Connie: Ahem, wel-coin to Cryptoland!
Cryptoland
was a planned island resort (originally intended to be in Fiji) for Bitcoin and general cryptocurrency enthusiasts, billed by project founders Max Olivier and Helena Lopez as "the first physical crypto island". It was first publicly unveiled in November 2021, presented in a computer-animated short film exploring the founders' apparent vision for the island together with an additional mostly documentary presentation afterward. The full animation is 16 minutes long, but the version shown alongside the presentation was cut down to 10 minutes.
In the animated short film, a "crypto-degen" named Christopher travels to the island, meets his old friend Connie (an anthropomorphic crypto coin) who shows him around, and experiences Cryptoland through a rather trippy sequence of in-jokes, musical numbers, and surreal self-aggrandizement.
The official YouTube channel with the videos can be found here.
Tropes found in the presentation:
- A Lizard Named "Liz": A coin named Connie.
- Bizarre and Improbable Golf Game: In the Bitcoin Cash Super Golf area, Connie hits a golf ball really high into the air, then it bounces off the word "FAST" and a melex, making it fly for a while, and still manages to land in a hole.
- Build Like an Egyptian: The pyramid in which you gamble with pinball machines is modeled after the Egyptian pyramids. Adding to the theme is that it has a lot of sand around it and a statue of a man wearing stereotypical Egyptian clothes is in front of it.
- Call a Rabbit a "Smeerp": The talking seagulls are referred to as "hackers", presumably because they specifically try to steal people's crypto wallets.
- Disembodied Eyebrows: Connie has a detached pair of eyebrows levitating above his coin body.
- Disguised in Drag: Connie is seen inexplicably disguised as a flight stewardess when Christopher first lands, although Christopher recognizes him almost immediately.
- DreamWorks Face: Connie sometimes dons one, most infamously when Bianca reveals her name.
- Dropped-in Speech Clip: When Christopher is handed his keys, an audio clip of cryptocurrency advocate Andreas Antonopoulos saying "Your keys, your Bitcoin. Not your keys, not your bitcoin!" comes out of Connie's mouth.
- Feathered Fiend: The talking seagulls residing around the island, known as "hackers", are generally frowned upon for stealing people's cryptocurrency and NFTs. At one point, a seagull steals Bianca's hardware wallet.
- Fireworks of Love: At the end, as Christopher and Bianca share a ride into the sunset on a Cryptokitty float and hold each other, fireworks go off.
- GIS Syndrome: It has been discovered that most of the 3D assets used in the video were either purchased from sites like Turbosquid, or taken from elsewhere on the internet and used without permission or credit.
- "I Am Great!" Song: The musical number in the middle of the short, where Connie sings about how Cryptoland's facilities give people what it takes to be a crypto-investor, and Christopher (backed by an ensemble of other Cryptolanders) sings about how great life is in Cryptoland and how he never wants to leave.Christopher: Crypto is in my chromosooooome!
- Indecisive Parody: Despite Cryptoland being a seemingly genuine attempt at establishing a physical place for crypto investors, the animation satirizes the very thing it was meant to promote; from the constant over-the-top crypto in-jokes to repeated Hypocritical Humor like the actual pyramid dedicated to cryptocurrency scams and the name of Connie himself having a Double Entendre as a Punny Name on "con".
- Living Currency: Connie the crypto coin.
- Losing Horns: The losing horns from The Price Is Right plays when Cristopher tells Connie he needs to take security more seriously.
- Musicalis Interruptus: A bizarre instance occurs during the mid-short "I Am Great!" Song about Cryptoland; Connie abruptly interrupts his own slow, vaguely bluesy number with a much more bombastic and up-tempo song To the Tune of... "You're The One I Want" where Chris and the Cryptolander ensemble take the lead. The extended cut reveals that this is the product of an entire verse between the two being cut out for the presentation version.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Connie is heavily reminiscent of Robin Williams's performance as the Genie, or at least that was the apparent intention.
- Parodies for Dummies: One of the books Connie had to read to make Cryptoland is “SEC for Dummies”.
- The Password Is Always "Swordfish": Connie's password is "sexycryptoboy123", which he took from a bench on the island.
- Pooled Funds: The "De-Stress Room" is full of physical Bitcoins. Christopher takes the opportunity to swim in it.
- Proud to Be a Geek: Christopher, as he describes himself in the opening narration, is a "crypto-degen" with a "crush for cryptokitties"note According to him, whenever he goes out in public and buys something, he always asks if he can pay in cryptocurrency just so he can explain at length what is.
- Sentient Vehicle: Among the different species residing on Cryptoland are sentient Lamborghini convertibles who speak via mouths formed out of their front bumpers. The yellow one that shuttles Connie and Christopher around likes to yell “To the moon!”, much to Connie's annoyance.
- Spontaneous Choreography: A throng of Cryptolanders suddenly burst into choreographed song-and-dance on the beach with Connie and Christopher during the musical number.
- Tech Bro: Christopher generally acts like a cryptocurrency-obsessed fratboy from the moment he introduces himself to the audience.
- Toilet Humour: When Christopher asks Connie where he gets his ideas, Connie looks at a public restroom labeled "Shitcoin". The camera zooms in on a roll of US dollar bills labeled "Wipe paperrr" with an angry Wojak printed above.Connie: Iiii'm not gonna tell you where.
- Token Romance: The romance subplot with Chris and Bianca is completely unrelated to presentation's aim of showing off Cryptoland. Bianca herself exists solely to be Chris' "plus-one", appearing only to interact with him.
- To the Tune of...: The second half of the musical number uses the melody and instrumentation of "You're The One I Want" wholesale, only changing the lyrics. The outro after the break does the same with the final bars of "Prince Ali" from Aladdin.
