History Main / MyGirlIsNotASlut

People suffering from the condition retroactive jealousy feel bad because of their loved one's past. Retroactive jealousy happens with all genders, but apparently men have more sexual jealousy and women tend to have romantic jealousy. It often results in undue stress for everyone involved. The sufferers may even end up imagining their partner with someone else obsessively. Many blame themselves for having these feelings, but there are others who blame their SO, invoking this trope and DefiledForever. Retroactive jealousy is considered a form of pure O, a subset of OCD. The treatment/cure is working on self-esteem and realising that if your partner is with you, it's because they like you and the past does not matter.

People suffering from the condition retroactive jealousy feel bad because of their loved one's past. Retroactive jealousy happens with all genders, but apparently men have more sexual jealousy and women tend to have romantic jealousy. It often results in undue stress for everyone involved. The sufferers may even end up imagining their partner with someone else obsessively. Many people blame themselves for having these feelings, but there are people who blame their SO, invoking this trope and DefiledForever. Retroactive jealousy is considered a form of pure O, a subset of OCD. The treatment/cure is working on self-esteem and realising that if your partner is with you, it's because they like you and the past does not matter.

* ComicBook/SheHulk in her current series sleeps with quite a few other supers (who else is going to survive, really? Woman of Gamma, man of Kleenex) and has some issues with this trope. She's very irritated whenever people ask about her night with Juggernaut, then a member of the ComicBook/XMen but still a known a supervillain (this has since been retconned into her genuinely not sleeping with him). She also asks Tony Stark how he gets away with sleeping around (while in bed with him).

* This trope is quite frequent in the Shojo genre. The male lead is usually a stud, a player, a lady's man. He doesn't always sleep with other women (since for, whatever reason, he gets a lot of girls but is not interested in sex or is only truly interested in the female lead?). However, the female lead will usually always be a virgin, at least until the end of the series where she slept with the guy who she likes, expect her to be utterly embarrassed from her first time. However, in less optimistic cases, it is considered Sex As Drama.

* Just about every Bollywood Movie in existence to the point that a female lead who isn't a virgin until marraige would be considered a averted. It would be easier to note exceptions here but this is changing.

* "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-HVP01goE4 I'm That Kind Of Girl]]" by Patty Loveless is all about this {{Trope}}:

For the last few hundred or more years, sexually active men have often been admired for their virility and sexual "conquests" (unless he is a cad, or [[UnusualEuphemism picking only low hanging fruit]])[[note]]It's not like things were always been that way for everyone. Culture in [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing Ming Dynasty China]], for instance, held that a man was manly either by being a chaste warrior or an incredibly promiscuous and scholarly/cultured [[{{bishounen}} pretty-boy]]. One's life expectancy was supposed to be ''radically'' shorter if one was in the latter category, in part because medical science speculated that male ejaculation entailed transferring some of one's finite store of (male) life force to the receiver (which is why male masturbation was avoided by anyone with good sense), but largely because of all the jealous lovers and husbands, not to mention [=STIs=].[[/note]] while a sexually active woman is more likely to be seen as being a trashy whore. For a man, the loss of his virginity is an achievement. For a woman, it is a surrender or, if outside of marriage, a filthy defilement. Before birth control became readily available, this DoubleStandard probably had something to do with how a man can have hundreds of partners without any discernible consequence (baring [=STDs=]), whereas a woman in the same position would most likely be irreversibly changed into a mother forever.

For the last few hundred or more years, sexually active men have often been admired for their virility and sexual "conquests" (unless he is a cad, or [[UnusualEuphemism picking only low hanging fruit]])[[note]]It's not like things were always been that way for everyone. Culture in [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing Ming Dynasty China]], for instance, held that a man was manly either by being a chaste warrior or an incredibly promiscuous and scholarly/cultured [[{{bishounen}} pretty-boy]]. One's life expectancy was supposed to be ''radically'' shorter if one was in the latter category, in part because medical science speculated that male ejaculation entailed transferring some of one's finite store of (male) life force to the receiver (which is why male masturbation was avoided by anyone with good sense), but largely because of all the jealous lovers and husbands, not to mention [=STIs=].[[/note]] while a sexually active woman is more likely to be seen as being a trashy whore. For a man, the loss of his virginity is an achievement. For a woman, it is a surrender or, if outside of marriage, a filthy defilement. In the past, this probably had something to do with how a man can have hundreds of partners without any discernible consequence (baring [=STDs=]), whereas a woman in the same position would most likely be irreversibly changed into a mother forever.

For the last few hundred or more years, sexually active men have often been admired for their virility and sexual "conquests" (unless he is a cad, or [[UnusualEuphemism picking only low hanging fruit]])[[note]]It's not like things were always been that way for everyone. Culture in [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing Ming Dynasty China]], for instance, held that a man was manly either by being a chaste warrior or an incredibly promiscuous and scholarly/cultured [[{{bishounen}} pretty-boy]]. One's life expectancy was supposed to be ''radically'' shorter if one was in the latter category, in part because medical science speculated that male ejaculation entailed transferring some of one's finite store of (male) life force to the receiver (which is why male masturbation was avoided by anyone with good sense), but largely because of all the jealous lovers and husbands, not to mention STIs.[[/note]] while a sexually active woman is more likely to be seen as being a trashy whore. For a man, the loss of his virginity is an achievement. For a woman, it is a surrender or, if outside of marriage, a filthy defilement. In the past, this probably had something to do with how a man can have hundreds of partners without any discernible consequence (baring STDs), whereas a woman in the same position would most likely be irreversibly changed into a mother forever.

For the last few hundred or more years, sexually active men have often been admired for their virility and sexual "conquests" (unless he is a cad, or [[UnusualEuphemism picking only low hanging fruit]])[[note]]It's not like things were always been that way for everyone. Culture in [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing Ming Dynasty China]], for instance, held that a man was manly either by being a chaste warrior or an incredibly promiscuous and scholarly/cultured [[{{bishounen}} pretty-boy]]. One's life expectancy was supposed to be ''radically'' shorter if one was in the latter category, in part because medical science speculated that male ejaculation entailed transferring some of one's finite store of (male) life force to the receiver (which is why male masturbation was avoided by anyone with good sense), but largely because of all the jealous lovers and husbands, not to mention STIs.[[/note]] while a sexually active woman is more likely to be seen as being a trashy whore. For a man, the loss of his virginity is an achievement. For a woman, it is a surrender or, if outside of marriage, a filthy defilement. This probably has something to do with how a man can have hundreds of partners without any discernible consequence, whereas a woman in the same position would most likely be irreversibly changed into a mother forever.

* Poor [[spoiler: Margaery Tyrrell]] of ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire''. Claiming that [[spoiler: she's a virgin despite her two failed marriages]] did NOT work well for her...

* [[Literature/{{Reckless}} The Mirrorworld Series]]: Jacob and [[spoiler: Clara's]] mututal attraction is left nicely ambiguous, but they're both ashamed of [[spoiler: KissingUnderTheInfluence]]. Becomes vitally important seeing as [[spoiler: [[ThePowerofLove Clara needs to be Will's True Love for their quest to succeed]]]]...

* The [[Music/TheJGeilsBand J. Geils Band]] track "Centerfold" has the singer freaking out after seeing his teenage crush from years ago naked in ''Magazine/Playboy'' and angsting about how it's ruined his fantasy memory.

* Invoked in the {{josei}} manga ''Manga/ParadiseKiss''. It is revealed two boys and a girl ([[spoiler: Arashi, Tokumori and Miwako]]) were in a LoveTriangle in the past. Around the same time, we also find out the guy who got the girl, [[spoiler: Arashi]], forced her to lose her virginity with him. This is a source of many issues for the couple, because along with the (''understandable'') massive guilt he feels for the act itself, he thinks by raping her he stole her chances to change her mind and get together with [[spoiler: Tokumori]] instead (it's even hinted he did it as a desperate measure to force her to stay with him in the first place). Then again, this series loves [[{{Deconstruction}} deconstructing]] shojo cliches.

* When outed as a virgin [[HypocriticalHumor seconds after mocking Okabe for the same trait]], ''[[VisualNovel/SteinsGate Steins;Gate]]'''s Kurisu attempts to save face by invoking this trope, even citing the lock and key proverb to back it up. Okabe declares her argument dumb, adds "American Virgin" to his list of many nicknames for her, and continues to tease her for it from then on.

* This trope is why Anthony was pissed upon finding out Elizabeth wasn't a virgin in ''FanFic/TheNewRetcons'', driving Elizabeth out of the wedding suite [[spoiler: and right into Warren Blackwood's arms, [[ChocolateBaby leading directly to James Allen's conception]]]]

* The Creator/BusterKeaton film ''Film/GoWest'' has a rather unusual example with a ''cow''. Buster, who is working on a cattle ranch, makes friends with a cow called Brown Eyes. When he sees Brown Eyes getting a little too involved with a bull, he takes a pair of antlers that are hanging off the wall and ties them to Brown Eyes' head so she'll look like a bull too.

* The focus of two separate Kevin Smith films ''Film/{{Clerks}}'' and ''Film/ChasingAmy''. ''Chasing Amy'' was loosely based on Kevin Smith's relationship with star Joey Lauren Adams. Kevin Smith's character [[WriterOnBoard goes into a monologue about how sexist, conservative, and double-standard this is, and how it mostly derives from fear.]]

* This is the attitude of effeminate cowboy Elmer in ''Film/UndeadOrAlive'', who doesn't seem to realize that his fiancee is the town prostitute. This leads to him attacking Luke when he sees her getting flirty with the newcomer near the beginning of the film.
--> '''Elmer''': "I'm not gonna just sit there and watch you soil my Princess!"
--> '''Luke''' (laughing): "I hate to break it to you, but she ain't your princess. She's a whore!"
--> '''Elmer''': "Why you potty-mouthed ''[[HypocriticalHumor son of a bitch]]!''

* Downplayed in ''Film/WatchIt''. After Rick and Ellen have finally have sex, she reveals she hasn't slept with anyone in a long time before him, nor has she slept with many people before him. This ends up freaking him out, because he realizes she only sleeps with people she really cares about, and he wants to keep the relationship casual. It ends up leading to some major {{Jerkass}} behavior on his part, though he eventually gets better.

--> '''Jerry''': Loose women--great, but not in the home, eh Ted?

** This later backfires, when [[spoiler: Angel finds out ''on their wedding night'' that Tess was raped, and [[DoubleStandard despite having just admitted that he once slept with a prostitute]], claims he cannot have an (even accidentally) impure woman as his wife and runs off to South America (and asks another woman to come with him.)]]

* OlderThanFeudalism: Odysseus of Creator/{{Homer}}'s ''Literature/TheOdyssey'' slept with both Circe and later Calypso (although it may not have been voluntary, as he is described as trying to fight her desire, but she "compelled him") without any criticism from other characters, the gods, or the narrators. Back at home, Odysseus' wife Penelope remained faithful for 20 years, which was sort of the minimum acceptable behavior for a woman -- the unfaithful women in the story, Helen and Clytemnaestra, are viewed as responsible for some pretty major tragedies. After Odysseus returns he goes as far as killing all of the '''maids''' who slept with the suitors even though they just worked for him. Plus, you have three virgin goddesses (Hestia, Athena, Artemis) but ''definitely'' no virgin gods. Calypso even complains about this double standard -- male gods take human lovers all the time, but they object when a goddess does the same.
** Margaret Atwood's ''The Penelopiad'' takes Penelope's point of view, and starts each chapter with poems from the maids, lamenting their unjust deaths. Though in the case of the maids, it's less about sleeping with the guests (which was a part of their work, and not frowned upon), and more about them spilling them ''vital'' information that could've gotten the kingdom as a whole in trouble, which equalled to ''high treason''. One of the girls told one of the suitors about Penelope's BatmanGambit to buy time through the veil she sewed and then destroyed each night to keep the guys away from her.
** The story of Penelope's cousins Helen and Clytemnaestra is a little more complex. Helen may be considered partly responsible for the Trojan War, but is not punished, but reinstated as Menelaos' queen, with the prospect that both of them will not die but travel directly to the Elysian fields. Of course it helps that Helen is Zeus' daughter. Clytemnaestra is not just guilty of cheating on her husband with Aigisthos - the murderer of her husband's father - but also Aigisthos' accomplice in the murder of Agamemnon and herself the murderer of Cassandra and her children. And the way things were presented in the Odyssey (there are various non-Homeric alternate stories), Odysseus as a mortal could not prevent [[DoubleStandardRapeDivineOnMortal goddesses Circe and Calypso]] [[DoubleStandardRapeFemaleOnMale having their way with him]], but did refuse the offer of mortal Nausicaa's hand in marriage.
** In one version Clytemnestra's first husband was Tantalus, King of Pisa, who was killed by Agamemnon. Agamemnon then took her as his wife forcibly and also murdered her infant son. Then comes the part that every version agrees of: he sacrificed their daughter Iphigenia to the goddess Artemis after telling Clytemnestra he was going to marry her off to the hero Achilleus. Doesn't make what she did alright, but double standards are working here too. No old myth would have questioned a man's right to turn axe happy after being crossed repeatedly and so cruelly.

** On the other hand, fandom took this and ran away with it FAR more than canon. One of the biggest reasons of the hate against Ginny that goes on among fans ([[DieForOurShip especially if they're Hermione/Harry fans]]) is her supposed "sluttiness" and wanton ways of having... 3 boyfriends in 2 years (and actually [[spoiler:marrying the third one]])! Never mind that dating is ''[[TruthInTelevision extremely]]'' common in real life, and most girls date ''many'' guys, often times ''without'' ever sleeping with them, especially when they're as young as or even younger than Ginny, before they finally marry the man of their dreams. Also never mind that Hermione was the one who suggested that Ginny date other people to get over Harry.

** Then again, in ''Literature/AndThenThereWereNone,'' Miss Brent is charged with the murder of a girl in her charge - the girl had gotten pregnant and committed suicide when her family and Miss Brent had both cast her out.

* The ''[[Literature/PsyChangeling Psy/Changeling]]'' novels by Nalini Singh can't decide if they are this or not. On one hand, the narration tells us that sex is healthy for both sexes, and changeling women are very sexually liberated. On the other hand, every single hero has been wildly sexually experienced, while every heroine has been virginal or had a cold, unfulfilling love life. The one woman (Tally) who has had other lovers before the hero is [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop berated by him]] for [[DoubleStandard "selling herself so cheaply"]] -- despite his own sexual experience. The trope becomes so pervasive that it leads to a ''literal'' [[spoiler: virgin mother. Her marriage was a sham concocted to explain her test tube baby.]]

** Not "other women," exactly: Crichton only got past the flirting stage with one woman other than Aeryn Sun during the course of the series, a single night of "tomorrow we may die" sex with Peacekeeper spy. Also, Aeryn was notably a bit screwed up about men at the time, since although she'd had plenty of sex partners before they met, she'd had only one "lover." [[spoiler: It ended badly.]]
** It also averts it with the BetaCouple - Chiana has a sexual history that easily trumps D'Aargo's. No one has a real problem with it except when she's unfaithful.

* The Weezer song "No One Else" is pretty much about this - completely unrealistic expectations by the man in the relationship. For what it's worth, the next track (which Rivers Cuomo has said is essentially from the viewpoint of the same male character) is about how the chick dumped the guy.
* The Music/JGeilsBand track "Centerfold" has the singer freaking out after seeing his teenage crush from years ago naked in Magazine/PlayBoy and angsting about how it's ruined his fantasy memory.
** Eventually, however, he accepts it...and even [[MyGirlIsASlut embraces it.]]

This is OlderThanFeudalism, due to the historical sexual DoubleStandard. This is partly explained by mere biology. A man can impregnate multiple women a day while a woman can only get pregnant once every nine months. Therefore, base animal reproductive instinct dictates that men should be having sex with as many women as possible while women should be very selective in choosing their mates in order to ensure that only the best genes are passed on to the next generation. [[note]]But then again, if men don't take care of their children they may easily die before they have offsprings of their own--so the man's genes won't be passed on. And it would also be useful to pick only females with good genes to increase the chances of the survivial and reproduction of their children. Picking women with "bad" genes to have kids with might lead to falling in love with them and thus still "wasting" a lot of efffort to raise a child with her. Women, on the other hand, may have a--evolutionary speaking--high interest in not wasting too much time on the "wrong" man, so they may profit from "testing" men or having more than one man being attatched to them. The whole falling in love thing lasting only a limited time (the lovestruck part which more likely leads to sexual desire) is, evolutionary speaking, basically a compromise between staying together long enough to raise a child and not wasting top much time on a "bad" mate for both sexes. So the main point in the "My girl is not a slut" is probably a cultural thing.[[/note]] Of course, with all of the birth control methods available, the majority of sex people are having now is purely for recreation, not reproduction, but the association persists. Plus, a sexually active but irresponsible woman is far more at risk than a man in a similar position. If she gets pregnant and daddy's just a GlorifiedSpermDonor, she's the one stuck with a fatherless child, while a man who ''is'' willing to care for his wife and children would feel rightfully screwed[[note]]or, considering what we're talking about, unscrewed[[/note]] if [[MamasBabyPapasMaybe he finds out he isn't really the daddy]].

* {{Eminem}} rap Superman:

* ComicBook/SheHulk in her current series sleeps with quite a few other supers (who else is going to survive, really? Woman of Gamma, man of Kleenex) and has some issues with this trope. She's very irritated whenever people ask about her night with Juggernaut, then a member of the ComicBook/{{X-Men}} but still a known a supervillain (this has since been retconned into her genuinely not sleeping with him). She also asks Tony Stark how he gets away with sleeping around (while in bed with him).

Compare NoGuyWantsToBeChased, BestHerToBedHer, DefiledForever, MadonnaWhoreComplex, NatureAdoresAVirgin, SlutShaming. Contrast TheUnfairSex, MyGirlIsASlut, GoodBadGirl, FreeLoveFuture.

For the last few hundred or more years, sexually active men have often been admired for their virility and sexual "conquests" (unless he is a cad, or [[UnusualEuphemism picking only low hanging fruit]])[[note]]It's not like things were always been that way for everyone. Culture in [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing Ming Dynasty China]], for instance, held that a man was manly either by being a chaste warrior or an incredibly promiscuous and scholarly/cultured [[{{bishounen}} pretty-boy]]. One's life expectancy was supposed to be ''radically'' shorter if one was in the latter category, in part because medical science speculated that male ejaculation entailed transferring some of one's finite store of (male) life force to the receiver (which is why male masturbation was avoided by anyone with good sense), but largely because of all the jealous lovers and husbands.[[/note]] while a sexually active woman is more likely to be seen as being a trashy whore. For a man, the loss of his virginity is an achievement. For a woman, it is a surrender or, if outside of marriage, a filthy defilement. This probably has something to do with how a man can have hundreds of partners without any discernible consequence, whereas a woman in the same position would most likely be irreversibly changed into a mother forever.

->''"A man is like a key, a woman is like a lock. A key that can open every lock is a great key, but a lock that can be opened by every key is a worthless lock."''

* Played with in ''GoodnessGraciousMe'', the skit show from the people who later made ''The Kumars at Number 42''. A Pakastani woman is telling another that she heard the other's son was sleeping around. The other begins to defend him, but soon changes tactics - "My son is a stud!" - and goes on to describe his manly sexual exploits.

** On the other hand, fandom took this and ran away with it FAR more than canon. One of the biggest reasons of the hate against Ginny that goes on among fans ([[DieForOurShip specially if they're Hermione/Harry fans]]) is her supposed "sluttiness" and wanton ways of having... 3 boyfriends in 2 years (and actually [[spoiler:marrying the third one]])! Never mind that dating is ''[[TruthInTelevision extremely]]'' common in real life, and most girls date ''many'' guys, often times ''without'' ever sleeping with them, especially when they're as young as or even younger than Ginny, before they finally marry the man of their dreams. Also never mind that Hermione was the one who suggested that Ginny date other people to get over Harry.

* Bernard Marx and John the Savage in ''Literature/BraveNewWorld'' are both bothered by the promiscuity of Lenina (who Bernard was with for a time, and who John pines for). However, this being a society where everyone is conditioned to accept that MyGirlIsASlut, their attitudes are seen as abnormal.

** On the other hand, fandom took this and ran away with it FAR more than canon. One of the biggest reasons of the hate against Ginny that goes on among fans ([[DieForOurShip specially if they're Hermione/Harry fans]]) is her supposed "sluttiness" and wanton ways of having... 3 boyfriends in 2 years (and actually [[spoiler:marrying the third one]])! Never mind that dating is ''[[TruthInTelevision extremely]]'' common in real life, and most girls date ''many'' guys, often times without sleeping with them, especially when they're as young as or even younger than Ginny, before they finally marry the man of their dreams. Also never mind that Hermione was the one who suggested that Ginny date other people to get over Harry.

** On the other hand, fandom took this and ran away with it FAR more than canon. One of the biggest reasons of the hate against Ginny that goes on among fans ([[DieForOurShip specially if they're Hermione/Harry fans]]) is her supposed "sluttiness" and wanton ways of having... 3 boyfriends in 2 years (and actually [[spoiler:marrying the third one]])!

** On the other hand, Phoebe gets around almost as much as Joey and never gets any flack for it. The only time it's mentioned is when ''she'' decides to settle down long-term and not have short term relationships. (She's about 34 by this stage). The guy she ends up with is unphased by her sexual history and she sleeps with him on their first date.

* Angela Montenegro of ''Series/{{Bones}}'' averts this one: she has more sex than anyone else on the show, but doesn't get punished for it. Neither does Brennan, who isn't chaste herself. The only time Brennan's promiscuity is portrayed in a negative light is when she is dating two men simultaneously without telling them.