A drinking game for Facebook. Go ahead and take a shot whenever:
- You see a meme.
- Someone shares a screenshot from Reddit or Twitter.
- You get hacked.
- Take another sip if the hack is on the news.
- Facebook asks you to download Messenger, or asks if you want to open the page in the Facebook app.
- Facebook disables another small feature on the browser version of the site in order to gradually force you to get the app.
- Someone rants. (Warning: may cause cirrosis of the liver!)
- Someone posts a picture of a cute animal.
- You see an ad for something you were just talking to someone about, or something you just purchased at the store, because Facebook is spying on you.
- You get a targeted ad for something you would never buy.
- You like one page about a topic, and Facebook assumes you’re absolutely obsessed with the topic and suggests fifty more pages like it.
- Someone shares an untrue news article.
- Someone shares an article from a parody news website, thinking it is true.
- Someone reacts to a shared article after only reading the headline and not the whole article.
- Someone shares a Kelly comic from The Onion and it either outrages someone on the left or someone on the right agrees with it, neither realizing it’s a satire.
- You share an opinion that offends a distant family member you rarely speak to.
- You find out a distant relative has extreme political views that horrify or disappoint you.
- You have to snooze a relative because you're tired of seeing the irritating posts and memes they share, but you don't want to cause drama by unfriending them or blocking them.
- You see Misplaced Nationalism.
- You post a comment anywhere and a random stranger feels the need to correct or contradict you.
- Two drinks if the person either has an anime character or Donald Trump as their profile picture.
- Someone links to a tag group instead of presenting a counter argument.
- Someone uses a laugh reaction instead of presenting a counter argument.
- Someone uses the laugh reaction on a serious post just to troll.
- Someone shares a fundraiser or petition.
- Take two sips if that fundraiser or petition has far more likes and reactions than donations/signatures.
- Someone makes a controversial comment that ends up with dozens of replies in a flame war.
- An administrator has to disable comments because of flame wars.
- A group gets taken down for frivolous reasons that are anybody’s guess.
- You get “zucc’d”, or go to Facebook jail.
- One of your favorite bands announces they are touring, and someone in the comments begs for the tour to come to a town (or country) not on the tour.
- Someone shares one of those copy-and-paste "50 questions about me" lists that must have been passed around since the days of MySpace.
- Someone posts something political or religious in a Facebook group that has nothing to do with politics or religion.
- A bot trying to sell t-shirts or other useless products infiltrates a fan group.
- Someone posts a picture of Jesus, a police officer or a veteran with a caption saying "I bet 98% of you won't share this" or something along those lines.
- Two drinks when it's a parody of one of these posts done by someone on the political left.
- Someone uses the phrase "thoughts and prayers" or “amen”.
- Drink whenever you accidentally like an old post while stalking someone's profile.
- Your elderly relative shares a badly drawn comic or meme complaining about how kids are on their phones all the time and don’t read books, drink water from a hose, recklessly ride bicycles without helmets, or write in cursive.
- You have to stop doom-scrolling and go do something else because dwelling on the sorry, dystopian state of the world is starting to affect your mental health.
- Someone is spreading conspiracy theories.
- A post with misinformation (or since 2020, any mention of COVID-19) triggers a fact checker.
- A Facebook memory reminds you of something that bums you out for the rest of the day, like an old ex, a deceased relative, or seeing how much younger you looked ten years ago.
- Someone asks the original poster to make their post “shareable” from a private group, which isn’t possible.
- Special Facebook Marketplace round. Drink whenever:
- Someone asks if whatever you’re selling really is that price, when the price is right there in the post.
- Someone tries to low-ball you and offer much less than the price you’re selling it for.
- Your product languishes unknown for days or weeks.
- If someone finally does notice it after that long of a wait, suddenly twenty other people want the product too.
- Someone ghosts you.
- Two drinks if you lower the price and suddenly the person reappears out of the blue after ignoring you for days.
- Someone says they’re going to come pick something up from you and then never shows up.
- You end up having to block someone.
- Someone you’re trying to buy from sells the product to someone else who got there faster than you.
- A bot tries to talk you into giving out your phone number so it can be sold to telemarketers.
- Your post is taken down for violating Facebook’s vague and never adequately explained community standards, even if the product you’re selling is completely innocuous.
- You get a message from Facebook practically begging you to offer shipping because that’s the only way Facebook makes any money off the sale, even if the product is enormous and would cost a fortune to ship.
