Film / Tour de Pharmacy

Tour de Pharmacy is a 2017 HBO sports Mockumentary starring Andy Samberg, Orlando Bloom, John Cena, Freddie Highmore, Daveed Diggs, Jeff Goldblum, Danny Glover, Dolph Lundgren, Kevin Bacon, James Marsden, with appearances by many others, and narrated by Jon Hamm. It is a Spiritual Successor to 7 Days in Hell which Samberg also made.

This film examines the 1982 Tour de France, which was dubbed the "Tour de Pharmacy" after nearly every cyclist was forced out of the race after being caught doping. Only five cyclists managed to slip through the net and, many years later, they and other commentators look back at that momentous occasion and reminisce.

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This film provides examples of:

• Accidental Murder: Adrianna ends up killing Rex in an attempt to stop him from winning the race.
• The Ahnold: Gustav Ditters, the Austrian cyclist with massive muscles and a heavy accent. His older self is even played by Dolph Lundgren.
• Berserk Button: Do NOT tell Gustav he "can't ride fast" or question if he "can ride fast".
  Heckler: You suck Gustav! You can't ride fast!
  Gustav: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME?!
• Big "NO!": Marty, after Adrianna unties her bike from his in order to stop Rex.
• Bittersweet Ending: Slim wins the race, solidifying his legacy as the first black cyclist in the Tour de France, and he spends the rest of his life as a dairy farmer with Vivienne. However, Pepi and Rex have both died, and Marty gets second place after being very close to winning, failing to get any respect from Nigeria. In addition, he and Adrianna never saw each other ever again.
• Brick Joke: Mike Tyson tells a story about a kid who stole his bike when he was young. During the credits, it is revealed that Joe Buck was that kid.
• Call to Agriculture: Slim leaves the race early on to become a farmer, at least until he changes his mind.
• Cross-Cast Role: Freddie Highmore plays the younger crossdressing Adrian Baton.
• Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: UCI president Ditmer Klerken tries to defend himself from the press when word got out that he was accepting bribes from doping cyclists but ends up admitting he did accept bribes.
• Europeans Are Kinky: The Finnish credit card commercial. The man spills milk, his wife catches him, and it cuts to him performing oral sex on her (with her breasts showing) and then to the credit card slogan, "Why pay now when you can pay later".
• For Want Of A Nail: Mike Tyson reveals he originally wanted to become a cyclist but got into boxing after someone stole his bike which enraged him that he beat the thief into a pulp which made him realize he had boxing skills.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Marty Hass is disliked and considered an embarrassment by his home country of Nigeria due to the fact not only was he white and the son of a rich mine owner but also spent all of his life growing up in Nigeria but without ever really interacting with actual Nigerians, thus making all of his talk about the suffering of his fellow Africans seem hollow.
• Gilligan Cut: Ditters says that he's a peaceful person and doesn't approve of violence. Cut to Ditters beating up multiple other cyclists during the brawl.
• Hoist by His Own Petard: Had Ditters not got into his anger when he got heckled by a fan for being slow and then cycled very fast during the next lap, the authorities would have not notice his sudden change in behavior and discovered that he used cheetah's blood as a drug enhancement, getting him disqualified.
• Hope Spot: With no other contestants, Marty is about to win the race... only for Slim to suddenly come back and win instead.
• Immodest Orgasm: The five cyclists loudly orgasm as they receive muscle relaxing massages after one of the early legs of the race. Marty even has a "trifecta", which is where you vomit, defecate, and orgasm simultaneously.
• Large Ham: Gustav Ditters. Being played by John Cena definitely helps.
  Reporter: Gustav, my question is can you ride fast?
  Gustav: FUCK YOU! NEXT QUESTION!
• Mistaken for Gay: invoked Marty Hass and Adrian Baton begin a sexual relationship during the race and become gay icons because the general public wasn't aware that Adrian is actually Adrianna and is pretending to be a man in order to participate in the Tour de France.
• Naked People Are Funny: Jabin Dolchey's cycling clothing is practically transparent and during the Wimp Fight, gets his clothes ripped off by Gustav Ditters, exposing his unattractive body to the world.
  Lucy Flreng: He was an odd bird and he seemed proud of what everyone could see was a very tiny, misshaped penis.
  Lance Armstrong: It was like a pistachio nut in a dirty bird's nest.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Marty Haas is partly inspired by Chris Froome, who's British but grew up in Kenya and considers it home.
• Overly Long Gag: Stu Ruckman's listing of the drugs in JuJu Pepi's system at Pepi's moment of death goes on and on and on. And because the names of the drugs are being shown to the audience, the list eventually fills the screen.
  • Lance Armstrong is supposed to be "anonymous", however his face keeps being revealed bit by bit.
• Overly Narrow Superlative: Slim becomes the world's first black French dairy farmer.
• Pretty Fly for a White Guy: Exaggerated Trope with Marty, who is a white person of American descent born and raised in Nigeria and touts being the first Nigerian in the Tour de France; however he attended American schools and didn't interact with any actual Nigerians.
• Saying Too Much: JuJu Peppi during an interview when talking about Gustav's drug use.
  JuJu Peppi: Come on, how do you beat a man on drugs if you're not on drugs?
  Reporter: Wait, did you just admit to being on drugs?
  (Beat as JuJu gives an Oh, Crap! look.)
• Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: What got most of the cyclists disqualified. UCI president Ditmer Klerken sent letters to all of the cyclists that if they each paid US$50,000 to him, there will be no drug testing for them therefore allowing them to dope. However, once the authorities learn about Klerken's scheme, the cyclists who bribed Klerken were disqualified for doping and the only reason the main five cyclists in the film were allowed to continue was due to the fact they didn't pay the bribe.
• Sweet Polly Oliver: Adrianna Baton disguises herself as Adrian Baton in order to compete in the Tour de France. Her disguise, however, consists solely of a (badly) drawn moustache and her breasts are quite obvious.
• Time-Shifted Actor: All the cyclists have famous actors playing their present-day selves.
• Twofer Token Minority: Slim Robinson, who's the first African-American cyclist of the Tour de France, and Marty Hass, a white Nigerian.
• Vulgar Humor: A lot, including that soon after JuJu's heart collapses, it's pointed out "he died with his dick out".
• Wimp Fight: Dozens of racers fall in a crash and a brawl ensues. But since cyclists train for endurance, the fight mostly involves the men ineffectually trying to slap each other with their gloves. The only real exception to this is Gustav Ditters succumbing to 'Roid Rage and mandhandling Jabin Dolchey like a toy.
• Wham Shot: During her interview, Adrianna mentions that she was sentenced to 35 years in prison for manslaughter after killing Rex. The camera then zooms out to reveal Adrianna in a prison cell, where she's been sitting the whole time.