The newest season of The Bachelor sure looks strange...note
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The Host
Bean Bag
Our lovely host and eligible bachelor
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Male
A bean bag chair whose main motivation of acquiring a girlfriend (or Boyfriend) drove him to host The Almost Valentinesly Object Show in the first place. Despite being this desperate, he still got standards for what he wants in a partner.- Alliterative Name: His first and last name begins with "B".
- Ambiguously Bi: While he started the competition for the sole purpose of finding a girlfriend, Bean Bag allowed and had personally asked three guys and an enby to join since he's not that picky. Still, his preference skews toward the girls but judges them equally as the rest of the genders.
- Character Tic: Always seen sitting down since he's too fat to even stand up.
- Game Show Host: Became one of the dating show variant in the pursuit of finding love. The winner of the show gets to be his girlfriend/boyfriend/partner (Given he didn't purely seek after girls).
- Kavorka Man: He's the stereotypical fat, slightly rude character in Object Shows yet somehow manages to get 8 complete strangers (Four females, three males and a non-binary) to compete for his love with most of them being completely sincere about it. The first episode's thumbnail has Box of Chocolates, Valentine's Card and (uncharacteristically) Flower Bouquet fonding over him.
The Contestants
Actual Real Heart
Beat still my heart.
Placement: TBA
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Male
An anatomically correct, beating human heart.- Homemade Sweater from Hell: His tacky sweater reading "Actual Real Heart X Bean Bag" made Bean Bag certainly thinks so since he immediately put Actual Real Heart up for elimination.
- Repetitive Name: "Actual" and "Real" mean the same thing so he might as well be called "Real Realnote Heart".
Box of Chocolates
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. So choose me or else!
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Female
A heart-shaped box of chocolates who is the most determined in winning Bean Bag's love. You know what that means...- Ambiguous Situation: In the very first episode, Bean Bag disqualifies her for being "too scary" but didn't clarify whether it's for the challenge or the entire show as she wasn't put up for voting. The viewers would have to wait around a year for an answer when the next episode comes out.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: She seemed fairly normal in her introduction but had proven otherwise in all the wrong ways.
- Wicked Heart Symbol: She's in the shape of a heart and the most unstable of the potential suitors.
- Yandere: Box of Chocolates unhealthily expresses her love for Bean Bag through her overly-possessive nature, calling him "My Love" whilst shoving food down his throat. Understandably, Bean Bag disqualifies her and gets dragged away kicking and screaming from the game.
Cheap Chardonnay
Placement: TBA
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Female
A bottle of cheap chardonnay wine. Always seen drunk and constantly burping from all that booze.- Alliterative Name: Two "C"s in Cheap Chardonnay
- Anthropomorphic Vice: She's a living white wine bottle who downs alcohol like it's water.
- Lady Drunk: Perpetually drunk, burps a lot and offered Bean Bag a drink as a gift which he declines.
- Gasshole: Her first and only line so far was to let out a huge belch.
Divorce Papers
"I miss my wife..."
Placement: TBA
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Male
A depressive pile of divorce papers absolutely wrecked and devastated over his wife, Marriage Papers, leaving him.- Ambiguously Bi: His willingness to be Bean Bag's boyfriend is questionable since he made it clear how much he misses his wife. It's implied he joined the competition On the Rebound to try (and fail) to get over her.
Flower Bouquet
Here's some flowers or whatever.
Placement: TBA
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Female
A bouquet of flowers.- Flat "What": Her reaction when Bean Bag exclaims her gift of the dancing character in her head is "[their] first child".
Love Lock
The love we share is under lock and key.
Placement: TBA
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Non-Binary
A heart-shaped lock who is very chill and nonchalant.- Alliterative Name: Love Lock.
- Non-Human Non-Binary: They are a sentient lock who identifies as such.
- Token Minority: They are the only non-binary person competing in Bean Bag's competition.
Restraining Order
Long distance or not, you will always be close to me.
Placement: TBA
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Male
A restraining order. He's a nice guy and all but is extremely distanced in a very literal sense.- Hollywood Restraining Order: For some reason, he can't get close to the rest of the cast and is always very far away in the background on account of being a restraining order. This hinders his efforts in challenges since Bean Bag cannot see or hear him well from where he's sitting.
Valentine's Card
You have such a way with words.
Placement: TBA
Voiced by: YearsAnimations
Gender: Female
A valentine's day card with a heart. She's fittingly the romantic type, using words to sway Bean bag, though she can be quite jealous of others.- Clingy Jealous Girl: Not to the same extent as Box of Chocolates, she can barely hold her disdain for those whose efforts are noticed by Bean Bag over hers through gritted teeth.
