History TearJerker / Cracked

--> So, Azime, if you just dropped your laptop in a puddle or spontaneously joined a kung fu monastery, please get back in touch with us as soon as you either get a new MacBook or master the Rising Dragon Kick. We're worried.

* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20843_6-shocking-realities-secret-troubled-teen-industry.html 6 Shocking Realities of the Secret 'Troubled Teen Industry']]--as described in the opening, "an industry dedicated to taking America's at-risk youth and fucking them up in the worst way possible." The author, a victim of one of these facilities, relates stories of forced physical labor, deprivation of sleep/food/etc., and the off-chance that a child might ''die'' in one of these facilities...all because a parent doesn't like what their child has become (usually an attempt to weed out delinquent behavior, but stories crop up of kids being sent there because they don't follow the parents' religion, are gay, or in the case of the author--formulating your own identity; in her case, she got into heavy metal music).

* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-nobody-tells-you-about-adopting-dog/ 5 things nobody tells you about adopting a dog]], particularly the last one.

* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21838_5-reasons-life-with-epilepsy-weirder-than-you-think.html 5 Reasons Life with Epilesy is Weirder Than You Think]]: Rachel's symptoms sound very unpleasant. She sustains a lot of injuries. Her epilesy makes everyday tasks potentially dangerous. She can't drive after a seizure because her mind isn't all there afterwards. She's also constantly worried about having another seizure.

* [[http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1820-5-things-i-learned-when-my-brothers-suicide-trended 5 Weird Realities Of Suicide (Thanks To Twitter).]] The description of how hard it can be when a loved one's death is taken over by a [[CriticalResearchFailure completely misleading]] viral campaign is pretty heart-wrenching, especially when reading about the ignorant comments people made at the funeral.

* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21908_6-things-i-learned-as-innocent-man-death-row.html 6 Things I Learned as an Innocent Man]]: The #1 thing on the list is how used to his horrible life within prison. He gets headaches from fresh air because he's now allergic to it. He can't digest real food properly. So he had to eat bread for months to avoid getting sick. And he's so used to the arguments ending in murder that he gets extremely worried that his family will kill each other during arguments and is shocked when they don't.

* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19148_6-bizarrely-creepy-moments-from-mario-universe_p2.html This]] is NightmareFuel for Mario players in itself, but a commentor provides a sad reason why Peach does not remember fathering Bowser's children:

* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20843_6-shocking-realities-secret-troubled-teen-industry 6 Shocking Realities of the Secret 'Troubled Teen Industry']]--as described in the opening, "an industry dedicated to taking America's at-risk youth and fucking them up in the worst way possible." The author, a victim of one of these facilities, relates stories of forced physical labor, deprivation of sleep/food/etc., and the off-chance that a child might ''die'' in one of these facilities...all because a parent doesn't like what their child has become (usually an attempt to weed out delinquent behavior, but stories crop up of kids being sent there because they don't follow the parents' religion, are gay, or in the case of the author--formulating your own identity; in her case, she got into heavy metal music).

Unless...

Unless she's suffering from intense psychosis brought on by the trauma of multiple kidnapping, torture, and repeated rapes. She blocked out that part of her memory as she's blocked out so many things. It's a defense mechanism. It explains why she's always kind of spaced out; she's not an airhead - she's disconnected from reality, because that's the only way she can cope.

Think of Super Mario as the world ... viewed through the eyes of Peach - not a princess, as in her delusions, but a sexually abused and tortured woman with a shattered psyche. The real world hurts - instead, she imagines a cartoon world with talking mushroom people, smiling plants, and fire-flowers, where she's a beloved royal figure - and she can fly. Free as a bird.

And out there is a hero - a paunchy middle-aged plumber, perhaps representing a father figure - fighting through legions of enemies to come rescue her.

But she never does get rescued, does she. On those brief resurfacings to reality - she's still a prisoner of that evil man. Bowser. And so she returns back to the dream - another adventure for the heroic Mario, to come save daddy's little princess.

[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20843_6-shocking-realities-secret-troubled-teen-industry 6 Shocking Realities of the Secret 'Troubled Teen Industry']]--as described in the opening, "an industry dedicated to taking America's at-risk youth and fucking them up in the worst way possible." The author, a victim of one of these facilities, relates stories of forced physical labor, deprivation of sleep/food/etc., and the off-chance that a child might ''die'' in one of these facilities...all because a parent doesn't like what their child has become (usually an attempt to weed out delinquent behavior, but stories crop up of kids being sent there because they don't follow the parents' religion, are gay, or in the case of the author--formulating your own identity; in her case, she got into heavy metal music).

* [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_231_creative-ways-to-teach-children-harsh-life-lessons/ This List]] of {{Anvil|icious}}s to prepare children for the harshness of reality.

!The [[Series/{{Cracked}} Canadian television series]]
* Mandar Kush breaking down and insisting that he, and not the man he killed while in the midst of a psychotic break, should have died. It's the completely matter-of-fact way that Kush says it that drives home just how much this man hates himself, and how sincerely he believes that he should be the one who is dead.
* The PTSD subplot in "Old Soldiers", particularly Jessie's speech/rant to his friend who is trying to commit SuicideByCop. "So what? You're going to give me another reason I can't close my eyes at night?"

* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-tiny-things-that-stopped-suicides/ 8 Tiny Things That Stopped Suicides]] is by far one of the best articles on Cracked and the entire reason Christina H is still at the website in spite of all the hate she gets. Many, many, ''many'' tears of happiness.