Line #18 Main/RidiculousCounterRequest


1	%%
2	%%
3	%% The examples have been alphabetized. Please put any new example in its proper place in the folder rather than at the end.
4	%%
5	%%
6	[[quoteright:271:[[Webcomic/SomethingPositive https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/untitled_0241.png]]]]
7	[[caption-width-right:271:A simple "no" would've sufficed.]]
8
9	If a DeadpanSnarker is asked to do something that they can't (or don't want to) make happen, they have many options for a response. They can give a BluntNo. They can [[HaHaHaNo laugh in their face first]]. They can give the SilentTreatment until the person asking them gets the hint and shuts up. Or, they can answer in kind with something they consider to be equally unlikely.
10
11	The Ridiculous Counter-Request is when someone responds to a demand by sarcastically stating an absurd or fantastical desire of their own, to illustrate how unlikely or futile they consider the demand to be. The original request can be literally impossible, incredibly unlikely, or just something the responder really, ''really'' doesn't want to do. The exchange often follows the following format:
12
13	->'''Alice:''' Bob, I'd like a raise.\
14	'''Bob:''' Yeah, and I'd like to win the lottery, but we can't get everything we wish for.
15
16	Common themes for the response include wishing to become wealthy or achieve some world-renowned feat. [[AllMenArePerverts Men in particular]] are likely to talk about fulfilling a sexual fantasy, usually involving a CelebrityCrush. Alternately, they can just ask for something blatantly impossible or paradoxical, or something they wanted in the past that they clearly never got (like a gift they wanted as a child or a TragicDream they never fulfilled). If the person they're talking to is particularly SarcasmBlind, they may have to follow it up by saying something to the effect of "LifeIsntFair" or "But you don't hear ''me'' whining about it."
17
18	Not to be confused with an ImpossibleTask, though an impossible task may be sarcastically suggested. If the sarcastic request actually ends up being fulfilled, see CueTheFlyingPigs.
19
20	Compare AndImTheQueenOfSheba, AskAStupidQuestion, and IsTheAnswerToThisQuestionYes
21
22	----
23	!!Examples:
24
25	[[foldercontrol]]
26
27	[[folder:Comic Books]]
28	* ''ComicBook/TrollsDeTroy'': While in a cell, the troll chieftain says he wants to speak to the warlord holding them prisoner. The guard answers, "And I want to frolic among the Darshanid shah's harem."
29	[[/folder]]
30
31	[[folder:Comic Strips]]
32	* ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes'': Susie Derkins does this while talking to herself after Calvin is mean to her. She wishes she had a hundred friends to play with so she wouldn't care what Calvin said to her. But in the last panel she sits down sadly and says "...And as long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony."
33	* ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'':
34	** [[https://www.gocomics.com/garfield/1999/08/18 One strip]] has Jon having this conversation with himself. He wishes Garfield wouldn't attack the mailman, and when Garfield does just that, Jon adds that he also wishes for a million dollars and a new car.
35	** [[https://www.gocomics.com/garfield/1999/10/27 Another strip]] has Jon feeling depressed and wanting Garfield to cheer him up.
36	--->'''Jon:''' I could use a hug!\
37	'''Garfield:''' I could use a Lamborghini, but you don't hear me whining.
38	[[/folder]]
39
40	[[folder:Fan Works]]
41	* ''Fanfic/ADarkerPath'': When Ravager contacts Atropos and tells her that she wants Mouse Protector dead, Atropos replies, "I want to see Creator/MorganFreeman narrate ''Film/ThePrincessBride''. We don't always get what we want."
42	[[/folder]]
43
44	[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
45	* ''Film/AustinPowersTheSpyWhoShaggedMe'': When [[PunnyName Ivana Humpalot]] says her name and Austin thinks she's making a request, he replies:
46	-->'''Austin:''' Yeah, and I want a toilet made out of solid gold. It's just not in the cards now, is it?
47	* ''Film/Deadpool2'': When the X-Force prepares to jump out of a helicopter, Peter has second thoughts.
48	-->'''Peter:''' I'd like to go home.\
49	'''Deadpool:''' And I'd like the [=McRib=] to be available year-round, but sometimes dreams don't come true!
50	* ''Film/DeathRace'': While Jensen Ames is learning about the rules and competitors he'll face in the eponymous race, he finds out that he'll be meeting his navigator, Case, the next morning.
51	-->'''Jensen:''' I'd love to talk to her ahead of time, before the race.\
52	'''Gunner:''' Yeah, I'd like a big-tittied girl to lick peanut butter off my toes, but it ain't gonna happen.
53	* ''Film/TheDeathOfStalin:'' An exchange between Nikita Khrushchev and Josef Stalin's son Vasily in the wake of Stalin's death:
54	-->'''Vasily:''' I want to make a speech at my father's funeral!\
55	'''Khrushchev:''' And I want to fuck Creator/GraceKelly.
56	* ''[[Film/{{Descendants}} Descendants 2]]'': [[WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaid1989 Ursula]]'s daughter Uma doesn't take kindly to angry customers.
57	-->'''Customer:''' Hey! I wanted the fried clams!\
58	'''Uma:''' And I wanted a sea pony. Life ain't fair!
59	[[/folder]]
60
61	[[folder:Literature]]
62	* ''Literature/TheAdventuresOfAminaAlSirafi'': A man [[DealWithTheDevil asked the demon]] Raksh for legendary fame and fortune far beyond Raksh's power to provide, so Raksh sarcastically asked for [[YourSoulIsMine his soul as payment]]. Unfortunately for them both, he agreed. {{Magically Binding Contract}}s don't recognize sarcasm, and [[spoiler:the unfulfillable deal destroyed the man's soul.]]
63	-->'''Raksh:''' I laughed at him. Said, "Sure, I shall find you a gilded cave of kingly treasure and forgotten magical cure-alls. All it will cost is your soul." It was a jest. Then he said yes.
64	[[/folder]]
65
66	[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
67	* ''Series/AmericanHousewife'': Oliver, who is often characterized as a SpoiledBrat, asks his parents for $480 Golden Goose sneakers. In response, his parents laugh and start listing off absurdly expensive things they want too:
68	-->'''Katie:''' Greg, I want a yacht. What do you want?\
69	'''Greg:''' I want a Lamborghini!\
70	'''Katie:''' I want...\
71	'''Oliver:''' Okay, okay, I get it!
72	* ''Series/TheBrink'': In a conversation between Larson and President Navarro about a plan to destroy compromised Pakistani nuclear sites:
73	-->'''President Navarro:''' I want zero civilian casualties.\
74	'''Larson:''' Yeah, and I want to fuck Creator/ScarlettJohansson.
75	* ''Series/{{Community}}'': In "[[Recap/CommunityS2E23AFistfulOfPaintballs A Fistful of Paintballs]]", Annie turns down Jeff's desire to talk to her while lampshading having to wear a {{Stripperiffic}} costume.
76	-->'''Abed:''' Jeff wants to see you.\
77	'''Annie:''' Yeah? And I want pants. A lot of people want a lot of things.
78	* ''Series/{{Firefly}}'': In "[[Recap/FireflyE01Serenity Serenity]]", Mal is in a hurry to get in and out of Persephone because they were spotted on an illegal salvage job by an Alliance warship during TheTeaser. Kaylee says she wants to take time to find some replacement parts for the ship, and Mal blows her off, wanting to focus on getting some quick passenger fares instead. [[spoiler:[[{{Foreshadowing}} He will come to regret not listening to her]] in "[[Recap/FireflyE08OutOfGas Out of Gas]]".]]
79	-->'''Kaylee:''' I'd sure love to find a brand new compression coil for the steamer.\
80	'''Mal:''' And I'd like to be King of all Londinium[[note]]one of the Alliance's two capital worlds[[/note]] and wear a shiny hat.
81	* ''Series/ICarly'': An exchange between Sam and Freddy in "[[Recap/ICarlyS04Ep18IBalls iBalls]]":
82	-->'''Freddie:''' I just wanted people to think I was creative.\
83	'''Sam:''' And I wanted a mom without stretch marks. That ain't happening.
84	* ''Series/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnit'': In "[[Recap/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnitS8E18Responsible Responsible]]," Luke Young and John Munch have the following exchange after Luke is arrested and put in jail:
85	-->'''Luke Young:''' You can't do this to me. I want my parents!\
86	'''John Munch:''' Yeah, and I want the troops home, the Kyoto Protocol signed, and a Tijuana oil job from Miss February.
87	* ''Series/PhoenixNights'': In one episode, a [[TheHeckler heckler]] named Stu starts an argument with Jerry. The [[DisabledSnarker wheelchair-bound]] club leader Brian breaks up the argument and orders Stu to GetOut
88	-->'''Stu:''' I'm not leavin' until I get a refund!\
89	'''Brian:''' [[SarcasmMode Did ya hear that, Jerry? You best make him a bed up.]]\
90	'''Stu:''' I want my money back!\
91	'''Brian:''' ''I'' wanna moonwalk, son, but life's a shithouse! ''Out!''
92	* ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'':
93	** A patient is afraid of using anesthesia during surgery, and wants to use hypnosis instead.
94	--->'''Turk:''' And I wanna have sex with Beyonce tonight instead of my wife, but that ain't gonna happen either.
95	** Then Turk tells Dr. Cox the patient wants to use hypnosis instead of anesthesia.
96	--->'''Dr. Cox:''' [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike Yeah, and I'd like to throw it over to Gwen Stefani tonight instead of Jordan, but that ain't gonna happen either.]]
97	* ''Series/{{Smallville}}'': After the {{bald\|ofevil}} Lex Luthor imprisons Impulse:
98	-->'''Impulse:''' I want a lawyer.\
99	'''Lex:''' [[BaldnessAngst And I want a ponytail.]] Disappointment abounds.
100	* ''Series/TheSopranos'':
101	** In the [[Recap/TheSopranosS1E13IDreamOfJeannieCusamano season one finale]], Tony's uncle Junior is arrested on federal racketeering charges. The FBI wants him to flip and agree to testify against the New York mob leaders:
102	--->'''FBI Interrogator:''' We want Johnny Sack. But more than him, we want Mangano and Teresi.\
103	'''Junior:''' I wanna fuck Creator/AngieDickinson, let's see who gets lucky first.
104	** In "[[Recap/TheSopranosS3E11PineBarrens Pine Barrens]]," Paulie cracks a joke in this format to Christopher while they're starving and subsisting on leftover ketchup packets:
105	--->'''Christopher:''' We shoulda stopped at Roy Rogers.\
106	'''Paulie:''' And I shoulda fucked Dale Evans, but I didn't![[note]]Creator/RoyRogers was a Western actor who licensed his name to a series of restaurants. Dale Evans was his wife and frequent costar.[[/note]]
107	* ''Series/{{Veep}}'': In Season 6, Jonah Ryan and Roger Furlong get in an argument when Jonah demands a better Congressional office.
108	-->'''Jonah:''' Well now, I want a new office!\
109	'''Roger:''' And I want Music/{{Rihanna}} to put a gun to my head while she makes me eat her out, but guess what, that's about as likely to happen as Will's wife putting a baby in her polyp festival of a uterus!
110	[[/folder]]
111
112	[[folder:Video Games]]
113	* ''VideoGame/DeusExHumanRevolution'': When meeting Chet Wagner:
114	-->'''Adam Jensen:''' I want to know about the Sarif Industries case.\
115	'''Chet Wagner:''' Haha. And I want a blowjob and a vintage '05 Bard GT, so I guess we both keep on dreaming, eh? Metalhead?!
116	* ''VideoGame/GodOfWarRagnarok'': During a conversation between Kratos and Mimir:
117	-->'''Mimir:''' What are you thinking, brother?\
118	'''Kratos:''' I am thinking... [[NothingIsTheSameAnymore I want things to be the way they were.]]\
119	'''Mimir:''' Well... [[LosingYourHead I'd like to climb a tree again.]] Certain ships have sailed.
120	[[/folder]]
121
122	[[folder:Webcomics]]
123	* Webcomic/SomethingPositive: [[https://somethingpositive.net/comic/organized-labor/ In a D&D game,]] Rory's character has an NPC goblin henchman named Grundle to pick up a potentially trapped item. The DM gives Grundle a sarcastic attitude due to being overworked and underpaid:
124	-->'''Rory's elf:''' Grundle, I want you to grab the ruby eye for me.\
125	'''Grundle:''' And I want you to choke on my goblin balls. We all got wants.
126	[[/folder]]
127
128	[[folder:Web Videos]]
129	* In the WebVideo/BrandonRogers video "Helen the Hall Monitor", self-professed HopeCrusher Helen says the following to a student sharing what they want to be when they grow up:
130	-->'''Helen:''' You wanna become what? A ''doctor?'' I wanted to become a ballerina, and you know what I became? HIV positive.
131	[[/folder]]
132
133	[[folder:Western Animation]]
134	* ''WesternAnimation/{{Animaniacs}}'': In "[[Recap/AnimaniacsEpisode81 Soccer Coach Slappy]]", Slappy does this to herself as she talks about reluctantly coaching Skippy's soccer team at the beginning of the episode. She says she'd like to say how happy she is to take up the role of their coach, then she follows it up with "I'd also like to be stuck on a deserted island with [[Series/TheDickVanDykeShow Morey Amsterdam]], but I'm not."
135	* ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'': In "Carpet Diem", when Dipper and Mabel request separate rooms:
136	-->'''Dipper:''' Grunkle Stan, we want different rooms.\
137	'''Stan:''' Ha! And I want a pair of magic money pants. It's not gonna happen.\
138	'''Mabel:''' ''[confused]'' Magic money pants...?
139	* ''WesternAnimation/TheLooneyTunesShow'': In "[[Recap/TheLooneyTunesShowS1E12DoubleDate Double Date]]," when a couple at a restaurant mistake Daffy Duck for the maître d':
140	-->'''Man:''' We'd like a table for two.\
141	'''Daffy:''' Great. I'd like a pair of solid gold pants, but I'm not bugging ''you'' about it.
142	* ''WesternAnimation/{{Ninjago}}'': During their interrogation of Sons of Garmadon member Luke Cunningham, they ask him to talk, only for him to respond by requesting ice cream and saying they can't get everything they want.
143	* ''WesternAnimation/{{Rugrats}}'': In "Angelica the Magnificent", Angelica does magic tricks, and the babies think she turned Lil into a butterfly. She tries to change Lil back, to no avail.
144	-->'''Phil:''' But I want my sister!\
145	'''Angelica:''' And I want a pony. You can't always get what you want.
146	* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'': In "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS12E5HomerVsDignity Homer vs. Dignity]]", Homer asks Comic Book Guy for a mint-condition copy of ''ComicBook/SpiderMan'' #1. Comic Book Guy retorts that he'd like an hour on the holodeck with [[Series/StarTrekVoyager Seven of Nine]].
147	* ''WesternAnimation/TheVentureBros'':
148	** In a conversation between Billy Quizboy and Col. Hunter Gathers in a flashback in "[[Recap/TheVentureBrosS3E3TheInvisibleHandOfFate The Invisible Hand of Fate]]":
149	--->'''Col. Gathers:''' Congratulations lad, you're a fully matriculated student at State University.\
150	'''Billy:''' I kinda wanted to go to MIT.\
151	'''Col. Gathers:''' And I wanted to be born with ''big, beautiful tits!''
152	** Another episode "[[Recap/TheVentureBrosS2E4EscapeToTheHouseOfMummiesPartII Escape to the House of Mummies Part II]]" has this exchange in the PreviouslyOn segment for the nonexistent "Part I":
153	--->'''Head cultist:''' Give me the Hand of Osiris.\
154	'''Rusty:''' Give me head.\
155	[[/folder]]

Context Main / RidiculousCounterRequest