Webcomics / Bread Eggs Breaded Eggs

.Memoria, here: diamonds and strippers and diamond strippers and stripper diamonds.
8-Bit Theater: Multiple:
- Red Mage is freaking out about the security of their barracks; that is, their tents.
  Red Mage: We're defenseless! We could be wiped out by a horde of orcs or a legion of undead! Or, terror of terrors, a legion of hordes of undead orcs!
- He has another such line in his dream sequence at Corneria Inn:
  There are gods, little one. Some are worshipped. Some are feared. Some are worshipped out of fear.
- In another, the Light Warriors are discussing how their situation could be worse.
  Fighter: We could be on fire.
  Black Mage: On fire...
  Thief: Or drowning.
  Fighter: Or drowning in fire.
In Academia, after Stephen tells his professor that his roommate owns a pet octopus.
Prof. Sun: Kids today with their rap music and their iPods and their cephalopods and their... cephaloiPods...
Bonnie of Allen the Alien says she's "unironic, vain, unironivain, vainunironic".
In Ansem Retort, when Sora and Riku debate what to do with Sora's new Reality Warper powers. Sora wants tacos. Riku wants strippers. They compromise: Taco strippers.
Riku: Well, that was sexy AND delicious!
Fletcher of Antics is not afraid of lions, or sharks, or guns, or lions with guns that shoot sharks out of them.
An Arthur, King of Time and Space strip where Merlin is outlining his radical politics: "Everyone deserves self-determination. Even the commons. Even women. Even common women!"
When the doctors discuss how to treat Fern's son in Awful Hospital, Dr. Dementist comes up with this brilliant idea.
Dementist: WHATEVER, GUYS. Just fill its holes in. Or drill it some holes. Drill it some holes and fill them in. It'll be fine.
Axe Cop: At the end of "The Songster", Flute Cop sees the Songster singing in a cheap commercial and muses that he's kind of glad that Axe Cop didn't chop off the Songster's head, because he sold out and that's worse than dying. Axe Cop lifts up the Songster's severed head and explains that he chopped his head off after he sold out.
Basic Instructions:
- On how to eliminate clutter:
  Missy: It's like living in a thrift store.
  Scott: Yeah, or a Russian sub.
  Missy: NO, wait! It's like a thrift store built in a Russian sub!
- As well as the advice on how to balance good and evil — do good, but in the most evil way possible.
  Good Angel: You should give that kid some candy.
  Bad Angel: Yes! Throw the candy at his head!
Blank It: "We'll be the rulers! The kings! The rulers of kings!"
Brawl in the Family: Oh no, Fake Kraid! Oh no, Real Kraid! Oh no, Real Fake Kraid!
Ctrl+Alt+Del has Ethan debating on whether to drink beer or soda, and promptly invented Beersoda.
Darths & Droids
GM: Snoke's image fades away like a phantom, leaving an air of menace in the chamber.
Annie: Ooh, Snoke was a hologram?
Pete: Either that or an actual phantom.
Corey: Or a hologram of a phantom.
Jim: Of a clone of a hologram of a phantom!
Adolescent Matt, in a Dork Tower strip, to his future fairy: "Will my future be full of sex? And robots? And hot future sex robots?" Yes, in the form of sex spambots.
In Dragon Mango, when the The Professor visits an ancient library, one shelf has "Book of Evil", "Book of Magic", and "Book of Evil Magic".
In Dumbing of Age, Joyce was afraid to go to high school when she found out that the school newspaper was called the "Hi-Times", and she worried that reading it would turn her into a hippie or a drifter...or a "drippie", or a "hifter"...
El Goonish Shive:
- Elliot tries to warn a movie rental customer that the movie he wants to rent is really bad, but the customer dismisses his advice completely and rents it anyway.
  Elliot: He's doomed.
  Susan: He's an ass.
  Elliot: He's a doomed ass.
- In a short Fallout parody story, the Writer's Block's robot butler tries to talk him out of specializing in unarmed combat.
  Clodsworth: FISTCUFFS?! Are you sure? You do realize that there are guns, mutants, and mutants with guns out there, don't you?
Girl Genius:
- "What now?! More Jaegers? Orphans? Jaeger orphans?"
- The Fashion Clank describing his vision for Jaeger costuming:
  Fashion Clank: I see armor! Spikes! Spiked armor! Spikes on armor on spikes!
  And skulls everywhere! Yes! Skulls on spikes! Spikes on skulls — on spikes!
- Franz and Vipsania are going to loot a dead dragon's hoard, which includes his collection of rare books:
  Franz: "So, partner, what do you want to do first? Catalog books, or count gold?"
  Vipsania: "There's a bunch of books bound in gold..."
Hiimdaisy: "Knife. Gun. KNIFEGUN.◊"
Homestuck:
- Jake likes movies, skulls, and movies with skulls in them.
- One fan roleplay resulted in a Dave roleplayer trolling an obnoxious fan-character, culminating in "what if im gay/what if im into sheep/what if im into gay sheep".
Ménage à 3 has some confusion over whether Kiley is Matt's "therapist" or "fuckbuddy".
Matt: My fuckapist!
Kiley: "Therabuddy" sounds a little less unprofessional...
In Monster of the Week Mulder and Scully's argument on what this week's monster is ends like that.
Scully: Mutants!
Mulder: Aliens!
Both: Mutant aliens!
Narbonic: When Helen's considering the best way to destroy everyone at her high school reunion...
Helen: The only question is the method. Poison? Explosives? Acid?
Dave: Poisonous exploding acid.
Helen: Of course!
In Oglaf, the Palace of a Thousand Pleasures is shamelessly padding its score by combining its two pleasures into "sex then chocolate", "chocolate then sex", "sex sex chocolate sex chocolate" etc. Also one of those pleasures is a bit dubious because...
Traveller: What's the chocolate like?
Greeter: Awful. People keep fucking it.
The Order of the Stick:
- In strip #125 Belkar lists several halfling games: "Throw the Rock, Throw the Stick, Throw the Rock and then the Stick Shortly Thereafter..."
- This exchange between Roy and the polearm shopkeeper in strip 136. The shopkeeper answers "No" to the first 5 and closes with "I think you're drifting into another sketch, sir" — the strip's title acknowledges the whole thing as a Monty Python shout-out.^note
  Roy: Glaive? Guisarme? Glaive-Guisarme? Guisarme-Glaive? Glaive-Guisarme-Glaive? Glaive-Glaive-Glaive-Guisarme-Glaive?
- When Elan meets Malack the first time, he thinks he is dead and Malack is The Grim Reaper:
  Elan: AHHH! It's the grim reaper! The lizard grim reaper! The lizgreaper!!
- Tarquin tells Elan that he will hold a festival:
  Elan: With clowns?
  Tarquin: And jugglers!
  Elan: And clown-jugglers, who juggle tiny clowns?
  Tarquin: Of course!
- Warning: link leads to spoilery strip.
  Roy: I'm sure [your dream] involved a lot of stabbing, and whores, and whores stabbing whores who stab whores.
- After Belkar's pet Allosaurus is hit by a Baleful Polymorph spell that turns it into a common lizard, he refers to it as "The dinosaur! The lizard! The lizard that used to be a dinosaur!"
- When Roy says most of the things Elan says pass straight through his head, Elan illustrates the point with "Like a ghost! Or a phase spider! Or the ghost of a phase spider!"
- At one point, Thor is listing ideas they had for previous worlds before the current one. One was a gritty cyberpunk world, another was a world of talking animals and then there was the the world of gritty cyberpunk talking animals.
  Thor: Your time was too short, Laser-Snail.
Penny Arcade:
- This strip:
  Tycho: No, seriously... What are you doing in there?
  Hobo: Touching myself. Touching the rats. Touching myself with the rats.
- Also seen in this one. Tycho didn't plan for a witch with a dog.
- Things Scott Kurtz doesn't want to see in their guest comics for PvP. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't feel the need to be that specific."
Questionable Content:
- Faye's list of bad reasons to love someone.
  Faye: If you loved them because you were both racist in the same way. Or because of all their murders. Or because you were in their cult. Their racist murdercult.
- Melon's Literal-Minded response to Roko's "Christ, don't scare me like that."
  Melon: How would you like to be scared? I could talk about the overwhelming vastness of the universe and our insignificance to it, or do a spooky voice, or talk about the overwhelming vastness of the universe in a spooky voice...
In Rusty and Co., Plaidbeard complains of his opponents:
Plaidbeard: ...razzafrazzin' heroes...
...razzafrazzin' mimics...
...razzafrazzin' mimic heroes...
The sequence "Robots? Clones? Robot clones?" has come up multiple times in Sam & Fuzzy.
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal: A woman is lying on a bed, caught under a bathtub that fell from the floor above. A man is saying something.
Best case scenario for what he's saying: "The paramedics are on their way!"
Worst case scenario: "It's okay. I'm still turned on."
Bonus punchline, very best scenario: "The paramedics are here, and we're all turned on."
In Scary Go Round, after the mayor has learned that Tackleford is going to be visited by brutal communist robots:
Shelly: You don't look very happy, Mr. Mayor.
Mayor: That's because when I close my eyes, all I can see is flame. And skeletons. And skeletons on fire.
In this Scenes From A Multiverse, when discussing the perks of interdimensional rock stardom:
Interviewer: You had it all! Money! Groupies! Moupies!
Something*Positive: "What should we do first? Strip club? M.M.A.? The zoo? Stripper M.M.A. cage matches at the zoo?"
The Garfield parody Square Root of Minus Garfield does it as well in #1452 "Names".
Jon: [reading from book] Jon Arbuckle: idiot, moron, idiotic moron, dork. @#$%?!
Times Like This: "What would you like... Pizza? Barbeque? Chicken? Barbeque Chicken Pizza?"
Toothpaste For Dinner: Someone thinks they have a computer virus. Their search history contains "clown butt", "clown butthole", "mime starfish", and "clown mime butt".
In The Trenches, when Isaac saws through the lunch room floor, Cora tells him he could cut into "wires, pipes, [or] conduits, which are basically wire pipes".
Tweep: "There are no cannibals or psychos or psycho cannibals in town."
A lovely little instance in Unsounded:
Murkoph: I g-gotta check out... and do ch-charitable philanthropic works, y'know. Soup kitchens, o-orphans, orphan soup...
Wondermark:
- It gives us this:
  "I'm defending my thesis tomorrow. I have to prepare."
  "Defending it from whom? Communists? Bears? Communist bears? Ninjas? Ninjas on unicycles?"
- ... and also this:
  Imagine watching the world's finest talents at inventing a game. That's an Olympics I'd like to see. Nation against nation. Athletes, nerds, and nerd-athletes alike take the field to create something marvelous.
xkcd:
- This xkcd strip. "Bees!" "Tires." "Bees with tires!" "Whatever."
- This one has several, usually on the "high risk" end of the axes for both COVID-19 and general situations.
  - Setting off fireworks in your car, stealing a stranger's car, setting off fireworks in a stranger's car.
  - Doing skateboard tricks, going to a bar, doing skateboard tricks in a bar.
  - Getting a dental cleaning, going on a Tinder date, getting a dental cleaning from a Tinder date.
- Age Milestone Privileges features a few on the higher end of the chart. Apparently, when you reach 125, you are entitled to drink alcohol in an R-rated movie while getting a shingles vaccine from the President.
- Wikipedia Article Titles is a ranking of Wikipedia titles by how quickly Randall is likely to click on them, with the highest rank being awarded to the non-existent Meryl Streep Seagull Incident (Disambiguation).
When Allie from Hyperbole and a Half proves that her boyfriend is either a serial killer or an alien:
Yesterday, you bought me Haagen Dazs milk chocolate ice cream bars for no reason. I interpreted this to mean either a) you are fattening me up so that you can kill me and eat me or b) you are covering something up. You are probably covering up the fact that you are trying to fatten me up to kill me and eat me.

Bread Eggs Breaded Eggs / Webcomics

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