Funny / Aunts Aren't Gentlemen

• Bertie, about Aunt Dahlia:
  If she ever turned into a werewolf, it would be one of those jolly breezy werewolves whom it is a pleasure to know.
• Bertie has to go to Maiden Eggesford for the sake of his health, and expects he'll have a nice, quiet time.
  In due course Aunt Dahlia rang to say that she had got a cottage for me and to let her know what day I would be arriving. And so began what I suppose my biographers will refer to as The Maiden Eggesford Horror – or possibly The Curious Case Of The Cat Which Kept Popping Up When Least Expected.
• Aunt Dahlia notices Bertie isn't acting normally and confronts him about it.
  Bertie: What you say is true. But I am not myself today.
  Aunt Dahlia: Well, that's a bit of luck for everybody.
  Bertie: I'm what you could call distraught.
  Aunt Dahlia: You're what I could call a mess.
• After Bertie tells Orlo that Vanessa wants to meet him at Bertie's cottage:
  Eventually [Orlo] spoke, his voice rather like that of a living corpse in one of those horror films where the fellow takes the lid off the tomb in the vault beneath the ruined chapel and blowed if the occupant doesn't start a conversation with him.
• Bertie tells Aunt Dahlia about his engagement to Vanessa. She offers him a few words of comfort.
  Aunt Dahlia: I wouldn't worry. You're bound to wriggle out of it somehow. You told me once that you had faith in your star. The girls you've been engaged to and have escaped from would reach, if placed end to end, from Piccadilly to Hyde Park Corner. I won't believe you're married till I see the bishop and assistant clergy mopping their foreheads and saying, "Well, that's that. We've really got the young blighter off at last."
• Bertie tells Jeeves about his engagement.
  Bertie: I'm in sore straits, Jeeves.
  Jeeves: I am sorry to hear that, sir.
  Bertie: You'll be sorrier when I explain further. Have you ever seen a garrison besieged by howling savages, with their ammunition down to the last box of cartridges, the water supply giving out and the United States Marines nowhere in sight?
  Jeeves: Not to my recollection, sir.
  Bertie: Well, my position is roughly that of such a garrison, except that compared with me they're sitting pretty. Compared with me they haven't a thing to worry about.

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