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  • The end of album one.
  • The religious convention.
  • When he throws his wife's head into the river.
  • One percent.
  • Royce. He even leaves Spider speechless.
    "Let me tell you how it is. You gather the evidence and write stories. That's what you do. That's your job. I'm an editor. That means I do everything else. I get you paid. I move your work to all the places it needs to be. I used to pay your rent. I deal with the complaints and the edicts from above and keep you mollified and all the other bullshit. I get the work out of you and I wipe your ass and keep your nose clean. You write the stories and I do every other damn thing there is to do. And you know why? It's because you only know how to write, and I've had to learn to do everything else."
    • Bit of elaboration: Near the end of the series, the archives of The Word are destroyed by a (government-arranged) superstorm, and Spider's sources are all dead, leaving him with no evidence of the Smiler's corruption. Until Royce reveals he kept a private back-up of almost all of Spider's evidence, and tears through the City to rebuild what he didn't manage to save. When he gives this to Spider, not only is Spider speechless, Royce laughs in his face.
    Royce: First, I want to walk into a bar and drink it. And then I’m going to start a fight with five men — and win. And then I am going to make use of a truly staggering number of prostitutes - some of whom I may have once been married to. Following which, I will buy drugs. I will, in fact, show them a large pillowcase and instruct them to fill it with drugs... And I’m putting it all on the goddamn expense account.
  • Spider Jerusalem's biggest probably comes near the end, when he has his showdown with the psychotic President of the United States. The Secret Service abandons Callahan when they hear he plans to plant a gun on Spider and have the agents shoot him. Spider manages to use his illness to get Callahan to confess all his crimes, and then notes that "The Smiler" has gotten sloppy.
    Spider: The very first trick I ever pulled on you, Callahan. Remember? I'm soaked in Source Gas. Which is feeding directly to the news crews outside.
  • Detective Newton arresting The Smiler.
  • "Do you know what this is? It's a bowel disruptor. And you're just full of shit."
  • "Do not offend The Chair Leg of Truth. It is both wise and terrible."
  • The entire Media of The City gets one during the final arc when they decide to grow a spine and broadcast footage from Washington during Martial Law. This moment is particularly awesome:
    Newsreader: Citywide, News on The Hour. First, we have something to show you. Bring the camera around Bob...
    [Camera pans around to a pair of troops occupying the studio. They clearly don't want to be filmed]
    Newsreader: These people are here to stop us telling you useful things. All news services in The City are currently occupied by troops from the martial law detachment. And now footage of them killing unarmed students.
  • Spider Jerusalem learning he has about a year until his brain completely degenerates. He takes a minute to feel overwhelmed by the news, then pulls himself together and, with his characteristic grin, promises to get the job done in that time.
    So we've got a deadline. We can do deadlines.
  • Oscar Rossini, Yelena's dad, staying behind to cover Spider and co.'s escape from his mansion when the soldiers arrive. More specifically, his little speech when he steps out the front door to be arrested (all said while staring down the barrel of a big damn gun).
    Hello. I am Oscar Rossini, noted city philanthropist, a supporter of the party in government, active on a dozen political committees and a substantial donor of financial gifts. I have no criminal record, several awards, three of which were given to me by presidents, and a medal. I am also, finally, a television star. I'd like it if you could arrest me now. Because it will ensure that in a week's time you will be in a most unpleasant prison with the mutant erection of a career dog rapist deep in your colon.
  • Fred's Heroic Sacrifice. He may be an Attention Whore but even after being made aware that he wouldn't become famous for it, he still took Spider's side in the end.
  • Even Spider's mafia-made maker gets one at the end of Gouge Away. While Spider & The Filthy Assistants are going into hiding, the Godti Maker is left behind, hopped up on "baaaad mecha drugs" with a revenge mechanism it programmed into itself. When the police show up to enforce Spider's "hostile eviction" the maker gives every one of them an incurable Martian venereal disease that causes singing maggots to grow from their ass, chest, and face. "Nobody fucks with The Truth."
    • The best part: It's from a part of town that the police are explicitly forbidden to enter. Even if they get around the disease, their careers are over.
  • Spider's speech on the journalism of attachment from "Monstering:"
    Monstering is, ultimately, about giving a shit. It's about giving something back to these bastards, these people whom we somehow let run our goddamn lives for us. Giving them a taste of what it means to be us. Every law that curbs my basic human freedoms; every lie about the things I care for; every crime committed against me by their politics - that's what makes me get up and hound these fuckers, and I'll do that until the day I die, or until my brain dries up or something. That's what we achieve. We show them they're accountable. We show them that just as they try to herd us back into cages of mediocrity, we can chase them back to fucking hell with the truth. It's the journalism of attachment. It's caring about the world you report on. Some people say that's bad journalism, that there should be a detached, cold, unbiased view of the world in our news media. And if that's what you want, there are security cameras everywhere that you could watch tapes of. I want to see humans talking about human life personally. I want to see people who give a shit about the world. I want... I want to see possessed journalists! Yes! I want to see people like me, rising up with hate, laying about them with fiery eyes and steaming genitalia- possessed by ancient volcano gods from the Polynesian Islands, waving vast breasts and improbably penises at the secret chiefs of the world [...] naked glowing god-journalists brown-trousering the naughty twenty-four hours a day, a new Planet Earth— WAITER! Fresh underwear, seven blankets, and a bucket of moist towelettes!
  • Spider's first column back in the city, which single-handedly shuts down the Transient Riot by exposing it for what it really is. And afterwards, when the riot police come by and beat the crap out of him to send a message? He just laughs in their faces.
    Spider: I'm here to stay! Shoot me and I'll spit your goddamn bullets back in your face! I'm Spider Jerusalem, and fuck all of you!

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