Fanfic / Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler

"Aw, hell. I knew that system was due for an update."

— Engineer

Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler and its sequels I'll Be Home for the Holidays and Machines Don't Bleed are three fanfictions of Team Fortress 2 by ChaosandMayhem.

The Respawn system malfunctions on Scout's twenty-first birthday, turning him into a very young kid and giving the other team members a crash course in childcare. They have two days to figure out what went wrong with the system while taking care of a very energetic, enthusiastic child with varying levels of reluctance/competence, because once the weekend is over, it'll be business as usual as far as the Administrator and the BLUs are concerned.

I'll Be Home For the Holidays is set a few months later, when the Administrator agrees to have both BLU and RED teams take a Christmas break, and mainly features Vitriolic Best Buds RED Sniper and Spy spending Christmas at the Sniper's parents, upon which wacky hijinks, low jinks, drama and giant robots ensue. Longer and somewhat Darker and Edgier than EMAT.

Machines Don't Bleed is Darker and Edgier and Denser and Wackier, as the RED team and their allies barely escape getting killed by Gray Mann's robots (unlike the BLUs, who are murdered almost to a man) and uncover a plot of Gray Mann's that may bring about a nuclear winter. A sprawling 240k words epic that gets very dark, very dense and very wacky but in which the surviving characters earn their happy endings.

---

Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler, I'll Be Home For the Holidays and Machines Don't Bleed include examples of:

Series as a whole

• Applied Phlebotinum: Australium. Regularly injecting undiluted doses directly into your bloodstream temporarily boosts your brain power but also increases your aggression. It can heal your wounds and prolong your life span, but not without cost (like strong dependency).
• Atop a Mountain of Corpses: Corpses may be the enemy team or giant robots, depending on the story.
• Big Damn Kiss: Between Lizzie and Christian in HFH and Engineer and Pyro - husband and wife - in MDB.
• Continuity Nod: Lots, to the games, videos, and comics.
• Flashback: Both Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler and I'll Be Home For the Holidays have extended flashback scenes. The latter's second main storyline is told in flashback in Medic's journal when he worked in a concentration camp.
• Heroic BSoD: Happens to Spy in EMAT when little Scout is killed by a sentry and in MDB when Blake shoots Sniper, revealing he'd been working for Gray Mann all along.
• Shout-Out: A lot of the chapters' titles; there's references to Slaughterhouse-Five, Billy Joel, "Crocodile" Dundee, and trope names.

Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler

• All Men Are Perverts: When Demoman babysits toddler-Scout and goes into Scout's room, he notices the walls are covered in pictures torn from Playboy centerfolds and the bookshelf is stocked with dirty magazines.
• Always Someone Better: The RED Spy to the BLU Spy.
• Atop a Mountain of Corpses: It's only three dead BLUs, but it makes for a very striking mental image.
• Badass Boast: Soldier gives a pretty sweet one after the BLUs have kidnapped the babified RED Scout. Subverted in that, after the Moment of Awesome has passed, someone remarks that he was crying.
• Bad Guys Do the Dirty Work: The BLU Engineer's sentry shoots and kills baby Scout, which turns out to be the key to making him respawn as his adult self.
• Back from the Dead: The whole point of Respawn, but they aren't sure it'll work on Scout after the glitch. It does.
• Berserk Button: Medic really doesn't take kindly to being called a Nazi.
  • Obviously, little Scout being killed is a huge one for the entire RED team.
• Breath-Holding Brat: When told he can't have a can of Bonk! Atomic Punch, little Scout's response is to hold his breath until Demoman gives in.
• Brick Joke: The Jane Austen books.
• Bruiser with a Soft Center: Heavy, although Soldier also qualifies.
• Chekhov's Gun: The (RED) Engineer shows little Scout his sentries at some point. A few chapters later, a BLU sentry kills Scout.
• Covered with Scars: Spy's hands.
• Curb-Stomp Battle: Eventually, with the right incentive.
• Cynicism Catalyst: Spy is a Holocaust survivor, and lost his two little brothers in a death camp.
• Dark and Troubled Past: The author develops backstories for Scout, Spy and Medic, and the latter two definitely qualify for this trope.
• Disappeared Dad: Scout's father as well as Spy's.
• Despair Event Horizon: Spy reaches this when little!Scout is killed.
• Early-Bird Cameo: In Spy's flashback to the concentration camp he was sent to in 1942, one of the doctors he sees is clearly Medic. He never made the connection, and it's uncertain whether Medic ever did. They accidentally do in the sequel.
• Evil Counterpart: Downplayed. The BLU team in general is out for the REDs' blood and cross a line when they kidnap little Scout, but the BLU Spy is just an old colleague of the RED Spy who made different career choices and was slightly jealous.
• Feed by Example: How Soldier tries to have little Scout eat dinner, with mitigated success.
• Fluffy Cloud Heaven: Averted. Scout sees "limbo" as a baseball stadium.
• Friendship Moment: A few between Spy and Sniper of the heartwarming Vitriolic Best Buds kind.
• Funetik Aksent: Everyone, especially (adult) Scout, Demoman, Engineer and, well, Pyro.
• Heroic BSoD: Spy has a very nasty one after little Scout is killed.
• Improbable Infant Survival: Little!Scout is killed by a BLU mini-sentry, only to respawn as adult!Scout.
• Informed Judaism: The RED Spy, revealed in a flashback.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Spy, naturally.
• La Résistance: Part of Spy's backstory, and the reason he was sent to a concentration camp during WW2 - rather than his being Jewish. The irony is not lost on him.
• Manipulative Bitch: The Administrator, as always.
• The Masquerade: The RED team has to do a bit of obfuscation to convince the Administrator to give them a day's extension to the traditional weekend ceasefire, because clearly Scout can't fight and they don't know if Respawn will work on him. She guesses there's something shifty about it and quickly sees through their subterfuge.
• Men Can't Keep House: Averted on two counts. When Demoman has his turn babysitting Scout, he's surprised to find out that Scout's room is neat and clean (albeit filled with baseball posters and Playboy magazine pages). The team's refrigerator also has the groceries labeled and organized by food group. Lampshaded by the narration: "For a bunch of guys, they kept the fridge surprisingly clean."

• Morality Pet: Toddler!Scout becomes this for the eight other RED mercs.
• Nature Versus Nurture: The Engineer uses this to explain way the baby Scout likes to hang out with the Spy over all the others even as they take care of him more than the Spy.
• Nazi Germany: Part of Spy's and Medic's backstories. Neither is aware of the other's past. Until the sequel.
• Nice Guy: Engineer.
• Oh, Crap!: The RED Spy breaks the Mexican Stand Off between him and his BLU alter-ego when he hears little Scout's cry.
• Pet the Dog: The mercs go out of their way to keep Scout happy, if only because most of them have no idea how to deal with a small child. This trope especially applies to Spy, who relishes being an aloof Jerkass but gradually warms up to the kid.
• Papa Wolf: The entire RED team eventually becomes this to Scout.
• Plot-Relevant Age-Up: Inverted. The malfunctioning Respawn system knocks enough years off Scout's age to turn him into a two-year-old.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: The BLU Spy gives one to his RED counterpart at some point.
• Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: "Boy, d'you know why I call this lil' beauty the Gunslinger?"
• Roaring Rampage of Revenge: After little Scout is killed, the RED team massacres the BLU team and nearly lays waste to their base.
• Secret Test of Character: In a twisted kind of way, the Administrator made one of these to both RED and BLU. BLU's test was to see how far they would go, and where they would draw the moral line between kidnapping a child and killing it. RED's test was on how hard they would fight for one another in times of need. And they passed their tests.
• True Companions: The RED team.
• The Unreveal: We never hear what Spy's dead little brother told Scout to tell him.
• Vitriolic Best Buds: The story begins with Sniper and Spy fighting each other. By the end of the story, they still have a high level of vitriol, but they have come to an understanding of each other that no other merc can claim.
• Those Wacky Nazis: Medic was not a Nazi. But he did work for them for a while.

I'll Be Home for the Holidays

• Applied Phlebotinum: Australium. Regularly injecting undistilled doses directly into your bloodstream temporarily boosts your brain power but also increases your aggression.
• All of the Other Reindeer: Sniper, the gangly runt of the litter in a world of beefy moustachioed Australians.
• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Spy has a criminal record for many things in many parts of the world including, yes, jaywalking in Massachusetts.
• Artificial Limbs: After a Respawn malfuntion, Giancarlo is remade into a cyborg.
• Badass in Distress: Spy gets kidnapped by GI.
• Bar Brawl: In Chapter 19.
• Because You Were Nice to Me: Why Blake decides to help Sniper and the others.
• Big Brother Instinct: Sniper towards Lizzie.
• Big Damn Kiss: Between Lizzie and Christian in Chapter 19.
• Bilingual Bonus: Spy's French phrases are not translated.
• Body Horror: An imperfect Respawn system will do that to you.
• Butt-Monkey: Blake Porter. Ridiculous things happen to him.
• Call-Back: To Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler, when Sniper mentions having babysat once.
• Chekhov's Gun: The file Giancarlo has on the Spy's backstory that Dotty reads, burns and later mentions to Sniper in a conversation that Spy mishears.
• The Chew Toy: Blake again, bordering on Woobiedom.
• Childhood Friend Romance: Although Lizzie is completely oblivious at first.
• Christmas Episode: The whole story, although chapter 23 in particular happens on Christmas Eve.
• Cold-Blooded Torture: And with a Dispenser at hand.
• Combat Pragmatist: Giancarlo, plus Spy and Sniper.
• Converse with the Unconscious: Chapter 22.
• Corrupt Corporate Executive: Giancarlo Serafini, the CEO of Gray Industries, formerly a mobster (the Mafia kicked him out for being too vicious).
• Crazy Jealous Guy: What Lizzie's husband Jack turns out as.
• Cyborg: What Giancarlo ends up as.
• Darker and Edgier: EMAT was mostly light with a few Tear Jerker moments. HFH has multiple plotlines (including one all in flashbacks), deals with issues like racism in the 1960s, Survivor Guilt, family estrangement, and a married couple falling out of love.

• Dramatic Unmask: Sniper is curious enough to try this on Spy to get him out of his Heroic BSoD. Spy does not take it well.
• Embarrassing Middle Name: Lawrence Octavius Mundy Junior.
• Empathic Environment: Chapter 16 has Dramatic Thunder, followed by a Battle in the Rain of sorts during Sniper's struggles against the crocodile.
• "Eureka!" Moment: Towards the end, Sniper is critically injured and Spy can only wait to see if he'll pull through... and then the idea pops up to simply ask Medic for help, despite the fact that he's on the other side of the world and they didn't part on good terms.
• Fire-Forged Friends: Sniper and Spy don't do things by half...
• First-Name Basis: Sniper and Spy, from the first few chapters. Sniper is quite surprised to learn that Philippe is Spy's actual name, not one he made up in the spur of the moment.
• Foreshadowing: A lot for Machines Don't Bleed, the third instalment of the series.
• Forgiveness: A major theme, with an emphasis on the need to forgive oneself.
• Freak Out: In Trust, a "deleted scene" from EMAT which shows how Spy reacted after toddler Scout was killed. It took Sniper to calm him down. Becomes a plot point in HFH because Sniper saw the number tattooed in Spy's arm and is aware of the implications.
• Friends All Along: Sniper and Christian do this at Spy's expense.
• From Bad to Worse: The whole of Chapter 16 ("Crocodile Mun-Dee"). Especially from the bit from Spy's Dramatic Unmask to the crocodile attack.

• Heroic Sacrifice: Kida. The Spy pulls one later too, but he gets better.

• Hope Is Scary: For Spy. Defied by Sniper.
• Insistent Terminology: Sniper's name is Lawrence, not "Larry", and he's not a "crazed gunman", he's an assassin.
• Ironic Echo: Spy admonishes Sniper for resorting to punch a tree when he’s greatly upset. Several chapters later when Spy is so upset he resorts to punching a tree.
• It Has Been an Honor: Sniper and Spy in the Respawn room in the middle of chapter 21, just before Blake's and Senior's Big Damn Heroes.
• Jerkass: Jack, Lizzie's husband who is an emotionally distant Crazy Jealous Guy and calls Christian racial slurs.
• Jerkass Has a Point: While Jack's intentions weren't pure, one cannot really blame him for telling everyone when he finds the cache of weapons in Sniper's van.
• Kick the Dog: Giancarlo killing Kida. Also BLU Engineer shooting Sniper in the back.
• Killed Off for Real: A real threat, since Sniper and Spy are out of range of Respawn and they're dealing with crocodiles, mobsters and giant robots. Ultimately happens to Kida.
• Land Downunder: Featuring struggles for racial equality, colourful wildlife, and most people including women and girls sporting moustaches.

• Liar Revealed: Sniper's family find out what he really does for a living.
• Like a Son to Me: Dotty is a generous, loving person.
• Loners Are Freaks: Invoked by one of the guys at the bar discussing Sniper's going "around the bend" (becoming a mercenary).
• Love Triangle: Resolved when Lizzie breaks up with Jack and goes with Christian.
• The Mann Behind The Man: Giancarlo Serafini, mobster and CEO of Gray Industries, is actually employed by Gray Mann, who has a much more far-reaching plan...
• Mecha-Mooks: GI develops robots intended to be super-soldiers.
• Mercy Kill: During a round Sniper is blinded by an exploding rocket. Spy grants his wish to be finished off so he can Respawn. This actually sets off the plot by helping convince the Administrator that they all need a break.
• Mistaken for Gay: Sniper and Spy, by Sniper's parents.
• Never My Fault: Spy has one foot in that trope and the other in It's All My Fault where his past (particularly his little brothers' fates) is concerned.
• Not So Stoic: Spy after Sniper got shot.
• Only Mostly Dead: Sniper. It's a very specific term in the medical community.
• The Only One Allowed To Mock You: Spy resents Jack or anyone else who tries to make fun of Sniper.
• Pet the Dog: Delmond may be a sellout and a traitor but he does care about Blake enough to save the lad's life after being shot, and secures him a job as the new BLU Engineer after the collapse of GI.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Sniper and Spy shout these at each other in Chapter 17.

• Roaring Rampage of Rescue: Sniper went on a rescue mission with Lizzie and Christian after Giancarlo captured Spy.
• Scrubbing Off the Trauma: Spy, a few hours after Sniper is shot in front of him starts panicking about how Sniper's blood just won't come off: "It wasn't coming off. It wasn't coming off, and it was going to stain, just like Lawrence's blood had, because that hadn't come off either, but he had gone hours and hours and hours before he had realized that Lawrence's blood was still on his hands, and it had stained his skin so deeply that no matter how hard he scrubbed and lathered it wouldn't come off—it wasn't coming off, it wasn't coming off and there was nothing he could do—"
• Sequel Hook: "Mister Bidwell, please inform all necessary personnel that Operation Countdown is effective immediately."
• Shout-Out:
  • Spy momentarily picks up a Portal gun while looking through a cache of weapons. Earlier he and Sniper were looking at a crowbar.
  • Spy talking about the Sniper enjoying some nice hot shmoes.
  • While interrogating Spy, Giancarlo demands who sent him.
  "Team Fortress industries? Black Mesa? Not that idiot Johnson?"
• So Proud of You: It takes a lot, but Senior finally admits this to his son.
• Survivor Guilt: Spy, in spades, from making it out of a concentration camp alive while his little brothers didn't.
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: From Chapter 18:
  It took another three days to get Sniper out of the hospital, during which time he forced Spy to call the Mundy residence and assure Dotty that, yes, everything was all right, and, no, there was absolutely no chance he was currently calling from a hospital and under no circumstances was her son injured. Whatsoever.
• Taking the Bullet: Sniper saves Spy this way.
• Tranquil Fury: Delmond the BLU Engineer when he's hopped up on Australium.
• The Unfought: Gray Mann.
• Ungrateful Bastard: Delmond. Sniper and Spy let him live and he repays them by shooting Sniper in the back.
• Villainous Breakdown: Giancarlo. Realising you essentially died and came back a botched cyborg will do that to you.
• Vomit Indiscretion Shot: Spy when he finds out Medic is the same doctor from his past.
• "Well Done, Son" Guy: Sniper just wants his father to be proud of him.
• Would Hit a Girl: Jack. Or at least he tries.
• You Are Not Alone: Dotty to Spy.
• You Have Failed Me: Averted in that Gray Mann is actually impressed with Blake.
• You Should Have Died Instead: A variation when a grief-stricken Lizzie tells Spy that he should have been shot instead of Sniper.

Machines Don't Bleed

• Applied Phlebotinum: Both Australium (the dwindling reserves make it a highly-coveted McGuffin) and the few vials of Medigun formula the REDs managed to save from the attack on their base.
• Armor-Piercing Question: Sniper to Scout after the first fight with the Viper, about the fact that Scout ignored his warnings and still sneaked out to meet a girl. Scout protests that he's already had the lecture from Spy and Pyro and that he's not a kid. Sniper snaps back, "Then why are you acting like one?" This, plus what happened to kick off the story, actually spurs Scout to act more like an adult.
• Blood from the Mouth: happens to a few characters after they're wounded, never a good sign. Gray, dying from a combination of old age and Australium overdose, mocks Blake when Blake asks him if he's all right after a coughing fit that ends up making him cough up blood. "Generally, boy, blood from the mouth indicates I will be the furthest thing from all right."
• Book Ends: the prologue starts with the BLU Engineer listening to "The House of the Rising Sun". The epilogue starts with Sniper waking up to the same song, thinking he hates it.
• Boring, but Practical: referenced by name by Lizzie with regards to her life as a home-maker (which Pauling admits she envies, a little, for the stability and regularity).
• Breaking the Fellowship: The REDs split up into two main teams in the first part. In the end, though, after they've pretty much saved the world, they part on more definite terms: going back to family, finding other jobs, or wandering the world.
• Brick Joke: Just after the attack at the beginning of the story, Sniper hunts a couple of rabbits for breakfast. Scout is disgusted, and Sniper cuts off a rabbit's foot and throws it at him, saying "it's good luck." By the next chapter, the rabbits' feet have been picked up by Soldier, who gives them (back) to Sniper, saying "it's good luck" and that he's going to need all the luck he can get.
• Broke Your Arm Punching Out Cthulhu: Soldier sustains a very bad leg wound after he takes down the giant Heavybot in chapter 14. It doesn't stop him from pulling a Heroic Sacrifice the next chapter.
• Department of Redundancy Department: When Scout insists he and Blake make the rendezvous with the two girls despite Sniper's and Spy's warnings. “You’re gonna get us both killed.” Blake hissed. “Spy is gonna kill us both dead. He’s gonna kill us so dead we’ll die.”
• Disney Death: Happens to Sniper at the end of Part 3, and also Spy in chapter 34.
• Driven to Suicide: Desmond, the BLU Engineer, in the prologue. Radigan Conagher also did this in the backstory to escape the effect Australium was having on his brain.
• Driving Question: "Who are you in the dark" for Castillo. He asks it of Sniper, Spy, and ends of asking it of himself.
• Eek, a Mouse!!: Bidwell in the abandoned factory. Pauling and Christian are not amused.
• Everybody's Dead, Dave: Almost the whole BLU team is killed in chapter 3 in a Curb-Stomp Battle.
• Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: Spy thinks it instead of explaining it out loud, but his putting pieces of the plot together:
  Two years ago Blake Porter had taken up the mantle of the BLU Engineer. His predecessor was a short, soft-spoken Texan who, if Spy recalled correctly, had borne a modest resemblance to their own Dell Conagher. The former BLU Engineer had resigned suddenly, wooed from his position by a lucrative partnership with—
  “Oh,” Spy said aloud. “Shit.”
• Even Evil Has Standards: The old BLUs may be mercenaries on Gray Mann's payroll, they don't want the same things at all. As the Viper puts it: "I may be an evil man but I am not a man who would usher us into oblivion."
• First Chapter Spoiler: Delmond, the BLU Engineer, is the first of many to die.
• Gender Reveal: Pyro is a woman.
• Grave Robbing: Though they're not happy about it, Team Mundy does this in chapter 20 to get Radigan Conagher's blueprints.
• Headbutt of Love: a platonic and particularly tear-jerky version between Sniper and Spy when Sniper has to leave a mortally wounded Spy behind.
• He's Back!: It takes a possibly imaginary conversation with the ghost of Medic, but Spy, in chapter 30, after leaving the team in a major BSOD.
• If You Re So Evil Eat This Kitten: Twice. Gray orders Blake to "go bag us a dingo" to prove he has no attachment to the REDs and is fit to join Mann Co. He does, albeit with a tranq dart. Then, a few chapters later, Gray tells Blake to kill Scout. This time he refuses outright.
• Insult to Rocks: Spy notes in chapter 20 that calling Radigan Conagher's house a shack would be an affront to shacks, because at least shacks have an excuse for being badly kept.
• Ironic Echo (?): someone remarking to one of the Mann siblings that the other is a lot like them, and either sibling muttering "Oh God, that’ll be the day".
  • Also both Castillo and Spy, mortally wounded, look at Sniper and say "Isn’t it obvious, Lawrence Mundy? I'm dying."
• Kick the Dog: Gray pistol-whips Bianca in front of Engineer to get him to cooperate (and make a point, ie. that nobody is [irreplaceable], even his daughter). Bianca was already a double agent by this point, but it sets Dell on the path to include her in his plans.
• Killed Off for Real: No Respawn means no coming Back from the Dead, which means that the entire BLU team plus Bidwell, Medic, Soldier and two of the "classic" team who died stay dead.
• Last Stand: The team of Demoman, Pauling, Heavy, Soldier, Christian, Lizzie and Senior, trying to stop - or at least slow down - the onslaught of killing robots.
• Let S Split Up Gang: several times throughout the story, the main one being at the beginning (after the BLU massacre), when Pauling, Demoman, Soldier, Medic and Heavy go to Australia to try to find Saxton Hale while Spy, Sniper, Pyro, Blake and Scout go [in search of Autralium].
• Little "No": In chapter 32, Blake stands up to his father when he's ordered to kill Scout.
• Moe Greene Special: Happens to Giancarlo in his cyborg eye, twice: first when Pauling shoots him at Ayers Rock, then in the final showdown, during his fight against Spy.
• Narrative Profanity Filter: Apparently, Engineer swears so heavily in chapter 2 that even Scout turns red.
• Nice Guy: The Engineer is naturally genial, but plays up this trope to eleven to get Bianca to lower her guard. It works.
• No Periods, Period: averted. The question of how Irene dealt with being on her period is brought up by Scout. Irene's answer? "I put on my Kotex and I dealt with it. I saw enough blood on a daily basis, did ya think a little more would stop me?"
• Not Now, Kiddo: When Pyro tries to point out that Engineer is missing the others have that reaction, since s/he's The Unintelligible and they're too busy yelling at each other.
• No OSHA Compliance: there is a decided lack of fences and barriers inside Ayers Rock, which Demoman lampshades.
• Plot-Triggering Death: "It looks like we're going to have to find ourselves a new Engineer."
• The Reveal: In chapter 4 — Pyro is Irene, the RED Engineer's wife.
• Rhetorical Question Blunder: When two young ladies seem to find Blake more appealing than Scout:
  Scout rested his chin in his hand. “I don’t get it. What’s he got that I don’t got?”
  “Charm,” said Spy.
  “Tact,” said Sniper.
  “Appeal,” said Pyro.
• Shout-Out:
  • One does not simply walk into Ayers Rock.
• Sound Track Dissonance:
  • Gray Mann hums "The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond" as he locks a bunch of people inside a train carriage, sets it on fire, and hears them scream as they die horribly.
  • Giancarlo sings "I've Got You Under My Skin" as he lights a bushfire (as a diversion) and Gray's robots are powering up.
• Starts with a Suicide: Delmond, the original BLU Engineer.
• Sudden Sequel Death Syndrome: Delmond, the original BLU Engineer shoots himself in the head in the prologue.
  • In chapter 3, almost the entire BLU team is gruesomely wiped out by the Gray robots.
• Vagueness Is Coming: Sniper noting that a storm is coming.
• What You Are in the Dark: A favourite question of the Viper's to ask his opponents. The trope ends up applying to him at the end, when he sees Giancarlo head in Sniper's and Spy's direction. (He ends up facing Giancarlo, getting mortally wounded in the process.)
  No one had seen him here, no one knew that he knew where Giancarlo was going. No one expected him to come to the rescue of his former protégé and his protégé’s Australian. His team was waiting for him to join them. Edwin was waiting.
  No one would know.

''You would know, said a voice in his head, some super-effective combination of Edwin and Hideo.Castillo drew his favorite dagger from his belt and tilted it to the light. He could see himself in it: an old, wrinkly man with dark green eyes. He would know.''

• Wouldn't Hit a Girl: Invoked by Saxton Hale and the reason he lost Mann Co. to Gray Mann, as per the "fistfight clause". Also discussed by the REDs in chapter 6:
  Demoman tilted his head to the side, surprised at Scout’s sentiment. “Would ye fight a girl, then, laddie?”
  Scout shook his head. “Girls are tough as shit, man, you’ve seen my ma.”
  “I’d fight a girl,” Soldier said to no one in particular.
  “I wouldn’t, Blake said, also to no one in particular.