Fanfic / A Crooked Man

A Crooked Man is a Marvel Comics Self-Insert and Accusation Fic written by Stranger. Inspired by the Young Justice (2010) fanfic Absolute Power Sucks Absolutely, the story follows Johann who is gifted with omnipotent powers and dropped into the post-Civil War Marvel Universe.

The story is a re-write of Stranger's more "revenge-ficy" story which can also be read here.

On October 2, 2023, Stranger has written A Crooked Man: Evolution, a similar premise that's sets in X-Men: Evolution.

The Original Fanfic

• And There Was Much Rejoicing: Wolverine doesn't feel bad about what Johann had done to the Purifiers and Sinister.
  "Well, I got good news and... well, I think it's all good news, but I know you types will probably disagree."
• Back from the Dead: Johann resurrects Captain America, Michael Van Patrick, and the nation of Genosha.
• Brought Down to Normal: Johann depowers Kimura in which she really doesn't takes this too well, causing her to remind of her old weak self.
• Cruel and Unusual Death:
  • Johann turns Norman Osborne into sand.
  • Dr. Abraham Cornelius is forced fed with molten adamantium.
  • The Purifiers are crucified.
  • Malcolm Colcord is suffocated to death from all of his orifices being sealed up.
• Everyone Has Standards: While Wolverine is happy to know that the Purifiers are no more thanks to Johann, but he admits that he is very put off with how Johann fatally dealt with them, stating that it was too intense for him.
• Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: Sinister trying to find a reason why a powerful mutant like Johann shouldn't exists after M-Day before realizing to his horror that Johann is a reality warper.
• Fate Worse than Death: Johann reduces Sinister into a deformed, but still alive, head.
• Give My Regards in the Next World: Before Johann kills Matthew Risman, he ask Risman to tell the late William Stryker he'll be seeing him soon.
  "I think I've held you up long enough. When you get to Hell, tell William Stryker I'll be seeing him real soon. And if he thinks being in Mephisto's claws is bad, he's never met me in a bad mood."
• Killed Offscreen: Zander Rice is last seen screaming before Johann prepares to cut him piece by piece with Wolverine-like claws.
• Talking Your Way Out: Zander Rice tries to talk out Johann from killing him by offering to help him in protecting X-23 as data on her are loose to the public. However, Johann quickly points to him that he had already erased all of the data.
• You Could Have Used Your Powers for Good!: Johann tells Sinister that he could have been something else rather than becoming "a half-assed Nazi wannabe who could be carted out whenever a plot device was needed."
• You're Insane!: Sinister calls out Johann this way:
  Sinister: "You dare judge me?! You're insane! A lunatic with your power, you'll be a far greater threat to the world than I could ever be! You call me a monster, but you throw around the powers of a God like a toy and use it for petty indulgences? All I've done, I've done to make mutantkind stronger, what have you ever done?"
  Johann: "Not much yet, but I got plans."
  • Malcolm Colcord also calls him this upon seeing the corpse of Dr. Abraham Cornelius.

The Remake

• A God I Am Not: Johann has to make it clear to everyone, including mutants, that he is not a god or a "mutant messiah" but a man who suddenly gained "phenomenal cosmic powers."
• All Myths Are True: Johann explains to the former Hellions that the Afterlife, Heaven, Hell, Demons, God, and "a ton of stuff in between" are all true.
  Brian Cruz: "Wait, so which religion is right?"
  Johann: "As far as I can tell it's basically all of them."
• Alternate Universe: Much like With This Ring, the Multiversity chapters shows alternate Johann/Ginnungagap in other parallel universes of the Marvel multiverse.
  • In Earth-811, Johann leads a very successful nation-wide rebellion against the Sentinels and its bigoted human collaborators.
  • In Earth-1610, Johann helped in fixing a mutant boy's powers that had unintentionally decimated an entire town (which he also resurrected the residents) and joining the X-Men. However, Johann is not happy in this reality's Darker and Edgier setting.
  • In Earth-90214, Johann is an information broker known as "The Fatman" (modelling himself after Sydney Greenstreet) who frequents The Black Cat nightclub.
• Armor-Piercing Question: Subverted. Quentin Quire tried to provoke Johann by asking why he didn't bother resurrecting the mutants killed in William Stryker's attack after having resurrected Genosha's population. Johann nonchalantly reply that he can bring them back right now and he didn't have the chance then because no one asked him to.
• Back from the Dead: Johann resurrects the entire population of Genosha, the deceased members of the X-Men, Happy Hogan, Captain America, and MVP.
• The Big Damn Kiss: Rogue gratefully and passionately kiss Johann for modifying her powers.
• Brought Down to Normal: Johann makes sure not to re-power Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, and Magneto while restoring post-M-Day mutants of their powers.
  • Johann permanently removes the Venom symbiote from Mac Gargan and teleporting it into the sun. Norman Osborn soon booted Gargan out of the Thunderbolts and doesn't bother having him being back as the Scorpion as he saw Gargan only useful in taming the symbiote.
  • The Sentry is stuck to being Robert Reynolds.
  • Johann takes away Joseph Green's alien power gauntlet.
  • Johann removes the Red Skull's spirit from Aleksander Lukin's body and gives him a depowered body with the same strength as his bellboy career.
• The Chosen Many: Johann stole the Infinity Gems (except the Mind Gem as Professor Xavier is on good terms with Johann) from the Illuminati and gave them to more responsible people whom he prefers: Luke Cage (Power Gem), She-Hulk (Time Gem), Nightcrawler (Soul Gem), Spider-Man (Reality Gem), and Cloud 9 (Space Gem).
• Clingy Jealous Girl: Caiera mistakes She-Hulk for Hulk's old lover and gets briefly furious until Hulk clears things up. However, she still doesn't like She-Hulk.
• Cool and Unusual Punishment: In stark contrast to the original story, Johann dish out ironic punishments to the villains:
  • Bullseye cannot kill anyone as whatever objects he uses as a weapon are turn into harmless objects such as a rubber duck or a condom.
  • Johann turns Norman Osborn into an actual goblin, making his condition based on anyone or anything with the capacity of thought who looks at him will instinctively know who and what he is.
  • Johann gives Moonstone a conscience, making her to feel guilty over all the people she had ruined while as a psychologist. This sudden empathy sends her into a catatonic state.
  • Johann gives Magneto the chance to start his life over as Erik Lehnsherr and reunited with a resurrected Magda and Anya at the cost of losing his memories as Magneto.
• Curb-Stomp Battle: Being an omnipotent being, Johann merely waves a hand in defeating (or humiliating) anyone that try to take him down.
  • The Thunderbolts has the Venom symbiote sent into the sun, Swordsman loses few of his fingers and gets arrested in an Israeli prison, Moonstone gets scorched by Radioactive Man's redirected nuclear blast and falls in a pile of garbage.
  • Johann's "battle" with the Mighty Avengers ended not so differently with the Thunderbolts. Carol Danvers is sent into the Negative Zone. The Sentry is depowered. Ares gets the brunt of the humiliation in which he loses his ax and gets tied up with a pink bow and dropped in front of Hercules.
• Didn't Think This Through: After Johann restores mutants of their powers, he then later realized that he also gave powers back to some people (like Beak) who were really glad theirs are gone. He soon has a chance to fix this when meeting with the X-Men.
• The Dreaded: Ginnungagap soon builds up a reputation that frightens and terrifies government agencies, SRA-sided superheroes, and others who are against him.
  • Legion gets this reaction from the X-Men when Xavier revealed his now sane son to everyone during Thanksgiving.
• Evil Is Not a Toy: Sublime, Cornelius, Risman, and Colcord got their hands on the Fury and have it fused with Master Mold technology to be use against Johann. Unbeknownst to them, the Fury was made to be loyal to Mad Jim Jaspers and therefore cannot be reprogram to obey Sublime and his unwitting pawns. Furthermore, as Jim Jaspers was dead for years, the Fury has no reins at all. Lastly, thanks to Master Mold's programs, the Fury is made to hate everything. After the Fury was activated, it start killing Sublime and the rest.
• Fallen Hero: Tony Stark and Reed Richards are publicly exposed of using very unethical methods to enforce the SRA and leading to the Civil War, and they are treated as pariahs by the public. Even Doctor Doom lampshade to Reed that the public despises fallen heroes far more than villains and monsters.
• Fix Fic: The premise of the story is Johann preventing and reverting the disasters and tragedies in the Marvel Universe.
  • Johann's first act in the MU is resurrecting all the inhabitants on Genosha that died in Cassandra Nova's Sentinel attack; resurrecting the X-Men students that were killed in William Stryker's attack during the Decimation; and restoring all mutants of their powers.
  • He also modified some mutants of their uncontrollable powers or disfiguring appearances. Cyclops is able to turn off his optic beams without his glasses. Rogue doesn't completely drain people of their life energies and can touch people again. Less human-like mutants such as Rockslide and Glob Herman can switch back into their human forms. Professor Xavier's spine is healed and can now walk again. Legion is made sane.
  • Johann prevents the events of World War Hulk from happening by defusing the bombs that would have devastate Sakaar and revealing Miek's crimes to Hulk.
  • Johann convinces Ben Urich in releasing the evidences that incriminate Tony Stark in all the illegal activities he undertook to bolster support for the SRA. This lead to the breakdown of the SRA and criminalizing Stark and other affiliates who abused the SRA.
  • Johann resurrects Captain America and MVP.
  • He captures a depowered Red Skull and turning him over to Israel.
  • Averted for Ben Grimm, who refuses to accept Johann's offer to turn him back to his human form due to disliking Johann's role in Reed Richards' arrest.
• Godzilla Threshold: The Illuminati attempt to gather the Infinity Gems to use against Ginnungagap. However, Ginnungagap has already taken from them (except the Mind Gem as Xavier is on good terms with Ginnungagap) and giving them to more responsible people.
• Green-Eyed Monster: Quentin Quire accuses Johann of being a "tool of the establishment" and "poser" for "watering down" the mutant race. It is clear that Quire is jealous of Johann being more powerful and popular than him.
• Groin Attack: Bullseye tries to stab Johann's balls with a hidden knife in his boot, but Johann freezes him in place.
• Hero with Bad Publicity: The general public looked very unfavorably on Tony Stark, Reed Richards, and other main supporters of the SRA after Ben Urich publicly released damning evidences that implicate the SRA's architects for using underhanded actions and abuse of power to manipulate the SRA in their favor and dividing the superhero community. Opinions against the SRA exacerbated after Tony Stark's trial revealed the truth of Michael Van Patrick's death and Project Lightning.
• Hurl It into the Sun: Johann removes the Venom symbiote from Gargan and teleporting it into the sun.
• I Did What I Had to Do: At his trial, Tony Stark justify that all his underhanded works and other illegal activities to pass the SRA was to present a better alternative to the U.S. government's plans to establishing martial law and extermination camps.
• Jerkass Has a Point: Wolverine and Beast have a very low reception of Johann and they treated him with wariness and distrust. This is because the X-Men have dealt with similar reality-altering people like Xorn and Proteus who makes problem-solving offers and ends up insane and hurting people.
  Johann: Okay, what is the fucking deal with you two exactly? Every time I've been here, you two have treated me like garbage, I literally brought your students BACK TO LIFE and you're still trying to pull this crap with me?! What does it take with you two?!
  Wolverine: Fine, you wanna know what my "deal" is, fat boy? I don't trust you. I don't trust anyone who just shows up out of nowhere with this kind of power and just offers to make all our problems go away! I've been around for a long time, and I can tell ya right now, there is ALWAYS a catch. I don't know what kinda scam yer running, but I do know that yer gonna slip up eventually, and it'll be the rest of us that will be paying for it, like always!
• Know When to Fold 'Em: Wonder Man knew the moment that the Avengers' attempt in bringing in Johann is doomed to fail after witnessing the Sentry being stripped of his powers. Although he is forced to fight Johann and ends up beaten. After the Avengers are defeated and humiliated, and follow being chastised by Maria Hill, Wonder Man finally gets fed up and quits working for the Avengers and SHIELD.
• Loophole Abuse: The Superhero Registration Act doesn't apply to mutants since the law was made during when nearly all mutants were depowered. With Johann restoring powers back to mutants, the U.S. government is rendered rudderless on how to deal with mutants.
  • Johann tells Tony Stark and the Illuminati that the SRA doesn't affect him because; first, he is a mutant; secondly he is not a U.S. citizen and the American government has no jurisdiction over a foreign national; third, Johann doesn't engage in crime fighting in which the law technically only applies to; and lastly, Johann is too powerful for the SRA to stop him.
• Mugging the Monster: A very annoyed Malcolm Colcord tried to order The Fury, who remained unresponsive, to obey its masters by punching its skull. The Fury respond by punching his head off. From there, The Fury then start massacring Cornelius, Risman, and Sublime.
• Named After Somebody Famous: Johann's alias Ginnungagap is named after the primordial abyss from which all of Creation once came in Norse mythology. Johann admits that his name is "a little overblown" but points out that other mutants have similar dramatic names such as Exodus.
• The Needs of the Many: Ben Urich had been keeping damning evidences he uncovered on Stark and the SRA from going public on the basis of maintaining the peace. However, he changes his mind after his meeting with Johann and publicly decrying the "greater good" of the SRA.
• Never My Fault: The U.S. President of Earth-811 begs to Johann that he wasn't responsible for the mutant genocide and that he was forced to keep the country going while under the threat of the Sentinels and Master Mold. Johann doesn't buy it and has him imprisoned and awaiting trial for his crimes along with his collaborators including Ahab.
• Only Known by Their Nickname: Much to Johann's chagrin, people keep refer him by his new nickname spun up by the internet, Magic Man, rather than Ginnungagap as some people have trouble pronouncing it.
• The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Doctor Doom is partly furious at Johann for denying his right to defeating Reed Richards. However, he is very smugly pleased that he is proven "right" about Reed being a "liar and a fraud" after Johann helped in publicly exposing Reed's very shady role in the SRA and ruining his reputation for good.
  • Norman Osborne had long planned to bring down Tony Stark since the creation of SRA and is very peeved at Johann for stealing that.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Johann's delivery to Magneto:
  Magneto: What I did, I did for my people-
  Johann: No, what you did was make things worse at very turn in some misguided attempt at filling the hole inside of you. What you needed after the camps was therapy, not 50 odd years of trying to start a race war. Now, here you are, sitting powerless in a one-room apartment in Argentina, hiding from the consequences of your actions. The irony would be funny if it wasn't so depressing.
  Magneto: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I HAVE SUFFERED!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!! NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME!!
  Johann: I HAVE EVERY RIGHT, YOU DELUSIONAL OLD BUZZARD! You doomed our entire species to extinction, do you even realize that?! It was your shitty parenting that made Wanda unstable, it was you never being satisfied even when you literally ruled the world that caused M-Day! The fact that I turned up to fix your goddamn screwups was just pure luck! Every thing, every single thing you've done in your ridiculous quest for mutant supremacy has done nothing except screw over mutantkind both in the short and long run! You took over a country! You INVADED A U.S. MILITARY BASE! And that was just the start! What the hell did you think was going to happen?!
  Magneto: Ah, so you have thrown your lot in with Charles and his brand of mewling pacifism then? Just stand and watch while mutantkind is constantly brutalized under the guise of working in the system?! You have some nerve to call me out when you are powerful enough to simply ignore the consequences of your own actions!
  Johann: Are you kidding me? You were the fucking MASTER OF MAGNETISM! Yes, I'm more powerful than you, but not by as much as you'd think. You could have changed the entire planet if you really wanted to, but all you could think to do with it was play warlord, just like every other so-called visionary. You just used nicer words about it than Apocalypse and Red Skull did.
• Sanity Has Its Advantages: When Johann is panicking about the Fury and brings up how it killed Mad Jim Jaspers, an even more powerful Reality Warper than him, Legion points out that Jim Jaspers was mad and lost because he couldn't use his powers to their fullest potential. Johann and Legion on the other hand are perfectly sane and are able to figure out a way to kill The Fury.
• Strike Me Down with All of Your Hatred!: A depowered Red Skull has his neck under Steve Rogers' grip and, rather than begging for mercy, he tries to goad Steve to kill him by reminding how he killed his unborn child and lover. Steve angrily chokes Schmidt for a moment but ultimately decide he is not worth killing.
• Summon Bigger Fish: Johann and Legion get rid of The Fury by teleporting it before Galactus just as the latter is about to unleash the "Galactus event" upon the Annihilation Wave.
• Throw the Dog a Bone: The White Elephant story arc has Johann giving life-changing gifts to characters, including villains and those in-between.
  • Johann heals Doctor Octopus' injuries and giving him a clean slate of being a good person while on the condition of never antagonizing Spider-Man.
  • Johann gives Peter Gyrich a pill that will cure his Alzheimer's.
• Undying Loyalty: Ben Grimm disagreed with Reed Richards' role in the SRA, but he still see him as his friend.
• Villain Has a Point: Norman Osborn points out to Johann that should he kill him, a government-sanctioned super-villain and U.S. asset, this will prompt the U.S. government to have the excuse to roll out Sentinels and surging anti-mutant sentiment.
• Villain Team-Up: The anti-mutant individuals Malcolm Colcord, Sublime, Matthew Risman, and Dr. Abraham Cornelius worked together to destroy Johann. Unfortunately for them, they wind up dying at the hands of The Fury in which they helped in reconstructing it.
  • Doctor Doom and Namor are working together to find any other supervillains to team up against Johann. Namor suggest adding Apocalypse as their prime candidate, knowing that Apocalypse couldn't stand having a mutant more powerful than him.
• Villains Want Mercy: After Johann foiled Miek's plot to blow up Sakaar, Miek begs for Hulk's mercy. Though Hulk gives Miek a brutal thrashing, he decided not to kill Miek in cold blood and judge him fairly as he doesn't want to become a tyrant like the Red King.
• We Used to Be Friends: Glob Herman and Quentin Quire had a falling out after the former was modified by Johann to have a more human-like appearance which lead to Quentin calling Herman a "sell out."
• Weird Crossover: In an non-canonical omake, Rick and Morty paid a brief visit to Johann at the Xavier Mansion to request making a Szechuan Sauce much to the X-Men's bewilderment. After they got the sauce, Rick denies Morty the chance of hanging out with the X-Men, stating that they "don't need the additional layer of poorly applied racism allegory."

A Crooked Man: Evolution

• Bigger on the Inside: Rather than picking one of the empty rooms at the Xavier Mansion, Johan picks an unused broom closet and expands the interior into an entire dorm room, including a window.
• Go Seduce My Archnemesis: Raven plans on using Rogue to seduce Johann in order to get him into the Brotherhood, much to Irene Adler's protests.
• Food Fight: Despite Johan changing certain events, a food fight still breaks out during the events of "Mutant Crush", just as it did in the original show, though this time it's started on purpose by Lance Alvers/Avalanche rather than a mistake by Fred Dukes/The Blob.
• No Self-Buffs: While he could theoretically change himself, and anyone else, any way he wants, Johan is too uncomfortable with the idea to go through with it at this point - most of his physical protection and improvements happen subconsciously, such as his immunity to harm, mind-reading, and rapid improvement from physical training.
• One-Steve Limit: This version of Johan decides to call himself "Warlock", stating that the original Marvel-616 Warlock (a techno-organic alien) who first appeared in New Mutants, will just have to come up with another name if he ever shows up.
• Screw Destiny: Johann's existence have completely thrown off Irene Adler's precognition and making her to see countless, different possible futures.
  "A kaleidoscope. Johan Magnusson was a kaleidoscope of possible futures, endlessly fracturing into different patterns and configurations. And even with her power, Irene Adler, Destiny, couldn't tell which of them would eventually become set in stone."
• Shout-Out:
  • Johann makes a mini fruit tree.
  • Bored while waiting for Wolverine to arrange their first training session, Johan decides to re-enact the Weapon Of Choice video by Fatboy Slim, complete with dressing up and dancing like Christopher Walken.
  • To access the Middleverse pocket dimension Forge is trapped in, Johan summons the magic door from Super Mario Bros. 2.
  • While trying to come up with a codename for himself, Johan brainstorms "Deus Ex", but rejects it because he thinks it might be taken already.
• Training from Hell: Johann goes through training drills under Wolverine. Unlike other kinds of damage, his powers do not protect him from the pain of intense excersize, they just help him recover and improve much faster.
• Truth Serums: Johann uses his powers on Principal Darkholme to speak truthfully for five minutes, allowing him to learn from her that she intends on recruiting him and other mutants for the Brotherhood of Mutants.
• Younger and Hipper: Since this fic takes place in the world of X-Men: Evolution, Johan is 16 years old when it starts, rather than his mid-30's like in the original.