Sam Haversford
"No one seemed concerned that I was plotting their deaths out loud."
- The Ace: Possibly the most powerful wizard in history.
- Action Hero: Gets into plenty of scuffles.
- A Friend in Need: Helps Ryan save Justin even though he has no reason to want to. Well, except for the fact that he's an...
- All-Loving Hero: Except you, Tina.
- Arch-Enemy: Seriously, Tina, fuck you.
- Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Considers this his relationship with Justin in the epilogue.
- Badass Angster: In the beginning over his feelings for Ryan. Later becomes Heartbroken Badass.
- Badass in Distress: When Kevin has him prisoner.
- Badass Unintentional: In his backstory.
- Badass Boast: He tries so hard.
- Beware the Nice Ones: He's a sweetheart. He will also kick you ass if he has to.
- Beware the Silly Ones: See above.
- Bodyguarding a Badass: Gets this with both Justin and Ryan. The latter crosses into
- Break the Cutie: Nearly happens to him towards the end.
- Broken Ace: Underneath his peppy exterior, Sam is incredibly conflicted about being unable to control his powers or protect anyone.
- Cannot Spit It Out: To Ryan, although it's more along the lines of "will not spit it out" due to Ryan's engagement.
- Can't Hold His Liquor: Introducing the great Wizard Spaghetti Face.
- Celibate Hero: He's waiting for the right guy. Loses this at the end with Ryan.
- Court Mage: In training to become this once Justin is king.
- Curbstomp Battle: Please refer to the badass listings.
- Despair Speech: Gives one to Ryan when he finally confesses his feelings, then refuses to prevent Ryan from fulfilling his oath to Justin or become Ryan's mistress.
- Distracted by the Sexy: Happens once when he accidentally sees Ryan bathing.
- Ditzy Genius: Very powerful. Very easily distracted.
- Doom Magnet: Cannot leave the castle without getting attacked by something or other.
- Dragon Rider: Averted; it's racist.
- The Force Is Strong with This One: Obviously.
- Good Is Not Soft: Do not fuck with his friends.
- Heroic Self-Deprecation
- Humble Hero: For being as powerful as he is. Lampshades this in his conversation with Mama.
- I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: To Ryan.
- Interspecies Friendship: With Gary and Tiggy.
- Language of Magic: Has varying levels of success with this.
- Love at First Sight: To Ryan. Well, kind of.
- Love Martyr: Oh sweetie.
- Made of Magic: Maybe.
- Magnetic Hero: Much to Justin's dismay.
- Motor Mouth: So much. In fact, many would argue that his nonsensical rambling is his first line of defense in adventuring, not his magic.
- No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Helps his true love, Ryan, rescue his fiance Justin, then has to watch them prepare for/ have their wedding. Well, almost.
- "No. Just… No" Reaction: To a few of Randall's stories and to Gary and Kevin going into the forest to get berries. Loudly.
- Not What It Looks Like: When he accidentally kind of gives Todd (with the ears) a handjob in public.
- Oblivious to Love: From guess who.
- Odd Friendship: Basically all of them.
Ryan Foxheart/Nox
"I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you."
- Deadpan Snarker: Well, what else would you expect from the God of Sass?
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Sam often has to remind Ryan that as a knight, he's supposed to be a role model to children everywhere, so he often changes his swearing to a version of this. Perhaps his most used phrase is "Holy Mothercracker!"
- Hidden Depths: At first he comes off as a flawless blonde-haired dreamboat stud, but his goofy, dorky side becomes evident quickly as Sam and the readers get to know him better.
- Fetish: Magic. Specifically when Sam does magic.
- Knightin Shining Armor: Plays this role to the hilt, and Sam loves him for it.
Gary
"Unicorns are fickle creatures. I don’t need a reason to change my mind. It’s been done and you should just accept it and be thankful I no longer plot to murder you in your sleep."
- All Gays are Promiscuous: The main offender.
- Beta Couple: With Kevin,
Tiggy
"If he hurt you, I smash him."
- Gentle Giant: By far the sweetest of his friends.
- Hulk Speak: Generally uses very simple sentence structure. It does make the occasional sassy zing from him all the more surprising though.
- The Big Guy: Comes with being a half giant.
Morgan of Shadows
"Don't steal from old ladies who make ugly mittens and pants for the obese and I might consider not exploding your nipples."
- Intergenerational Friendship: With Sam. Crosses into Like a Son to Me. Sam at one point calls Morgan his "BrotherUncleFather", which Morgan accepts even if he is a little confused by the term.
- Mentor Occupational Hazard: Only it's less mortal peril and more having to put up with Sam's antics,
Prince Justin
"At least this day didn't end in a total crapshoot. Killing something will probably make me feel better."
- Always Someone Better: Resents Sam for effortlessly gaining people's affection without working for it. See "Well Done,Son!" Guy.
- Defrosting Ice Queen: Possibly in the epilogue.
- "Well Done, Son" Guy: The main reason for his hatred of Sam is that he feels his father cares more about Sam than him.
The King
"I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you."
Kevin
"No baby. Sam and his cock lips mean nothing to me."
- Beta Couple: With Gary.
- Heel–Face Turn: Eh, close enough.
- Large Ham: Kevin is usually in one of two modes most of the time. He's either talking about how great he is...
- Lovable Sex Maniac: ...or he's hitting on some other male member of the cast. Humans, unicorns, fairies. He's not picky, and he's apparently always horny. Very often nonsensically.
- Parental Substitute: A really weird and random example. He considers himself to be this to Sam, who wholeheartedly disagrees. He even goes so far as to play catch with him and ask him about his grades and school projects both he and Sam knows Sam isn't doing and will never do.
- Pervert Dad: See above. Even after he decides he is a step-father to Sam, he still constantly hits on him in nearly every scene they share. It gets very confusing.
