins from the pie shop down the road" here at their TV Tropes page. in Kandy Kane.
• Who could forget the immortal Valarie? Valarie Hudson?
  • Also, Johnny Topples. A.K.A. "The Toppler"
• Whenever Matt screams "Oh, fuck off!"
• "YOU DESABU DESSU!"
• The whole premise of Smiley, which purports that Walmart had to stop using the Smiley mascot because it was based on a real employee who wore a big head that scared children, 'accidentally murdered' (no, not committed manslaughter, 'accidentally murdered') a young girl, then went berserk and killed everyone inside a Walmart branch after he got fired. Not only does the whole story come off as amusingly poorly written, but it becomes quite hilarious when you consider why Walmart stopped using the mascot in reality; It was partly thanks to the company simply moving away from the design, and also thanks to a lawsuit issued by Franklin Loufrani, the Belgian president of The Smiley Company, which held the trademark to the iconic 1970's Smiley Face design. So, in reality, far from Bloody Hilarious mass-murder, the real reason was considerably more mundane! Walmart wasn't even banned from using the design, and in recent years have even brought it back from time to time!
• The three have a custom where whenever they read a new worst story, they tell the author to eat a dick in more and more extreme ways. From oldest to newest:
  • Family sized bucket of Kentucky fried dicks in Clockwork: Your Time is Up
  • The dick wall of China
  • Dating Game is graced with two: The dick farm and dick Stew in part 1, and Mount Dick Everest in part 3.
  • Dick tower of Babylon ^note  Matt later apologizes for saying Babylon instead of Babel in the Digimon The Lost Movie riff. in How Jeff Killed Christmas
• The first episode, "Tails Doll: My Story" gives us this masterpiece of a line:
  "Blood was all over the floor...And to this day, my feet ache and are sore."
• A Close Encounter with Tails Doll
  • "I ran into the cl (next paragraph) assroom."
  • "I locked the door, and dropped down from the window... With luck, I landed on the ground." Their reactions are priceless.
    "It's so lucky that the only possible outcome is what happened! I fell out my window, I didn't just suddenly become a bird!"
  • Where did the Tails Doll get that chainsaw?
  • And it was real fire!
    Matt: Oh, I hate that fake fire you get in the market for like... four pounds!
    Jacob: Yeah, gets all wet and floppy.
  • While escaping from the doll, the protagonist jumped through numerous fences, rather than jumping over them.
  • Matt mocks the Random Events Plot, which can be recapped using his very own joke:
    Matt: I just got out of a party... Oh no! The Tails Doll is still around! BETTER BECOME A PAPERBOY!
• This gem from I Hate You:
  Jacob: This was Pasta of the Month!
  [footsteps]
  Toby: It's been fun, guys!
  Jacob: He's gone! He's actually fucked off!
  • "I downloaded all sorts of pornography."
    Matt: I don't really want to hear about your wanking habits!
    • And it comes back when the protagonist talks about beating Super Mario World faster and faster.
      [everyone cracks up]
      Toby: And harder! And harder!
      Matt: We're back with his masturbation habits.
      Jacob: I printed all sorts of pornography and beat it, faster and faster.
• Jacob reading out and commenting on the writing errors in "Thomas".
  "(reading) Tyler sat at his desk, petrified by the teacher's lackluster speech. (...) Someone get this guy a dictionary."
  "(reading) Moving on Tyler's eyes gazed upon the school recluse... (...) Punctuation's your friend."
  "(reading) Thomas simple [simply] nodded. (Matt: Wait, is this a new character? Thomas Simple)."
  "(reading) Maybe that is why Thomas was so easily intrigured by her. (...) It's supposed to say intrigued, but the person who wrote this is an idiot and doesn't have Spell Check on their computer."
  "(reading) It was faint, but grew louder and more raspiery. Has he approached them? (...) I don't know, you tell me."
  "(reading) Was it love or merely the illusion of love. (...) There's no question mark after that, so that's the answer."
  "(reading) Valory woke up today feeling essepically pretty (...) That's the same kind of spelling that your computer, you know: when it says 'No Results Found,' you know like 'No Suggestions Found on Spell—Fucking hell! I'm stopping the video for a second. Look at that! (Matt: I'm dyslexic and I can spell better than that.) Essepically."
  • After hearing a character's name is Johnny Topples:
    "Thomas, a Creepypasta written by Charles Dickens."
  • Jacob's voices for the football players.
  • Matt, upon hearing the jocks are carrying lead pipes, bats, and sledgehammers to "rough" Thomas up:
    "Al-Alright. Roughing up. Sledgehammers. Roughing up. Sledgehammers... It's more like assault and attempted murder!
  • Finally reaching the end, Jacob and Matt address the person who suggested it:
    Jacob: First question, SonicSuperboom1.
    Matt: Why do you hate us?! WHY?
    Jacob: How did you find that? And second of all. That might be the worst one we've done!
    Matt: Well, it's because it wasn't a Creepypasta. It was some dude's like weird ass self-insert revenge fanfic.
    Jacob: That was dogshit. That's one of the worst pieces of crap I've ever read in my life.
• Purple Prose and Wangst is a poor substitute for pathos, as the gang find out during their reading of Blood Whistle when the narrator goes off on a rant in said style while he's talking about pressing the up arrow on his keyboard.
  • "Could this hack... BE THE WORK OF THE ILLUMINATI?"
  • When Matt and Jacob read books whilst Toby read the story, Toby was not amused.
  • After Jacob reads this line: "I will embrace death like a long lost lover with open arms."
    Toby: Now, it's turned into Thomas.
    Matt: If it was Thomas, he'd be talking about how awesome he is. I'm pretty sure this guy couldn't beat up The Toppler!
  • "Well, he just said mushroom-head, too, so it's all very sexual."
  • Jacob: "The whistle descended, violently striking Mario in the chest." Matt: "In the groin."
  • When they start singing the pasta.
    Jacob: (singing) June the 13th, twen-ty-twelve! It is ironic indeed that today is the 13th. The unlucky number, the unlucky day! (still singing) That's not irony.
• From the original Jeff the Killer:
  • Guest reader M.D. Phantasm gets increasingly upset about how frequently the characters (most of which being in their early teens at the oldest) point guns and knives at each other.
    Phantasm: Where the FUCK are they getting all these weapons from!?
  • The almighty thing of bleach.
  • While Liu is being mugged by Randy, Jeff gets a feeling, which is supposed to be seen as a homicidal urge. However, due to the suggestive wording, everyone interprets it as arousal.
    Toby: So, he's got a boner watching his brother being robbed? This is sick.
    Phantasm: Oh, the next sentence gets worse.
    Jacob: [reading] "A burning sensation..."
    [laughter]
  • During the fight scene between Jeff and the bullies, Jacob is reminded of another creepypasta they read.
    Jacob: Jeff grabbed the knife from his hand— This is starting to sound like Thomas.
    Matt: Yeah, can the kid beat up The Toppler?
    [Both crack up]
    Jacob: Nobody can beat up The Toppler.
  • Apparently Randy is Charlie Sheen: "Oh, I don't go for even. I go for winning."
  • The final confrontation has Jeff and the bullies acting like they're wrestlers, with Jeff at one point performing a piledriver.
    Phantasm: "See, it's professional wrestling! ECW!"
  • Jacob imitating The Joker's "LOOK! AT! ME!" when Randy taunts Jeff.
• Mindless Max, imagine Jeff the Killer but worse. Yes. It's possible and it happened.
  • The fact that somebody made an animated version of this episode and posted it to youtube.
  • The opening line:
  Toby: (Reading) "I can't believe I'm telling this."
  Matt: "I can't believe I'm listening."
  • The typo "It began in Spring 1987, me and my brother Max we are playing in the frontyard."
  Toby: So they're doing it right now, oh! Time travel! Paradox!
  Matt: Paradox. Wooo.
  • "I called my dad to pick us up, but for some reason, my dad rejected."
  Toby: ...What as responsible parent. "Hey come pick me up dad it's getting dark- NO, FUCK YOU SON!"
  Matt: "Do it, ya' little pansy! Walk home like a REAL man would!"
  • The protagonist and Max had to walk for half an hour from their grandmother's house to their father's. Being as intelligent as the author, they get lost in a forest, decide to spend the night in there and Max goes crazy and from just sleeping in the woods and gains Creepypasta Slasher superpowers."
  • "I woke up first and noticed my flashlight, was gone. Having no idea where it went, but it didn't care since it was early in the morning."
    Jacob: Of course it didn't, it's not sentient.
    Matt: What if it's a brave little flashlight?
  • The protagonist's cellphone battery dried out. In 1987. ^note Keep in mind that at that time, cell phones looked like this◊ and were insanely expensive, so a presumably middle-class 13-year-old boy would not have had one.
  • The protagonist finds out that Max is a few steps away from the spot he originally went to sleep at. "The ants were carrying him away!"
  • "Several trees were fallen down. It didn't look like an animal's teeth but but human teeth but I remember in class the teacher said that it was impossible for teeth to do that-" DO WHAT? WHAT ARE THEY DOING? EXISTING. And using but twice.
  • Max was throwing up every 10 minutes or so because nature made him crazy, Bizarre Human Biology aside, Matt connects the three funny moments mentioned above and combines them to say that this is all the product of Max having a bunch of drinks with the ants.
  • In the middle of the story, Toby, who has been reading the story rather slowly, tells Jacob and Matt that his brain is dying:
  I'm trying to read the sentence- I'm trying to get it properly. My brain's really struggling.
  • "Massively in pain" followed by "Massively massively in pain."
  • "I couldn't take it anymore." "I fucking sympathize."
  • The protagonist runs out of stamina. "Because I was a videogame character, apparently."
  • "What are you doing here. You seem injured. What wrong."
  • Max ran towards the police can, as he ran he tripped on a rock and hitting the police car hardly."
  Toby & Jacob: Oh my god...!
  Jacob: I don't have enough face or enough palm for this.
  • Max's father and the protagonist visit Max at the hospital, only to find dead employees and documents that read "MAX. 30 YEAR OLD. MASSIVE MINDLOSS."
  Jacob: Massive mind loss.
  • I heard weird noises around my house. I turned the light to see... My fathers body with a weird creäture. [sic]
  • Max's obligatory Creepypasta Slasher phrase (maybe): "You're next. Don't even hide. I'll see you again. Hahahahahaha! HA!"
  • The fact that the creepypasta's tags are "Shocking Ending"
  • Jacob and Toby's confusion over the picture of a real life smiling man or woman that comes with the story.
  • The story gangrapes its own continuity in record time. The character was 11 when he lost his brother in 1987, but at the same time he's 30 in 1987 and has to be picked up by his father, and had a wife and daughter at age 18.
• It Will Get Worse delivers this wonderful gem: "After five minutes I was able to touch me."

  Matt: "I found it so hot!"

  Toby: "After five minutes I discovered masturbation!"

  • The protagonist then takes a shower to (according to Matt) "wash the shame off".
  • Practically 99% of the story, being Word-Salad Humor and what seems to be a Translation Train Wreck, the brits' jokes just make it better.
  • This line after they read something unbelievably confusing:
  Matt: (Bewildered) I don't know what just happened! Words... Came from you, but they didn't mean anything!
  Jacob: Yeah, I know what those words mean, but not in that order.
  Matt: Do you have some sort of code for me to decipher it? Are you trying sneak this past the Germans or something?
• From ''The Real Chuck E. Cheese":
  • Jacob's reaction to the first line. "Have you ever thought that there was something the creators of Chuck E. Cheese were hiding something from us all?"
  No, because that doesn't mean anything.
  • "WE CAN'T JUST KILL THAT THING! IT'S A BEAST VERSION OF OUR MASCOT!", followed swiftly by Jacob trashing the room.
    • The quote achieved memetic status and has been used multiple times such as in the Smiley and Instant Death Disease riffs.
  • Sharkamole.
  • "This Pizza Hut is brilliant! It's got a bio lab, interrogation room...fucking Mortal Kombat II..."
• When they actually brought in an English teacher to read Squidward's Suicide.
  • She absolutely tears the story apart, with not even the title escaping unscathed.
  Mrs. Teacher: If The Exorcist had been called "The Squidward", nobody would've gone to see it!
  • Not to mention most of the teacher's final thoughts speech, some parts also doubling as a Moment of Awesome:
  Jacob: As a teacher, I have a question for you: In order for this to attain a passing grade - and by 'passing grade' I mean C or above... How old- how young would the kid have to be to get a passing grade in a Creative Arts assignment?
  Mrs. Teacher: Um... Well, they wouldn't, at any age.
  Toby: (Loud laughter)
  • Mrs Teacher at the end of the story, gives a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to the gang shaming them for hecking something clearly made by a child with english as their second language.
    • And just as soon as she finishes, Jacob delivers a Shut Up, Kirk! to her and mentions that they've seen enough stories where the protagonists talk about their jobs in such a mature way to pinpoint the author as an adult while having as much or even more grammar errors to consider this story as being written by a minor. ^note  The author of this story first posted it on FourChan, so either it was an very edgy kid, a teen, or a normal user that visited the image board.
• From the Suicide Mouse reading:
  • When Jacob brings up the piano tune playing throughout the tape, Toby suddenly notices Jacob's piano, plays a few notes, and yells, "WHY IS THERE A PIANO IN HERE?!"
  • When reading the reviews, they notice that a commenter claims that "not all creepypastas are fake".
  Jacob: YES. THEY. ARE!
• Jane the Killer: The Real Story has quite a few entertaining moments:
  • When Randy, Keith, and Troy approach Jeff and Liu, the wording of the sentence ^note I wasn’t surprised when I saw Randy and his Stooges go up to Jeff and Liu, on that stupid skateboard of his. causes them to interpret it as Randy, Keith, and Troy all being on the same skateboard.
  Jacob: That’s why it was stupid, it was fucking massive! It’s like nine feet long!
  Matt: It’s like- it’s one of those novelty skateboards you got in the nineties, like that three-piece one!
  Vinnce12: I’m just imagining like, it’s a regular-sized skateboard, and it’s just the fat guy that lies on the bottom while the other two ride on top of him.
  Matt: They’re all sitting on it like it’s a bobsleigh, and it’s just spewing off sparks, 'cause the fat guy's at the back!
  • Over halfway through the reading, a terrible pun about Jane's nondescript appearance ^note I was the "Plain Jane" of the group ends up causing Toby to get into an angry rant and storm off. When he comes back and calms down, Jacob reads the next part of the line, whereupon Vinnce12 suddenly starts raging himself, and gets into a rant about Mary-Sues. His internet connection goes down right in the middle of his rant, causing the other readers to assume his rage killed his Internet.
  Matt: "His rage destroyed the internet."
  Jacob: That's a thing that happens.
• From Sonic.EXE/Round 2:
  • They crack up whenever Derek Green is called a good detective.
    "I WANT YOUR BADGE!"
    • They also question why Derek would put his name in his diary.
  • "Another murder... Jesus..." "OH GOD NOT JESUS! THEY GOT HIM AGAIN!"
  • "Wait a minute... What if this X weirdo is the killer?" Cue table slam.
  • Dr. Kookoo Ravin makes an... interesting cameo:
    "You can get [souls] out of any major bodily orifice."
• The entirety of the crew reading The Lady in the Basement:
  • Right off the bat, they have some jabs at the protagonist's Buffy Speak.
    Jacob: (reading) They even have that special weather radar thing that only shows when there's really bad weather.
    Toby: Descriptive, you know? I know exactly what he's talking about. He's got that special equipment thing.
    Jacob: There's that glowing box in the corner of the room. Yeah, the one that shows the people, sometimes they're police men. Things like that. You mean the television? Yes, the walkie talkie box.
    Matt: The picturetron.
  • They wonder how the protagonist knows the person in the basement is a lady because she's in shadow and speculate that it's the shape of her ass, which leads to Jacob ranting about this commercial and saying that he'd rather see "that fat opera singing cunt with the twirly mustache".
    Toby: How does he know it's not a bloke with really long hair, like me for example?
  • Getting to the climax, the story is chock full of hilarious either accidental or intentional innuendo when the protagonist attempts to escape by fumbling with the basement door.
    Toby: (reading) This time, I'm tugging at the door frantically. Pushing it in.
    Jacob: And out.
    Toby: (reading) Pulling it out. Pushing it in. Pulling it out.
    Matt: Cradling my balls.
    Toby: (reading) Saying it twice for some reason in a fast repetitive manner that I hope amidst all the fears and panic will loosen up the door.
    Jacob: Tugging the ring pins.
    Toby: Ah, dear me.
    Jacob: This is so like so—
    Toby: This guy was horny when he writ this or something. (text pops up on the screen: "WRIT!!?")
    Jacob: This is so like sexualized, isn't it? And a door was loosening open with every tug, as it relaxed to allow my entry.
    Matt: As I finally made it, but just before I finished, I reached around and stuck my finger in its butt. I'm sorry, I meant, door, key. Ah, fuck it, it's about porn.
    Toby: (reading) No such success. The finger seemed to be reaching, but there's another odd sensation, not quite tightening, but just pulling. What's going on?
    Matt: I don't know, I stopped... Are we still reading porn?
    Toby: (sees the next line) Oh! I think we are! (reading) A sucking sensation, suddenly now.
    Matt: Ash Ketchum's genitals. What's happening?
    Toby: (reading) At the same time, I define the sensation. I also realize that there's more than one hand, and more than just more cold smoke at the bottom of the stairs. I am in trouble. Suddenly, I'm falling, but not backwards and there's no longer a closed door in front of me. By some miracle, it's opened and even during the initial relief, one thought continued to scream in my mind: Run. But at the top of the stairs, she's waiting for me. (finished the story) And we're done.
    Jacob: Right, what the fuck was that!?
    Toby: I don't know, I think the guy sort of got turned on by his door handle. It was like Victorian or something. He's like: "Oh, that's a sexy door, isn't it?" and then he just started writing a story about the door. I now know more about his door than this fucking woman that's at the bottom of the stairs or whatever the fuck's going on.
    Matt: As far as I can tell, it's a guy who was trying to write a scary story about the time that he forgot how to use a door while watching a porn or something. I don't know, David Bowie save us.
• From Dog Bite:
  • Their disbelieving reactions towards the protagonist and her Major Injury Underreaction to losing her face.
  Jacob: (Reading) The walls to the office were really creepy, the lights in some areas were dim, I don't know if it was just me, but I (speeds up) think I saw some drops of blood in the floor- YES, THEY WERE COMING FROM YOU!
  Toby: (Following up) YOU!
  Matt: You and your lack of a FACE!
  • Dr. Kookoo Ravin, Jeff The Killer's doctor, returns.
    • "I'll give you a prescription of leeches."
  • The doctor asks the protagonist what she is in the hospital for, which prompts an in-character rant from Jacob:
  You see... Doctor? You see how you've got a face, and how your assistant has a face, and how that painting of your father hanging up on the wall has a face? You see- you see a fucking pattern emerging? What do you- WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHAT HAVE I COME HERE FOR,' YOU FUCKING QUACK?!
  • When the protagonist finds out that the "beautiful face" she had prior was just a piece of dog flesh stitched together.
  Toby: THEN HOW THE FUCK DID YOU NOT NOTICE BEFORE WHEN YOU LOOKED-IN-THE-MIRROR AND (Devolves into gibberish) ENDUHHAH... EUGH!
  Matt: I'm not quite sure how that... there's like- she got a beautiful face and she's got like... dog ears or something like that attached to it... Oh my god, the surgery turned her into a furry!
  • Right after, the Artistic License – Medicine gets even more ridiculous.
  Jacob: (Reading) What the hell... It must be the anesthesia wearing-
  Toby: THAT'S NOT HOW ANESTHESIA WORKS!
  Matt: AND EVEN IF IT DID, WHY WOULD YOU BE DRIVING?!
  • As shown above, Matt questions why the protagonist who had reconstructive facial surgery is driving by themselves, cue Toby's voice cracking from the realization.
  Toby: ''Why would you be you driving?!"
  Matt: "I just had major plastic surgery!" Hop in to the car!
  Jacob: Why wouldn't somebody pick you up for fuck's sake?! I don't even take the bus alone after having dental work done! And like... "I had major plastic surgery on my face, better drive home while the anesthesia works! Maybe I'll stop at my local to have a couple of beers!"
  Toby: The fucking Canadian lack laws! They're too friendly!
  Jacob: "I'll celebrate the money I saved on my surgery with bikes and heroin!"

  • Unintentional or not (most likely unintentional), Surprisingly Realistic Outcome when a news report mentions that the car had crashed with the protagonist dead on the car.
  • The story is punctuated with “Posted on /x/ by Bulbasaur,” which the crew argues would take the horror out of the story if it were scary in the first place.
• Jeff the Killer VS. Michael Myers. The mark of quality... for Sturgeon's Law.
  • Big Jane Lebowski comes back, sadly without Vinnce12's voice or commentary. Her appearance in the story causes the crew to joke about this becoming a parody rap battle or SuperSmashBros
  Matt: Jeff the Killer is OP.
  Toby: He's banned from tournaments.
  • Toby tries to sing the Halloween theme music, at first he sings the theme song for The Twilight Zone, then fails once more and sings the main theme of TheExorcist. Jacob then hums a somewhat sped-up version of the Halloween theme song and Toby takes over and sings Eggman's boss theme from Sonic The Hedgehog 2 in duet.
  Matt: MICHAEL MYERS VERSUS EGGMAN!
  • The author's (failure of a) Purple Prose has Michael be referred to as The Shape, Michael and Myers interchangeably. The brits get so annoyed that they call Michael different shapes every time he is referred to as The Shape.
    • The Rhombus
    • The Pentagon
    • The Octagon
    • Cookie Munsta^note Doesn't really count as this one was used instead of "Michael Myers", still too hilarious to not include.
  • "The Rhombus collapsed." [Beat] "Into a singularity."
  • This non-sequitur line from Matt:
  Matt: Y'know... I really wanna see Jeff the Killer VS. AquaMan... (Woobooboboobop!) "Oh my god- you can control me!"
  • Jeff the Killer gets his entrails pulled out.
  Toby: Is he dead? Probably not, it's just like Captain Skylar: Comes back every week for another episode.
  Matt: Jeff the Killer VS. The Mysterons.
  Toby: (Laughter)
  Matt: "THIS IS THE VOICE OF THE MYSTERONS."
  Matt (as Jeff): "Where are ya', Mystery Bastards?!"
  Jacob: "WHERE YOU CAN HEAR US, FISHFACE BOY."
  • The story tries to shoehorn a romantic relationship between Jeff and Jane, which causes Jacob to end up every single one of his rants about why this wouldn't work with what Jeff did to Jane back in her original story, culminating in this exchange:
  Jacob: (Derailing) "Jane, I love you! Don't you remember the mask with the flowers I sent you? You know, to conmemorate the time I COVERED YOU IN GASOLINE AND LIT YOU ON FUCKING FIRE?!"
  Matt: "And murdered your family! And friends, for some reason!"
  Jacob: "And made you eat dinner around their FUCKING corpses!"
  Toby: "It was fucking romantic!"
  Jacob: "Alright, I'm all for forgiveness, I think forgiveness is a beautiful thing thing, but in terms of storytelling, I don't see why somebody could forgive someone WHO LIT THEM ON FIRE AND KILLED THEIR FUCKING PARENTS."
  Matt: There's this thing called the... The Immoral Event Horizon... and Jeff fucking CROSSED it a long while ago!
  Toby: Immoral Event Horizon... Fantastic!
  • Jeff the Killer dies, And There Was Much Rejoicing.
  Toby: YEAH! HE ACTUALLY DIED! (Sings the Jurassic Park theme)
  Matt: So he got killed by a dinosaur. From all the celebrations- from all the music in human history, from all music used to celebrate things: JURASSIC PARK, really? Not like (hums a long note)- JURASSIC PARK, REALLY Toby?
  Toby: Alright, sorry, hang on a second: Jeff died in the same sentence and then Jane burst into tears, Y'know what was I gonna say? (sings the FinalFantasy theme) DUDUDU-DUNN-DUNN, UP YOUR BUM!
  Jacob: You are dead, you're dead 'cus we killed you!
  Toby: You're dead because... the game.
  • At one point they crack up when Michael Myers "consumes the pavements".
• During their reading of Rayman 4.
  • Jacob's voice for the obese video game store owner, Mac, which sounds like Roz, but a lot creepier. You can even hear Toby's discomfort with it.
  • They have a field day with the suggestive situation and dialogue between the protagonist and the video game store owner. For context: The protagonist follows the owner into his man cave^note the back of the store to try out the game he wants to buy.
    • "Why don't you come back here, little boy? (....) I got some jelly beans."
    • Hoodo Hoodlums Revenge: "Oh god, it gets worse."
    • "Alrighty, it's in."
      [Both Matt and Toby laugh]
      Toby: OH MY GOD!
  • Jacob making the noise of blowing the dust off of something when Mac does so to the Playstation.
  • "I hope this doesn't catch my store on fire."
    Jacob: "Mac didn't speak English very well."
    Matt: "Or understand physics."
  • Jacob's interpretation of "Halloweeny": "I just pictured someone who dressed their dick as Dracula. Put like a little cape on it and like drawn some teeth."
  • Hood starts voicing Mac, which sounds a little like The Joker. "You want to know how I got this fat?"
  • The Running Gag with characters dropping trow.
  • Two words. Hitchcock Golem.
  • They lose it when the protagonist gets doused in a steaming, golden liquid.
  • When the author says that they won't tell the readers how he escaped the game, they all lose their shit. Even the captions gets in on calling the author out on this.
• Instant Death Disease, it's been Call-backed so many times in the history of this channel, and for a good reason.
  • They immediately compare the biolab the protagonist is at with Umbrella Coporation
    • It causes them to bring up the zombie with Umbrella's logo, which makes Matt to crack a joke about it being a beast version of their mascot.
  • The Instant Death Disease itself due to how much it breaks the Willing Suspension of Disbelief: A virus that spreads by listening to its real name, not that unbelievable, right? What if I told you that it's possible to get infected by it by having morse code of its name flashed at you or if you were to read its name somewhere? What if I told you it causes a person's organs to disappear, no, not melt, not combust, not rot, DISAPPEAR in less than a second? Good luck suspending your disbelief again.
  • Jacob goes a bit easy on the story after it turns out to be British.
  • When the protagonist is said to hop into his car and hit the pedal, James pauses the audio to play a clip of Initial D with a Darude Sandstorm cover poorly made on a recorder.
  • Matt and Toby gets angry after the protagonist refers to his car being filled with gas.
  Matt: Gas? GAS?
• Son is Exe VS. Ben Drowned, a short story that scared the Brits away from Wattpad for a while.^note And to scare them even further, Clockwork: Your Time Is Up was next.
  • The title. Son is exe. 'nuff said.
  • Also in the title, Jacob's small rant about how BEN's name isn't Ben Drowned, but instead the title of his story meaning that his name is BEN and that he drowned. It isn't as funny until you watch their Meeting Ben Drowned's Sister video.
  Jacob: I wanna clear this out once and for all for you creepypasta writers out there.
  Toby: OH, YOU-
  Jacob: Is that... Drowned. Isn't his surname. Alright? The story is called BEN Drowned, because Ben is the name of the boy, and that is how he died.
  Matt: It's not like his father is Barry Drowned... and his mother is Margaret Drowned, and he's got a brother called Steven Drowned.
  • "I am going to Finnish you!" is funny for many, many reasons.
  Jacob: "I AM GOING TO CHANGE YOUR NATIONALITY!

  • In relation to that, the fact that BEN went from French to Finnish.
  • ...And that the picture on the screen was BEN with a tiny mustache, cigarette, and a baguette.
  • The story saying that X was standing near the body of Tails' bloody mangled corps prompted Matt to make a joke about there being an army of Tails.
  • The lack of commas made Jacob crack a joke about the story being intended to be read at the speed of sound.
• Despite the absolutely abhorrent content in Clockwork: Your Time is Up, the group still manages to get a few funny moments out of reading it:
  • Before the reading begins, Toby tries to get out of reading the story by faking a doctor's appointment, but Jacob shuts him down.
  Jacob: Toby, sit the fuck down.
  • When deciding on the voice he wants to give to the protagonist Natalie, Jacob gives her a progressively deeper voice, first voicing her as Batman, then Dr. Claw, and finally the Rock Biter. He soon gives up and assigns a normal feminine voice to her due to the strain the other voices would put on Jacob's throat over long periods of time.
  • The group struggles to pronounce Natalie's surname (Ouellette), so they opt for the teachers calling her "Miss Bagel" and "Miss Appetiser" instead. Even then, Matt manages to pronounce Natalie's surname right after just to crack a joke saying "Ms. Oullette Du Fromage".
  • The sentence "show me your work" prompts Matt to turn the French teacher into Captain Falcon.
  • Matt and Jacob can't help but make fun of the French teacher's reaction when Natalie draws a man being stabbed in class:
    Matt!Teacher: Erase that, and get on with your work.
    Jacob: Woah! Woahwoahwoah! It's just like... What the fuck, insane, drug-induced reality does this story
    take place in?! So, this story takes place in a world where you're gonna be called a slut and ostracized
    from society, if you're unfortunate enough to go through horrible sexual abuse, and then when you sort of
    act out and kind of draw really violent images, your teacher will just look at it and go: "Seems legit. Get on
    with your work." Not: "Go straight to the counselor, and also I'm calling your parents."
    Matt: He takes a look at this... "Is the man, French?" She goes... just... draw a little beret right there. Matt, draw a beret on it. "Sure, it's a French class."
    Jacob: Yeah, draw a mustache on that man and a tiny cigarette.
    Matt: Then, what you do is you draw the fucking Blue Falcon in there, and it'll be fine.
    Jacob: I'm going insane.
    Matt: I mean, for God's sake, this is a universe where Captain Falcon's the fucking French teacher. Come on!
  • The narrator describes Natalie's sanity and implies it would be able to come and go, but Matt retorts that you have to "push through the madness". This leads to Jacob comparing insanity to a Kinder Egg.
  Jacob: You've got to crack the disgusting chocolate shell to find the Disappointing Toy of Sanity inside.
  • Dr Kookoo Ravin returns... Again.
    • "Don't worry, the injury is protected by the skin, it won't escape."
    • "Leave her alone, it's normal to stitch holes in your fucking face."
    • "Well, doctor, you see how you have a face?"
    • After Natalie's therapist bails on her after the time rant, the Kookoo Ravin voice is used to mock this decision:
    "You stay here, I'm gonna go fishing. Here, look after my collection of knives."
    • Natalie apparently being given "mental drugs" causes much bewilderment.
  • When Lucas claims that their mother always liked Natalie better than him during their final battle, Matt ponders how Lucas must have been treated by his mother if her Parental Neglect towards Natalie was showing favoritism, while Jacob states that he too would prefer the child who wasn't an incestuous molester.
  Mrs. Ouellette!Matt: *after giving Lucas a bowl of thumbtacks and rubber bands for breakfast* EAT FUCKING UP, SON!!
  • Jacob gives us this gem after Natalie places the pocket watch face in her eyesocket:
  "This is actually just a prequel to an exciting new rap album by somebody who's attempting to out-Flavor Flav Flavor Flav."
  • At the end of the story, the house burning down and Natalie's stuffed giraffe being consumed by the flames is probably supposed to be symbolic of Natalie losing her innocence, but the line "the giraffe slowly burned" just causes the group to break into hysterics, to the point where Jacob struggles to speak.
  Matt: Noooo! Giraffe! You're my favourite character!
  • Walkerville College for the Institute for the Creative Fine Arts.
  Toby: I legit thought it said "Wankerville".
  James: (In the screen captions) "Wait, it didn't?"
  • Natalie being in a French class... In a Creative Arts college.^note  The creator of this story appears to be French, but it still doesn't excuse them from never explaining where the story takes place at... Or the incestuous child rape.
• The protagonist of Dating Game being a massive douche and constantly wangsting about being single and thirty-two. It gets to the point where when Toby fakes a quote from the story being "I have been through extensive therapy and years later, I have been able to get over the horrific trauma of being single and thirty-two," it sounds like it could actually be a line from the story.
  • Apparently, it fooled Jacob who got up off the couch and was about to storm over to the computer.
  • "HE'S THE BURGER KING!" (Laughter coming from everybody) "ANY BITCH FROM NOW ON: HE'S THE BURGER KING!" Makes the protagonist become the Burger King as James treats it as an actual challenge.
  • Before they even get to reading the creepypasta, Jacob mentions that there's a Moomins movie coming out, to which Matt utters a befuddled "The fuck?" and asks if he's serious. It turns out that Jacob is completely serious.
• The Day the Music Killed gives us Jacob's incredulous reaction to Matt mentioning "that MC Hammer cartoon." It Makes Sense in Context.
  • Starting off strong, the very first sentence has the protagonist laugh as they're mowing their lawn:
    Jacob: (reading) I was mowing my lawn. And then the next sentence is: "Haha..." (...) Fucking Tommy Wiseau telling the story. (in a Tommy Wiseau voice) "I was mowing my lawn. Haha."
    • After this, most of the video's edited in pictures to accompany the story are of Tommy Wiseau, The Room, or images with the Russian Boss' head pasted on them to represent him.
    Todd: (reading) I shut off the TV (clip of Johnny throwing the TV)
  • Then, there's the redundant writing.
    Jacob: (reading) Anyways, I was mowing my law— (while snickering) I know.
    Jacob: (reading) I heard a strange beat streaming in through my headphones. It was one that I never heard before, which was strange. Yeah, I know.
  • When the protagonist starts explaining the disturbing lyrics they heard from the song:
    Jacob: (reading) It was awful. Yeah, much like this story.
    Matt: So, Soulja Boy's comeback tape isn't really a hit?
  • At the end, Jacob reads one of the Wiki comments in a gormless voice and Todd points out how it matches perfectly with the user's avatar (a picture of a woman with her mouth open).
    • Also, Jacob referring to the users of Creepypasta Wiki as "denizens".
• From MaRIo II:
  • Every single piece of dialogue from the Toads.
  • “THE EMPIRE WILL RISE!”
  • Also, the “Artist-like” picture of Mario without his head.
• The gang's futile attempts to figure out the convoluted plot of the MaRIo trilogy. By the third installment, they're just as confused as the rest of us. The tone of utter bewilderment in their voices says it all.

  Matt: (Suddenly laughing) He sacrificed his children's souls so that he could become a Toad!

  Jacob: Is that what's happening!?

• When reading Abandoned by Disney, it is hilarious to see them struggle to find complaints about a story that they admit is rather good (until the end, that is).
• All of the episodes of Fanpastas.
  • "Oi, who pissed in your Golden Grahams?" From The Truth About Bad Creepypasta.
    • Toby, having metamorphosed into the Toffee Crisp Vampire, proceeds to murder Jacob in an unspeakable way. "With lasers".
    • This exchange:
      Story!Toby: You're a worthy foe, mate. I ought to achieve my final form if I'm to finish in time for EastEnders.
      Bad Creepypasta Gang: (Raucous laughter).
      Story!Matt: (While stuck in the roof) Oh! EastEnders is on soon! Let's finish this quick.
• In the Hobo Heart/My Name is MCCP double episode, the description of the second story's main character sends Matt into a sudden fit of rage just a few lines into the story.

  Jacob, reading: I have short, brown hair with a purple streak.

  Toby: Fucking hell!

  Matt: Eat a dick, ya fucking weeaboo!

  Jacob: I have bri—

  Matt: You fucking tryhard, Tumblr-living piece of shit. Fuck off and die, Twilight Sparkle! Drown in a sea of shit! <Begins corpsing> You fucking failure!

  Toby: Fuck me... Jesus....

  Jacob: Matt, I think you've been holding that in for a while, haven't you?

  Matt: Possibly!

• Later on, the story tries to clumsily shoehorn in Jeff the Killer and Slenderman. To quote the video's description, Matt is not pleased.

  Jacob: Jeff the killer says, "go to sleep!"

  Matt: I will hold you down and shit down your throat until you choke. Your lungs will be full of my hate-shit!

  Jacob: "Slendy" then says—

  Matt: FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck everything! Eat a dick! What shit is THIS!?

• Speaking of the MCCP, in Majour Complex Carnage Project, all of the cast's rant about the 'Guardian Angels (Creeepypasta Hunters)' qualifies as this until Jacob begins to scream "Yeah- you get it? Creepypastas aren't people, they're stories, STUPID CUNTS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? STUPID. FUCKING. CUNTS!!"
  • Near the end, when MCCP is speaking to a victim:
    Gemma: (as MCCP) I am the monster that you should fear.
    Jacob: Spook.
    Gemma: (as MCCP) You can't see me.
    Toby: JOHN CENA?!
    (everyone starts laughing)
    Jacob: You fucking ninja'd! I was gonna say "My time is now!"
    Gemma: (while snickering) I am John Cena!
• Pokemon Dead Channel and all of their sex-with-your-dad jokes.
• During the reading of Digimon the Lost Movie: "your senseless card games and digestives." It then devolves into uncontrolled laughter and Yu-Gi-Oh! jokes.
  • From the same episode: When the character reaches out to his pocket to 'pull out a George Washington'.

    Toby: Oh my god- Who calls it a George Washington?

    Jacob: Sounds a bit rude, doesn't it? I reached into my pants and pulled out my George Washington! That sounds like something you'd call a dick when you're talking to your doctor!

  • "Rika tries to muffle something at her partner, Renamon's response is tipping her chair over- it was Jacob."
  • The picture taken of Toby after he sees the line about Rika losing her virginity to a power tool.
    Jacob: THAT fucking face!
• When the third set of protagonists in The Haunting Melody are about to confront and defeat the villain, Jacob discovers an astonishing typo:
  Jacob: (reading) The man in black reached out to touch Maggie, but she jumped out of the way... And raped..? (the background picture changes to a shocked Chris Griffin) (Gemma and Matt start laughing) That escalated quickly, didn't it?
  Matt: Right, right. Point that out. (Matt looks at the screen and sees that it does indeed say "raped") Yes! It says!
  Jacob: It says raped... She jumped out of the way, forced herself on him, and shit in his ass.
  Gemma: No means yes, and yes means anal. (laughs)
  Jacob: (continues reading) Raped the rope around—(laughter)
  Matt: The guy was really off-put about it. He's like: "I'm gonna turn you into a spider or something." (as Maggie) "Oh yeah! Well, look at this!" (back to the man in black) "Uhh, I'm really uncomfortable about this right now."
  Gemma: (as the man in black) It's only boys I'm after.
  Jacob: (continues reading) Raped the rope around the villain, while Natalie called the police... I mean, on which one: the kidnapper or the rapist?
• From Zelda's Death:
  • Matt briefly derails the reading with a lengthy rant, not about the story itself, but about Ganondorf putting Ingo in charge of Lon Lon ranch in the actual game.
    Matt: So Ganondorf, the king of evil—
    Jacob: Who's just, by the way, staged a coup and tried to kill the entire royal family.
    Matt: —And he's, he's devastated the capitol, and the only things left in there are lifeless zombies that screech and try to eat your face. This guy, a powerful sorcerer, who has basically conquered the world and is unstoppable, rode down on his mighty fucking stallion, down to a milk farm—
    Jacob: His black steed with red, burning eyes.
    Matt: —And said "YOU! I like the cup of your- cut of your jib, and your hard working attitude. YOU be in charge of this milk farm! AWAY!" and he flies off into the fucking air... on his dark steed. Is this something he penned in between, like... "I've conquered the capitol, next is that fucking farm"... Is that what fucking happened!? <laughing> Ganondorf... Changed the management of a farm as his second great act of evil!?
• During a particularly unpleasant part of YouChan, Toby suddenly breaks out into baby talk. Matt and Jacob quickly clarify that Toby's daughter had wandered into the room and Toby hasn't gone insane.
• Spongebob: HOPE IS LOST gives us a couple:
  • After Patrick is described as "hammered into a stake almost like the crucifixion of Jesus Christ", it leads to a number of comparisons between the two, and later leads to a discussion over rewriting the Bible with Spongebob characters.
  • "Slowly in a slow way" followed shortly by "Slowly he turned his head slowly"
    • Not to mention the group getting more pissed off at the constant use of the word slowly.
    • The repetition of "slowly" causes several quips, specially in a scene where it is said several times in a row.
      Gemma: ...Slowly,
      Jacob: Jeesus FUCKING christ!
      Matt: WE GET IT!! HE'S A BIT!! SLOW!!
    • It eventually reaches the point where Matt suggests a meme version of this video where whenever the word 'slowly' is said the video slows down. Jacob then asks the public to make that video real. Somebody followed suit.
  • Jacob's Chris Bores impressions are pretty funny as well.
    "What the hell?"
    • There's also Jacob having a couple jabs at Chris' show, such as; mentioning his use of Wilson or making fun of the No Budget casting:
      Jacob: Like that guy from Home Improvement, who's in all my episodes for some reason.
      [....]
      Jacob: It's alright though because both Spongebob and Patrick were just Chris Bores green-screened in.
  • And before that, Spongebob is described as walking down the street slowly.
    Matt: MOVING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SPONGE!
    Toby: DON'T GOT NO PLACES TO GO, GOT TO GO REALLY SLOWLY!
  • And before that, after Toby gets pissed on the protagonist's contrived excuse for not leaving the room, Jacob and Matt twist his words into him being a giant mexican hat.
  • Jacob telling Undertale to get fucked alongside the horse it rode on after reading a comment by a person called Sans written in Undertale's text format.
    Toby: IT'S SANS FROM UNDERTALE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    [...]
    Jacob: Fuck Undertale and the horse it rode on!
    Matt: No, Undertale's fine! It's the people around it that suck!
  • The combination of Gemma's denial and the background picture (Rambo giving a double thumbs up with the caption "Good for you!") when the author claims that they get to see episodes before they're aired on television.
• The Thumbnail art for Jeff the Killer vs The Rake is Jeff fighting.... a gardening rake.
• From Baby Alive Doll:
  • Before the crew finds out a line was meant to be baby-talk for "Thank You" because of none of them reading the story, they turn the protagonist into the character from Tenchu Z.
  • Jacob begs Toby to give the main character ("Papa Tenchu") a different voice, because the voice Toby is giving him is making Jacob sad.
  • Toby attempting to give someone a shoutout in the video:
    Toby: Don't forget I forgot, because I didn't.
  • A discussion about whether or not Baby Alive dolls have a bolt in their neck shifts into general girl toys... before abruptly descending into Fascism.
    Toby: Girls unite, all right!
    Jacob: It kinda sounds like you said “Girls unite, Alt-Right.” I pictured, like-
    Toby: Girls unite, Third Reich!
    Jacob: I picture now just like a bunch of blond-haired girls doing like the Low Country sorta look with the clogs and everything.
    Toby: What, like playing football? GOAAAAAAAAL! GOAL FOR DEUTSCHLAAAAAND!
    Jacob: [Corpsing] We're just, like, fuckin'... busting out Nazi memes... What happened to this show?!
    • "Please start the whole sentence again, so we can delete all the Nazi propaganda."
  • "Pete's POV" "Who the FUCK is Pete?!"
  • Jacob challenging Steph to recreate the current fight scene where the protagonist is fighting the Baby Alive Doll which had grown into 'real size' while replacing the main guy with 'The guy from Tenchu holding the Megaton Hammer', and she freakin' manages.
• From Ronald McDonald House:
  • Toby's attempt at a Detroit accent.
  • Jacob's monologue about his (nonexistent) rap career as part of a fast food rap group with Mayor McCheese.
    • With Jacob performing under his food/hygiene based hip-hop pseudonym "The Rhymelich Maneuver".
    • "You used to spit out hot lyrics?" "No, just hot sauce."
  • At one point, Jacob starts dancing, distracting Toby and Gemma.
  • "Coming up the rear" makes Jacob say later on that he pictures clowns ejaculating into someone's anus; cue the screen reading 'IMAGE NOT FOUND'.
  • Jacob does an Alex Jones-voiced rant regarding one of the more ridiculous plot points in the pasta, while Toby plays the part of a bewildered newscaster.
  • The picture at the end of the story caught everyone off guard and caused them to burst out laughing at how unthreatening it is.
• Teletubbies: The Truth is a theory pasta about Teletubbies, and as such, is filled with funny moments as the crew get increasingly exasperated at the story trying to awkwardly crowbar dark and sinister themes into a show aimed at very young children. Some highlights:
  • The protagonist never having forgotten Teletubbies leaves Toby bemused.
    Toby: Oh, of all the- of all the top-quality programming after all these years of watching TV, Teletubbies is the one thing that truly sticks in your mind?
    GodOfNekos: Bro, I’m a Rugrats supremacist!
    Jacob: Rugra- Rugracks- fuckin' crack-baby master race! What did I say, "Rugcracks" or something? I’ve forgotten how to speak!
  • The idea of being haunted by the "alleged liberal agenda" of the show.
    Toby: What!? [amongst laughter] What fucking agenda did you think this show has, mate!? Oh my god, you're looking way too much into Teletubbies!
    Jacob: I think it's because- it's probably because Tinky Winky's got a handbag, so it's like, "They’re puttin' chemicals in the Tubby Custard, that's turnin' the fuckin' Tubbies gay!"
  • The revelation shook the protagonist "to [their] marrow".
    Jacob: I feel like this is being written by Mr. Skeltal!
  • Jacob doing the OK hand sign at the line "So thick is the subtext" and his pronunciation of "thicc" along with an image on-screen of the Teletubbies being seen from behind. The line itself also leads to this exchange:
    Toby: So this guy is basically saying, "I have a higher IQ, I know all the jokes!"
    Jacob: "Yes, I do have a Noo-Noo tattoo, and no, you can’t see it!"
    GodOfNekos: You really need a high IQ to understand the physics and science of Teletubbies!
    Toby: The way they make that Tubby Toast, I mean, fuck me. How do they get the burns on exactly right? HOW!?
  • The line "Teletubbies is a dark, Orwellian nightmare about a genetically engineered slave-class creatures being systematically trained to become part of our society."
    Toby: How...where did you get this information from? Oh, I know—your arse!
  • The story's narrator insists that you'll know what they're talking about just by watching an episode of the show.
  • The crew theorising that Teletubbies is about communism.
    Jacob: Spoilers—Teletubbies is about communism! Well, it can't be communist though, because they’re overweight. So, they're obviously getting food.
  • Another absolute gem of a line: "One thing is clear, they are not in control of their own destiny."
  • One of the things controlling the Teletubbies' lives is referred to as "the voice", causing Toby to rant about the television show of the same name.
    Toby: An awful TV show that used to be on BBC One, then it got bought out by ITV because it was absolutely dreadful, because it’s got will.i.am in it, because just- YOUR NAME'S WILLIAM, YA CU-
  • Toby's rant about the Teletubbies reboot having cars and eight CGI children. Jacob refuses to believe that it's real.
  • Noo-Noo apparently passively scolds the Teletubbies, this being despite the fact that he doesn't speak and that he is known for causing trouble just as often as he cleans up their messes.
  • The horror that is the pinwheel god. It apparently chooses a messenger to be its "mouthpiece" when the Tubbies "perform a ritual for the gods in the sky, trying to curry favor". Not only that, but when said messenger is chosen, the narrator claims the pinwheel blesses them with a "physical orgasm of joy" to explain their bouncy behaviour during this time.
    Jacob: Teletubbies... orgasm... this is what I decided to do with my life.
    • The narrator calls the pinwheel god Revnoku "just because it sounds cool." This convinces them that the story was always a trollpasta.
• The Inugami consist of the group ripping into "Weeb Shit".
  • The story begins with the very somber note that it was written by somebody they know all too well. Keep reading and you may spoil The Reveal.
  • After the reveal that the dog involved in the story is named Tobi, they immediately break down laughing and mocking Toby.
  • Their incredulous reactions to the fact that the protagonist of the pasta writes down everything that happens to him.
    Matt: "I'm wait until the end of the day to write my diary! Nah! I'm gonna write it right now!"
    Toby: "It's like fuckin' checkpoints mate!"
  • Matt's monologue about Zen riddles with increasing absurdity.
    • Culminating in this line from Toby:
      Toby: Jacob, if mosquito... sucks on boob... does he get blood or milk?
    • But prior to that, Matt delivered the Deus Ex Zen riddle: ^note Desperately needs a better transcript.
      Matt: Is it possible to make single-hand clapping? Does a tree make a noise for when <???> Is JC the Hyena retarded? "Hmm! I'll have to meditate on that!", but yeah, the answer is yes. In many ways he's retarded.
      Jacob: "In 1978, authorities were investiga- Oh... Christ." Oh... This is gonna fucking... blow your mind...
      Jacob: "In 1978, authorities were investigating the disappearance of three boys in Kyoto and it wasn't until they searched the Kyuki Mansion that they began to suspect that the hauntings were responsible-" The police never suspect that.
      Toby: Yeah...
      Jacob: "The police found a JOURNAL lying around—"
      Gemma: (While Jacob keeps reading) Oh fucking hell...
      Toby: (Ditto) Oh my god... No...
      Jacob: "—In the second floor of this mansion."
  • After the reveal that the protagonist of the story, Hiro Okamodo, keeps a journal, just like Sonic.EXE/Round 2's protagonist Derek Green, Gemma says that "Hiro Okamodo" is Japanese for Derek Green.
  • The very childish way that they derailed the story, not only that, but that everybody in the room joined the joke like a virus.
    Jacob: ...Why does JC the Hyena think everybody writes the time in their diary? Look: "May 21st, 1978, 4:20 p.m..."
    Toby: 4:20 p.m
    Jacob: "Yeah."
    Toby: (Makes smoking sounds)
    Jacob: But also...
    Toby: 'sup diary! (Smoking sounds)
    Jacob: D00d... Weed!!
    James: <Places picture of a 420 meme on the screen.>
    Matt: Blaze it!
    Gemma: Whoaaaow!
    Jacob: Le-mao ex-dee! (Chuckles) ...Um- but right, Nobody writes the time in their diary!
  • When Toby accidentally says something that gets bent out of proportion to be about him admitting he has a diary^note Literally all he said was "I wouldn't.":
    Jacob: That moment when Toby just admits to- that he keeps a diary...
    Toby: I don't, actually...
    Matt: He talks about all those cute boys he's been seeing!
    Jacob: You need to keep a diary so we can read your- I wanna know what YOU would write in a diary, Toby, we need to keep... You need to keep a diary, and then...
    Toby: (Begins laughing)
    Jacob: And after a month of doing it, we need to read it on stream.
    Toby: 10/10. Would wank again.
    Jacob: It'd be like...
    Matt: "—I'm playing Silent Hill and got stuck on the first level, AGAIN."
    Gemma: "I was gonna play Silent Hill and I got stuck when..."
  • "That brilliant Kazuki has done it again-" "That brilliant KAZOOIE has done it again!"
  • Matt's Monologue about a version of The Ring using Cars after Gemma misreads a character's name.
  • "You think JC the Hyena just wants Japanese friends because he's a fucking weeb?", from Gemma of all people.
    Jacob: "He probably just wants some friends."
  • JC the Hyena didn't learn anything from his other stories.
    Toby: "Kazuki is practically enjoying himself with being—"
    Matt: He's PRACTICALLY enjoying himself.
    Jacob: Oh my god, it's fucking JC the Hyena again. Does he fucking KNOW what the word "Practically" means? He did this in Sonic as well!! "I practically gave the chief a lot of evidence!"
• The Christmas Krampus
  • To start off, they stop reading the pasta to wait for Logan (Gemma's son) to come home from school and read a line from the story:
    Jacob: Does that sound like something you as a seven year old would say?
    Logan: Um...No.
  • The running gag of Ukuleles.
  • This exchange after Toby reads a line.
    Toby: "Out of the window, to the right of our fireplace, I saw a sleigh fly overhead, and heard many hooves trotting on the roof."
    Jacob: Many whos.
    Toby: Hooves. "I made sure to remain-"
    Gemma: Whomst'd've!
    Toby: "-perfectly still-"
    Jacob: Just heard many whomst'd've!
    Toby: Hooves.
    Jacob: Just a bunch of guys, with fedoras, shotguns and laser eyes, just bouncing on the roof going "WHOMST'D'VE?!?!"
    Gemma: Thot patrol!
    Jacob: Yeah, it's just the thot patrol!
  • "He whips bad Kids. Takes them away. Sometimes he eats them. Sometimes he Shakes them.
  • The protagonist discovers the Krampus' Evil Reindeer: Slasher, Wrathful, Gorgon, Putrid, Cyclops, Rabies.... and Goner.
    • Also the Evil Counterpart to Rudolph:...Blitzkreig.
• Meeting Ben Drowned's Sister, like stated above: "HIS FUCKING NAME'S NOT DROWNED!"
  • When Ashlyn witnesses Ben get drowned by his father, everybody remarks of how much of an untwist that was.
    Matt: HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY HAPPEN TO BEN DROWNED?!
    Jacob: WHO SAW THIS COMING? WHAT AN UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS!
    Matt: Same thing happened to Madame Guillotine and Samuel Shot, inventor of the bullet.
    • Which in turn, results in this:
    Jacob: Hi, I'm John Choked On An Ice Cube To Prove A Point.
    Also Jacob: Wow, that's a long name.
    Jacob: Yes, my full name is John Choked On An Ice Cube To Prove A Point — Hyphen — Turns Out It Won't Melt Before You Die.
  • "Where d'you think yoor goin'?" — "I my going to school". Hilarity ensues.
  • When Gemma is "singing" the Song of Healing:
    Gemma: With this mask I ask upon your liiiiight!!
    Jacob: Gemma is not trying to be edgy here, it literally says LIIIIIGHT with five fucking I's!
• Stabby Jack, their 2018 April Fool's Day special is a long, badly written, Cliche Monster style pasta...that ends in a Your Mom joke.
• In "HD Death", which takes place around the 2009 digital television switch, the protagonist tells his friend that he needs to switch, otherwise his TV will not work anymore, prompting Jacob to go off over how inaccurate this is... only to sheepishly realize the immediate next line in the story was the protagonist admitting he didn't know what he was talking about.
  • The group's bewilderment over the use of the term "cable company" can be hilarious for American viewers.
  • "Everybody shut the fuck up, because this."
    I guess high definition is just too real for some people.
    • Despite the fact that the story still had a few more lines, Jacob states that that is where the story should have ended.
  • Jacob is bewildered that a story featured on the Creepypasta Wiki caught no flak for not being scary.
• From Shadow of Blood:
  • "Hey, being a police dog is ruff, man." "FUCK YOU!"
  • Jacob says, after the story calls the protagonist "a boy" twice in a row, that he looked unusual for a Japanese boy because he was masculine.
  • When it's said that the protagonist got the scar on his eye from training with his father:
  Toby: What were you training to be? You're twelve years old!
  Jacob: Who was his father, Fire Lord Ozai?!
  Matt: Nah, the thing is, he was training like that, but to be a salaryman! Y'see the stapler here- oWOOPS!

  • Leading to this later on:
    Jacob: [Takaki Yuki] lived at home with his father, his mother, and his older sister.
    Gemma: What, Azula?
    Matt: (In a whiny voice) Azula was the younger sister!
    [...]
    Matt: Yeah, she's younger than 'im!
    Jacob: EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO THIS...!
  • And this:
    Jacob: (Reading the story(?)) "He grabbed the stapler from the desk, now he'll put that training to use, it may have costed his eye..."
    Toby: "But is gonna cost somebody's eye."
  • A fight scene between the protagonist and one of his bullies is portrayed by a looping gif of Joffrey from Game of Thrones being hit in the face, not to mention the other gifs.
  • Toby fucks up his Japanese accent:
  Toby: (reading the protagonist's lines) I'LL-A MAKE-A YOU PAY!!! PAY!!! PAAAAY!!!
  Matt: MAMMA-MIA, I'M-A JAPANESE!
  Toby: I'm so shit at accents, man.
  Jacob: (snickering) Oh, you know the Japanese, and their spaghetti...
  • "Something caught Yuki's eye: The family katana... the family fedora."
  • All of the (rather abrupt) Author's Note at the end of the story. Gemma's voice and the crew's groans of disappointment make this scene even more wonderful than it should be.
  • "Here is bad, here is guy: He is good but then bad."
• The thumbnail for "Charlie the Killer" has Jeff the Killer In the Style of Charlie Brown.
  • Jacob briefly turns into Film Brain due to being bored of the story.
    Jacob: How can someone do an entire film review in that voice and not want to punch themself in the trachea?
    • "How am I Film Braining the Jeff voice now?!"
  • Here's how Jeff proclaims his love for Charlie:
    "I love fat ugly whores!"
  • When Jeff declares his love for Charlie, everyone else points out that they literally just met.
  • Toby is practically disgusted with having to read the line where Charlie exposition dumps about her entire life:
    Charlie!Toby: (quickly) I have the urge to kiss you but I feel as though if I do that you'll just leave me my father left me after violently beating me and my mother I don't want to fall in love with you as then I'll have to trust you and I don't want to end up killing myself like my mother. (loud inhale)
  • The revelation that Charlie and Jeff get married two years later almost drives Toby to madness.
    • And then the story ends with Charlie revealing the day before their wedding that she's 13 weeks pregnant.
      Jacob: THEN END. Credited to Megan and Charlotte.
      Gemma: It was written by two people. Two people would have to write that.
• The Origin of Laughing Jack is filled with Jacob and Matt mocking 19th century London.
  • "You'd be lucky if you didn't spend Christmas Eve in the fucking chimney!"
  • "There is no OCEAN in LONDON!"
  • "TIME TO CONQUER EARTH!"
  • "Hmm… looks like someone hasn’t been flossing regularly…” A quote from a story set in 1800's London.
    Jacob: It's. The. 1800's! I IMAGINE HE WAS NOT FLOSSING REGULARLY!
    Matt: He was using his mouthwash though, his Colgate!
    [...]
    Jacob: Did ya forget this was set in the 1800's halfway through writing it, you thick fuck?!
    Matt: He brought out his electric toothbrush, and his IPhone!
  • When Jack asks Isaac if he'll get in trouble for the dead cat:
    Jacob: No, that's dinner, mate.
  • When Isaac brings home a lady friend:
    Jacob: (as Laughing Jack) What's this, a new friend? Why does Isaac need a new friend? I thought I was Isaac's only friend...
    Matt: (lightly snickering) Clearly you weren't putting out, Jack.
  • After Isaac kills the woman, he apparently leaves her body where it is for a whole day:
    Jacob: So, it wasn't a priority then? Disposing of the body.
    Matt: Went to work, gone back to the bar, (snickering) picked up another girl!
    Jacob: (as the girl) What's with this corpse on the bed?
    Matt: (as Isaac) Uh... Uh... Threesome?
    Jacob: (as Isaac) Don't even worry about it. (as the girl) I'm not into this. (as Isaac) What are you, some kind of whore? (as the girl) No, that's not how that works.
    Matt: (as Isaac) Also, I hope you don't mind my magic friend watching. He's into that. Dressed as Batman.
  • This dialogue about a scene where Jack pulls out "Isaac’s intestines in the same manner a magician would pull a series of colourful cloths out of his pocket."
    Jacob: What am I supposed to feel when I read that sentence?!
    Matt: Aroused.
    Jacob: Well, it's doing its job I guess, then, but...
  • "My God, we're almost done! We're actually almost done! Most of the story was just torture!" "Thank Buddha."
  • Both of them admit that if Toby was there, they'd make him read Isaac's lines.
    Matt: Do it in a funny voice, Toby! (imitating Toby) Which one? (normal) That one! (Toby) That's how I normally speak."
    [...]
    Jacob: You [Toby] fucking Cockney peasant!
  • Many are still waiting for The Long Wait To Freedom by Laughing Jack, the former president of London.
• "Jeff the Killer vs Freddy Krueger" starts off with a pair of songs.
  • Jeff mocks Freddy's burnt face.
• From Judge Angel:
  • Mr. Clark is introduced as "Mr. Clark of the Clarks, the famous and serious judge."
  Matt: Not like those wacky judges! "I sentence you for five years in pie!"
  • When the nurse visits Mr. Clark's office (which, from the phrasing, seems to be inexplicably located in the hospital where his daughter is being born), Jacob decides that rather than being a judge in the traditional sense as the story claims, Mr. Clark judges babies and decides which ones go to their parents and which ones get sent to work in a salt mine.
  • After the baby is said to be a girl, and the story's phrasing makes it seem like Mr. Clark is shocked by this, Jacob makes a joke about the story being set in the 17th century and Mr. Clark being King Henry VIII. Then, Gemma mispronounces Catherine of Aragon's name, and...
    Jacob: Catherine of Aragog?! Catherine the Giant Spider! I know it's been a while since I was at university, but I think I'd remember if Henry VIII was married to a giant arachnid!
    [...]
    Matt: I thought she was going to say Aragorn!
    Gemma: It was a slip of the tongue...
    [...]
    Jacob: Catherine of Aragog gave Henry hundreds of children, but none of them were heirs, because they were all spider-people!"
    Matt: It's written down: Spiders can't inherit the throne! Unlike America and its loopholes like "There's no rule saying dogs can't play basketball!"
    [...]
    Jacob: Right, okay, so... going back to what sent us... spiralling into Henry VIII and his giant spider-wife!
    Matt: You know like, they sent a portrait over, and like the top half is a woman, but connected is just a drider from below!
    Jacob: I'm just seeing the king chewing on some big old fuckin' chicken leg and like, his wife's sitting there with a whole cow, just liquifying its organs!
    '''Toby: [After spending 2 minutes and 6 seconds in spider jokes] "We are three paragraphs in."
    • Due to the baby being revealed to have completely black eyes, they joke that she is part-spider, which leads to a Call-Back to Catherine of Aragog.
    • The fact that Mr. Clark calls his otherwise normally-born daughter a monster for having black eyes (a birth defect) and questions if his wife had an affair because of this particular feature... instead of caring about the fact that the baby's hair color is blonde, which the Clarks do not possess.
    • The story states that the baby's eyesight is "two times of a normal person's," which leads Toby and Matt to joke that she has four eyes, as yet another Call-Back to Catherine of Aragog.
      Jacob: Yeah, Gemma, I bet you wouldn't have brought up fuckin' Catherine of Aragon if you’d known you were gonna, like, throw that fucking mispronunciation out, would you?
      Gemma: [wheezing] No...
      Jacob: That’s derailed the whole fucking episode! Every... every five sentences, just, "'Cause she's a fuckin' spider!"
    • In a similar incident, Toby mispronounces "Bible" as "Broble", leading to the obligatory JonTron reference.
  • Mr. Clark's lawyer is voiced as Squeaky-Voiced Teen.
  • The story repeats itself enough, such that the author could be elegible for a CEO position in the Department of Redundancy Department. After mentioning it six times and not very long after Mr. Clark domestically abused his wife and daughter, the story says "...Mr. Clark, who does not like Dina [the daughter] at all."
    Jacob: NO FUCKING SHIT!
  • The white sword that the Clarks own was supposedly dropped from heaven by an angel. This leads Toby and Matt to say that it's a Death Note Sword, because when you stab someone with a sword, they die.
  • Dialogue on how the sword was used:
    Gemma: "It was once used to kill..."
    Jacob: 'IT WAS ONCE USED TO KILL!'
    Toby: What?
    Gemma: "To protect... (and also attac)."
    Jacob: Folks, it's the dead meme show! Steph is back in the editing suite!
    Gemma: "It was once used to kill, to protect, for personal benefit, et cetera..."
    Jacob: What, like robbing a convenience store?
  • "It appears that [Dina] is now in the dungeon."
    Toby: (Voice cracks) There's a dungeon?! There's a fucking dungeon?! You mentioned the mansion 50 times, you mentioned the father and that he's a judge!
    Jacob: The color of the sword!
    Toby: -The color of the sword! The angel war! But you failed to mention the fucking dungeon you have in your house!
    Jacob: When you said you lived in the largest house, did you mean castle?
  • The revelation that Mr. Clark's maid's surname is "Qwest" causes Jacob to jokingly suggest that the pasta takes place in the universe of Jonny Quest.
    Jacob: Y'know- like that one scene from Iron Man where they go "You think you're the only superhero around here"? Where I was like "OH! We're doing that now aren't we?" It's like that, but shit!
  • People treating Dina's vigilante behavior as her being a real angel and talking like if it was Jesus Christ's second arrival.
    • The people interviewed are Natalie's mother from Clockwork: Your Time is Up, Constantine from Laura, and Silent Sonya.
    • "Hm! Angels! It must be a lie made up by stupid people! Like hell that angels exists in this world!"
  • Dina Angela (who for some reason is not surnamed as a Clark) decides to become Judge Angel, a Creepypasta Slasher who targets evil and pretentious people. Even then, her final target in the story is a man who simply didn't believe angels exist: She became a judge who kills and harms people for petty reasons. Exactly as bad as, or even worse than, her father, who despite being abusive towards his daughter and wife, never went further than threatening to kill Dina once. In fact, the only person who actually went forward to try kill Dina was the maid Mr. Clark hired to protect him from her, knowing that his daughter had homicidal intentions towards him. Dina was right – She's better than him... at being evil.
    • To rub salt into the Fridge Logic, Mr. Clark was never said to physically abuse Dina (albeit she had been starved for a while) and presumably gave her high-class tutors.
• From 2 Jurassic Park Pastas:
  • Jacob making "character breakdowns" of the characters in Jurassic World, and then Gemma brings the famous "runs in high heels" controversy back.
    Jacob: This... is Star-Lord. He is totally not Indiana Jones and like motorbike! This... is ginger girl who cannot act. She is scientist and... talks robot.
    Matt: May, in fact, be a bit of wood with a wig on it!
    Gemma: She... is able to run in high heels which is physically impossible!
• Several from Kandy Kane:
  • The character profile for Kaitlyn, the protagonist, before the story properly begins. Her full name is "Kaitlyn Kandy Sweetcheeks", and she hates people who hurt children and animals, even though she is dating Laughing Jack, who has done both those things in the story he originated from.
  • Kaitlyn's catchphrase: "It’s alright, sweetie, it’s only death!"
  • The crew give her a voice described as "Old Mrs. Miggins from the pie shop down the road."
  • Her younger brother is named Jared, leading to jokes about Jared Leto.
  • The jokes made when Kaitlyn's mother is found OD'd in the living room become even more hilarious when she finds her brother who had committed suicide in his room, all adding up to Matt making animals die in a chain effect triggered by the mother's death. Matt also mispronounces budgerigar as "budgeriguard".
    Gemma: Budgeriguard!
    Jacob: It’s just a budgie, with like, a fuckin' beefeater's hat on...Just... Sits outside the house, comes in, realizes the family have died- it's failed its mission, fucking flies straight into the ceiling fan...
    [Gemma and Matt giggling in the background]
    Matt: Yeah- I want that to be the thing: The mother accidentally OD'd herself, the son saw it, can't take it anymore; killed himself, then the dog came in, found that he was man's best friend, then kill[ed himself]- then the cat saw that his best friend and rival is now dead, the horse came in...
    Gemma: The horse comes in and goes "What are youuuu doing here?"-
    Matt: -Trips over the dead body; breaks its leg; can't live with itself anymore; shotgun;
    Jacob: Limps its way to the glue factory!
    Matt: —Pulls out a shotgun, blows his own brains out, then- I don't know, the postman comes by and is like 'Oh no my favorite family is dead! I wanna die!' Luckily the buckshot of the horse's gun killed him! He falls out onto the road, the ice cream man goes "Ah, my best friend, the postman- Oh no, he's dead!", drives over the body, swivels [swerves] off the road...a bus full of orph- suicidal orphans!
    Jacob: These poor orphans! They’re being transported, the slightest thing could tip them all over the edge! Ice cream van! "Oh look, the ice cream van!" See it veer into a tree and burst into flames!
  • All of that leads to the next joke not too long after:
    Gemma: (reading the story) Kaitlyn's thoughts were cut short when a car came speeding down immediately out of nowhere-
    Jacob: It's the postman!
    Matt: It's her dad's car; she went back in time!
  • When Laughing Jack leaves after visiting Kaitlyn in the hospital:
    Matt: I like the idea that he walks out but is still completely visible to the doctors who are like: "Who the fuck's this freak?"
  • When Kaitlyn gets a bucket of a 'clear liquid' that combines her halloween costume with her skin poured over her: "When they said clear, did they mean green? Was it mutagen? 'I got this from me Uncle Shredder!'"
• The gang quickly begin to loathe the protagonist of The Christmas Krampus II, considering him almost as bad as the guy from Dating Game. His attempts at humor certainly don't help matters.

  Jacob: (Reading) "I'm already excited to see what's in store, pun intended." Go fuck yourself.

  Gemma: Cunt.

  • Jacob offhandedly jokes that Scooby-Doo portrays small businesses as evil and corporations as good. Toby's reaction is best described as "questioning everything he's ever known".
    Toby: ...Oh my God! You're fucking right! Jesus! I never even thought about it that way! What the fuck? You just ruined Scooby-Doo! What the fuck!?
    Jacob: Really, I've ruined Scooby-doo? Not the pages and pages of Scooby-Doo Rule 34?
• From their livestreams reading Stones To Abbigale, they regularly go onto tangents to avoid reading the book, including such topics as their fetishes (Gemma likes Mewtwo porn, Matt likes Shadman's hentai art, and Jacob wants to have sex with all the adult members of The Incredibles, particularly Elastigirl) and turning the mother's boyfriend Rick into "Rocket-Fist" Rick.
• In their first livestream of This Is Why I Hate You, the fact that the main character's father is named Jerry results in Jacob immediately turning him into Jerry Seinfeld, and the story into a sequel to Bee Movie.
• From Born of Science: Jane the Killer:
  • They all spend some time utterly confused at the existence of a Pol Pot Creepypasta.
  • The repeated references to Jane's "Healthy Pure Blood", leading to constant jokes about Jane being racist.
  • The description of the FBI agent and Gemma's initial voice for him remind Jacob of Gordon Cole. Cue Gemma reading his lines in a Gordon Cole impression.
  • Toby mispronounces "needle" as "noodle".
  • Jane is injected with what the Doctor refers to as "Liquid Hate".
• During their reading of the Sonic.EXE remake, someone in chat leaves a comment ^note "I can't wait for Rayman to piss on Tom.", that leads to a tangent about R. Kelly and Space Jam.
  Jacob: What is Rayman, R-Kelly?
  Matt!R-Kelly: This is not about music anymore, this is about me peeing on fourteen year old girls!
  Jacob: Ahh, go to jail, you fucking degenerate sack of shit!
  Matt: No, he couldn't, he would just fly away.
  Jacob: Get back in the closet you piece of shit.
  Matt: The Looney Tunes would just break him out of jail.
  • Their reactions to Derek Green, not only escorting Tom to the crime scene of his friend's gruesome demise, but also later showing him pictures of the other murders for no reason.
  • The trio frequently joke that X kills his victims through sexual assault and leaves them drenched in semen. However, the joke comes to a head when Sarah reveals that the autopsy reports indicate the cause of death as being if something large forced its way down the victims' throats.
    Matt!Sonic.EXE: I'll rupture your esophagus with my massive hedgehog cock! With my five-pronged echidna penis!
  • At the beginning of Chapter 3, Gemma attempts to do an impression of N&AProductions, but Jacob calls her out, claiming she sounds more like the little mouse from Titanic: The Legend Goes On. Jacob then proceeds to do impressions of the mouse, rapping dog, and N&AProductions.
• The entirety of them reading Homicidal Liu, due to the story getting lost in translation.
  • They couldn't even get past the first sentence without running into an error: "It all started one night, the night that Jeffrey Woods completely mad."
  • "Jeff stopped being the boy who was."
  • When Liu and his girlfriend get mugged:
    Jacob!Liu: I wanted to kill him for hurting Susan, chased him with the knife he had hidden in my jacket.
    [Matt laughs]
    Jacob: That was very nice of the mugger, I have to say.
    Matt: Turns out they got reverse mugged, where someone like brutally forces money on you in an alley.
    Toby: And then gives you the knife.
    Jacob!Liu: I dragged him to the alley where he stole the bag from my beloved. In front of her, so I made her apologize.
    Jacob: You apologize for getting mugged.
    • And shortly after.
      Toby!Liu: Run, I do not want you to see this. I love you, Susan and do not want to see this.
      Jacob: He ran as far as he could.
      Toby: Liu ran away?!
      Matt: "Susan, I don't want you to see this!" So, he ran off and left the mugger and her in the alley.
  • Towards the end of the episode, Jacob mentions how he's finally gotten around to watching Death Note, which leads to the gang mentioning just how incredibly underutilized the absolutely bonkers ways the death note can kill people is.
    Jacob: BOLD WORDS FOR A MAN ABOUT TO CHOKE TO DEATH ON HIS OWN COCK!
    • This is immediately followed by Toby doing an impression of what that would sound like, and the entire gang completely losing it.
• In The Chess Master, the main character is heavily bullied and called a freak for liking chess. The trio lampshade the absurdity of it several times.
  • Near the end of the reading, they start coming up with action movie-style one-liners for a hypothetical Monopoly-themed killer.
    Toby: Do not pass Go.
    Jacob: No, mom. I think tonight I will be the car, and you can be the little scotty dog!
    Toby: Consider your property... Remortgaged.
    Matt: It looks like I... Just came in second in the beauty pageant. ^note According to Jacob, this is the "Monopoly Killer's" motivation.

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