Characters / The Secret Life of Dolls

The Shelvians

Cleolinda

"I won't say anything. I mean, unless it gets all stupid up in here like one of those movies where it'd be over in five minutes if everyone just sat down and talked to each other."

The owner of the dolls, though she is more of an exasperated mother figure.

• Author Avatar: The Cleolinda who narrates and participates in the doll adventures is a fictionalized version of the real one. Among other things, she isn't privy to knowledge the real Cleo knows, like where in Twilight canon Tonner Bella's outfit came from.
• Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: In Stars and Stripes, after Lyra complains that the other dolls "went to war without [her]", Cleo takes a minute to explain to Tonner Bella about the blood feud between the squirrels and the Shelvians... then realizes the implications of Lyra's complaint.
• Not So Above It All: There are moments when she gets caught up in the antics of the dolls, particularly in the epic battle against the squirrels.
• Only Sane Woman: It's often left to her to sort out the messes the dolls get into, Of course, she doesn't always fit in here (see Not So Above It All).

Alice Dollen

She's only going to nearly fall once, and Iorek will grab her before it's too late. It'll be fine!

A relatively new addition to the shelf, Alice joined in time for Christmas. She still seems to have her canon ability to see into the future.

• Mundane Utility: In the lead-up to Christmas, Cleo has her use her precognition to see if a gift for Clarice the Sheep is going to go badly or not.
• Troll: She teases Edward about the possibility she foresaw him running into Ellowyne One if he goes to find Bella, at one point.

Anna Dollerious

• Ax-Crazy
• Berserk Button: She does not take kindly to the idea of having to share a shelf with Bella Swan. She later does even worse when Edward, an actual vampire, shows up.
• Chekhov's Gun: In The Confession, there's a passing mention of her getting a package in the mail but it's forgotten quickly. Many installments later, it's revealed that it was a voodoo doll she had been using to torment Toner Edward.
• Cold-Blooded Torture: Thanks to a voodoo doll she bought online, she was able to inflict this on Tonner Edward for quite awhile before being caught.
• Comedic Sociopathy: "RAAAZZORRRRRS!"
• Official Couple: With Elizabeth Swann
• Sanity Slippage: She becomes increasingly unstable when she learns that she must live with Edward Cullen, since killing vampires is a large part of her character. She and Elizabeth go into hiding for ages, she becomes paranoid about her thoughts being read, and she orders a voodoo doll that she uses to torture Tonner Edward for some time.

Elizabeth Swann

• Morality Pet: Implied to be something of one to Anna. At one point, she's noted to be petting Anna's hair to calm her down.
• Official Couple: With Anna

Ellowyne One

• One-Steve Limit: Revealed at one point that since Ellowyne Two's arrival she has called herself Ellie.
• Too Dumb to Live: Even after Tonner Edward kills Ellowyne Two, she still continues to bother him. Cleo suspects that she has ambitions to be Tonner Edward's murder victim as well.
• Skewed Priorities: Is more excited about getting to wear a new black outfit than the death of her sisterself, Ellowyne Two. After it is discovered that Ellowyne Two has become a ghost with her own ghostly outfit, she begs Tonner Edward to murder her.

Ellowyne Two

• Cute Ghost Girl
• The "Fun" in "Funeral"
• One-Steve Limit: Called Wynnie by Ellowyne One, aka Ellie.
• Too Dumb to Live: She continues to hang around Tonner Edward, no matter how much he insists that it's dangerous to do so. This leads to him killing her, with the Littlest Bella herself commenting on how stupid it was to follow a vampire alone into the attic.

Eowyn

• Action Girl: Much like her canon self.
• Badass Boast: While fighting Ellowyne
  "YOU THINK YOU'RE WOMAN ENOUGH TO TAKE THIS ON? BECAUSE I TOOK DOWN THE WITCH-KING OF FUCKIN' ANGMAR AND BITCH I'LL FUCKIN' TAKE YOUR CANDY ASS ANY DAY THAT ENDS IN Y."
• Hands-On Approach: She bonds with Faramir One by having him give her tips on archery.
• Official Couple: With Faramir One

Faramir One

• Official Couple: With Eowyn.

Faramir Two

• Incompatible Orientation: The poor guy falls in love with Fugagorn (Happily Married to White Arwen) and then ends up being the guy Serafina wants to take as a lover.

Fugagorn the Fug of Men

• Butt-Monkey
• Happily Married: To White Arewn
• Mars Needs Women: Gender-flipped version. The poor guy started off as the only male doll on a shelf full of lusty women dolls. When he hears them begging Cleo to buy an Edward doll, he suggests she buy an Edward for each of them so they'll leave him alone.
• Official Couple: White Arwen.
• Parody Name: Fugagorn, because he's a "fugly" Aragorn doll bought on sale.

Galadriel

• Mama Bear: She does not take kindly to hearing that The Littlest Edward tried to eat Iorek. Her icon even turns into a screenshot of her from the movie, when she refuses the One Ring.
• Team Mom: Unofficially the one who welcomes new dolls and is the one most likely to mediate and break up fights.

Helm's Deep Aragorn

Legolas

• New-Age Retro Hippie: Seems to be the case, given the way he talks and his love of pipeweed.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Completely fails to realize that Faramir II wants Serafina to take as long as possible making her bow because when she's done, she'll insist on him being her lover. Thus, Legolas sets about helping her make the bow as quickly as possible.
• Speaks Fluent Animal: He's the only one of the Shelvians who can speak squirrel. He also claims he can speak chipmunk, rabbit, raccoon, groundhog, gopher, and woodchuck.

The Littlest Bella

• Adaptational Intelligence: In the books, Bella finds Edward's stalker-ish tendencies to be charming. Here, she's completely freaked out by Tonner Edward. It's played with for The Littlest Edward, who she throws herself enthusiastically at when she learns he's a vampire, but he's far less threatening than Tonner Edward is.
• Bratty Teenage Daughter
• Clingy Jealous Girl: Especially when Tonner Bella arrives.
• Does This Remind You of Anything?: One of the things that creeps The Littlest Bella out most about Tonner Edward hitting on her is that he's a lot bigger than she is. She then says she half-expected him to offer her candy to lure her into a van.
• Feminine Women Can Cook: Most of her contributions involve baking for the others. Rather humorously, this happens because without an Edward doll for her to obsess over, Cleo can't think of any other activities or interests Bella showed in her book and needed something for her to do.
• Flat "What": When Edward admits his love to her.
• Official Couple: With The Littlest Edward
• Nightmare Fetishist: Has zero interest in The Littlest Edward until he tells her he's a vampire. Then, she's all over him.
• Too Dumb to Live: Subverted. She's one of the few women on the shelf who's off-put by both Edwards, thinking The Little Edward is strange and Tonner Edward is downright creepy.

The Littlest Edward

• Room Full of Crazy: Lampshaded by Cleo, when she sees that Edward all but wallpapered his room with paintings he made of The Littlest Bella.
• Decomposite Character: With Tonner Edward. He has canon Edward's more neurotic prissy traits.
• Friend to All Living Things: Besides caring for Cleo's My Little Ponies, he wins the affection of a Webkinz lamb named Clarice. He's a far cry from that time he gnawed of a polar bear.
• Official Couple: With The Littlest Bella.
• Real Men Wear Pink: Or tend to pastel-colored ponies, in any case.
• Stalker with a Crush: Towards The Littlest Bella when she shows up.

Lyra Silvertongue and Pan

• Little Miss Badass: Threw pebbles at a squirrel after it stole her lunch.

Purple Arwen

• All Women Are Lustful: She is very pleased at the arrival of Helm's Deep Aragorn, since she'd had to share Fugagorn with White Arwen before his arrival.
• Feminine Women Can Cook: She's one of the chief suppliers of pie amongst the Shelvians. She also packs lunches for everyone.

Serafina Pekkala and Kaisa

• Incompatible Orientation: When she arrives, she decides that for a lover she wants... Faramir Two.
• Parental Substitute: Acts as Lyra's mom most of the time.

Tonner Bella

• Feminine Women Can Cook: Downplayed. Cleo asks if she's into cooking like The Littlest Bella is, but while she had cooked for her dad, she doesn't consider it something that's big for her.
• Friend to All Living Things: She's very fond of animals.
• Nice Girl: Kind of awkward but very outgoing and friendly with the other dolls.

Tonner Edward

• And I Must Scream: Part of his punishment for killing Ellowyne Two is that he must be shut up in his box for a period of time. The dolls all find the idea of this to be horrific (Cleo suspects it's like being put in a coffin for them), especially since Tonner Edward doesn't sleep.
• Creepy Doll: He has the canon character's more dangerous qualities and is much more frightening than The Littlest Edward. Cleo decides not to joke that he can eat the cat if he can catch it, because she suspects he really would. And then, he kills Ellowyne Two.
• Decomposite Character: With The Littlest Edward. He has canon Edward's genuinely frightening traits, particularly actually being dangerous.
• Stalker with a Crush: Towards The Littlest Bella.

White Arwen

• CloudCuckoolander
• Textile Work Is Feminine: One of her ongoing projects is making a banner for Aragorn.

Side Characters

Clarice

• Punny Name / Shout-Out: A Webkinz lamb named Clarice. Also adores Little Edward, à la ''and the lion fell in love with the lamb.''
  • Much speculation has been made about the mysterious present Clarice is getting for Christmas, including the theory that it will be a lion named Hannibal — which would double as Hilarious in Hindsight after Cleo's recaps of Hannibal.
• Yandere: Worse than Bella.

Dot and Dash

Iorek

Cleolinda's polar bear Webkinz, given to Lyra as a playmate.

• Annoying Arrows: Gets hit by a stray arrow when Eowyn's practicing her archery and doesn't seem too hurt (besides his dignity).
• No Indoor Voice: Amusingly, despite having everything he says be in all caps, he also has his dialogue in a tinier font shared by the smaller dolls.

My Little Ponies

• Ridiculously Cute Critters

Antagonists

The Squirrels

• Big Bad: The closest the series has to one, in any case. They basically declared war on the Shelvians after one stole Lyra's lunch, she threw pebbles at it, and one of the Middle Earthers had to shoot its tail to save her.
• In-Series Nickname: Cleo refers to the squirrel that started everything as "Squirrley Mc Arrowtail".