The CEO
The
Villain Protagonist of the game and CEO of Feeble Multinational. When he finds his business going under, he is forced to go out of retirement and save his business by taking over all of Hawaii.
Scooter
The CEO's son, a punk who ends up entering a gang because "it looked cool".
- Atrocious Alias: Scooter prefers to be called DJ Jockitch.
- Manchild: He's in his thirties, but dresses and acts like a teenage punk, and still lives in his dad's house.
- Oh, Crap!: While getting burgers in a van owned by the gang's boss with an associate, they leave the keys in the car, allowing another man to steal it, causing the two to flee the scene.
- Verbal Tic: "Pfft."
Al
A "consultant" hired by The CEO to handle his "foreign affairs" (read: he's a merc hired to take out cartel members and take back the Feeble-owned farmlands they've claimed).
- Badass in Distress: He gets arrested by the cartel police and put in jail after one level. He still manages to overpower the guards while tied up and escape.
- Bag of Spilling: He will collect many weapons during his missions, but will start them with just one or two firearms. This trope is justified when he gets arrested, naturally.
- Hawaiian-Shirted Tourist: Is the most Hawaiian themed of the trio and operates mostly outside of Hawaii.
- Hired Gun: Well, duh.
- Manly Facial Hair: That handlebar mustache is well earned for someone who takes on armed cartels all by himself.
- One-Man Army: Just one man manages to constantly wipe out hordes of heavily armed cartel members.
Featherbottom
A rival CEO who wants to buy out Feeble Multinational. He owns a telecom company and several resorts.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: Even worse one and possibly the one that inspires the protagonist CEO to surpass him.
- Cruel Mercy: He survives being fed a ridiculously hot pepper, but he's confined to a hospital with a burnt tongue and bandages around his mouth, so he obviously can't speak at the time he supposed to be buying out the CEO's company.
- Given Name Reveal: After a plan to stop him from buying out Feeble succeeds and gets him injured, his first name is revealed to be Wilmington via a news report.
- The Rival: The biggest threat to The CEO’s power initially. Tad’s gang and the cartel don’t fully become threats until later.
- Smug Snake: He always acts cartoonishly smug towards the CEO, complete with mocking laugher.
Tad
The leader of a local gang of hoodlums. Scooter tries to join but soon runs afoul of his temper.
- Big Bad Wannabe: His local gang... versus The CEO's and Featherbottom's empires, and the Cartel's forces. It's even made clear that The CEO can eliminate him at will, but wants to exploit his presence in his area's economy first.
- Villain: Exit, Stage Left: The last we see of him is fleeing in a car before Al can properly kill him. Of course, his gang has been entirely wiped out, so he likely won’t pose a threat to anyone anymore.
The Cartel
A cartel which has taken over many properties around Hawaii. They are frequently the target of Al, who is sent by The CEO to seize their assets.
- Elite Mook: They become increasingly challenging in the course of the game. The more challenging mooks will use knockback-inducing assault rifles, explosives and ultimately armed vans during the invasion.
- Immune to Bullets: Some will use metal helmets what makes them immune to bullets, forcing you to use explosives, fire, or your fists if you don't have them.
- Outside-Context Villain: While the premise of the game is relatively down to earth with satires toward modern capitalism, The Cartel, who outright invades Hawaii and having multiple elaborate bases, belongs more to an action movie/game than the real world.
- Knight of Cerebus: They’re much more seriously in their plans than the other two villainous factions. This is best exemplified by their final missions, where they outright invade Hawaii to get back at The CEO, which ultimately leads to Al invading their headquarters and killing their Leader.
- N.G.O. Superpower: A gang with enough manpower and resources to control South America and, even after their Al-induced losses, invade Hawaii.
