Funny / A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017)

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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General

• In a meta sense, the fact that, even though Lemony Snicket is a dour, joyless, sad man, he's played by... Patrick Warburton.
• The fact that Klaus looks (and probably is) fed up at least 90% of the time in the first episode alone. By the time we get to the last episode, he's so done with the show.
• Pretty much every piece of snark that comes out of Sunny's mouth.
• Count Olaf's general reaction any time he's around Poe while he's coughing.
  • It's not just Olaf - that's literally everyone else in the world who's just annoyed by the never ending coughing.
• It's clear that the rest of Count Olaf's troupe can't stand Esmé, and are always in various states of irritation or boredom as she blathers on about herself.
  • Except for the Bald Man, who seems very interested in her chatter, and even supports her in her endeavors to get the sugar bowl.
• Mr. Poe’s office is literally inside the bank vault. Guess the bank couldn’t afford to give him his own office. Jacquelyn later has to share the same space.
• In season 2, the newspaper delivery boy shows up to deliver the Daily Punctillio at random locations. At one point, he delivers the newspaper while riding his bicycle inside the bank building.
  • Also notable is when he delivers a newspaper to Esmé and Jerome's apartment, which is at the top of a very high building, where the elevator is "out" and thus, not allowed to be used. You even get to see him start riding his bicycle down the stairs.
• Just the sheer fact that Count Olaf's disguises and backstories get more and more obviously fake as time goes on. One of the things he's asked about as Gunther is, apparently, his "Good looks, and brains, and accent," ...Two of which he doesn't have and one that's passable at best!
• The fact that Olaf and the Baudelaires are aware that everyone else left alive on the planet that they have to interact with are idiots.

Season 1

1x01 - The Bad Beginning: Part One

• One of the things we get when the Baudelaire's are being described is Violet turning a grandfather clock into a toaster, for no apparent reason!
  • It's probably for Klaus, who spends time reading in the library. Why should he go hungry? This way, he gets toast!
• Mrs. Poe asking the children how they feel before bed and then immediately making their statement front page news, proving that while Count Olaf sucks, at least he admits he's a douche.
• Count Olaf gets custody of the Baudelaires because he is their geographically closest living relative.
• Count Olaf's insanely over the top introduction. First, a crow kills another bird as the camera pans around to his house, and then he misses the first ring of his doorbell because he's too busy staring evilly from his attic window.
  Count Olaf: Oh!
• Count Olaf introduces the list of chores to the Baudelaires:
  Count Olaf: Do you know what this is?
  Klaus: It looks like a list.
  Count Olaf: WRONG! It's a list.
• In Count Olaf's opinion, the most important substances on Earth are as follows: Money, applause, and lip balm.
• Daniel Handler, ever the Jewish boy from New York, keeps up the incredible Stealth Puns.
  Justice Strauss: I always find cooking to be something of a mitzvah. Do you know what that means?
  Klaus: Commandment?
  Justice Strauss: Blessing. ^Explanation Mitzvah literally means "commandment", but can also mean blessing (or a charitable deed).
• Pasta Puttenesca "I wonder what that means in Latin." The literal translation is "whore's sauce" as prostitutes used to cook it for sailors they were about to... ahem... as it took a very short time to cook and would be ready for said... aheming.
• Taken straight from the book, while Violet and Klaus prepare the pasta puttanesca, Snicket narrates that Sunny was "banging on a pot with a wooden spoon, singing a rather repetitive song she had written herself." Cut to Sunny doing exactly that.
• During the dinner scene, Olaf's troupe are very clearly enjoying the pasta that the orphans have made, while acting like they hate it so that they won't make the count angry.
  • The hook-handed man in particular has a wide-eyed and excited look when Sunny mentions that they also made chocolate pudding for dessert, and gets dejected when Olaf orders them to leave for rehearsals.
    Hook-Handed Man: But the baby said there's chocolate pudding!
    • The fact the hook-handed man can understand Sunny without her being translated, making him the only non-Baudelaire who understands her baby-talk. It serves to make him come across as kind of a Cloud Cuckoo Lander to an extent.
    • Also notable is the fact that the bald man's reaction to the above line is not confusion but simply to shush him, implying that he either understood Sunny too or at least is used to such bizarre comments to the point of being unfazed.
  • The person of indeterminate gender grabbing as much food as they can carry when ordered to leave.
• After Olaf and his troupe's musical number, "It's the Count", he demands applause from the Baudelaires. Klaus, whose arms are full of groceries, half-heartedly hits the two bags together a few times. The song itself probably counts in its own right, including gems such as the piano break played (by of all people) the hook handed man.
  Count Olaf (singing): N is for the knowledge, because I'm very, very smart!
• "As you can see, I have provided, at no cost to you, this complimentary pile of rocks."
• This bit of Black Comedy.
  Count Olaf: Well, I hope I can prove myself to be the father you never had.
  Klaus: We had a father.
  Count Olaf: Yes, I know. And a mother. Remarkable woman. Flammable.
• "At times like these, surrounded by colleagues and cohorts, gathered in fellowship for the purpose of plotting theater, there's an eternal question that always springs to mind: WHEN ARE WE GOING TO EAT??"
• Justice Strauss showing up at Count Olaf's door with lamb for the Baudelaires. Count Olaf's initial reaction?
  Count Olaf: You're a little old for a Girl Scout.

1x02 - The Bad Beginning: Part Two

• While recapping the previous episode, Lemony Snicket describes Count Olaf smacking Klaus across the face as "an act of violence that ought not to be shown on-screen". Cue a Hard Cut to the scene in question.
• As Count Olaf starts his scheme:
  Olaf: Do you know what question I'm asked most often?
  Hook-Handed Man: "Will you please leave the premises?"
• Count Olaf trying to get an appointment with Mr. Poe under the name 'Yessica Haircut'.
  • And Poe still falls for it despite the only thing disguising Olaf's face is a hat and a drawn-on mole.
  • At one point, Olaf shows Mr. Poe a map with his house labelled as "My House."
  • Eventually even Olaf can't remember the act anymore:
  Count Olaf: I guarantee that's what they meant or my name's not whatever I told you it was a moment ago.
  • The look of disappointment on Olaf's face when he realizes that Mr. Poe has never seen or heard of his talent.
  • Count Olaf and Jacquelyn meet in Poe's office. It's rather funny as Olaf knows Jacquelyn knows who he is and Jacquelyn knows Olaf knows that she knows who he is.
• Count Olaf's proclamation to the Baudelaire children that they'll be helping him with his new play.
  • First, he informs Klaus and Sunny that they'll be playing extras in the audience. Klaus protests that they wouldn't fit into a crowd of adults. Olaf calmly replies that they will be playing two midgets.
  • Then, he informs Violet that she will be co-starring in the play, instead of working on set design like she'd just suggested. When Violet presses it, Olaf chidingly shakes his head and begins with, "Sunny, Sunny, Sunny—" and upon being corrected, "Violet, Violet, Violet," without missing a beat.
    • As said, Olaf had correctly identified Sunny seconds ago before mistaking Violet for her.
• The only word that Count Olaf can find that rhymes with his name is "rice pilaf," a reference to Isadora Quagmire's poem about him in the fifth book.
  • What led to up to that moment.
  Bald Man: (to the tune of Here Comes the Bride) Here Comes Count Olaf, a bit of a show-off...
  Olaf: (visibly offended) What?!
  Bald Man: Nothing else rhymes with Olaf.
• In retrospect, or at present for viewers who have read the books, it is humorous that Count Olaf needs to look up the definition of "nuptial," considering he's concocted a scheme that revolves around marrying Violet.
• After Count Olaf invites Justice Strauss to perform in his play, and as he's escorting his children off the premises, we get this exchange.
  Strauss: Carpe diem!
  Count Olaf: Seize the children!
  Strauss: Seize the day.
  Count Olaf: I said day. (exits)
• The Hook-Handed Man presents Count Olaf three cakes with different flavors of icing.
  Hook-handed Man: One's vanilla, one has a hint of nutmeg, and the other is a little lemony.
  Count Olaf: I told you never to say that word.
  • Count Olaf seems to enjoy the lemony flavored cake the most.
• When the Hook-Handed Man catches Violet trying to rescue Sunny:
  Violet: What are you going to do with me?
  Hook-Handed Man: I said have a seat.
  Violet: No, you didn't.
  Hook-Handed Man: (yells angrily)
  Violet: (quickly sits down)
• After getting caught trying to rescue Sunny from the tower, Count Olaf locks the Baudelaires in a room with an hourglass saying that their fortune will be his when the sand runs out... Only to pop back up through the trapdoor moments later to see that the hourglass is already empty.
  Count Olaf: I didn't realize the sand went so quickly; I bought it online. You're gonna need to flip it a couple of times.
• The Hook-Handed Man tries to be cool by ending a phone call with "over and out," but Count Olaf doesn't get it. Made even better by how we only get to see his side of the conversation, Bob Newhart style, with Olaf just barely being audible.
• When Violet is caught by the Hook-Handed Man trying to rescue Sunny, he radios Count Olaf, and explains that she climbed up to the tower with an apparent grappling hook. Olaf's reaction that we hear is... understandable.
  Count Olaf: Where did she get a grappling hook?!
  • He doesn't initially remember which thug he's talking to, and when he does, refers to him as "the one with the hand problem." The Hook-Handed Man's reaction just screams "C'mon, dude, I have feelings!"
• Count Olaf has no idea how to use the words "figuratively" and "literally," with several other characters going out of their way to use them correctly.
• Klaus explains Count Olaf's plan to him. Count Olaf's takeaway is, "I don't think a boy your age should be using the word titular."
• Count Olaf modelling the bride's dress.
• When Count Olaf asks the Powdered-Faced Women's opinions on using "baby's breath," they mistake it as meaning he's going to marry Sunny.
• The Hook-Handed Man gets so bored guarding Sunny that he challenges her to poker. This somehow ends with her taking him to the cleaners.
• Gustav and Jacquelyn preparing to intervene in Count Olaf's plot, using their telescopes as clubs if needed by the looks of it.
• The climax of the episode sees the introduction of a beloved Running Gag from the books:
  Mrs. Poe: Wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio hear about this!
• The Hook-Handed Man informs Violet that soon she will be Count Olaf's bride. Which will make him her Henchperson-in-law.
• Justice Strauss getting stage fright during her portion of the play.
• As Mr. Snicket defines the word 'standoffish', Mr. Poe's secretary Jacquelyn painstakingly makes her way to a phone booth, dragging the uprooted tree she was tied to, and calls Gustav using nothing but her feet. She somehow gets into the underground tunnels of the V.F.D. with the tree still on her back, and then has an entire conversation with Gustav (and bringing up the Rice Pilaf line from earlier on) before she finally asks him to cut her free.
  • Also, the fact that Gustav casually pulls out a large pair of scissors from his pocket.

1x03 - The Reptile Room: Part One

• Stephano's ridiculous accent is hilarious on its own.
• Count Olaf says he prefers long-form television to movies, with a very pointed Aside Glance.
  • He calls one of his minion about the change in plans:
  Count Olaf (annoyed) Yes, a movie theatre. Where they show movies. Of course it’s more convenient to watch from the comfort of your own home but I didn’t ask for your opinion!
• The old lady in the movie theater who decides to keep making a point about how boring her life is when purchasing her ticket and concessions.
• After seeing a zombie movie:
  Count Olaf: Terrible ending. The villagers should have all been eaten, like in Citizen Kane.
  • Before the film, Olaf gets a huge bag of popcorn for himself... and a tiny one for the kids to share.
  Monty: Your generosity is noted, Stephano.
  Count Olaf: My name is not... aaaaaaaaaaanything but Stephano.
  • The fact that he remembers to keep the accent while forgetting his own alias—the Count's skills as an actor are incredibly questionable.
• The powdered faced women's responses when Count Olaf finds them tied up after their plan to kidnap Monty fails.
  Woman 1: He's tougher than he looks!
  Woman 2: Even for two old ladies!
• Cobie Smulders' character's utterly deadpan description of the Offscreen Moment of Awesome we just missed.
• Even Olaf is taken by surprise that Monty knows he's a fake, but not that he's Count Olaf.
• Stephano trolling Violet by cramming a whole bowl of potstickers into his mouth after she asks for one.
• Stephano's response to Monty's question as to where he studied herpetology.
  Count Olaf: What? I don't know anything about mouth sores.
• Count Olaf begins a running gag and gets very annoyed when Monty says he is a bad actor.

1x04 - The Reptile Room: Part Two

• Stephano's reaction to Mr. Poe saying they have to call the police.
  Stephano: Come on man, it's just a fender bender!
  • This scene when the Baudelaires try to tell Mr. Poe about Stephano being Count Olaf:
  Stephano: Don't you miss the vivid imagination of childhood?
  Mr. Poe: I never had one.
  Stephano: An imagination or childhood?
  • And then Mr. Poe trying to report Monty's death.
  Mr. Poe: It's quite urgent! First name: Montgomery, last name: Montgomery. No this isn't a prank ca-! *operator hangs up* Hello?
• The fake coroner vehicle that immediately drives up to the estate has "CORNER" printed on the side.
• Olaf has a bit of trouble Driving Stick while attempting to steal Monty's car.
• Olaf telling The Person of Indeterminate gender that he doesn't care that they're auditioning for Equus.
• Everything about "Nurse Lucafont's" costume is pure gold, from the upside-down glasses to the pins saying "totally a nurse" to the mask not covering their nose.
• Stephano tells Poe that the Montgomery home is under quarantine while he's Milking the Giant Cow. There is a lengthy pause, then Stephano turns on the walkie-talkie hidden in his sleeve and repeats himself so his troupe can hear him.
• "Lucafont" trying to cover up their tracks by telling Mr. Poe that they as a nurse use hospital slang, and then proceeds to use incredibly common slang as if anyone could not know it, like "Doc" for doctor.
• Stephano's claim that the Mumba de Mal killed Dr. Montgomery by stealing a vial of its own venom. Even Mr. Poe thinks it is absurd.
• Jacquelyn corners Olaf on the Prospero:
  Jacquelyn: Because I'm taking you to prison.
  Olaf: (pulls a knife) Well good luck with that. I'm armed.
  Jacquelyn: (pulls a meat cleaver) So am I.
  Olaf: (pulls a machete) Child's play.
  Jacquelyn: (pulls a harpoon gun) Adorable.
  Olaf: (surprised) Is that a harpoon gun?
• How does Count Olaf get Jacquelyn to look away?
  Olaf: You wouldn't squash a spider.
  Jacquelyn: (threateningly) I like spiders.
  Olaf: Oh, that's good, because there's one on your shoulder right now.
  Jacquelyn: I'm not falling for that!
  Olaf: No, I'm serious. There's one on your left shoulder. It's one of the bigger ones? I'm gonna say, tarantula?
  Jacquelyn: (pauses for a moment before checking her shoulder)
  • He then humorously dives out of the window as Jacquelyn pulls his robe off in an attempt to stop him.
• Poe's Freak Out at seeing Sunny with the Incredibly Deadly Viper, reminiscent of the famous Hurricane of Excuses from The Blues Brothers.
• Poe, Count Olaf, the Person of Indeterminate Gender, and the children are trying to decide who goes with the nurse to examine the body and who stays outside. When Violet suggests Olaf goes in with his hench-person and Poe stays with the children, we get this gem delivered in a calm manner.
  Stephano: No, child, please. If I were standing closer to you, I would slap you. In the throat.
• Klaus reads from Doctor Montgomery's journal about the Incredibly Deadly Viper. As noted, it "wouldn't hurt a fly". How does Montgomery know this at first meeting? Because he actually tried to feed it flies and it didn't eat them!

1x05 - The Wide Window: Part One

• Alfre Woodard gloriously Playing Against Type as the ridiculously hypochondriac Aunt Josephine. She gets a You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me! take from Sunny.
  Josephine: The world is full of terrifying things, and the only way to face them is to be terrified of them all.
  Sunny: <...You're nuts.>
  • Aunt Josephine's introduction includes her spontaneously screaming at her own reflection.
• The flashback to Aunt Josephine and "Captain Sham" meeting is pretty humorous-from the way the vendors hawk their merchandise ("Fish heads! Fish heads! Roly-poly fish heads!") to Count Olaf and his troupe engaging in Blatant Lies about who he is and what he's like and how readily Aunt Josephine falls for it.
  Olaf: I've been so lonely since I lost my... Uh...
  Person of Indeterminate Gender: Left.
  Olaf: Left leg.
  Aunt Josephine: I'm so sorry.
  Olaf: I've been fitted with a wooden prosthetic.
  Aunt Josephine: How did it happen?
  Olaf: Uh, we used half of an old broom.
  Aunt Josephine: No, I mean the accident.
  Olaf: Oh, yes, the accident! No one could possibly understand.
  Hook-Handed Man: It's un-understandable!
  Olaf: I was sitting on my boat...
  Powder-Faced Woman 1: The way sailors do.
  Olaf: Enjoying some pasta puttanesca...
  Powder-Faced Woman 2: Which is also totally normal.
  Olaf: When I spilled some on my leg!
  Person of Indeterminate Gender: And a very handsome leg it was.
  Olaf: Before I knew it, the leeches were attacking me!
  Hook-Handed Man: [in French accent] Terrible!
  Powder-Faced Women: [in unison] Ghastly!
  Olaf: I fought them off as fast as I could...
  Powder-Faced Woman 1: Ka-pow!
  Powder-Faced Woman 2: Zoink!
  Olaf: But my right leg was not strong enough-
  Person of Indeterminate Gender: Left.
  Olaf: My right leg was not strong enough to rescue my left leg!
  • It works like a charm.
  Aunt Josephine: I have been lonely too...and I disconnected the doorbell.
  Olaf: Why did you do that?
  Aunt Josephine: Because of electrocution!
  Olaf: That's crazy.
  Hook-Handed Man: Uh, boss?
  Olaf: Crazy because I did the exact same thing myself!
• Count Olaf just cannot get it through his head that Lake Lachrymose isn't the sea, but a large lake.

1x06 - The Wide Window: Part Two

• Count Olaf's troupe force poor Larry to make dinner for everyone while dressed as a clown, then make him wash the dishes later on, all while snickering at his expense.
  • Later on, the Person of Indeterminate Gender is seen casually giving Larry instructions on making Pasta Puttanesca.
• Klaus tells Violet his plans to decode Josephine's note, but his tongue is swelling from an allergic reaction and he's barely coherent. Nonetheless, Violet assumes exactly what her brother meant to say. Klaus responds with a bemused shrug that says, "Wow. Good guess."
• The Hook-Handed Man fumbling with using the Anxious Clown's phone.
• Count Olaf's reaction to the hole in the titular wide window is... novel.
  Count Olaf: (blank stare at the person-shaped hole) Well... That worked out. (lights his pipe)
  • Speaking of said window and said person-shaped hole. Aunt Josephine throws a statue through the window (which Mr Poe later describes as a "middle aged woman shaped hole") and then what does she do? Jump through said "middle aged woman shaped hole" to a jet ski which she has stored under her house! She then rides said jet ski to Curdled Cave.
• When Violet and Klaus attempt to make a signal, Klaus mentions "When horrible people use a magnifying glass to burn ants," and Josephine mentions that Count Olaf used to do that.
• When Aunt Josephine stands up to Count Olaf, she states that her house could topple off a cliff for all she cares. Klaus and Violet look at each other in awkwardness.
  Klaus: Later.
• Morbid — but still funny. Count Olaf doesn't push Aunt Josephine off the boat. He pokes her — a poke which any normal person could easily not fall off a boat from. She still... Well... Gets eaten.
• In the same scene - the running gag continues as Josephine describes Count Olaf as "a vastly untalented actor" and he gives a very bad fake gasp.

1x07 - The Miserable Mill: Part One

• Poe has a Freak Out when he realizes the Baudelaires are gone and starts ranting to a nearby man (played by series author Daniel Handler) about how it's crazy and "off book." He seems pretty distraught... Until he smells some nearby chowder samples and goes to try them.
• Sir's casual statements about child labor being good for them is humorous in a Crosses the Line Twice sort of way.
• Sir says it's "A terrible thing, lighting a fire" as he throws wood into his fireplace.
• Doctor Orwell is... less than happy with Olaf. Her first appearance has her throwing darts at a dartboard... with his face on it! Given that he left her to drown, we can't say we blame her.
  Orwell: I took a solemn oath that my office would be closed to you forever even during regular business hours.
  Olaf: You’re not still mad about... Whatever I did?
  Orwell: You left me to drown.
  Olaf: Water under the bridge.
  Orwell: That's where you left me.
  Olaf: ...Are you sure that was you?
  • The conversation implies that Count Olaf has actually left more than one person to drown and genuinely cannot remember whether he did it to her.
• Charles on Sir:
  Charles: You must understand, he had a very terrible childhood.
  Klaus: I understand. I'm having a very terrible childhood right now.
  Charles: Okay. (closes the door)
• Lemony Snicket mentions once fighting an unfriendly refrigerator repairman, and wonders what became of him. In the scene after, the Mother and Father encounter the same repairman.

1x07 - The Miserable Mill: Part Two

• Poe has another huge Freak Out over losing the children, including a descent into absolute Wangst over having to take off his "#1 banker" pin.
• Doctor Orwell has finally had enough and goes off on a rant — her reactions to it all are quite funny! And probably how most of us would react in that situation. She's just annoyed with everything.
• During Orwell's rant, there are hints her grudge with the Baudelaires isn't as it seems.
  Dr. Orwell: Just like your parents, they were shortsighted too, with their "You can't hypnotise people," and "What about free will?" and "We're going to kick you out and get your license revoked, (getting increasingly teared up) and if we ever have children, we're never going to let you anywhere near them!"
• After breaking up with Dr. Orwell, Count Olaf claims from now on he works alone, then asks the Hook-Handed Man to give him a boost over the fence.
  • Even funnier when you remember that he'll be working with Esmé within two books' time!
• At the end, when Poe drives the Baudelaires to Prufrock Preparatory School, they pass a series of buildings surrounding the school that look like gigantic graves.
  Poe: (cheerfully) Here's a fun bit of trivia: the architect who built this home was severely depressed.
• Count Olaf cross-dresses in heels, lipstick, and a blonde wig for the majority of the episode, and at the end when he's making his escape, he has a lot of trouble running until he finally remembers to take the heels off.
  Count Olaf: How do people run in these things?!
• Mrs. Poe admitting that she just found the Baudelaire children by accident as opposed to any actual competence on her part, especially since she went for a dramatic thing earlier about how she used to cut her teeth as an investigator.
• Mr. Poe's utter mood dissonance during the final musical number, particularly the stupid grin on his face as he sings "you might think that justice and truth will prevail, but that’s not how the story goes."

Season 2

2x01 - The Austere Academy Part One

• Season 2 opens with the Baudelaires still on the same bench where we left them...and they promptly comment that it feels like they've been sitting there for months. This is also used as the excuse for the aging of Sunny's actress.
• Nero telling Sunny what to type, and then yelling at her for "Typing like a one-year old."
• Olivia the school librarian tries to talk to Nero after he dismisses the Baudelaires from his office.
  Nero: Why are you here?
  Olivia: Why are any of us here? "Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them." Voltaire said that.
  Nero: I thought we expelled that French kid for smoking.
• When the Baudelaires and the Quagmires first meet and introduce themselves, Violet and Duncan give each other a subtle Longing Look. Cut to Sunny saying "Get a room."
• Count Olaf's exasperation with the slim pickings he and the troupe find in their stolen schoolbus (namely, a coach's outfit, cheerleader outfits, and two halves of a dead horse costume). Making it even bizarrer, all of these things end up playing a part in his scheme anyway.
• Count Olaf mentions he got kicked out of Prufrock Prep after a semester and a half, and is deeply offended when the Hook-Handed Man suggests that the school may not remember him.
• When Count Olaf first meets the Quagmires, he gets a good chunk of the way into his Evil Gloating speech before he realizes that they're not the Baudelaires.
• The flyer behind the Quagmires in the scene where they meet Count Olaf is for "Cakesniffers Anonymous." Apparently, this is a real problem at Prufrock.
• Count Olaf and Carmelita's double-act. Evil they may be, but they play off each other well.
• This bit, when Larry discovers Count Olaf and Carmelita are working together, and Carmelita proves herself to be a nuisance.
  Count Olaf: Working with kids, right?
  Larry: (deadpan) No. You're wrong. About everything.
  • This works doubly so because Neil Patrick Harris was a famous child actor early on in his career.
• When Nero catches Olivia letting the kids in the library after closing, she tries to convince him he's dreaming. Because that actually worked once before.
• The school mascot being a dead horse, and their rally cry of "You can't beat a dead horse!"
  • Not to mention Carmelita's Groin Attack on said mascot
• Jacquelyn diving under her desk each time she's talking to a volunteer on the phone.
• When Nero states that "Memento Mori" is Greek, Violet and Klaus correct him immediately.
• As Lemony describes the phrase "Making a mountain out of a molehill", he explains what a molehill is, and what someone might use it for. Behind him, a Prufrock student is minding his own business, when Carmelita runs up behind him, shoves him over a molehill and screams "I HATE YOUR FACE!" before running off again.

2x02 - The Austere Academy Part Two

• When Count Olaf, disguised as Coach Genghis, had finished explaining the Special Orphan Running Exercises, he tells Nero that it's almost time for his violin recital.
  Nero: You're right, I need to go rosin my bow.
  Count Olaf: (appalled) Don't say that in front of the children.
• Coach Genghis claims he wears his turban for religious reasons. Klaus calls him on his BS by asking what religion he is. Clearly Coach Genghis didn't expect such a question.
  Count Olaf: [looks off in the direction of the Hook Handed Man, who is hiding under some tarps]
  Hook Handed Man: [reveals himself] Reconstructionist Judaism!
  Count Olaf: Reconstruc-it-is-aism... Yes, that.
• Even Nero has a brief few Only Sane Man moments when faced with the weirdness of Coach Genghis. Particularly when Genghis delivers a long rant about the woman he inspired to chase her dreams, which culminates in:
  Olaf: Do you know what happened? She died in a mysterious fire.
  Nero: Wait, what?
  Olaf: Settling down is what losers do.
  Nero: No, but the woman you were talking about-
  Olaf: Settling down started World War I.
  Nero: Okay, but the story you were telling, you were just-
• The voice Olaf uses for Coach Genghis tops the Stefano voice in sheer hilarity. It's a Southern drawl that makes him sound like he's trying to imitate JR Ewing for some reason.
• The Baudelaires and Quagmires lament their lot at the pep rally:
  Violet: The school has fallen for the treachery of a madman.
  Duncan: That always happens at pep rallies.
• We finally get a visual glimpse of Nero's violin performance (if you could even call it that), and it is horrible to the point where it just cannot be taken seriously. Just how can it be this bad? There's no music, just him randomly going through out of tune strings!
  • Just when you thought Nero's performance couldn't get any worse, he decides to play the violin under his butt, continuously stroking through the strings aimlessly while sticking his tongue out.
  • And the audience's reaction? All of Count Olaf's troupe are asleep, the student extras are just straight up bored, and Olivia could only sigh in displeasure.
• After a night of the Special Orphan Running Exercises (literally, just Count Olaf forcing the Baudelaires to jog in a circle), the next few scenes show all the children sleeping in undignified ways: Violent and Klaus snoring with their heads hanging back, Sunny with her face planted in the typewriter in Nero's office.
• Carmelita coming to the orphan shack to tell the Baudelaires that Genghis wants to see them on the field, before finishing the song with, "And my name is Car-me-lita!"
  Isadora: That doesn't even rhyme.
  Carmelita: Only cakesniffers care about poetic form!
  • This becomes a running gag where the first few verses of her song rhyme until the very end when she finishes with "And my name is Car-me-lita!"
  Isadora: None of them rhyme. Songs have to rhyme!
  Carmelita: There's twelve more verses!
  Klaus: We get the message!
• Carmelita waking up the Baudelaires for their test.
  Violet: (groggily) It might just be that I'm tired, but I think she's improving.
• While the Baudelaires and the Quagmires are in the cafeteria after hours, they notice Carmelita coming in. While they're hiding, they're able to learn that Carmelita is a literal cake-sniffer.

2x02- The Ersatz Elevator, Part 1

• Count Olaf's "I do not approve of small child browsing penthouse."
• The absurdity of the concept of aqueous martinis.
• Count Olaf taking the group to Herring Houdini, a completely legitimate business with no secret agenda behind it whatsoever. The troupe act out their spiel in the most bored way possible.
  Person of Indeterminate Gender: (monotonous) Welcome to Herring Houdini, home of pickled fish.
  Hook-Handed Man: Everything here's been prepared for you!
  Powdered Face Woman 1: And very quickly...
  Powdered Face Woman 2: ...But not because we got a phone call five minutes ago.
  Hook-Handed Man: For children we offer a tour of the kitchen!
  Person of Indeterminate Gender: Where they'll probably ''not'' be thrown into a burlap sack.
  Hook-Handed Man: And for the adults!
  Bald Man: [appears with] Vodka martinis?
  Person of Indeterminate Gender: Which don't have any sleeping potion in them at all.
• Larry wears a salmon head to blend in as a waiter at the Cafe Salmonella.
  • As he serves them, he then announces that he will pour one dish slowly from a little pitcher that looks like a salmon throwing up. He tips the jar over, and the food comes out at an excruciatingly slow pace. All the while, the music gradually winds down and peters out. Eventually he finishes pouring the very thick liquid by producing a pair of scissors and literally cutting off the flow.
  • Every time he says the world "salmon" (read: a lot), he makes sure to pause and overemphasize it directly into Count Olaf's ear, for no reason other than to piss him off. With everything Larry's gone through at Olaf's hands, this is both hilarious and satisfying. He also deliberately mispronounces the word (the 'L' is actually silent) to further drive home this point, namely pronouncing it as "Sal mon."
• The diners flee to Count Olaf's restaurant when it is suddenly declared the next "in" thing in the newspapers. Klaus warns Jerome not to eat any of the fish there.
  Jerome: Don't worry, after this, I don't want to eat anything fish related ever again.
• Sunny, Klaus and Violet hiding in the salmon statue and slowly creep out of the restaurant once Count Olaf left.
  Sunny: Check, Please!
• Count Olaf tells his troupe to shut down the restaurant when the Baudelaires fail to show up, much to the troupes' protests.
  Hook-Handed Man: But we're booked until February!
• Esmé smiling through gritted teeth as she tries to say that Olaf's restaurant tastes better than where they were at before.
• Count Olaf performing a song and dance number at the behest of the patrons (as well as Larry and Jacquelyn) for "Secretary Day".
  • Even Esmé (who is actively assisting Count Olaf with his schemes) encourages this performance.
• At the beginning of the episode, trees cover the entire block because darkness is "in". Take a look after the newspaper announces that light is "in" and darkness is "out": those trees are now chopped down!
• All of the scenes with the "block-long limousine."
  • Esmé insists on calling the driver "Limousine", ignoring his repeated protests that it isn't his name.
  • The limousine proves to be utterly useless since it turns out that 667 Dark Avenue is less than a minute's walk from Herring Houdini, the restaurant the group goes to—it's on the side of the street on the block in front of the apartment. So the cast gets in, drives for approximately five seconds, and gets out to the restaurant.
  • After Esmé takes the group out of Herring Houdini, she storms back to the car and asks to go somewhere that's actually "in". The cast gets in, the car doesn't move, and the characters emerge from the other side and walk out to Café Salmonella... Which is on the Other side of the street and equidistant from the apartment.

2x03 - The Ersatz Elevator, Part 2

• Esmé and Count Olaf's plans are going off without a hitch. They've drugged Jerome unconscious, they've pushed the Baudelaires down an elevator shaft, and the Quagmires are on their way out of the city. So what do they do? Celebrate with a ridiculous victory dance.
  • The way Esmé acted before Olaf clarified they were going to dance indicated she was planning to celebrate with something else...
  • Made even funnier by the fact that they're doing it right in front of Jerome's unconscious body.
  • And by Sunny managing to not only sneak in while they're dancing, but also leave after obtaining a rope and the black cloak Jerome was covered with!
• Any time Klaus screams throughout the episode.
• Olivia having second-thoughts about V.F.D.:
  Olivia: Maybe I should return to my library, where things were safe, and organized... and lonely and unfulfilling.
• The Hook-Handed Man catches Sunny trying to get into the Penthouse and then gets locked out by her. When she comes back out she offers him soda and he tries to tell her off as if he's scolding her for being out of bed.
  Hook-Handed Man: How am I supposed to explain to the boss why you're not in the elevator?! (Sunny falls back down the elevator shaft) Oh. Well that worked out.
  • Before that, when Sunny runs into the Hook-Handed Man:
    Sunny: <Some day, Count Olaf will pay for his perfidy.>
    Hook-Handed Man: ... what does perfidy mean?
    Sunny: <Treachery, basically.>
    Hook-Handed Man: Oh.
• Count Olaf, as Gunter, tries to auction off his signed wanted poster, but no one’s willing to bid… until the Hook-Handed Man suggest they throw in a pack of gum. Cue every hand in the room going up.
• One of the items being sold is a red herring statue. Later it's shown that the Quagmires were stuffed into the herring, and not the V.F.D. (Very Fancy Doilies) box.
• Jacquelyn using the name "Yessica Haircut" to get past the Bald Man, who is acting as the bouncer.
• Larry offers the Hook-Handed Man a soda. Cut to Jacquelyn standing at his side, grabbing the platter and slamming it across the Hook-Handed Man's face. He stumbles a bit and takes a sip of his soda before passing out.
  • Jacquelyn's expression stays practically unchanged from beginning to end, as if this is something she does every day.
• The auction for the VFD box. The Person of Indeterminate Gender can't count, Jacquelyn and Larry enter the bet to stop Olaf, Jacques and Olivia storm in and join the auction, Count Olaf's henchmen start throwing numbers, Jerome shows up in his pajamas to help the Baudelaires bid on the box, and the winner ends up being Sunny.
• The Person of Indeterminate Gender blandly saying they'll bid $200 for the V.F.D. box.
  The Person of Indeterminate Gender: What do I care? It's not my money.
• Jerome praising Violet, Klaus and Sunny's characteristics, although he admits it was mostly when he was awake.
• Everyone begins arguing over things they were tired of during the auction, and Olaf gets a pretty hilarious line.
  Count Olaf: I'm tired of existential crises and the over abundance of hard-covered books.^note The initial printings of the original book series were hardcovers.

2x04 - The Vile Village Part 1

• Poe telling the children they are to be raised by a village, and that to choose who will take care of them he imagines "they'll draw lots like in that wonderful Shirley Jackson Story," which in this case refers to "The Lottery", a story where a town of people draw lots to see who gets stoned to death.
• Count Olaf telling the group not to look because someone is following them. The entire troupe turn around to look in the back of the car window.
  Esmé: Oh no, is it the paparazzi or press?
  • The Hook-Handed Man admits that he knew the taxi car had been following them for an interminably long amount of time. Olaf asks why he didn't tell him sooner and the Hook-Handed Man sheepishly replies, "I wanted it to be a surprise?"
• Hector explains to the children that V.F.D. stood for "Village of Fowl Devotees" and that "fowl" means birds. Klaus then suddenly yells "Murder!"
  Klaus: Sorry. That's the word I was thinking of earlier. Murder is the word for a group of crows.
• Klaus' reaction to the crows flying off.
  Klaus: Awesome!
• When Jacques catches Count Olaf in the bar, he leaps over the counter to face him. Olaf tries to do the same but falls flat on his face.
• Count Olaf over dramatically wailing in his cell that he was about to die. Cut to Jacques crossing his arms and muttering, "It's been eight minutes. Do you want some tea?" Olaf's response? "No, you always make it too bitter."
• Count Olaf interrupting Jacques by scatting.
  Jacques: As Dante once said-
  Olaf: Shooby-shooby-dooby-dooby-doo-bang!
  Jacques: Dante never said that.
• Violet telling Klaus that a clue wouldn't just fall into their laps. Next thing that happens is Isadora's couplet literally falling into their laps.
• Count Olaf grabs the tusk of a hog and throws it at Jacques who dodges the horn as it embeds itself into a dartboard.
  Jacques: Bullseye!
  Olaf: Actually, it's a boar's tusk.
• Esmé is so fond of overly long names for her police officer disguise, that she never uses the same one twice, but you can always call her "Officer Luciana".

2x05 - The Vile Village Part 2

• Larry and Jacquelyn discuss why Mr. Poe had to stay at the village longer than he anticipated. Jacquelyn suspects something is wrong, but Larry points out that they didn't hear anything from the papers. The next shot shows a newspaper landing on the floor announcing Olaf's "death", and the paper boy hops the bike onto the table before landing and leaving the room.
• "Detective Dupin" describes how the Baudelaires murdered Count Olaf in the form of a poetry slam. And everybody snaps their fingers in applause at the end.
  • He then announces Sunny Baudelaire as "The murderer who murdered Count Olaf by murder".
• The Councillors objecting to burning the Baudelaires.
  Councilwoman: We can't burn them! We're civilized people!
  Other Councilwoman: What about after supper?
  Councilwoman: Okay.
• This exchange between the Poes:
  Eleanora: What are you doing here, love of my life?
  Arthur: I'm here on business, fire of my loins.
• Count Olaf tries to fit the tray containing the stale bread and water through the bars but it won't go through. Klaus tries to suggest Olaf take the items off the tray and put them through the bars, but Olaf continues trying to push the tray through. He eventually puts the items individually through the bars.
• Count Olaf threatens the children and says that no one will even come to visit, cut to Hector asking if it was still visiting hours.
  • Olaf doesn't even try to cover up his usual voice with his current persona and when Hector points out that he sounds different, Olaf only does a few seconds of his facade before dropping it and walking out grumpily.
• Jacqueline and Larry make an impassioned speech to the villagers reminding them that they used to do go and fight fires, and that they can be good again. They tell to look into their hearts and ask themselves, what do they really want? The music swells and then...
  Councilwoman: To burn children!
• Hector tells the children that if they manage to escape during cocktail hour, they could float away with him on the house. Klaus points out that would take a Deus ex Machina, to Hector's confusion.
• The Baudelaires asked what became of Hector's mother, assuming by his tone that something terrible must have happened to her. Hector explains that she wore white on Yom Kippur and was caught by the council. The Baudelaires ask if she was also burnt at the stake and Hector says that she had to pay a fine. Then cheerfully adding that she moved to the city and opened up a successful art gallery.
• The council calls for the police, to Count Olaf and his henchman's confusion.
  Olaf: Police! Scram! Oh, wait, that's us.
• The councilwomen looking at the broken gas station.
  Councilwoman: They had the best wieners.
• Jacqueline watching Hector's balloon getting away and thinking the Baudelaires and Quagmires were safe.
  Jacqueline: They go up so fast.

2x06 - The Hostile Hospital Part 1

• The Baudelaires get into a V.F.D's van and ask what V.F.D. means. The group tells them it's "Volunteers for Fighting Diseases", and break out into song, followed by a bouncing heart hitting the beat of each word.
• The leader addresses the Baudelaires as "brother and sister", and Klaus corrects them saying you're brother and sister if you're blood related. The leader claims that he believes everyone is brother and sister.
• Klaus asking the volunteers if they read the newspaper, and they cheerfully say they don't because it's too depressing.
• The leader of the group walks up to the kids with his voice hitched, he had apparently inhaled some helium.
• Violet asks a legitimately good question on how singing is supposed to fight diseases, leaving the leader stumbled. Even his friend who tries to help him can't find a good reason.
  • They finally say that laughter is the best cure and Klaus brings up antibiotics. The V.F.D. members pause before cheerfully turning to the hospitals.
• The Bald Man apparently has a crush on Esmé. At the Last Chance General Store, we see that while Olaf is in the store searching for the kids, Esmé is in the car with the troupe and recounting one of her anecdotes. The Bald Man is transfixed. In the backseat, the white-faced women have been bored to sleep, the Person of Indeterminate Gender is snoring loudly and trying to drown out Esmé, and the Hook-Handed Man is making an annoyed face of "When will she finally stop talking?"
• As he flips through the TV monitors, Olaf mutters, "I hate boring television" and gives a small glance to the screen before resuming his watch.
• Esmé looking for parsley soda and instead finding "This hot brown stuff."
  Esmé: It burns my insides, but I've had three cupsful; it makes me feel alive!
• Esmé and Olaf getting into a disagreement:
  Esmé: I am not one of your hench-people. You don't pay me, so you can't yell at me.
  Olaf: Actually, I don't pay them, either!
• Esmé referring to the town of VFD as "Crow-Town."
• As Esmé leaves on her own and shoves past the henchmen, the Hook-Handed Man mutters, "I liked it so much better before Yoko showed up."
• Olaf announcing that the search for the Baudelaires was ongoing and for the patients to stay in their rooms. The twin powdered face women take over and add that if anyone had any valuables, to turn them over to human resources. Even Olaf looks slightly miffed by his henchmen's antics.
• Esmé using her stiletto shoes like a throwing dagger.
  • This being because the heels are actually stiletto knives, in staying true to the books.

2x07 - The Hostile Hospital Part 2

• Snicket recounts of a story where a friend of his swallowed his butterflies alive so they'd be safe from the government.
• The Powder-Faced Women get somewhat sidetracked by proverbs, leading one to cheerfully admit to occasionally drinking an entire glass of vinegar when no one is watching.
  Olaf: ...Sometimes I wonder about you two.
• Klaus's doctor disguise, down to the false beard, his comically deep voice and slipping accent, to hiding Sunny under his coat to make a false belly.
• Babs admits that she's always hated hospitals and Violet asks why she's working here anyway. Babs says she wanted to work for the post office, but the people around her told her it was just "a pipe dream". Violet's reaction sells that scene.
• Olaf runs into Klaus, posing as Dr. Faustus and when asked where he went to medical school, Klaus answers "Oxford."
  Olaf: Sounds made up.
• Olaf says "Dr. Faustus" looks way too young to be a doctor.
• Olaf flips the board quickly so Klaus can't read the names on the list and he tells the V.F.D. members to hold their applause. As he passes, he mutters, "You can applaud a little bit".
• In a bit of a Freeze-Frame Bonus, the patients list of Heimlich Hospital has patients listed as being hospitalized for conditions ranging from pricked fingers and runny noses to broken necks and the plague. Despite the great number of wards in the hospital, there is little variety in the diagnoses. Count Olaf has Violet hospitalized for a runny nose.
• Olaf addresses the spectators in the operating theatre:
  Olaf: Doctors, nurses, Volunteers Fighting Disease, gore fans, and regular people.
• Lemony talks about how when you read something that doesn't seem useful now, it can suddenly show itself during situations like a strike of lightning or a falling piano. Cue both of those things happening after he says them.
• Olaf and Esmé introduce themselves as "Dr. Mattathais Medical-School" and "Nurse Cassandra Ursula Terrific Elliandra". Olaf cuts her off, even he's tired of her long names bullshit.
• Meanwhile, Klaus is trying to stall the operation. When asked why he can’t preform the procedure, he says, "Paperwork!" Gasping ensues.
• During the operation the audience begins chanting "Do it! Do it!" The Hook-handed man does a little dance.
• One of the Powder-Faced Women suggests what should be done with the Baudelaires:
  Powder-Faced Woman: Murderers should get the chair.
  Poe: Don't be preposterous. These are just children!
  Powder-Faced Woman: Very small chairs, then.
• The person of indeterminate gender and the V.F.D. people try to break down the door and the person of indeterminate gender yells for Klaus to open up.
  Klaus: No!
  The person of indeterminate gender: (Beat) ...Please?
  • When the person of indeterminate gender breaks through the door, they pop their head through the door:
  Person of indeterminate gender: Here I am. Nurse Lucafont.
• Count Olaf holds up a pamphlet for Caligari Carnival that advertises Madame Lulu. At the bottom it says "Definitely not a scam!"

2x08 - The Carnivorous Carnival Part 1

• Jacqueline talking to Georgina and asking how she always got the handsomest dates.
  Georgina: Not because I hypnotize them. (Beat) Because hypnotizing is wrong, and something I'd never do.
  • Cue Gustav walking like a zombie holding the note, and Larry has to intervene with a look of annoyance on his face.
• Josephine telling Ike, "Let's use commas, and semicolons with reckless abandon!"
• Olaf asking if his troupe could imagine their life spinning out of control being driven by a mad man.
  Hook-Handed Man: I can't imagine that at all!
• Olaf's henchmen ask if he would like some liquor from the trunk.
  Olaf: Drinking and driving, are you insane? That's incredibly reckless! (Beat) Then again, I am pretty parched. But it can wait.
• Olaf brags that no one would be looking for a dead man and says they're already writing his obituary. The person of indeterminate gender reads starts to read the headline saying, "Surprisingly low turnout for actor's funeral-".
• Madame Lulu tells the group that she received a vision of a handsome man visiting her. Esmé asks "and his girlfriend?" Lulu tells her she wasn't in the vision.
• Madame Lulu tells the others their fortunes, but when she gets to the person of indeterminate gender she says, "You... I don't know, there's just a lot going on with you." The person of indeterminate gender shrugs, "That's fair."
  • She looks to Esmé and says, "You're not real blonde", and Esmé replies, "You can't prove that."
• Madame Lulu and Esmé fight once more.
  Madame Lulu: (on her crystal ball) I don't know, it's very complicated.
  Esmé: Try me.
  Madame Lulu: Okay.
• Madame Lulu, asks to prove she can read him, starts reciting a list of Olaf's deeds, including:
  Madame Lulu: You worked as teacher, underpaid for night hours.
  Olaf: EGAD!
• It's a tense moment as Olaf asks whether or not one of the Baudelaire parents survived the fire, and after a few long seconds of silence, Madame Lulu replies, "You will have your answer in morning." She explains the crystal ball has day and night shifts.
• The freaks explain why they stay at the circus and how even Madame Lulu offered to send them to community college. They ask where they would be accepted without looking like freaks, and what jobs they had outside the circus. Kevin then says he would pop the popcorn for the concession stand, Colette would be off making puppets out of pipe cleaners to sell, and Hugo would be cataloging the circus' finances.
  Sunny: Exploitation.
• As Olaf goes off to confront Madame Lulu, he tells Esmé to finish her portrait. She gets up from her seat and then tells the bald man that he got the nose all wrong. Cut to the bald man doing a painting of Esmé.
• Olaf drunkenly telling Esmé he can walk before immediately collapsing to the ground.
• The Hook-Handed Man having to explain (multiple times!) that he's a normal person and not a freak.
  Hook-Handed Man: I'm not a freak! I'm playing the calliope!
• Hugo gets pulled off-screen by a hook with a cartoonish sound effect to go along with it.
• The Person of Indeterminate Gender once again not helping Olaf's act:
  Olaf: What normal person doesn't love corn?
  Person of Indeterminate Gender: I prefer asparagus. (Olaf throws his megaphone at them) Delicious corn.
• Lemony cutting away from Violet and Klaus having to eat corn in front of the audience, saying it was too gruesome to show.
• Gustav's deadpan expression and explanation of each of his disguises.
  • One of the disguises is the exact same dress Olaf made Violet wear in The Marvelous Marriage. Meaning the cheap bastard didn't even buy or make a real wedding dress. His villainy does know no bounds.

2x09 - The Carnivorous Carnival Part 2

• The Baudelaire's attempts to get the freaks to listen to reason doesn't quite go as planned:
  Violet: There are better things to do with your life than get eaten at a carnival!
  Colette: Like what?
  Klaus: Like... literally anything.
• Larry reporting from the sewers and asking perplexedly, "Is that smoke?"
• As Olaf is warming up the crowd for the lions, one kid (played by one of Neil Patrick Harris' own) asks an important question:
  Kid: Is this legal?
  Olaf: (flustered) Don't ask ridiculous questions, boy!
• By now, if you've been paying close attention, you can follow Mrs. Bass's hilarious offscreen subplot. Back in Austere Academy, Duncan mentions to the Baudelaires that Carmelita is so annoying Mrs. Bass is considering giving up teaching for a life of crime instead. Later, during her class, some of her pop quiz questions include "What are the dimensions of the vault at Mulctuary Money Management?" and "How far apart in decimeters are the security cameras?" Fast forward to the carnival, and she's hiding out on the lam after robbing a bank (and still holding her Thief Bag), and mentions this to Mr. Remora, who is attending the carnival with her. Mr. Poe overhears the conversation, having heard the word "bank". Later, Mr. Poe is driving Mrs. Bass down the road, and is on the phone telling his wife that he's promised Mrs. Bass a private tour of the bank vault, and completely ignorant of her Thief Bag. She says she wants to make a big withdrawal.
  • As to how she'll pull it off? Well, Mr. Poe's bumbling ignorance should give you a clue as to how.

Season 3

3x01 - The Slippery Slope Part 1

• This exchange, as they are literally dangling off the edge of a cliff:
  Violet: Try not to think about falling.
  Klaus: It is impossible to think about anything else!
• Violet and Klaus encountering the snow gnats.
  Klaus: Oh no!
  Violet: What are those?
  Klaus: Snow gnats. I read about them in a very obscure book.
  Violet: What did you read about them?
  Klaus: Well, they're very ill-tempered and well-organized
  Violet: Anything else?
  Klaus: ...Yeah, they sting.
  Violet: I think we should go that way.
  Klaus: I agree!
• Violet and Klaus hoping whatever scared the snow gnats isn't a hibernating animal, only to find out the (arguably worse) truth.
  Klaus: Oh no...
  Carmalita: Hello, cakesniffers.
• Carmalita recognises the Baudelaires as "The orphans from Prufrock Prep who lost your home in a fire, and then Vice Princie expelled you!"
  Violet: No, we've never been to Prufrock Prep.
  Klaus: He did not expel us!
• The Mrs. Bass subplot concludes, as we see here actually robbing Mulctuary Money Management, as Mr. Poe tells her exactly how to get into the vaults. Then she bludgeons him over the head with her purse. After two seasons, it's damn satisfying to watch him get some kind of karmic payback.
• Violet and Klaus's utterly baffled reactions to the Snow Scout pledge:
  Violet: That... That can't honestly be your pledge.
  Klaus: How can anyone be 'xylophone'? It's not an adjective.
• While it is also horrifying and tragic, the Man With a Beard But No Hair and the Woman With Hair But No Beard murdering the circus freaks to see if Olaf will even notice has a particular moment of black comedy to it.
  Hugo: You should leave. There are dangerous people out here.
  Kevin: Yeah, us. We’re dangerous criminals in Count Olaf’s troupe.
  Woman With Hair But No Beard: You’re here with little Olaf?
  Kevin: He’s just up that summit. All we need to do is scream and he’ll come running.
  Woman With Hair But No Beard: That’s a charming theory.
  Man With a Beard But No Hair: Let’s put it to the test.
  (The Man and Woman draw their swords and approach the freaks. Their high-pitched screams echo across the mountain, startling Olaf and his troupe, who are trying to roast sausages over their fire.)
  Olaf: Probably weasels.
  (Cut to Kit Snicket elsewhere)
  Kit: Those aren't weasels...
• Olaf puts the captive Sunny in a fort made of ice blocks... with a sign nearby that says "BABY JAIL".
• Olaf offers his troupe an acting lesson on catch phrases. He tells them to say the first thing that pops into their heads:
  Pale-Faced Woman 1: I’m in love with you.
  Olaf: Not bad.
  Pale-Faced Woman 2: I’m in love with you more!
  Olaf: Now that’s catchy!
  Bald Man: I’m in love with your girlfriend.
  Olaf: Ew.
  Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: Is a personal philosophy of moral relativism the only way to strive in an ethically complex world, or is it an excuse we use to justify doing bad things?
  Olaf: ...Could use a polish.
  • The Hook-Handed Man starts passionately saying "I’m in love with-" before getting interrupted by Esmé, much to his chagrin.
• As Quigley and the Baudelaires agree on how all intelligent people love to read, an asleep Carmelita chimes in with her own opinion.
  Carmelita: I only watch network television.
• More words of wisdom from Count Olaf:
  It’s important to be well-rested before committing arson.

3x02 - The Slippery Slope Part 2

• The Man with a Beard but No Hair and the Woman with Hair but No Beard detailing how they burnt everything in the VFD headquarters, including the unnecessarily large hot-tub, which, being a hot tub, took a lot of effort.
• Seeking to impress his mentors, Olaf attempts to put on a performance for The Man with a Beard but No Hair and The Woman with Hair but No Beard.
  Olaf: Lady and Gentleman. Prepare for a tale so horrifying it will make the hair on your head stand straight up. (looks at the Woman with Hair but No Beard, and realises what he said) Ohh, noo. Uhh, fall right off. (look at the Man with a Beard but No Hair) Ooh.
• After Olaf's performance fails, because the Man and the Woman are unimpressed, the troupe just stand there with their instruments for a moment, then decide to play anyway. At the bottom of the mountain, Violet and Quigley hear the noise and assume something horrible is happening.
• This exchange:
  The Man with a Beard but No Hair: The Baudelaire fortune is small potatoes.
  Olaf: ...No, I’m pretty sure it’s money.
• The troupe finally notice the Freaks have gone missing, while talking about how sinister the Man and the Woman are.
  Person of Indeterminate Gender: ...They killed those freaks, right?
  Hook-Handed Man: Definitely.
  Powder-Faced Women: Dead as doornails.
• Olaf brooding about the Man With A Beard But No Hair and the Woman With Hair But No Beard.
  Olaf: They're not the boss of me.
• The Man With A Beard But No Hair and the Woman With Hair But No Beard order to go down to the headquarters and fetch the volunteer. To which Olaf replies, "Me? I don't wanna! Make the baby!"
• After the Hook-Handed Man throws Sunny's cage off a cliff the Man With A Beard But No Hair and the Woman With Hair But No Beard rejoice that all the Baudelaires are dead. Only for Esmé to appear with Violet and Klaus.
  Esmé: I've got some bad news about that.
  • To which Olaf yells "My fortune!"
  Olaf: I've never been so happy to see you brats alive!
• Esmé calling Quigley 'Quigleforth Quagmire.'
  Quigley: Quigley.
• After Esmé adopts Carmilita she gleefully tells Violet, Klaus, and Quigley, "Hey, cakesniffers, now I have two sets of parents more than you!"
• As the Baudelaires and Quigley tumble down the frozen waterfall on a sledge, Klaus, Quigley and Violet are screaming in utter terror. Sunny? Sunny just has a "Hey, wha'd'ya know? My plan worked," expression on her face.
• Mr Poe gets a call from Mr. Tamerlane to which an incredulous Kit asks, "You've had a phone this whole time?"

3x03 - The Grim Grotto Part 1

• When Fiona asks Klaus if he's dangerous, Klaus stutters, flustered, before finally settling on, "Maybe a little dangerous?"
  • Sunny clearly senses his crush on Fiona.
• Mr Poe repeatedly calling Kit 'Jacqueline' and insisting that she is his assistant.
• After Count Olaf's newest and most particularly Paper Thin Disguise fails, the person he's trying to st- rent a submarine from informs him that there's already one reserved. For Esmé. And that despite talking over the phone, the submarine owner could tell A: They had an aura of evil to them, and B: one was a Man with a Beard but No Hair, and the other was a Woman with Hair but No Beard.
  Olaf: Now the public still thinks I’m dead, so we have to be extremely careful with what we say.
  (Cut)
  Olaf: (To submarine owner) Hello, I’m looking to steal a submarine. I mean, borrow a submarine. I mean, rent your finest discount submarine. In case you were wondering, I’m just a typical family man on vacation with my lovely wife—
  Esmé: This muumuu is not very in.
  Olaf: —My handsome daughter—
  Carmelita: I’m not handsome, I’m adorable!
  Olaf: —And a distant cousin, who is dead to me.
  Hook-Handed Man: Is this because I didn’t murder the baby? I said I was sorry!
  Olaf: He says the strangest things.
• When Olaf asks what became of Captain Widdershins, he's informed he went missing trying to save a manatee. Olaf pauses for only a second before stating that this checks out.
• Fiona and Violet get into a very passive-aggressive argument, both calling on Klaus to back them up, while Klaus looks hopelessly back and forth between them and then looks extremely relieved when Phil interrupts.
• When they board the Queequeg, Esmé appears in an elaborate purple octopus costume.
  Olaf: When did you change? We boarded the sub, like, right away.
• Esmé sees the the Baudelaires and the first thing she does is menacingly whisper, "The Quagmires."
  Olaf: It's the Baudelaires, love.
  Esmé: Who?
• When Olaf asks who's the captain of the Queequeg, Violet quickly claims the position.
  Esmé: You? Captain of a submarine? I don't believe that.
  Violet: Because I'm too young?
  Esmé: Because you're a girl.
  Olaf: Uh, you were a captain not five minutes ago, love.
  Esmé: (emphatically) I am a woman!
• Violet yells out "Sea monster!" as a distraction. Olaf actually falls for it, looking behind him, meanwhile Esmé think that Violet is talking about her.
  Esmé: How dare you call me that! I'll show you a sea monster!

3x04 - The Grim Grotto Part 2

• Carmalita proclaims that her dance recital is about to begin, all of the Snow Scouts groan and call out, "Please, no!" Esmé vehemently defends her.
  Esmé: Carmalita is the most talented dancer in the universe! When you see her dance, your eyes will bleed with gratitude until it all clots up and you get an eye infection.
• The Hook-Handed Man tell the Baudelaires the way to the rowing room, a route that "Took [him] hours and hours of walking to memorize." Klaus learns it immediately.
  Hook-Handed Man: Show-off.
• Camilita's truly horrendous performance listing off attributes she believes she has to the letters in her name. Shoutout to when she says "M is for Gorgeous," and "E is for Extra-Gorgeous."
• When Violet sabotages a pipe, it makes an awful screech, Esmé passes it off as Carmelita's singing voice. As the screech was extremely loud and protracted and Esmé definitely heard it, it's likely that she literally mistook the horrible screech for her adopted daughter's terrible singing.
  Esmé (completely deadpan) That noise is Carmalita's singing voice and it's extremely pleasant.
• The Snow Scouts list what they've heard about The Great Unknown. One heard that it swallows you alive. Another heard that it's a metaphor for death.
• When the Snow Scouts start panicking and Esmé orders them not to abandon ship, Violet shouts "She said abandon ship!", causing them to freak out and flee.
  • When the Snow Scouts start abandoning ship, one stops to cry out "VIVA LA REVOLUCION!" as she knocks Phil to the floor.
• In the middle of Olaf's dramatic villain speech to the Baudelaires, Esmé's costume gets stuck. Olaf continues despite her.
• One which only becomes clear in retrospect: near the end of the episode, Quigley- waiting for rescue in the ruins of Anwhistle Aquatics- decides to peek inside the Sugar Bowl; true to form, we don't get to see what's inside, but Quigley has a genuinely startled reaction immediately upon peeking inside. As well he should, since the Sugar Bowl would naturally appear, to anyone without proper background information, to contain ordinary sugar; Quigley is probably struck by sudden confusion about why the two sides of V.F.D. are willing to kill each other over this thing.
• Mr Poe referring to Kit as "The strange fertile woman."

3x05 - The Penultimate Peril Part 1

• After leaving the submarine for a call, Olaf has to bargain with Carmelita over an important message from the Hook-Handed Man:
  Olaf: I'll give you this rock.
  Carmelita: Ew. I prefer gemstones.
  Olaf: I prefer little girls to be quiet, so I don't get tired of their annoying demands and hit them with this rock!
  (sufficiently cowed, Carmelita hands Olaf the note, which he reads)
  Olaf: "Sorry, boss." What's that supposed to mean?
  (Carmelita gestures to the sea; the submarine sinks, waving one of its tentacle arms goodbye)
  Esmé: Oh no! He kidnapped those Snow Scouts we kidnapped.
  Carmelita: And that guy Phil! Now who's going to play veterinarian with me?
  Esmé: Well, at least the sub's a rental.
  Olaf: Hooky's defected.
  Esmé: Just because he doesn't have any hands?
• Carmelita complains to Olaf and we learn just how she managed to remain in the villains' care:
  Carmelita: My real parents would give me anything I asked for!
  Olaf: Some parents; they wouldn't even pay the ransom!
• In the taxi, Klaus and Violet have a heart-to-heart about their new friend:
  Klaus: Do you think we can trust Kit?
  Violet: Since we got in her taxi, she's broken at least nine traffic safety laws, driven into a hedge, and recruited us to spy for a secret organization. I like her.
  Klaus: Me too.
  Sunny: Me too.
• Esmé genuinely thinking that a face peel includes literally peeling someone's face off.
  Olaf: I don't think it works that way.
• Olaf's increasing irritation with Carmelita's brattiness. It's really satisfying to see her irritating him beyond belief.
  Olaf: Remind me why we can't just hand her back to her real parents?
  Esmé: Because we burnt their house down with them in it.
  Carmelita: Wait, what did you just say?
  Esmé: Nothing, darling!
• Babs mentions the events of "The Hostile Hospital" two-parter and is more upset over having her clipboard stolen than the hospital burning down.
• Olaf enters the sauna with a red stain on his suit, terrifying Babs and Jerome. He quickly clarifies that it is, in fact, blood.
• A disguised Olaf claims to be great with kids, saying that "Frankly it's disturbing how much I love children."
• Olaf's impersonation of Jacques Snicket, "a pompous do-gooder who is definitely not dead." His exasperation with Mr. Poe during the conversation is also funny, particularly when Mr. Poe asks if Olaf/Jacques knows what he discovered in his research and Olaf replies "That you should get out more?"
• Olaf mistakes Dewey for Earnest, and then Frank. Dewey says he's neither. Olaf says he can't be Dewey, since he thought that was a myth, "Like unicorns or Giuseppe Verdi."
  Klaus: Giuseppe Verdi is real. He's an Italian composer.
  • When Esmé finds them she says, "Dewey Denouement. ...Like the unicorn? How exquisite."
• Carmalita's bizzarre insistence on learning how to spit.
• Olaf and Esmé get into a fight. The Baudelaires helpfully chime in.
  Olaf: I am tired of pretending to be a family, and I am tired of a girlfriend who undermines my authority!
  Violet: You would have a fortune if it weren't for Esmé.
  Esmé: You stay out of it!
  Klaus: It's true, if it weren't for her, you'd be rich and we'd be dead.
  Olaf: Yeah, those brats have a point. I would be rich. They would be dead!
• This exchange, where a furious Esmé accidentally suggests something more about her dynamic with her new ex, Olaf:
  Carmelita: Is Countie not my daddy anymore?
  Esmé: He's not mine either, pet!

3x06 - The Penultimate Peril Part 2

• In a flashback we see Lemony, Kit and Olaf at the opera. After Beatrice finishes her aria Lemony applauds emphatically, waking up Olaf.
  Olaf: I wasn't sleeping! What did I miss? Oh, good, they stopped singing.
  • Lemony defines the word 'theatrical' for Olaf.
  Kit: My brother's defining words again.
  Olaf: Let's hope it's a phase.
• One of the Council of Elders from the Village of Fowl Devotees says that she though Count Olaf was dead, to which Mr. Poe replies "You can't believe anything you read in The Daily Punctilio. I don't know who writes that hogwash!"
• Olaf is captured by one of the hotel managers at the beginning of the episode. When that man is thanked and referred to as Frank, Olaf smugly announces that actually it's Ernest and is prepared to turn the tables, only for the Denouement Brother to tell Olaf that he actually is Frank, meaning Olaf actually is a prisoner, leaving him sour.
• Esmé and Carmalita show up to the trial in (admittedly fabulous) hot pink pinstripe suits.
• Olaf starts asking several people attending the trial about the Baudelaires crimes.
  Olaf: You! In the crow hat. After the Baudelaires were accused of murder in the Village of Fowl Devotees, did they accept their punishment?
  Village Elder: That baby busted them out of jail!
  Klaus: YOU WERE GOING TO BURN US AT THE STAKE!
• In a flashback Olaf, exasperated, asks, "Who sings in the middle of a duel?"
  Kit: It is an opera.
  Olaf: Well, I prefer my entertainment without unmotivated musical numbers, but someday I may change that opinion.
• During the trial of the Baudelaires VS Count Olaf, everyone begins to cough and panic. The Baudelaires think it's because Esmé used the Medusoid Mycelium to poison everyone... until she points out she and Carmelita used sausages mixed with crow and fed it to them. As Squicky as that is, it's made disgustingly hilarious when Olaf points out to her that she should have taken the opportunity to poison everyone with Medusoid Mycelium.
• Olaf playing the piano to plead his case, much to everyone's annoyance. Klaus quickly cuts him off.
  Olaf: I'm so incredibly innocent that the word "Innocent" should be written on my face. The "I" would stand for "I'm innocent." The "N" would stand for "Nothing wrong," which is what I've done. The "A" would stand for-
  Klaus: That's not how you spell innocent.
• Klaus opens the laundry room for Olaf, answering the questions into the lock. The third clue is: "The famous unfathomable question in the best known never by Richard Wright." Klaus's answer? "That's an interesting question."
  Olaf: NO ONE CARES! Type it in!
• During the verdict, Olaf kidnaps Justice Strauss and he, her and the Baudelaires end up downstairs, where Olaf plots to poison everyone. Sunny comes up with a better idea.
  Sunny: Burn down hotel.
  Olaf: What did the little brat say?
  Klaus: She said "Burn down hotel."
  Justice Strauss: Sunny, no!
  Olaf: The littlest orphan is following in my footsteps! I was a good guardian after all!
  Violet: You were a terrible guardian!
• Mr. Poe leading the Baudelaires through the hotel while all four are blindfolded is a mess of bumping into walls and each other. Klaus, who is directly beside Mr. Poe and keeps getting his arm pulled or running into the banker, is noticeably annoyed.
  • A hilarious moment occurs during the trial when the audience is told to put their blindfolds back on and the Baudelaires hesitate, leading to Mr. Poe trying to physically pull on Klaus's blindfold while he himself is blindfolded. He basically just puts his hand all over Klaus's face as Klaus asks him to stop. If you look closely, you can see Louis Hynes trying not to laugh.
  Mr. Poe: This is like the blind leading the blind, an expression that I just made up myself.
  Klaus: The blind leading the blind is already an expression. It means that the people in charge don't know anymore than the people following.
  Mr. Poe: That hardly seems relevant.
• There's a fair amount of Black Comedy during Olaf, Justice Strauss and the Baudelaires as they journey to the roof and various elevator stops. There's Olaf's successful attempt to convince the mentors he's fallen out with that the reason they smell smoke isn't because he set the hotel on fire, but because's he's roasting wieners for a cocktail party. Then, we have the Mr. Poe and Vice-Principal Nero's reaction to being warned, in their last scene of the series.
  Klaus: Fire! Fire!
  Mr. Poe: Klaus? You shouldn't add fake reporting to your list of crimes.
  Nero: (snorting): Next they'll be saying Count Olaf is here.
  Justice Strauss: Count Olaf is here! There really is a fire! You have to leave!
  Nero: (grabbing Mr. Poe) Follow me, I'm such a genius I'll find the exit blindfolded.
  Mr. Poe: It's like the blind leading the blind.
  (Mr. Poe grabs the elephant statues trunk as the elevator doors start closing.)
  Mr. Poe: I've got you sir!
  • Justice Strauss shouts at the Woman with Hair but No Beard and Man with a Beard but No Hair that they are "A disgrace to the legal profession." Olaf, who is in the elevator with her, does not stop her implying that he thinks she's right and that the two are, in fact, disgraces to the legal profession even by his villainous standards.

3x07 - The End

• Mixed with Moment of Awesome, but it's borderline amusing in the opening of the episode with the Funny Background Event where Lemony notices a man (who he suspects is following him) reading the final issue of The Daily Punctilio, confirming it's closing down because of Mrs. Poe's fake headlines. Took them that long to realize, huh?
• In the opening scene, Olaf gloats to himself over his success as the Baudelaires row the boat. He announces that he wants to buy a car and orders the Baudelaires to head to the nearest luxury car dealership.
• Olaf and Ishmael's first confrontation is also mixed Moment of Awesome it has some hilarity as well. Ishamel pretends to recall a theatrical review in a small magazine that he read about Olaf that called him "a ham...a tedious blowhard...a preening, prancing nincompoop whose worst crime wasn't any of a long list of arsons, murders and child endangerment but the unbridled arrogance to play a role for which he was completely unqualified, utterly unconvincing and at least several decades too old". Olaf is fuming and protesting throughout all of this and threatens to shoot Ishmael before being reminded he's outnumbered.
  Ishmael: You can shoot me if you'd like.
  Olaf: I'd like that a lot.
  • Then when Olaf begs for his henchpeople to help Klaus is more than happy to remind him he doesn't have any henchpeople left because they all abandoned him.
  • And of course Olaf being put in the birdcage (as well as Ishmael asking another castaway to fetch it) and ranting about what kind of monsters would put someone in a bird cage before Sunny says "Karma."
• The Running Gag of Olaf mixing up "literally" and "figuratively" reaches its climax in this episode, while he's talking to the Baudelaires about a storm on the horizon:
  Olaf: (pointing) No, I meant that figuratively.
  (camera shows the very literal storm on the horizon)
  • And then he finally gets it right:
  Olaf: You shot me!
  Ishmael: You started it.
  Olaf: You literally started it!
• How did one of the people get stranded on the island? A manatee accident.
• A bit of unintentional humor in the most unexpected of places. Kit Snicket and Olaf are buried side by side on the island, and the Baudelaires mark their graves with a stone bearing the initial of their first name. The headstones are arranged to spell "KO".

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