The Official List of Unofficial Rules
is a Star Trek: The Original Series fanfic by Saphura found on Fanfiction.net. It is a list fic about all the rules against the bizarre behavior which takes place on the Starship Enterprise, whether it's about the characters we know and love, minor characters from the show, or new ones we don't know yet.
Also, did we mention that it is hilarious?
The Official List of Unofficial Tropes
- Alien Catnip: Vulcans and chocolate...don't mix well.Don't give Mr. Spock chocolate. Just don't.
- Boldly Coming: Flirting with aliens while away from the Enterprise is not allowed under Rule 38."You don't know what will come of it: the best sex ever or interstellar war."
- Bland-Name Product: Crew members are not to use Starbook while on-duty.
- Butt-Monkey:
- Chekov appears to be this among the main characters from the show.
- There are several rules dealing with Riley's behavior, many of them stemming from his singing "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen" while under the influence.
- The Commandments: The point of the fic is to list various things - often humorous - that the crew of the USS Enterprise are forbidden from doing.
- Christmas Episode: A few chapters are Christmas rule-focused, including chapter 8.
- Clothing Damage: The tendency for Kirk's shirts to get torn in fight scenes gets lampshaded via a rule forbidding people from sending him improved ones, even though his tops get ripped often "for some reason".
- Denser and Wackier: The earlier sets of rules are relatively grounded, mainly involving things that could reasonably happen in a Mildly Military work environment. As the List grows and eventually enters quadruple digits, an increasingly large number of Rules are either wholly absurd, pop-culture references, people using the List as a message board, or some combination of the three.
- Frequently-Broken Unbreakable Vow: Rule 41 comments that the Prime Directive seems to be optional for the Enterprise.
- Go-Karting with Bowser: Downplayed. Someone apparently sent Khan a Christmas card. And that's hardly the weirdest thing that's happened.
- Guest Strip: Other fanfiction authors have submitted rules.
- I'm a Doctor, Not a Placeholder:141. Though Dr. McCoy is a doctor and only a doctor (nothing else), he does accept that, every once in a while, he is a miracle worker.
- Noodle Incident: Most of these rules are this to a degree. The Official reasons for unofficial rules by the same author provides background info for some.
- Once Done, Never Forgotten: Lt. Riley is still receiving flak for the time he holed up in Engineering and made bizarre PA announcements while drunk. He is not happy about Rules specifically designed to take potshots at his actions during that incident.
- Original Character: Sorren, O'Shea, Billings, and West. A few are mentioned by way of the rules themselves.
- Prank Call: Crew members are forbidden from using the communications station to make prank phone calls, especially because recipients will know where the calls are coming from.
- Running Gag:
- Heading off overly-conversational natter by instructing people to refer to Rule 77a, which forbids using the List as a message board.
- Appending instructions about things to not do with "We have video." Rule 340 elaborates that if a rule mentions that there's video, it means don't do the thing again.
- Shout-Out:
- Rule 62 forbids playing the Speed Racer theme when Sulu sends the ship into warp.
- People have referred to Sulu's katana as the Master Sword.
- One early chain of rules results in The Twilight Saga getting banned from the Enterprise after a Team Edward vs Team Jacob debate.
- Forbidden Star Wars-related actions include calling Mr. Spock a Jedi, playing the Imperial March whenever Klingons or Romulans show up, and asking Scotty to build a lightsaber.
- Alternate phrases to say when going to warp that aren't allowed: "Engage", "Punch it".
- Clicking one's heels together and saying "There's no place like home" while beaming up is discouraged because it looks silly.
- Speech Impediment: Chekov has trouble with pronouncing 'V' sounds. Crew members are not allowed to make fun of him for it or have him say "nuclear vessels" more times than strictly necessary.
- Suddenly Shouting:340. When we say we have video, it means DON'T DO IT AGAIN!
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: Mr. Scott does not sell liquor from the still that is not located on Deck Ten for fifteen credits a bottle. Nor will he sell his "special eggnog" for ten credits during the holidays.
- Take That!: As per Rule 106, copies of The Twilight Saga that are found on the ship will either be Thrown Out the Airlock or disintegrated via "phaser firing squad".
- Underwear Flag: One Rule forbids people from finding alternate ways to hang up underwear in public places, as the Enterprise lacks a flagpole.
- Wasn't That Fun?: Rules 149a and 149b ban the crew from saying "dude, that was awesome!" and "let's do that again", respectively, after getting out of perilous situations.
