History Quotes / NintendoHard

->''MURI DA!! MURI DA!![[labelnote:translation]]IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! IMPOSSIBLE!![[/labelnote]]''\\
''Boku no jitsuryoku deha... [[labelnote:translation]]Impossible for me...[[/labelnote]]''\\
''MURI DA!! MURI DA!![[labelnote:translation]]IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! IMPOSSIBLE!![[/labelnote]]''\\
''Koe rarenai...[[labelnote:translation]]I just can't do it...[[/labelnote]]''\\
''Mou dame nanoka? Dame nanoka? Akirame youka?[[labelnote:translation]]Is this it? Is this as far as I can go? Should I just give up?[[/labelnote]]''\\
''Muzukashi sugite susume nai...![[labelnote:translation]]It's so hard, I can't continue...![[/labelnote]]''\\

-->-- '''[[VideoGame/MegaMan1 Clear Made Wa Nemuranai]] ([[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCBmT3g774g Can't Sleep Until Clear]])'''

-->-- '''Drew Carey''', ''Dirty Jokes and Beer''

->"When games were new, they wanted a lot from you. Daunting you, taunting you, resetting and delaying you. Players played stoically. Now everyone's turned off by that. They want to burn through it quickly; a quick fix for the fickle, some tricks for the clicks of the feckless. But that's not you, you're an acrobat. You could swallow a baseball bat."
-->--'''''VideoGame/GettingOverItWithBennettFoddy'''''

->"With a limitless stock of bullets in the compartments of these weapons, our firepower is unparalleled in coverage and destructive strength! These munitions have beaten back the repeated attacks of lone wolf pilots and our achievements have earned us a top position within our industry."

->"Oh ho ho, I hope you don't think one measly death gets you out of your contract! We're only getting started..."

->"See, the thing you gotta realize about games in the NES days was that lastability was ''even then'' a big issue. Games were anywhere from 30-60 bucks, and that's shit's ''steep!'' You couldn't pay for this with your fuckin' lunch money. The NES cartridge didn't have a lot of space, so developers had to mind their limits, but also try to make a game that lasted a long time so gamers got their fortune's worth. The easy out at the time was making a game that was frustratingly hard. Most of the time it was in cheap ways."
-->--'''Creator/{{Egoraptor}}''', ''Castlevania 1 vs. Castlevania 2''

->''BULLLLLSHIT!'' No one dies on the first boss, and I'll be buggered if the trend starts with me, coin-munching son of a bitch! And y'know? It's a crying shame! With some modern controls and some camera angles, you might just be fun, instead of a side-scrolling lesson in frustration and ass-pain! Also, your cavalier attitude in regards to my coinage ruffles my feathers! A good day, sir!

->"It's like I finally collapsed into my tent after a long day of successful artic expedition, whereupon one of the huskies trotted over and pissed on my head. And this was only on ''Normal'' difficulty! Talk about a 'skill ceiling'; this is the Sistine fucking Chapel!"
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on getting a "D" rating in ''VideoGame/StreetsOfRage 4''

->If there's one thing [the indie gaming sector] quite likes above all else it's retro gaming, and high difficulty is associated with retro because of the arcade era, when gaming was less "art" than "rigged carny game with no prizes".
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''', "Videogame/HollowKnight and Dead Cells"

-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-dick-moves-everyone-pulled-in-classic-video-games/ "7 Dick Moves Everyone Pulled in Classic Videogames"]]

->"What sick psychotic fuck playtested this and said 'Yeah, you know what, dying all the time's alright, but I wish the game killed me ''more''[='=]?"

->"Go dig up an NES and tell me how many of those games you can actually complete. None of 'em! Don't lie, you probably can't even complete ''[[VideoGame/BubbleBobble Bubble Bobble]]''. Even the titles that were directed ''specifically at younger children'' make ''VideoGame/DarkSouls'' look like fucking ''[=DuckTales=]'', except that ''[=DuckTales=]'' [[VideoGame/DuckTales is probably harder]]. Going forward, however, games would continue to become more and more approachable as developers found out that people actually like to win."

->"I swear, these games were programmed by ComicBook/TheJoker."

->"It's as if they programmed the game and then said: 'You know what? It needs an Expert setting'. And then they programmed it, but forgot to add it in the menus. It's a theory, but it's the best guess I can come up with."

->"If, by accident, you go back [[WhereWasIGoingAgain into one of the same buildings you've already been in,]] you can't just go back out. You gotta go through ''the whole'' building again, just to get to the exit. What a ''cruel'' punishment for a simple mistake! This game offers ''no'' forgiveness!"

->"Unless you've played this game, you have ''no'' idea how hard it is. Let me try to explain, OK? Imagine if I were to draw a maze on a sheet of paper. I'm asking you to draw a line from the beginning of this maze to the end. You can't run into any dead ends, and you can't touch any of the lines. Now, while you're trying to do this, I'm moving the maze to the left. It would drive you fucking nuts."

->"''That's'' not a cheat! That's just how to play the fucking game! ''The basic rules of the game'' needed ''Magazine/NintendoPower''. THAT is some fuck."

->"I'm either going to break a window or fall on my ass and kill myself...aiming the newspaper into the mailbox is like trying to slingshot a dingleberry from a playground's roundabout that's situated on a moving parade float, aiming into a bottle cap that's tied by a string to a Himalayan snowcock--while drunk. It would take somebody from NASA who knows how to calculate exactly when a certain asteroid is going to pass by a certain planet when it's lined up with a certain constellation during a certain moon phase."

->"Whoever's responsble for it obviously [[FanHater hates anyone who plays video games]]. There's absolutely ''no'' reason a game based on ''Dennis the Menace'' should be ''this'' hard. Fuck ''{{VideoGame/Contra}}'' and ''Ninja Gaiden''; ''Dennis the Menace'' makes those games look easy. It's like they didn't want anyone to play it. It has no purpose other than for [[BileFascination sadistic shit-seekers]] like myself."

->"It's not the shittiest game in the world, although it is shittier than a Mormon prom. But what it ''is'' is the most nipple-twisting, nut-aching, hair-pulling, ulcer-causing, butt-itching, frustrating motherfucker of a game you ever saw... Now, I know some people will come forward and, like, tell you the ''VideoGame/{{Gradius}}'' games or, like, ''Ghosts 'n Goblins'', they're a real challenge. They don't know what they're talking about, because I fucking guarantee you that ''nobody'' has beaten ''The Adventures Of Bayou Billy'' fairly -- not without some kind of [[{{UsefulNotes/Emulation}} emulator]] or UsefulNotes/GameGenie or divine intervention."

->"Let's talk about the puzzles in this game. ''VideoGame/LaMulana'' is not forgiving. ''La-Mulana'' is not your friend. ''La-Mulana'' [[ThrewMyBikeOnTheRoof stole your bike when you were eight.]]"

->"I'm never gonna start this game, am I? It's just not gonna happen. This was created by a very, very angry man... This guy was an orphan, he was bullied in school, and what he decided to do was to create a game designed to torture people. Which is what he has succeeded in doing."

->"When it was ready for international release, Nintendo of America ultimately [[NoExportForYou canceled the idea of this game coming to America as well as Europe.]] And why's that? [[SuddenlyShouting BECAUSE THE GAME WAS DEVELOPED BY SATAN HIMSELF!]]"

->''''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyI Final Fantasy (1)]]'' was ''not'' an easy game. [[SaveGameLimits You can only save]] [[SaveToken in inns or by buying houses]], and by doing so didn't remove [[StatusEffects status effects like poison]]. Fallen allies can only be revived with the White Mage life spell, or by using heart shaped clinics, [[{{Bowdlerise}} which were crossed shaped churches in the Japanese version]]. Enemies didn't drop items and [[AdamSmithHatesYourGuts some of the later game spells became insanely expensive]]. And then [[ScrappyMechanic there were ineffective attacks]], meaning if one of your party members killed an enemy before the others got a chance to take a shot at them, their moves, or even their magical charges, would be wasted. The monsters would also jump from being a walk in the park to a [[BossInMooksClothing virtually impossible]] [[DemonicSpiders deathmatch]] at a moments notice, and [[Creator/SquareEnix Square]] would [[SequelDifficultyDrop tweak each upcoming sequel in an attempt to balance the overall difficulty level]]''.

-->-- '''Gaming Hell''' [[http://gaminghell.co.uk/TheTowerOfDruaga.html on]] ''VideoGame/TheTowerOfDruaga''

And [[YetAnotherStupidDeath die another gruesome death]], \\

->"See, the thing you gotta realize about games in the NES days was that lastability was ''even then'' a big issue. Games were anywhere from 30-60 bucks, and that's shit's ''steep!'' You couldn't pay for this with your fuckin' lunch money. The NES cartridge didn't have a lot of space, so developers had to mind their limits, but also try to make a game that lasted a long time so gamers got their fortune's worth. The easy out at the time was making a game that was frustratingly hard. Most of the time it was in [[ClassicVideoGameScrewYous cheap ways.]]"

->''BULLLLLSHIT!'' No one dies on the first boss, and I'll be buggered if the trend starts with me, coin-munching son of a bitch! And y'know? It's a crying shame! With some modern controls and some camera angles, you might just be fun, instead of a side-scrolling lesson in frustration and ass-pain! [[SophisticatedAsHell Also, your cavalier attitude in regards to my coinage ruffles my feathers! A good day, sir!]]

->''''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyI Final Fantasy (1)]]'' was ''not'' an easy game. [[SaveGameLimits You can only save]] [[SaveToken in inns or by buying houses]], and by doing so didn't remove [[StatusEffects status effects like poison]]. Fallen allies can only be revived with the White Mage life spell, or by using heart shaped clinics, [[{{Bowderize}} which were crossed shaped churches in the Japanese version]]. Enemies didn't drop items and [[AdamSmithHatesYourGuts some of the later game spells became insanely expensive]]. And then [[ScrappyMechanic there were ineffective attacks]], meaning if one of your party members killed an enemy before the others got a chance to take a shot at them, their moves, or even their magical charges, would be wasted. The monsters would also jump from being a walk in the park to a [[BossInMooksClothing virtually impossible]] [[DemonicSpiders deathmatch]] at a moments notice, and [[Creator/SquareEnix Square]] would [[SequelDifficultyDrop tweak each upcoming sequel in an attempt to balance the overall difficulty level]]''.

->''''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyI Final Fantasy (1)]]'' was ''not'' an easy game. You can only save in inns or by buying houses, and by doing so didn't remove status effects like poison. Fallen allies can only be revived with the white Mage life spell, or by using heart shaped clinics, [[{{Bowderization}} which were crossed shaped churches in the Japanese version]]. Enemies didn't drop items and some of the later game spells became insanely expensive. And then [[ScrappyMechanic there were ineffective attacks]], meaning if one of your party members killed an enemy before the others got a chance to take a shot at them, their moves, or even their magical charges, would be wasted. The monsters would also jump from being a walk in the park to a [[BossInMooksClothing virtually impossible]] [[DemonicSpiders deathmatch]] at a moments notice, and [[Creator/SquareEnix Square]] would [[SequelDifficultyDrop tweak each upcoming sequel in an attempt to balance the overall difficulty level]]''.

-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''', "Hollow Knight and Dead Cells"

-->--'''David J. Prokopetz''' [[https://prokopetz.tumblr.com/post/635535304550498304/the-reason-contemporary-retro-games-usually-fail]]

-->-- '''Takumi Naramura''' on ''La-Mulana''

->"When it was ready for international release, Nintendo of America ultimately [[NoExportForYou canceled the idea of this game coming to America as well as Europe.]] And why's that? BECAUSE THE GAME WAS DEVELOPED BY SATAN HIMSELF!"

''(You're just a loser and your suck verily\\

'''Brent''': (as [Franchise/SuperMarioBros Mario) Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia]]\\

'''Brent''': What a load!\\

'''Both''': Where's the coooooooode?\\
''(No! No easy mode or code)''\\
'''Brent''': Oh [[Franchise/SuperMarioBros momma mia, momma mia]]\\

-->--'''Music/{{Brentalfloss}}''' and WebVideo/PatTheNESPunk sing [[{{Music/Queen}} "Nintendohemian Rhapsody"]]

-->--'''{{Music/{{Brentalfloss}}''' and WebVideo/PatTheNESPunk sing [[{{Music/Queen}} "Nintendohemian Rhapsody"]]

->"It's not the shittiest game in the world, although it is shittier than a Mormon prom. But what it ''is'' is the most nipple-twisting, nut-aching, hair-pulling, ulcer-causing, butt-itching, frustrating motherfucker of a game you ever saw... Now, I know some people will come forward and, like, tell you the ''VideoGame/{{Gradius}}'' games or, like, ''Ghosts 'n Goblins'', they're a real challenge. They don't know what they're talking about, because I fucking guarantee you that ''nobody'' has beaten ''The Adventures Of Bayou Billy'' fairly -- not without some kind of [[{{UsefulNotes/Emulation}} emulator]] or VideoGame/GameGenie or divine intervention."

->"''That's'' not a cheat! That's just how to play the fucking game! The basic rules of the game NEEDED ''Magazine/NintendoPower''. THAT is some fuck."

->"If, by accident, you go back into one of the same buildings you've already been in, you can't just go back out. You gotta go through ''the whole'' building again, just to get to the exit. What a ''cruel'' punishment for a simple mistake! This game offers ''no'' forgiveness!"

->"You're breaking my ''BALLS'', Mario!"

->'''Gabriel:''' Do you know how you learned that was there in the last game? You jumped down, and you got shot, and you had to start again.\\
'''[[Creator/BenCroshaw Yahtzee]]:''' Well, I wouldn't say you got shot. You got ''[[BlownAcrossTheRoom fucking]]'' shot.
-->--LetsPlay of ''VideoGame/{{Flashback}}'' remake (2012)

--> '''[[WebVideo/SomeCallMeJohnny Johnny Vs.]]''' ''VideoGame/SuperMarioBrosTheLostLevels''

[[folder:Film -- Live-action]]

-->-- '''Evan''', ''{{Film/Superbad}}''

-->--'''{{Creator/Egoraptor}}''', ''Castlevania 1 vs. Castlevania 2''

->"I swear these games were programmed by the Joker."

-->-- '''The Angry Video Game Nerd''', this time on ''Ghosts 'n Goblins''

-->-- '''The Angry Video Game Nerd''' on the ''[[VideoGame/SilverSurfer Silver Surfer]]'' game

-->--LetsPlay of ''{{VideoGame/Flashback}}'' remake (2012)

->''Please have fun playing'' Mega Man 9, ''and when you inevitably ponder why this game is so freaking hard, please remember that Inafune-san has a decanter on his desk [[LifeDrinker full of broken gamer spirits]] that keeps him perpetually youthful.''

->"Whoever's responsble for it obviously hates anyone who plays video games. There's absolutely ''no'' reason a game based on ''Dennis the Menace'' should be ''this'' hard. Fuck ''{{VideoGame/Contra}}'' and ''Ninja Gaiden''; ''Dennis the Menace'' makes those games look easy. It's like they didn't want anyone to play it. It has no purpose other than for [[BileFascination sadistic shit-seekers]] like myself."