With the hosts of Death Blart being forced to watch the same movie every year until they die, it didn't take long for them to come up with their own theories and Alternative Character Interpretations of the movie's cast.
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Paul Blart
Played By: Kevin James
An immortal mall cop who can only be harmed through verbal abuse. He is able to walk between the material plane and the ethereal plane where the art heist is taking place. Also possesses an eight-foot vertical leap.
- Fat Bastard: A lot of jokes are made at the expense of Paul's weight, and he is not a likeable character for the most part.
- No Social Skills: Paul is incredibly awkward and rude in almost every interaction he has.
- Who Wants to Live Forever?: The hosts theorize that Paul Blart is actually immortal, which is why he never gets shot by any of the criminals. Since he cannot be harmed or killed, the Shadow Man resorts to tormenting him endlessly. This leads to Griffin claiming that Blart's iconic "Not today, Death!" is not a triumphant exclamation, but rather a pleading question of why Death won't claim him.
The Shadow Man
Played By: Eric Genuis
A man intent on ruining Paul Blart's life, possibly sent by God. Responsible for Paul's wife leaving him and the death of his mother. Pro-life. Mentioned on the IMDb trivia page
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- Big Bad: He's the figure behind all of Paul's misfortunes.
- Silent Antagonist: His only interaction with Paul is a (possibly condescending?) polite smile and nod.
Vincent Sofel
Played By: Neal McDonough
The worst criminal mastermind of all time. Also known as "Ocean's Fourteen."
- Red Right Hand: Has one brown and one hazel eye, something he calls attention to during he and Blart's trashtalk battle.
- Weaksauce Weakness: He is "deathly allergic" to oatmeal, which ends up being his downfall in the film's climax.
- Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?: Vincent wastes several good opportunities to kill Paul Blart by instead trashtalking him, possibly because he's aware Blart is immortal.
