Funny / A Hero

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• Sec playing Dwarf Fortress.
  Attempt #1

  I have successfully integrated the human computer's external interface to my systems and have reviewed the game's instructions. I have selected an area with a difficulty worthy of a Dalek Supreme, chosen my supplies and am now in the process of-WHERE DID THAT LAVA COME FROM??!!
  Attempt #2

  This Fortress has been relocated into a colder climate. I am now in the process of digging a-SWIM YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR AN INTELLIGENCE!! SWIM!!
  Attempt #3

  WHERE DID THREE MILLION CATS COME FROM?! HOW CAN THEY FIT INTO A CAGE!? AND WHY DO THE HAVE THE SAME EFFECT AS A THERMOBARIC BOMB!? EXPLAIN!! EXPLAIN!!! EXPLAAAIIIINNNN!!!!!
  Attempt #4

  [UNINTELLIGIBLE SOUNDS OF INTENSE RAGE]
  Attempt #5

  HOW CAN A CREATURE LIKE THAT EVEN EXIST, LET ALONE SLAUGHTER THESE INCOMPETENTS?!
  Attempt #6

  Fortress has been successful, although the denizen's ability to ignore fire is disturbing. This is likely some sort of programing erro- NO! YOU ARE NOT THIRSTY!! YOU DO NOT REQUIRE ALCOHOL!! OBEY!! OBEEEYYY!!!
• Sec kicks Kyouko's ass all over an alley with only his plunger arm after she tempts fate.
  Kyouko: Besides, what're you gonna do about it?
  Sec: I WILL IN-FLICT WHAT IN TECH-NI-CAL TE-RMS IS KNO-WN AS A VIO-LENT-LY PAIN-FUL DE-ATH.
  Kyouko: With what? A plunger?
  Sec: *Looks between Kyouko and the aforementioned 'Plunger'* I WILL TA-KE TH-AT AS A CHA-LLEN-GE.

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