History Main / TheTalk

*** Discussed [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar surprisingly frankly]] in ''Discworld/TheWeeFreeMen'', when nine-year-old Tiffany is pressed into an engagement-of-convenience to Rob Anybody, and overhears the other Nac Mac Feegle trying to figure out the logistics (with a direct comparison to the sheep-breeding example: "he'd have to mark his progress with chalk every night").

* Steve's dad gives a [[CrowningMomentOfFunny hilarious]] / [[{{Squick}}profoundly disturbing]] view on the subject in ''{{Harvester}}''. It involves at least three bolts, a chair, several scalpels, and some barbed wire...

--> '''Tristan''': Joey what's sex?
--> '''Joey''': Well you see when a man and a woman-
--> '''Tea''': Joey no! We can't let Tristan breed!

* In one ''PinkyAndTheBrain'' episode, Pinky falls in love with a sea lion and the Brain (who doesn't seem to think much of [[InterspeciesRomance interspecies relationships]]) attempts to explain to him that "mice and sea lions don't mix":

* An episode of ''{{Rugrats}}'' had Angelica asking where babies come from. Drew and Charlotte agree to tell her the truth...but chicken out and tell her she hatched from an egg.

* The adult CloudCuckooLander King Julien had to be given The Talk in ''ThePenguinsOfMadagascar'' when he was convinced an egg Marlene had found was going to hatch into a lemur.

* In ''GravityFalls,'' [[JerkWithAHeartOfGold Grunkle Stan]] decides to give the Talk to [[SeekerArchetype Dipper]] when he finds him trying to get into [[CloudCuckooLander Mabel]]'s sleepover. Except Dipper and Mabel are actually in the middle of a FreakyFridayFlip, so he's traumatizing ''her'' instead. Dipper isn't getting off, though, since he's being forced to listen to a [[ParanormalRomance werewolf romance novel]].

* ''{{Doug}}'', In the last episode, Doug's father Phil, after spending the entire season trying to give Doug TheTalk, finally works up the courage to tell him, only for Doug to cut him off and say he already knows about sex, and proceeds to explain it to his Dad. It cuts immediately to after the conversation with his dad walking away saying "Thanks son, I think I learned something" in a completely dazed voice. Either his dad did not understand something (despite having three kids), or Doug is into some creepy stuff.

[[folder:Franchise/HarryPotter FanFic]]

* Spoofed in a ''CyanideAndHappiness'' comic, where, just after the father tells the son about the birds and the bees, the son replies "Let me get this straight... First there's a momma bird and poppa bird, and now you're telling me they actually have ''sex'' with bees? What type of disconnected, interspecies bullsh* t is this?"

* The parody "To The Batpole!" in the anthology ''Batman Unauthorized'' imagines how this conversation might have gone between a teenaged [[{{Batman}} Bruce Wayne]] and Alfred.

* Weird variant: Sari from ''TransformersAnimated'' [[http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Image:Sariprime.jpg explains it to Optimus Prime]] (no, we don't hear it, but it became so iconic that traumatizing Optimus is considered [[Funny/TransformersAnimated one of the funniest things she's done]]).

--> '''Cosmo:''' Ah, Timmy. It's time for a little talk about something we fairies like to call, "The Wands and the Wings." [''Cosmo holds out a pink sock puppet, and a green sock puppet and makes the kiss.''] You see, when a mommy fairy and a daddy fairy love each other very much...

** Worse, his father says that said kits are purchased at Sears, but they got Calvin at a K-Mart, and only because he was "defective" and got a discount. Calvin was...[[HeroicBSOD a little shaken up]].

* ''WesternAnimation/TheVentureBrothers'': Dr. Venture decides to give Dean "the talk" since he has a girlfriend (kinda). All we get is a muted section with some interesting gestures, a GI Joe humping a lamp, and various other things. Next thing we know the topic has somehow moved to White Snake. Dean ends up staging a small version of ''Theatre/LadyWindermeresFan'' for Triana (his female friend).

* ''WesternAnimation/TheVentureBrothers'': Dr. Venture decides to give Dean "the talk" since he has a girlfriend (kinda). All we get is a muted section with some interesting gestures, a GI Joe humping a lamp, and various other things. Next thing we know the topic has somehow moved to White Snake. Dean ends up staging a small version of ''Theater/LadyWindermeresFan'' for Triana (his female friend).

* ''WesternAnimation/TheVentureBrothers'': Dr. Venture decides to give Dean "the talk" since he has a girlfriend (kinda). All we get is a muted section with some interesting gestures, a GI Joe humping a lamp, and various other things. Next thing we know the topic has somehow moved to White Snake. Dean ends up staging a small version of "Lady Windermere's Fan" for Triana (his female friend).

[[folder:HarryPotter FanFic]]

* An old ''HarryPotter'' FanFiction entitled ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/288735/1/ Plugs and Outlets]]'' featured Arthur Weasley explaining the facts of life to Ron in terms of the titular {{Muggle}} technology. The mostly hilarious sequel ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/340495/1/ Quills and Ink Bottles]]'' is the same principle applied to Molly Weasley telling Ginny about the facts of life, and the trilogy is completed with ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/358637/1/ Quidditch Anyone?]]'' in which Sirius Black tells Harry that there are several kinds of girls--represented by the different Quidditch balls.
** There is a HarryPotter [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2390459/19/ FanFiction]] in which Ginny, caught by her parents in a somewhat suggestive position, is then given TheTalk by Arthur, using the metaphor of Plugs and Sockets, while short circuits represent pregnancy and childbirth.

* Quite possibly the best HarryPotter Talk is from [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5435295/1/The_Bonds_of_Blood The Bonds of Blood]].

* There is a hilarious HarryPotter fanfic in which Sirius was asked to give Harry a talk (about a certain Quidditch stunt, but he thought was THE talk), and the Twins - sensing how nervous Sirius was - started off with a crack about "When a Man Loves a Chipmunk", [[HilarityEnsues the whole thing went down hill fast]], and Harry is Traumatized.

** In ''MassEffect3'', because Shepard has become a ParentalSubstitute towards her, Shepard is the one to give the talk to EDI after she asks them for advice on how to pursue Joker, [[spoiler: now she's got a [[RobotGirl physical body]].]] Even committed [=FemShep=]-players have to give Mark Meer props for this scene. While JenniferHale plays [=FemShep=] giving the talk with the tone of a slightly embarrassed [[CoolBigSis older sister]], Meer makes [=MaleShep=] sound utterly mortified about being the Dad forced to explain sex to his teenage daughter. It's '''hilarious'''.

* ''Series/OliverBeene''

* Marion's talk with Joanie on ''HappyDays''
* ''OliverBeene''
* Excellently spoofed in ''DreamOn''. Martin steels himself to tell Jeremy The Facts Of Life and is hugely relieved when Jeremy says, "Dad, I know all this. We learned it at school." Martin smiles and relaxes, calmly asking if Jeremy has any questions. "Yeah, what's cunnilingus?" Cut to man falling from a building with a horrified scream.** Followed immediately by a series of equally direct questions, with similar clips as "responses".

* This happens between Kamina and Simon in the ''TengenToppaGurrenLagann'' fanfic [[http://m.fanfiction.net/s/5421567/1/The-Talk The Talk]]. Somewhat unique in that Kamina, the parental figure, completely lacks embarrassment while discussing this topic and doesn't actually know anything about pregnancy.

* TomStoppard's ''Theatre/{{Arcadia}}'' opens with the question " Septimus, what is carnal embrace?" Septimus, being unwilling to answer this truthfully, replies that "Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef." Of course, this comes back to his great discomfort later, when Thomasina informs her parents that "Septimus taught me all there is to know about Carnal Embrace."

* A RunningGag in the earliest ''{{Runaways}}'' comics had CuteBruiser Molly asking about "gross stuff" and "bleeding" happening to her and being constantly brushed off by everyone she asks ('''''Molly''': Can I ask you a question about girl stuff? '''Gertrude''': Under no circumstances.'') It turns out she was bleeding [[PsychicNosebleed from her nose]], a sign of her emerging PubertySuperpower.

* ''ArrestedDevelopment'', Tobias *thinks* George Michael is asking him to give the talk. Actually, George Michael is [[KissingCousins trying to figure out whether Maeby is adopted]].