Being Female is the sequel to the Harry Potter fanfic Becoming Female. It got deleted but is archived here
.
Being Female contains examples of:
- Artistic License – Chemistry: A barred-up window is melted using "the dangerous chemical dihydrogen monoxide". In layman's terms, dihydrogen monoxide means water.
- Back from the Dead: Ron Raper and Umbridge are killed in the first story, but return in the sequel. Umbridge explains that it was only a hologram of her that was killed.
- Banana Peel: Vernon randomly slips on one, which ends up causing him to land on the TV and die.
- Beauty Equals Goodness: Barty Crouch Jr. becomes a good guy due to the author's mistaken belief that he was played by Robert Pattinson.
- Calling Parents by Their Name: Ginny refers to her parents by their given names. According to the
Word of God, she does so since she is as "awesome" as Bella Swan. - Church Militant: Uncle Vernon, to a ridiculous degree.
- Department of Redundancy Department:
- One of the opening lines of Chapter 1 reads, "Lucius didn't live there anymore because Draco had epically killed him for being sexist, making him dead and not alive anymore."
- Just a few lines later, we get:"Hello, I'm a healer," said a healer.
- "[A]nd I knew he would never be sexist like that sexist idiot Ron Raper who used to be called Ron!"
- Just a few lines later, we get:
- From Chapter 2:
- "How about we call him Sunshine Archimedes Malfoy?" I suggested happily while I smiled a lot.
- "Okay!" said Draco and he smiled too with his mouth!
- Then we started to kiss romantically with our lips touching.
- Ginny was crying her eyes and it looked like she had been abused by someone abusive.
- She was also wearing an ugly pink slutty bikini because she was a slut.
- From Chapter 26, we get this piece:"HOW DID YOU GET LOOSE, YOU FEMALE GIRLS!" shouted that sexist idiot Ron Raper sexistly in a sexist voice because he was sexist.
- One of the opening lines of Chapter 1 reads, "Lucius didn't live there anymore because Draco had epically killed him for being sexist, making him dead and not alive anymore."
- The Dragon: Arthur Weasley replaces Lucius, who filled this role in the previous story. Note that Ron is the Big Bad that they're serving.
- Dropped a Bridge on Him: After the author finds out that Robert Pattinson didn't play Viktor Krum, he immediately dies off-screen in much the same way as Lockhart in the previous story.
- Face–Heel Turn: As with Lockhart in the previous story, Viktor Krum turns evil after the author realizes that he wasn't played by Robert Pattinson. Apparently, Barty Crouch Junior is the current clone of Pattinson.
- Family-Unfriendly Death: Ginny makes Theodore Nott's skin fall off, then puts him on fire and laughs as he dies slowly and painfully. That would teach him for being so sexist!
- Heel–Face Turn: Barty Crouch Junior because he (currently) looks like Robert Pattinson.
- Ironic Last Words: The narration outright says as such about Vernon’s last words of "And He shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit!", stating that Vernon was the wicked one, and ended up dying after said words.
- Katanas Are Just Better: Vernon has a samurai sword, which he attempts to use against Viktor.
- Made of Explodium: Vernon meets his demise from falling onto a TV, which then explodes.
- Shotgun Wedding: Arthur and Molly Weasley plan to force their daughter Ginny into marrying Theodore Nott.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: Umbridge insists that Cornelius Fudge’s death was definitely not murder.
- Take That!:
- Glenn Beck makes a random appearance in Chapter 16, with Vernon watching his show. He is, of course, described as sexist (after he makes a comment about evolution, which has nothing to do with gender issues).
- Jersey Shore appears as a sexist show which literally dropped Dudley's IQ.
- There is one of the Take That, Audience! kind against one negative reviewer, Jokegirl. She is the star of yet another sexist show which also dropped Dudley's IQ, and they end up giving her "the lobotomy she needed".
- Unexplained Recovery: Ron Raper turns out to be alive after his apparent death... because.
- Viewers Are Goldfish: We are constantly reminded that Uncle Vernon is a Christian fundamentalist.
- Voodoo Shark: Umbridge explains her survival from the first story as being that a hologram of her was killed instead. Considering that the canon series takes place in the 1990s, such advanced technology should be impossible. There is also the fact that regular electronics break down around Hogwarts, so a hologram being able to exist there is questionable at best, and that’s without mentioning how wizards in canon are Hopeless with Tech, so Umbridge even having access to one is a real stretch.
