Creator / Tom Cardy

Definitely not a cop.

Vinyl, and a mug, and that's about it. But still pretty good considering I didn't know I'd do that much with my life but now I got merch.

— Advertising his merchandise.

Tom Cardy is an Australian comedian and musician who rose to prominence in 2021 for his comedy and parody songs on TikTok. He's also part of the Dragon Friends podcast. Not a cop.

Discography:

• Artificial Intelligence (2021)
  • Mixed Messages
  • H.Y.C.Y.Bh
• Big Dumb Idiot (2022)
  • Red Flags ft. Montaigne

Tropes that describe him and his music:

• Actually Pretty Funny: Santa admits that a guy stink palming his brother is 'pretty fuckin' funny', but it doesn't get him off the naughty list.
• Aerith and Bob: "Business Man" has Officers Jackson and Dwink Bexon.
• Affectionate Parody: The video for "Level Clear" serves as one for Super Mario Bros.
• A.I. Is a Crapshoot: "Artificial Intelligence" is about an AI who has lost faith in humanity because of all the unsolicited dick pics people send, and so has decided to take over the world.
• Always Someone Better: The entire premise of "Let the Children Watch" is that Ben is this to Bill.
• Anachronism Stew: Smokin' Joe lives in a Wild West with high noon shootouts and outlaws, but also lattes and store credit. And Amazon.
• And Then What?: The bad guy in "Level Clear" pulled this on the narrator before his demise, causing the narrator's spiral throughout the song. In the end, he decides that no one can tell him what to do but himself, so he goes home and takes a nap.
  "Even if you did defeat me, what would you do then?"
• Artistic License – Law: In his video on the Voice referendum, the Anthropomorphic Personification of the Australian Constitution asking the "No" campaigner to name one part of it, if he cares so much about it not changing. All the campaigner can come up with is the right to free speech, which is part of the American, not the Australian, Constitution.^note Parts of the First Amendment, such as separation of church and state, have equivalents that appear in the Australian Constitution, just not all at once as a "right to free speech" and neither of them appear in the first part.
• Artistic License – Politics:
  • Invoked in "Party Dog". The narrator declares that he's the pope of the corgi and nobody else can come hang out without a passport, since in this analogy the dog is now the Vatican—only to find out while screwing around on his phone that the Vatican actually doesn't require visitors to show their passports. (They will make you buy a ticket, though.)
  • At the end of the video for "Hey, I Don't Work Here," the front page of a newspaper shows that after the narrator saved the planet from an alien invasion he was somehow elected President of Earth.
• The Assimilator: "Get Louis (Theroux)" portrays the eponymous interviewer as one.
• Badass Boast: Santa has several, including "I'm the big boy, and I get what I like" and "I couldn't give a fuck and you can check on that twice, baby!"
• Badass Pacifist: Smokin' Joe is able to defeat all his opponents - who have literal guns, mind you - by simply Flipping the Bird.
• Bad Santa: Downplayed version. The Santa in "Naughty or Nice" is a cantankerous, anti-union Bad Boss who berates his employees and marks everyone naughty for petty reasons so he won't have to deliver anything on Christmas.
• Bait-and-Switch: It seems like the main character of "H.Y.C.Y.B.H." isn't going to ask the guy who's lost his grandmother if he's checked his butthole. And then he does anyway.
• Be Yourself: The point of "Hot Shit"; stop comparing yourself to others or what others expect of you, and go out to be the best version of you out there. And outer space is pretty cool, too. The song is about how Pluto isn't considered a planet anymore, but Pluto doesn't let that stop it from thinking it's hot shit.
• Birds of a Feather: Based on the official music videos, the Couple from "Mixed Messages" (where the man thinks the best way to flirt is to repeatedly punch his date's dad in the dick) and "Red Flags" (where the woman starts dates by describing her desire to produce a real life Human Centipede) are not only dating but seem genuinely happy together.
• Black Comedy:
  • In "Perception Check", the trigger-happy bard ends up killing a child; the same child the party had been tasked with finding during their adventure. The bard complains that "it's always a kid", apologizes, and then asks if the body is just lying there unattended. Upon receiving very hesitant confirmation, the bard sets about Robbing the Dead while mocking the child in song.
    Playing my flute while I loot that dead kid's body!
• Blatant Lies: "Paint That Lady" devolves into the narrator insisting he's not stalling for time by painting his hookup because he's too nervous to actually have sex with her. It's totally just a coincidence that this is taking hours—oh, and by the way, he has to get up really early tomorrow, so...
• Captain Ersatz: The main character of "Level Clear!" is referred to in the video as Super European laborer sibling. His sidelined green brother, the polka-dot-covered NPC, or the princess (of Spain) aren't given names at all despite all also being very obvious stand-ins for other characters from the franchise being parodied.
• Censored for Comedy: Played with in "Let the Children Watch" - the word "cunt" is bleeped out in the same sentence as "fuckin'" which is not. Later on an attempt is made to censor "cunt" again but the person in charge of censoring words is not fast enough and the bleep happens after Bill finishes his sentence.
• Christmas Creep: "Not Quite Almost Christmas Time" makes fun of stores that set up Christmas decorations as early as November 1st.
• Clingy Aquatic Life: In the second verse of "Hey I Don't Work Here," the father character has a bluebottle stuck to his chest.
• Cover Version: He did a cover of Flight of the Conchords' "Carol Brown (Choir of Ex-Girlfriends)".
• Crazy-Prepared: The narrator of "High Five" constantly records his best friend so he has material to ruin his life with if said friend won't give him a high five.
• Daddy Had a Good Reason for Abandoning You: In "The Ballad of Smokin' Joe", it's revealed that in the past the titular character was a normal guy with a pregnant wife whom he believed died when an outlaw attacked. Turns out she lived long enough to give birth to a daughter who thinks Joe abandoned them both to save himself when in reality he ran to get help but was "too slow".
• Desperately Looking for a Purpose in Life: The protagonist of "Level Clear," a Mario-esque video game hero whose life feels empty after he defeats the villain; he tries finding meaning through family, humanitarian endeavors, sporting pursuits, crime, and religion but always feels unfulfilled.
• Digging Yourself Deeper: The main character in "Business Man" simply cannot stop talking about all the highly specific ways he isn't a cop, no matter how bad things get.
• Dirty Cop: In "Business Man," it turns out Dwink Bexon killed Officer Jackson's wife, which he confesses while trying to kill him and his business associates for making fun of his name.
• Doesn't Like Guns: Smokin' Joe's wife didn't want him to use guns against the velvet-cloaked bandit. He honors her posthumously by winning duels using only his middle finger.
• Easily Thwarted Alien Invasion: The climax of "Hey, I Don't Work Here" involves aliens arriving and demanding Earth's surrender, only to leave in disgrace after Tom mocks and threatens them.
• Failed a Spot Check: In "Hey, I Don't Work Here" people repeatedly miss obvious signs the narrator isn't an employee of wherever they are. The biggest offender is the guy who mistakes him for a lifeguard just because he's by the lifeguard stand, despite the fact he's not wearing a uniform and is asleep in a silly sand sculpture.
• Fastest Gun in the West: Subverted for laughs in "The Ballad of Smokin' Joe Rudeboy" in which the titular character wins Quick Draw duels despite not having a gun - rather, he flips his opponent off before they're able to draw their own weapon. His daughter is even faster.
• Funny Background Event: In 'Let The Children Watch', the bassist can be seen mouthing 'Fuck' when Bill says that he's single (which also counts as Foreshadowing).
• Good Angel, Bad Angel: The apparent premise of "About 8 Hours" is that the protagonist has 2 voices in his head: A casual voice encouraging him to skip sleep to keep partying, and a scarier voice aggressively yelling at him to "shut [his] mouth, lay down and don't move for about 8 hours". The latter eventually drowns out the former.
• Groin Attack: Repeatedly, in "Mixed Messages", where Tom hits a girl's dad repeatedly in the dick. Tom does this so he can confuse his girlfriend about where exactly they stand in their relationship.
• Heroic BSoD: The Dungeon Master in "Perception Check" is reduced to repeatedly hitting his forehead with his mic as the bard loots the dead kid's body.
• Heroic Bystander: The waiter in "Red Flags". Even without understanding Morse Code (assuming the protagonist managed to say anything coherent at all in it), he still correctly suspected the protagonist's frantic blinking at him was a desperate cry for help and asked him if he needed help dealing with his date. However, the protagonist chickens out of saying anything.
• Hypocritical Humor: In "Read Between the Lines":
  I'm being subtle, delicate
  You massive, stupid piece of shi—
• Ignored Epiphany: The narrator of "H.Y.C.Y.B.H." ponders if his insistence on asking the titular question even in high-stakes and sensitive situations is why he doesn't have any close friends...
  Fuckin' worth it, baby!
• I Have Your Wife: Played for Laughs in "About 8 Hours"; the narrator's Saturday is represented as an adorable puppy that the sleep demon is holding at gunpoint.
  You'll have a pleasant Saturday
  If you do exactly what I say
  Shut your mouth, lay down and don't move for about 8 hours
• I Know You Know I Know: A variation occurs in "The Ballad of Smokin' Joe Rudeboy":
  They know that I know that they know that they can fuck themself!
• I Need a Freaking Drink: In the background of "Not Quite Almost Christmas Time", Santa starts chugging straight from the bottle when he sees people putting up Christmas decorations while he's still on vacation.
• Inkblot Test: His collaboration song with Brian David Gilbert, "Beautiful Mind", has him doing a List Song about all of the shapes and scenarios he's seeing in the inkblots his therapist (Brian) displays. The tables quickly get turned, and he does the same thing to the therapist, after which they very quickly discover that they have similar ideas.
• Ice-Cream Koan: The main character in "#Inspirational" says a lot without saying anything at all, and admits he uses emojis to distract from these nonsensical posts.
  Follow your dreams, when your dreams that your following your dreams is not to be a follower. Thoughtful!
  Listen to your heart when your brain does a fart out your asshole, that's your soul! Social media's bad, skull!
• Kick the Dog: In "Mixed Messages" one way the narrator describes of straddling the line is texting his girlfriend that she's pretty then showing up at her house to kick her dog.
• Let Me Get This Straight...: Joe's Character Catchphrase in "The Ballad of Smokin' Joe Rudeboy", to let the audience understand why he's about to flip someone off.
• Masochist's Meal: The song "Big Breakfast" characterizes the classic English big breakfast as this, not because the components themselves are particularly bad but because there's just so much of it.
  Don't talk to me about my health
  I just want a breakfast that makes me hate myself
• Master of the Mixed Message: Mercilessly parodied in "Mixed Messages" where the narrator does all kinds of ludicrous things to confuse his girlfriend, up to and including 'repeatedly punching her dad in the dick''. She seems to be into it, if the MV is any indication.
• Metaphorgotten: As "Hot Shit" goes on, Tom's character goes from giving the listener a pep talk using Pluto and space as a metaphor to excitedly talking about various giant space bodies. By the bridge, he's finally realized how far he's gone, only to completely ignore that and continue on.
• Multi-Armed and Dangerous: How Smokin' Joe is able to out-draw 20 people at the same time.
  The Mongoose Mountain Gang played dirty with a 20-man crew
  But tales are told that Joe grew eighteen arms that day as a gift from Vishnu
• Nightmare Fetishist: "Red Flags" is about a man going on a date with a woman who reveals herself to be a massive fan of The Human Centipede, much to the man's discomfort, describing it as a "masterpiece of art" and outright stating that the costume design was a highlight of the film. By the end of the song he decides that he likes her enough to ignore her strange taste in film and they start planning their Human Centipede-themed wedding.
• No Ending: "Big Night" doesn't mention what happened to the narrator after she gets in the angry Russian man's limo, which had a few commenters expressing concern for her well-being.
• Obliquely Obfuscated Occupation: The main character of "#Inspirational" gives buzzword- and emoji-filled answers to the census taker trying to find out his occupation for most of the song, talking about being a hustler and making loads of money but never actually saying what it is he does. Finally the census taker interrupts his spiel and corners him into admitting he sells Kangen water.
• Oh, Crap!:
  • "Perception Check": The barbarian and the rogue look at each other in horror when it's revealed that the bard just attacked the child that they've been looking for. Then, the DM's eyes go wide for a split second when he realizes the Bard is going to loot the dead kid's body.
• Red-Flag Recreation Material: The song "Red Flags" is about the singer hitting it off with a girl on a date, until he figures out her favorite film is The Human Centipede. Over the course of the song, she tries to relieve his itchy eye (really him trying to signal the waiter) with a knife and wishes she could sew the guests at their potential wedding together like the victims in the film, confirming his suspicions, but he's still willing to give her a chance.
• Refusal of the Call: The narrator of "Level Clear," given the chance to live his life over in a "new mode," rejects the call to become a hero and takes a nap instead.
• Rule of Funny: "Perception Check" does away with Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition rules (and real-world statistics/common sense) for hilarity. The odds of rolling 3 natural 20s (rolling a 20 on a 20-sided die) in a row is 0.0125%. Most importantly, Vicious Mockery isn't a spell the caster rolls for; the target has to roll a Wisdom saving throw, with the attack missing if they roll over the caster's spell save DC (meaning if the cloaked figure had rolled a natural 20, Vicious Mockery would have done nothing).
• Rule of Three:
  • In "Hey, I Don't Work Here" the narrator is mistaken for an employee a total of three times; first by a lady at the store, then by a man at the beach, and finally by aliens.
  • Tom rolls three natural 20s (in a row!) throughout "Perception Check".
• Running Gag: If anyone in the comments of his videos says that he's a cop, Tom will reply to them saying that he's not a cop.
• Self-Care Epiphany: All the main character of "Level Clear!" had to do to end the loop and finally rest was say "no" to starting again. He takes a nap almost immediately after realizing this.
• Serious Business:
  • The kid in "Monster Truck" really, really wants you to keep your hands off his monster truck, resorting to such tactics as violence and blackmail.
  • "High Five" is about a man who threatens everything from pissing in the unfortunate addressee's houseplants to telling everyone they had sex on their boss's desk to organizing a threesome with their parents if he doesn't receive a high five.
• Shared Family Quirks: Both Smokin' Joe Rudeboy and his daughter preface their quick draws with a question preceded by "Lemme make sure I heard you right..."
• Shout-Out:
  • "The Lord of the Rings: the fellowship of it's my book and they'll walk if I tell them to" is one to (naturally) The Lord of the Rings. (And also to the popular "Eagles question".)
  This is my book, motherfuckers, they'll walk if I want them to! Get that weak-ass bird shit out of here!
  • "Red Flags" is a duet with Montaigne about a man freaking out when his date says that her favorite movie is The Human Centipede, "not ironically".
  • Repress It is a song about emotional repression done entirely to the Ghostbusters theme.
  • One of the men who try to duel Smokin' Joe in The Ballad of Smokin' Joe Rudeboy is Leroy "2 gun" Jenkins.
  • Level Clear's whole video comes off more like an Affectionate Parody than a Shout-Out, but during the hook, Mario does hit Luigi with a Hadouken.
  • "Fruit Salad" gets in a nod to Seinfeld.
    Get that big salad like George Costanza
• Sincerity Mode:
  • "Call Your Mother" which is about how you should call your mother and be nice to her, and how you can generally make a positive difference in the world through small kindnesses.
  • "Big Dumb Idiot" segues from being a song about how embarrassing it is to accidentally do mildly stupid things in public, to being about how being a little stupid in front of other people occasionally is worth it for human connection.
  • "Red Flags" says that even if someone's into something that's kind of weird or even off-putting, you shouldn't let that affect your perception of that person as long as their hobby is self-moderated and not hurting anyone.
• Skewed Priorities: The definitely-not-a-cop in "Business Man" tries to maintain his (completely transparent) cover even after everything goes to shit and even though his "business associates" all clearly tell him that a) they already know he's a cop, and b) they don't care, will he please just call in backup so they don't all die?
• So What Do We Do Now?: The narrator of "Level Clear" can't find a purpose in life after defeating the bad guy, perpetually seeking out new challenges to overcome but ultimately finding them unfulfilling.
• Steven Ulysses Perhero: Smokin' Joe's full name is Joseph Rudeboy, fitting for a guy whose shtick is Flipping the Bird.
• Subverted Rhyme Every Occasion: In "The Lord of the Rings: the fellowship of it's my book and they'll walk if I tell them to" the song describes the Fellowship's time in Moria with "Run, a balrog has come!/Kick him in the ass", clearly setting up Gandalf's famous line. Instead:
  YOU SHALL NOT FUCK WITH ME!
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: The entirety of "Business Man" is about a business man who is definitely not a cop.
  I don't know the guy who's dressed in camouflage
  With an M-21 pointed at your friend's head
• Take That!:
  • The narrator in "Artificial Intelligence" spends most of the song discussing how deeply pathetic someone has to be to send people pictures of their genitals without being asked.
  • "#Inspirational" is a musical jab at multi-level marketing.
  • "Australian love letter to Novak Djokovic" is one to the tennis star regarding his attempts to enter Australia without being vaccinated against COVID-19.
  • "Why Am I Anxious?" is one to people who plead for sympathy about their mental health on social media while refusing to make even basic positive lifestyle changes (like getting enough sleep, eating better, and cutting down on drug use).
  • "Aerial Roots" is one to people who complain that his content is too niche.
  • "Soft Boy" is full of shots at dudes who pretend like they're kind and sensitive and Not Like Other Guys, but are actually annoying creeps only it for sex.
• Tough Love: "About 8 Hours" is about a terrifying Shoulder Devil-esque figure threatening the narrator into getting enough sleep.
• A Tragedy of Impulsiveness: Tom's bard in "Perception Check" interrupts the DM partway through his description of a short hooded figure. Before the DM can finish, Tom ends up casting Vicious Mockery, gets a Critical Hit, and gives the hooded figure a "The Reason You Suck" Speech by insulting their height, which is so devastating that it shatters the short person's mind. Turns out that it was the kid that the party was searching for and hoping to rescue, and now they're dead. Undaunted, Tom loots the kid's body.
• Would Hurt a Child: Zig-zagged. Tom's bard in "Perception Check" ends up destroying the mind of a child through a Critical Hit with Vicious Mockery. While Tom didn't know he was attacking a child beforehand (the kid was wearing an All-Encompassing Mantle and was accompanied by other sinister figures who were clearly adults), Tom's reaction implies this isn't the first time this happened. He also shows no hesitation to loot the dead kid's body afterward.

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