History Main / SexEqualsLove

** {{Deconstructed}} and subverted with Spike and Buffy in seasons 6 and 7. In season 6, they begin an intensely sexual DestructiveRomance that Spike ''hopes'' will lead to this trope. However, their MoralDissonance [[note]] due to him being soulless at the time, thus [[AlwaysChaoticEvil evil]] by nature and entirely unequipped with a moral compass of his own [[/note]] combined with a relationship where they have no safe way of saying no has dire consequences. In season 7, after Spike has [[spoiler: earned back his soul]], they start a tentative {{UST}}-laden friendship. By the end of the season, they mutually admit they’d never felt closer to each other than they did then, having spent a night together [[SleepCute holding each other]], completely fully-clothed and without having sex. They notably never even kiss throughout the season, however their emotional bond is highly emphasized and concludes with Buffy’s first LoveConfession [[TheILoveYouStigma since]] she broke up with Angel.

* The novel ''Literature/YouthInSexualEcstasy'' deconstructs and subverts this in its main message where it stresses that sex and love are two separate things, and a relationship based entirely on sex and physical attraction is not going to last long.

* Freida tries to invoke this with Darwin, with tragic consequences in ''Literature/OnlyEverYours''
* ''Literature/ApprenticeAdept'': Fleta the Unicorn had sex with Mach, who was [[FreakyFridayFlip inhabiting the body]] of her childhood friend/crush, Bane. Ticks over to this trope when Bane decides he's going to show her how to make love, rather than just have sex until he was satisfied. As a unicorn, Fleta didn't feel any real desire for sex outside of her heat season. Until Mach insisted on sex "[his] way." Afterwards, Fleta is in what her friends refer to as "permanent heat" for Mach. (Mach, for his part, was in LoveAtFirstSight with Fleta since [At least, first sight of her human form]).

* The ''Manga/DeathNote'' [[AlternateUniverseFic AU]] ''Fanfic/{{Seigikan}}'' [[{{Wimpification}} paints L as so socially naïve]] that he doesn't understand the difference.

* ''Film/50ShadesOfGrey'', Christian Grey initially considers Anastasia as his new "toy", but as the story goes, he realized that he's in love with her.

-->. I know when a couple are really in love with
each other. And by that I do not mean just sexually attracted. There is too much talk about sex, too much attention is paid to it. I do not mean that anything about sex is wrong. That is nonsense. But sex cannot take the place of love, it goes with love but it cannot succeed by itself. To love means the words of the marriage service. For better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. That is what you take on if you love and wish to marry.

* ''Film/{{Her}}'': Theodore and Samantha seem like good friends (she even encourages him to go out with another woman and get laid) until one night of intense cybersex kicks their relationship into gear.

* Surprisingly, it's [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar all but stated]] to have happened in the ''Anime/GrimmsFairyTaleClassics'''s version of ''Literature/{{Rapunzel}}'': she and the Prince are seen waking up in the same bed (fully clothed, but that's probably why the animators got away with it), he then leaves her Tower ''at very early morning'' and some dubs add that he would come at sunset and then stay all night long. [[spoiler: Confirmed later: when [[StarCrossedLovers they're torn apart for years]] and then find each other again, Rapunzel reveals that she gave birth to the Prince's son a few months after their separation and raised him on her own. Since the kid looks [[StrongFamilyResemblance like a bitty Prince with Rapunzel's color scheme]], the Prince [[LukeIAmYourFather immediately acknowledges him as their child]], and the little family lives HappilyEverAfter]].

-->-- '''Barney Stinson''', ''Series/HowIMetYourMother''

Even more truthfully, until the 19th/20th century, [[NobilityMarriesMoney marriage was for considerations of status, wealth or power]], and [[HeirClubForMen progeny]] (for anyone you're likely to read about, anyway. This may be one of those cases in history [[RealityIsUnrealistic where]] [[AllThatGlitters it may have been better to be poor]] -- ordinary people were more usually in love at least at the start of their marriage; they may also have been less likely to be virgins, though records of their lives are so sketchy it's quite hard to gauge what were the norms). For love or sex-for-the-fun-of-it one could have [[TheMistress a mistress]], only the Church vociferously frowned upon extramarital sex. Love within the marriage was considered a lucky bonus, [[MarriageBeforeRomance if it grew there]].

* In ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'', the official comic "A Cold Day In Hell" introduced Heavy Weapons Guy's three younger sisters, who spent their entire lives thus far locked in Heavy's cabin, in an attempt to keep them safe from the Communists trying to kill them. As a result, the now-grown sisters have gotten a little desperate for sex, and Zhanna, the oldest, propositions Soldier for sex almost immediately upon seeing him. The two hit it off almost immediately, and as of the next comic, "Blood In The Water", Zhanna and Soldier are an engaged BattleCouple, with Soldier even slicing the ears off his enemies in an attempt to make his fianceé a necklace.

Curiously, on [[EthicalSlut the flip side,]] some people view premarital or even casual sex itself as a blameless and pure act, with no negative consequences or moral stigma attached. This is considered either a symptom of the liberation of the human race from unnecessary complications and hang-ups, a depressing consequence of the modern tendency to view everything physical as without consequence and everything non-physical as without value, [[TakeAThirdOption or a little bit of both]].

* After deflowering [[Series/GossipGirl Blair]] in the back of his limo, Chuck found himself unable to sleep and with a sickening fluttering feeling in his stomach. Blair correctly diagnosed them as butterflies and demanded they be murdered. Instead, he began pursuing her and eventually she fell in love with him too.

** Played straight on a meta level in ''VideoGame/DragonAgeInquisition''. Every romance comes to a point where the player must decide if the Inquisitor will confirm the romance (thereby making the relationship permanent, with few exceptions); most of these are confirmed by the Inquisitor then being intimate with their chosen partner.

** Averted in Season 6. Spike hopes that his sexual relationship with Buffy will eventually lead to his love for her being returned. Buffy repeatedly insists ([[BastardGirlfriend sometimes quite violently]]) that there's nothing between them except sex, and for Spike to even call her "luv" or "my girl" is a guaranteed BerserkButton. After Buffy dumps him, Spike tries to rape her in the belief that she did feel love during their rough sex and Buffy is simply in denial.

* Averted in ''Series/DoctorWho''. There have been several occasions in recent years where the Doctor's companion has fallen in love with the Time Lord, and a couple of occasions in which he reciprocates. Yet with the exception of innuendo from River Song, there is never any indication of sexual relations. Creator/PeterCapaldi is on record as describing the current (as of 2015) relationship between the Twelfth Doctor and Clara Oswald as "an old-fashioned romance". Love is unambiguous in their relationship, with Clara at one point even challenging the Doctor into action with the words "If you love me in any way, you'll come back" and revealing an intimate knowledge of the Doctor that most prior companions have not possessed. The Doctor has also expressed (in his own way) devotion to Clara. At one point (in the episode "Last Christmas") Clara directly states that the Doctor is the only man she'd imagine marrying. And the finale trilogy of Series 9 strips away any illusions that Clara and the Doctor aren't in love with each other (to the degree that the entire universe is threatened by it). Yet nothing sexual has ever been implied in the series, pushing against the trope that suggests love and romance (implied or direct) must involve sex. Instead, as shown several times in both Series 8 and 9, Clara and the Doctor substitute action (saving the world, being chased by Daleks, the adrenaline rush of near-death experiences) for physical intimacy.

Even more truthfully, until the 19th/20th century, [[NobilityMarriesMoney marriage was for considerations of status, wealth or power]], and [[HeirClubForMen progeny]] (for anyone you're likely to read about, anyway. This may be one of those cases in history [[RealityIsUnrealistic where]] [[AllThatGlitters it may have been better to be poor]] -- ordinary people were more usually in love at least at the start of their marriage; they may also have been less likely to be virgins, though records of their lives are so sketchy it's quite hard to gauge what were the norms). For love or sex-for-the-fun-of-it one could have [[TheMistress a mistress]], only the Church vociferously frowned upon extra-marital sex. Love within the marriage was considered a lucky bonus, [[MarriageBeforeRomance if it grew there]].

* First addendum: If the man is a conservative, it will be he. If he is a liberal, it will be either the woman or his partner.
* Second addendum: The partner who is in love will demand fidelity from the other partner.

Back before the sexual revolution, men and women could have sex if they were married or... well, that was pretty much the only way.

Still, sex was seen as [[SeriousBusiness a sacred and special thing]], so people still refused to have a physical relationship ''unless'' love [[MandatoryMotherhood (or at least the need to produce an heir)]] was involved, and doing it within a marriage was still the rule. Then, the unthinkable (or maybe just long-dreaded) happened: some [[StrawmanPolitical flag-burning liberals]] acted as if it were OK to have sex JustForFun! No Strings Attached!

Still more often, there is a tendency among fandom to look upon ''any'' sex in a given series or film as cheap FanService, preferring to keep their relationships relegated to {{Subtext}} and seemingly disregarding the fact that people in love have been known, from time to time, to have sex. This is particularly prevalent among [[YuriFan yuri fandom]].

In reality the correlation between sex and romance can be anything from strict fidelity between exclusive lovers, to casual sex between friends, to dating, experimenting and anything in-between[[note]]because despite how people like their strict boundaries and categories, things rarely turn out so neatly[[/note]]. Emotions sometimes get the jump on us, and even though people tend to date each other with prospect towards a potential helpmeet, sometimes dating can become casual sex, and sometimes the reverse can be true. So yes, in RealLife people in a casual sexual relationship ''can'' find that after a while physical intimacy with another person fosters a romantic inclination, '''however''', ''this trope'' is when having a sexual relationship with another person ''will'' result in a romantic relationship, no arguing. The trope also has unfortunate implications where [[SexualHarassmentAndRapeTropes rape and sexual assault are concerned]].

* In ''Manga/WildRose'', Kiri and Mikhail don't like each other at first but begin a sexual relationship very quickly because they have a supernatural bond that pulls them together. Eventually they do fall in love.

* A JustifiedTrope in the manga version of ''[[VideoGame/FireEmblemJugdral Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu]]'', with [[spoiler: Princess Raquesis and Fin]]. They had gone through [[BreakTheCutie horrifyingly hard times]] that left them emotionally drained and barely able to return from the DespairEventHorizon, and also [[spoiler: they were going to be separated, as Fin was about to return to Lester with Quan and Ethlyn so [[MustNotDieAVirgin they didn't know if they'd ever see each other again]].]] Even more so, it's plot point later: [[spoiler: the night where Raquesis and Fin [[TheirFirstTime "deflowered" each other]]... was the one where Raquesis's eldest son Delmud was conceived.]]

* Specifically averted in ''Manhua/GoddessCreationSystem''. Xiaxi needs to make Mingluan fall in love with her, but while his sister is pushing her to sleep with him and get used to sex Xiaxi holds back. She knows that if she has sex with him when he doesn't lover her she'll be nothing more than a bed warmer. Not what she needs.

* Lieutenant [[EagleLand Steven Hudson]] has an one-night stand with biologist Kim Keller when visiting one of the ''Worlds of Aldebaran'' (''ComicBook/LesMondesDAldebaran''). He would later forbid her from having a similar relationship with a colonist, claiming it would compromise her partiality regarding the object of study (a CosmicHorror).
* ''{{ComicBook/Sabretooth}}'' & ''{{ComicBook/Mystique}}''. They were retconned as having slept together & conceiving a child in the 90's. But, throughout that period, Mystique made it clear she found Creed repulsive, meanwhile he had no problems assaulting her & murdering Destiny's family to spite her. However, in 2010 they were made into a couple during Jason Aaron's X-run, being advertised as Marvel's hottest & deadliest couple. But outside of their physical affection, Mystique doesn't show too much love toward Creed, and has no problem selling him out whenever it's convenient. She's even shot him in the head to relieve anger at one point. But they're still shown kissing & sleeping together a lot, some of the scenes going into very tender territory with Sabretooth feeding Mystique, and them snuggling and rolling in bed together while they chat about their schemes, and even go some more rounds. There's also Mystique referring to Creed as "my dearest" whenever she's speaking to him.

* [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/106068/1/relax/intimacy Relax]] by [[http://www.fimfiction.net/user/kalash93 Kalash93.]] While the relationship between the prostitute and her recurring client is primarily sexual and professional, their genuine warmth and affection for each other are built on real connection and understanding. This is make particularly visible in a very heartwarming way near the end, where the protagonist talks about making the prostitute his bride and taking her home with him when the war is over. Also, she won't kiss clients while on the job, but kisses him when their session is over.

-->"Don't pretend that last night didn't mean anything to you.... We tried to fuck and instead, we wound up making love."

** The first woman Harry has an active relationship with, Susan, he is unquestionably in love with, and vice-versa. We're talking literally unquestionable here: true, selfless love, coupled with intimacy, [[ThePowerOfLove binds that love into a person's life force which then renders them immune]] [[EmotionEater to the feeding]] of the [[HornyDevils White Court]]. Later on, after some very complicated issues pop up that ruin Harry and Susan's lives, Harry begins a relationship with Anastasia Luccio, [[UnequalPairing technically his superior in the Wardens]]. Then [[spoiler: it is revealed that Luccio was being mind-controlled and her attraction to Harry was intended to let the traitor keep tabs on him]], and as a result Harry's immunity to the White Court is gone, further proving that there wasn't any "true" love involved.
** The relationship between Thomas and Justine develops into this. At first Justine was just a girl that Thomas cared for, and being a White Court vampire, he [[EmotionEater fed]] from her regularly. As time passed, though, he cared more and more for her, until [[spoiler: Justine saves his life from fatal injuries by letting him feed on her, which would kill her. He realized he would do this and barely manages to avoid eating too much of her life force, and in the process his affection for her became true love.]] And as a direct result of this, [[spoiler: Thomas can no longer touch Justine, as his body automatically tries to feed from hers when in contact, resulting in severe burns on his skin at best.]] Ultimately, Justine manages to figure out a way around this issue: [[spoiler: Have sex with someone else who doesn't love her, which removes the protection from White Court feedings, and then she and Thomas can be together. Rinse and repeat.]]

* Done perplexingly in the ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'' episode ''Film/TrackOfTheMoonBeast''. The main character and his lover interest spend one night together and ''everyone'' in the movie treats them as if they're in a long term relationship.

* Averted in ''Series/DoctorWho''. There have been several occasions in recent years where the Doctor's companion has fallen in love with the Time Lord, and a couple of occasions in which he reciprocates. Yet with the exception of innuendo from River Song, there is never any indication of sexual relations. Creator/PeterCapaldi is on record as describing the current (as of 2015) relationship between the Twelfth Doctor and Clara Oswald as "an old-fashioned romance". Love is unambiguous in their relationship, with Clara at one point even challenging the Doctor into action with the words "If you love me in any way, you'll come back" and revealing intimate knowledge of the Doctor that most prior companions have not possessed. The Doctor has also expressed (in his own way) devotion to Clara. At one point (in the episode "Last Christmas") Clara directly states that the Doctor is the only man she'd imagine marrying. And the finale trilogy of Series 9 strips away any illusions that Clara and the Doctor aren't in love with each other (to the degree that the entire universe is threatened by it). Yet nothing sexual has ever been implied in the series, pushing against the trope that suggests love and romance (implied or direct) must involve sex. Instead, as shown several times in both Series 8 and 9, Clara and the Doctor substitute action (saving the world, being chased by Daleks, the adrenaline rush of near-death experiences) for physical intimacy.

** Also played with in a later episode: After Ted and Robin decide to be FriendsWithBenefits, Lily warns them that it's a bad idea, and that their arrangement will wind up with someone getting hurt. Ted and Robin are both fine--they never actually fall back in love, although they ''both'' worry about the fact that they somehow automatically start doing little lovey-dovey things like a kiss goodbye every morning. In the end, the person it winds up hurting is ''Barney'', who's secretly in love with Robin. When Ted figures this out, he immediately breaks it off with Robin and allows her to think it's because he's worried about this trope (since Ted is notorious for being a romantic sap), to preserve Barney's secret.
* After deflowering [[Series/GossipGirl Blair]] in the back of his limo, Chuck found himself unable to sleep and with a sickening fluttering feeling in his stomach. Blair correctly diagnosed them as butterflies and demanded they be murdered. Instead he began pursuing her and eventually she fell in love with him too.
* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer''. Anya claims to want to have sex with Xander only as a way to get over him. Sure enough once they do have sex, she wants to make the next step so they start dating in the very next episode and end up having a long-term relationship.

* In the ''Series/DegrassiTheNextGeneration'' movie, ''Degrassi Takes Manhattan,'' Spinner and Emma decide they are meant to be together after a couple days of friendship, an AccidentalMarriage, and one night of sex. The really crazy thing? Both of them were too drunk to actually remember said sex.

* Play Date by Music/MelanieMartinez appears to be about a one-sided case.Nearly the whole song is about Crybaby showing her resentment towards a guy who she feels just sees her as a new notch in his bedpost. The song itself is clearly about a sexual relationship with two people being narrated through metaphors.

-->You know I give a fuck about you everyday

* Wrestling/JimmyJacobs was madly in love with The Lovely Lacey, but she only viewed him as a tool. Lacey loved Wrestling/ColtCabana, and was having sex with him too, which Colt wasn't afraid to rub in Jimmy's face. Then Colt dumped Lacey, after he got tired of sex because he didn't love her. Jacobs kicks Colt's ass, many events transpire, Lacey "rewards" Jacobs for all his work and suddenly she is madly in love with him. Jimmy, perhaps recognizing this trope, wants to slow down to ensure their relationship isn't based on lust. It's not, seeing Jacobs finally succeed in the improbable task of taking out BJ Whitmer at [[PyrrhicVictory the cost of his ability to walk]] is what changed Lacey's tune; but sex is what led her to openly declare her love for Jacobs and it's also what broke them apart when Lacey, recruiting for Jimmy's Age Of The Fall, ends up falling for and sleeping with Wrestling/AustinAries, who kisses and tells.[[/folder]]

* In the book and film versions of ''Literature/TheNameOfTheRose'', Adso of Melk, a young virginal monk, begins to feel a bond of love toward the young peasant girl he had intercourse with. In the film, though, after [[SparedByTheAdaptation the girl was spared from death]], Adso had to leave her behind to follow his calling as a monk.

* In the book and film versions of ''Literature/TheNameOfTheRose'', Adso of Melk, a young virginal monk, begins to feel a bond of love toward the young peasant girl he had intercourse with. In the film, though, after [[SparedInTheAdaptation the girl was spared from death]], Adso had to leave her behind to follow his calling as a monk.

* In the book and film versions of ''Literature/TheNameOfTheRose'', Adso of Melk, a young virginal monk, begins to feel a bond of love toward the young peasant girl he had intercourse with. In the film, though, Adso had to leave her behind to follow his calling as a monk.

Even more truthfully, until the 19th/20th century, [[NobilityMarriesMoney marriage was for considerations of status, wealth or power]], and [[HeirClubForMen progeny]] (for anyone you're likely to read about, anyway. This may be one of those cases in history [[RealityIsUnrealistic where]] [[AllThatGlitters it may have been better to be poor]] -- ordinary people were more usually in love at least at the start of their marriage; they may also have been less likely to be virgins, though records of their lives are so sketchy it's quite hard to gauge what were the norms). For love or sex-for-the-fun-of-it one could have [[TheMistress a mistress]], only the Church vociferously frowned upon extra-marital sex. Love within the marriage was considered a lucky bonus, [[MarriageBeforeRomance if it grew there]] (and it likely didn't).

** But by the end, she seeme to be confessing her reason behind all her anger (she was probably starting to secretly grow feelings for him).

->''"It's like a disease. I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings. I caught feelings bad!"''

* In something of an inversion (LoveEqualsSex?), the titular [[ForgottenRealms Daughter of the Drow]] finds herself alternately saving a hunky barbarian's life and being saved by him. The protagonist develops budding feelings of friendship and love for him, but having grown up a Drow, she has no idea what they are or how to deal with them, so she falls back on a much simpler emotion that she knows and understands ''very'' well.