The-Boy-Who...
is a Massive Multiplayer Crossover Harry Potter fanfic, written in Russian by Lorie and Иратце. It is a collection of currently 23 one-shots, each of them about Harry getting adopted by characters from another fictional universe instead of the Dursleys. The results of such adoptions are… interesting. At the very least.
The fanfic contains examples of:
- Abduction Is Love: Phantom Harry falls in love with Pansy Parkinson and kidnaps her (with some help of the rest of the students who hope his playing and singing would pause after that).
- Adaptational Sexuality:
- Harry is straight in canon, but Harry Tyrell has relationships with both Margaery and Loras.
- Dumbledore is gay in canon, but while he is gay and says as much in the Harry Tyrell oneshot, the Harry Ogg story implies he is interested in Professor McGonagall and Nanny Ogg.
- Adaptational Upbringing Change: Various Crossover possibilities of alternative guardians for Harry Potter are Played for Laughs. For example, Harry raised by Christian and Ana Grey becomes a terrifying perverted sadist to the point that Voldemort gives himself up to Dumbledore rather than deal with Harry, and Harry raised by Mary Poppins is a smart and well-behaved student who just has an unfortunate tendency of occasionally flying away with the east wind.
- Ambiguously Bi: In the Harry Tyrell storyline, Dumbledore tries to reject Olenna by telling her he is gay. However, in the Harry Ogg story, he is hinted to have romantic feelings for Professor McGonagall and later for Nanny Ogg.
- And Now You Must Marry Me: Dumbledore of all people gets it from Olenna Tyrell, in exchange for her letting Harry go to Hogwarts.
- Big Damn Heroes: Mary Poppins appears in the graveyard to rescue Harry and prompt Voldemort’s Heel Realization in the story where Harry is raised by her.
- Big Eater: Hobbitverse Harry loves to eat so much he cooks additional meals in his own dorm.
- Black Comedy Rape:
- The debauchery that goes on at Hogwarts while Harry Grey attends it. Everyone is so used to Harry's sadistic ideas that a small thing like "Enemies of the heir, beware" written in blood goes completely unnoticed.
- When Phantom Harry takes away Pansy Parkinson, Draco doesn't want to rescue her, since while she is with Harry, it at least puts a stop to his vocal and instrumental exercises, and Draco doesn't care how Pansy achieves that.
- Blatant Lies: When Professor Quirrell disappears and Harry Cullen has red eyes in the morning, Harry says he hasn’t slept well (though vampires don’t sleep at all). When Professor Umbridge disappears and Harry’s eyes turn red, he says he was so touched by her kitten pictures he cried all night.
- Corrupt the Cutie: Ginny Weasley by Harry Grey. When she has her first erotic fantasies and shares them with Riddle, Riddle panics.
- Deadpan Snarker: Harry Ogg when proving to Flitwick that Wingardium Leviosa is essentially useless.Flitwick: Wingardium Leviosa, Harry, it's very easy!Harry: But what's the point of this spell? Just to raise the feather into the air? I can do this with my hands as well. Not to mention that waving a feather in the air is pointless in general.Flitwick: All right, imagine you need to raise something larger. For example, the Hogwarts Express.Harry: Why? Is it unsteady on its rails?Flitwick: Imagine it's standing on your foot and you need to move it!Harry: You know, Professor, if I allowed a train to drive onto my foot, no magic would save such a clinical idiot!
- Dirty Kid: Harry Grey (after being, um, educated by his adoptive parents) has nothing except sex on his mind. He ends up being the first second-year student in the history of Hogwarts to be expelled for debauchery.
- Doorstep Baby: The Dursleys go to France and forget toddler Harry on the doorstep… of the Opera Populaire.
- Downer Ending: In the finale of the Harry Cullen storyline, Harry is free to terrorise Hogwarts and Dumbledore doesn’t know how to deal with him.
- The Dreaded: Harry as raised by the Cullens is an immortal child and terrifies the entire school, including Snape and Dumbledore.
- Fantastic Drug: It's hinted lemon drops work like some sort of a drug. For Dumbledore, at least.
- Fate Worse than Death: Voldemort surrenders to Dumbledore rather than deal with Harry Grey.
- Fur Against Fang: Harry Cullen and Professor Lupin do not get on at all.
- Harmless Villain: Some storylines have Voldemort do very little at all. The The Phantom of the Opera story has him do nothing beyond shipping Harry and Pansy Parkinson, and in the Fifty Shades of Grey story he's so terrified of Harry he surrenders to Dumbledore.
- Hot for Teacher: Harry Cullen falls for Professor McGonagall. She merely pities him.
- Mutual Kill: Aro and Voldemort kill each other, leaving Harry Cullen with no enemies at all.
- Noodle Incident: Harry Grey does something during his first flying lesson (involving broomsticks, the broom cupboard and broom polish) that even Filch blushes to remember. The authors don’t elaborate on what it actually was.
- Sexless Marriage: Dumbledore tries to refuse Olenna Tyrell’s marriage proposal by reminding her he’s gay, and she cheerfully tells him she wasn’t planning to have sex at their age anyway.
- Shipper on Deck: In the Phantom Harry story, Voldemort ships Harry and Pansy (inspired by the actual The Phantom of the Opera franchise). We never learn how, but it works: Harry falls head over heels for Pansy.
- Supreme Chef: Harry Ogg skillfully prepares Nanny’s favorite recipes.
- You Can Keep Her!: In the Phantom Harry storyline, neither Draco nor anyone else is in a hurry to rescue Pansy Parkinson (indeed, the students help Harry kidnap her), since while she's in his lair, he doesn't play or sing and Hogwarts can enjoy some peace and quiet at last.
