History Main / GenderNormativeParentPlot

In both portrayals, the character is often torn between their love for their parent(s) and their love for their hobby. In the end, their parents find out about it and they’ll either be against it at first but eventually come around to it, or [[MilhollandRelationshipMoment it's revealed that the parent never had a problem with it in the first place]]. Either way, the child will usually either give up the hobby for a more conventional one, or they’ll find a way to continue pursuing both at the same time. The teenage years are usually the focus since that's generally when people start to find their way as individuals. If the character is a boy, t's also common for these characters to be [[MissingMom motherless]]. In many cases, the character's opposite-sex parent isn't in the picture. But if they are, they might be supportive of the hobby compared to the other.

In many works, the plot involves a teenage boy with a passion for a "girly" hobby--such as [[InTouchWithHisFeminineSide e.g. ballet, cooking, or gymnastics]]--but his parents (especially his father) are pushing him to follow a different "manly" one (e.g. sports, manual labor, criminal activity, etc.). In others, the character is a girl who has a love for something stereotypically unfeminine like football, boxing, or any other field or hobby that’s considered masculine that her parents disapprove of.

In both portrayals, the character is often torn between their love for their parent(s) and their love for their gender non-conforming hobby. In the end, their parents find out about their child’s feminine or masculine hobby — they’ll either be against it at first but eventually come around to it or [[MilhollandRelationshipMoment it's revealed that the parent never had a problem with it and is fine with their kid pursuing it.]] Either way, the child will usually either give up the hobby for the "girly" or “boyish” hobby or they’ll find a way to continue pursuing both at the same time. The teenage years are usually the focus since that's generally when people start to find their way as individuals. It's also common for these characters to be [[MissingMom motherless]]. But if their mom is around, she's likely to be supportive of it (at least more so than her husband), which could lead to tension between the boy's parents.

* One US commercial for the Real Yellow Pages featured the short tale of a tattooed, mohawked punk rocker who grew dissatisfied with his friends, because while he enjoyed hanging out with them, it was an incomplete life. One quick check of the phone book later (we don't see the page he consults very clearly, but the book is opened to the N's), and the punk rocker is grinning in quiet satisfaction as he practices his needlepoint skills, alongside the other members of the needlepoint club (all gray-haired old ladies, who seem to take the punk's presence as if people like him join their club every single day) that he found and contacted by way of the phone book.

** Yuri fills the "disappointed parent" role for Yuu, having grown up hoping her brother would become cooler and manlier than the pastel-wearing flirtatious goofball he is at current. She starts to come around the end of her episode but still doesn't get into Creator/{{Sanrio}}.

** Artie, the only other boy in Lincoln's gymnastics class, tells him that he went through a similar situation when he first started gymnastics. He got interested after coming across the Royal Woods high school gymnastics team and his mother and older brother were supportive, but he hid it from his father due to his traditional ideas about masculinity. When Artie's father did find out, he wasn't too pleased at first but came around to accept it.

* ''WesternAnimation/HowToTrainYourDragon'' takes this in a fairly interesting direction with the relationship between Hiccup and his father Stoick. Hiccup starts out as a bookish NonActionGuy who struggles in vain to live up to the expectations of [[TestosteronePoisoning uber-manly]] Viking culture, while his father looks on and wonders [[JockDadNerdSon just how on earth that talking fishbone came from his genes]]. Hiccup discovers that, while he does not have what it takes to kill dragons like the perfect, tough Viking son, he is a pretty fair hand at a somewhat less "masculine" activity - befriending and training said dragons. This results in a bit of friction with his father, who considers dragon-slaying as both the courageous thing to do and the only proven, effective way of defending his clan's village. In the end, Hiccup [[TakeAThirdOption gives up on neither ideal]], utilizing dragon-training as a means of defending the village, essentially becoming the most badass leader the clan has ever had while still remaining true to himself... his father is just as bewildered as he is proud.

** Main protagonist Jess is second generation Indian living in the UK. Her parents disapprove of her playing football, although not because of the boyishness; they want her to go to university and think football is distracting her. They come around when Jess is offered a scholarship to play in America.

* In ''Film/INowPronounceYouChuckAndLarry'', a secondary plot point involves Larry, a firefighter, wanting for Eric, his AmbiguouslyGay ten year old son, to grow up as a real man. Whenever Eric tries to show off his tap dancing abilities or wants to talk about Broadway Musicals, Larry yells at him to knock it off and focus on sports instead. However, by the end of the movie, Larry makes the decision to love Eric for who he is, and stop trying to force him to be what he thinks a boy should grow up to be.

* ''Literature/OliverButtonIsASissy'': [[PlayingWithATrope Played with]]. Oliver's dad tries to persuade Oliver to play sports with the other neighborhood boys, even though he's not good at them. Nevertheless, he supports his son's decision to enroll in a dancing school, and congratulates him on his performance at the talent show. Taking both actions into account, it seems that Mr. Button's more worried about Oliver spending too much time doing activities by himself, rather than ashamed of his interests in and of themselves.

** Even better is that the father is dressed like a working-class man, living in a working-class house, speaking with a [[OopNorth Yorkshire accent]], and the son speaks an middle-class accent and is wearing a suit and tie...because that's the only thing he has to wear apart from his overalls.

** In one episode, ''Peggy'' is the one who disapproves of Bobby taking Home Economics, because he proves to be a better homemaker than she is. Hank for once is content to sit back and reap the benefits.

[[/folder]]

* An episode of ''{{Series/House}}'' has (not a spoiler, since the viewer finds out in the cold open before the opening credits) a person born with ambiguous sexuality who had surgery to appear, and has been raised, as a boy. The "boy" was interested in ballet; his dad was okay with this, but his mother pitched a fit when she found out and make him go out for basketball instead, which he doesn't feel he's good at and isn't particularly excited about anyway. This is ''not quite'' this trope exactly, since the boy himself doesn't know that the "vitamin" shots his mom's been giving him are actually testosterone to make up for his lack of natural hormones, and he has a bit of a meltdown when he finds out the truth.
** This is a confusing one as the 'boy' was technically a girl as well. He also claimed he was interested in a member of his baseball team, which is also ambiguous.

In many works, the plot involves a teenage boy with a passion for a "girly" hobby--such as [[InTouchWithHisFeminineSide e.g. ballet, cooking, or gymnastics--but his parents (especially his father) are pushing him to follow a different "manly" one (e.g. sports, manual labor, criminal activity, etc.). In others, the character is a girl who has a love for something stereotypically unfeminine like football, boxing, or any other field or hobby that’s considered masculine that her parents disapprove of.

* ''Series/RupaulsDragRace'', being a RealityShow about {{drag queen}}s, is rife with this trope and every season has at least one sob story from a queen with unaccepting parents. The quote at the top of the page is one of the show's most memorable moments: a video message for Season 5's Alyssa Edwards from her Texas redneck father, tearfully apologizing for his past homophobia and expressing his support for Alyssa's drag. There wasn't a single dry eye in the room.

In many works, the plot involves a teenage boy has or discovers a passion for a "girly" hobby ([[InTouchWithHisFeminineSide e.g. ballet, cooking, singing, double-Dutch]]), however people around him (usually the father) are pushing him to follow a different "manly" one (e.g. sports, manual labor, criminal activity, etc.). In others, the character is a girl who has a love for something stereo-typically “unfeminine” like football, boxing, or any other field or hobby that’s considered masculine that her parents disapprove of.

It's similar to the ComingOutStory, except the character doesn't have to be gay — their secret hobby ''is'' a great way to meet the guys or girls after all. But if they are, it could add another layer to the dilemma since this tends to be what the parents fear all along.

* Wonderfully subverted in this [[https://zenpencils.com/comic/kenrobinson/ fan comic]], based on the words of educator Sir Ken Robinson (and probably at least somewhat inspired by the TropeMaker).

* The entire point of the manga series ''Manga/{{Otomen}}''. UpToEleven in that the main character likes ALL girly things. Played with in that it's the mother that's pushing her son to be manly, out of fear that he might become a transsexual like his father.

** Lampshaded in one episode where Bobby wanted to be a model. He brought up a TV show with a "Billy Elliot" plot that they'd both watched, only to have Hank reply, "That's different, Bobby. I'm not an alcoholic, and you're not a figure skater."
** In one episode, ''Peggy'' is the one who disapproves of Bobby taking Home Economics, because he proves to be a better homemaker than she is. Hank for once is content to sit back and reap the benefits.

** Another episode has Bobby deserting the football team for the soccer team, to Hank's dismay.

'''Father:''' GetOut! Get out, you LABOURER!

'''Father:''' Get out! Get out, you LABOURER!

--->'''[[Creator/GrahamChapman]]:''' [[UsefulNotes/OneLondonThirtyThreeBoroughs 'Ampstead's]] not good enough for you, eh? You had to go poncin' off to [[OopNorth Barnsely]]!

'''[[Father]]:''' Get out! Get out, you LABOURER!

--->'''Ken:''' One day you'll realize there's more to life than culture. There's dirt, and smoke, and good honest sweat!\\
'''Father:''' Get out! Get out, you LABOURER!
** Even better is that the father is dressed like a working-class man, living in a working-class house, and the son is wearing a suit and tie...because that's the only thing he has to wear apart from his overalls.

In both portrayals, the character is often torn between their love for their parent(s) and their love for their gender non-conforming hobby. In the end, their parents find out about their child’s feminine or masculine hobby--they’ll either be against it at first but eventually come around to it or [[MilhollandRelationshipMoment it's revealed that the parent never had a problem with it and is fine with their kid pursuing it.]] Either way, the child will usually either give up the hobby for the "girly" or “boyish” hobby or they’ll find a way to continue pursuing both at the same time. the teenage years are usually the focus since that's generally when people start to find their way as individuals. It's also common for these characters to be [[MissingMom motherless]]. But if their mom is around, she's likely to be supportive of it (at least more so than her husband), which could lead to tension between the boy's parents.

It's similar to the ComingOutStory, except the character doesn't have to be gay -- their secret hobby ''is'' a great way to meet the guys or girls after all. But if they are, it could add another layer to the dilemma since this tends to be what the parents fear all along.

-->--'''Father of DragQueen Alyssa Edwards''', ''Series/RupaulsDragRace''

Contrast with JackieRobinsonStory. See also ShowingUpChauvinists, StayInTheKitchen, and FantasyForbiddingFather.

* Creator/GordonRamsay originally wanted to be a footballer for [[UsefulNotes/BritishFootyTeams the Rangers]]. Unfortunately, [[CareerEndingInjury he had to stop because of multiple knee injuries]], and eventually started to study cooking. Gordon really felt a connection to the trope-naming play because when he was growing up, 'cooking was for poofs', and his father even accused him of being gay.

* This can happen to many in the PeripheryDemographic fans of even the best TV shows if it's for children in general and/or targeted at one gender specifically.
* Creator/LeonardNimoy's parents were not exactly pleased when he decided to become an actor.
* Sir Creator/PatrickStewart was mocked by some of the more elitist members of British culture scene when he went from being a Royal Shakespearean actor [[WhosLaughingNow to take the role of]] [[TheCaptain Captain Picard]] on ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration''.
** Before he was Picard, he'd been in (among other things) ''{{Film/Excalibur}}'', ''Film/Dune1984'', and ''{{Film/Lifeforce}}''... all while still with the Royal Shakespeare company. So it shouldn't have been a huge surprise to anyone.
* '''Creator/{{BRIAN BLESSED}}''' had the inversion. His father, who was a coal miner, wanted his son to do ''anything'' except work in the mine and was overjoyed when young Brian decided to try his luck on the stage.
* Music/EltonJohn was also discouraged by his strict military father from playing rock music, and when Elton's parents divorced, he sent Elton's (rock music-encouraging) mother a letter telling her to tell Elton to "get that rock n' roll nonsense out of his head" and get a respectable job. Elton later confided he related the ''Billy Elliot'' movie to his own relationship with his dad, which was partly the reason for co-writing the songs for the musical.
* ''Series/MatchGame'' host Gene Rayburn was known to take up needlepoint to occupy his time on the six-hour flights from New York to Los Angeles (where his show taped). When Richard Dawson brought a 50s picture of Rayburn practicing his craft, it was a laugh riot. Gene even lampshaded it a few times on the show.
* Rosey Grier, a big lineman for the NY Giants and LA Rams, would do needlepoint on the sidelines.

* Fritz Von Erich, the patriarch of the illustrious but ill-fated Von Erich wrestling family, reportedly pushed his son Mike into the business against his wishes, especially after the death of David, who was often considered the most promising of his sons. [[DrivenToSuicide It did not end well]].

* {{Wrestling/Aliyah}} had a very traditional and conservative family who didn't approve of wrestling - so she ended up lying and training in secret. Eventually they came around and supported her move to WWE.

Contrast with JackieRobinsonStory. See also ShowingUpChauvinists and StayInTheKitchen.

In many works, the plot involves a teenage boy has or discovers a passion for a "girly" hobby ([[InTouchWithHisFeminineSide e.g. ballet, cooking, singing, double-Dutch]]), however people around him (usually the father) are pushing him to follow a different "manly" one (e.g. sports, manual labor, criminal activity, etc.). In others, the character is a girl who has a love for something stereo-typically “unfeminine” like football, boxing or any other field or hobby that’s considered masculine that her parents disprove of.

In both portrayals, the character is often torn between their love for their parent(s) and their love for their gender non conforming hobby. In the end, their parents find out about their child’s feminine or masculine hobby--they’ll either be against it at first but eventually come around to it or [[MilhollandRelationshipMoment it's revealed that the parent never had a problem with it and is fine with their kid pursuing it.]] Either way, the child will usually either give up the hobby for the "girly" or “boyish” hobby or they’ll find a way to continue pursuing both at the same time. the teenage years are usually the focus since that's generally when people start to find their way as individuals. It's also common for these characters to be [[MissingMom motherless]]. But if their mom is around, she's likely to be supportive of it (at least more so than her husband), which could lead to tension between the boy's parents.

** Arguably the most well known is ''Film/HighSchoolMusical'' with Troy. The "girly" hobby is singing, the "manly" one is basketball, and it doesn't help his dad is also the school's basketball coach, There are also elements of this with Gabriella but her mother doesn't oppose the singing, it's more that her friends want her to help them win the Scholastic Decathlon instead. They both manage to do both.

* Two gender flipped examples in ''Film/BendItLikeBeckham'':

* Likewise in ''Film/ShesTheMan'', the female lead character is more interested in football (soccer) than the debutante ball. She ends up cross dressing to play on the men's team.

* Geoffrey Swivel in ''Literature/TheShepherdsCrown'' has elements of this, with foxhunting as the "manly" hobby and witchcraft as the "girly" one. [[spoiler: His father never does accept him though, and instead his story is resolved when he demonstrates he doesn't need to care about his father thinks.]]

* Kanji Tatsumi from ''VideoGame/{{Persona 4}}'' suffers from this trope somewhat, with the exception that he hasn't got a father and is instead pushing ''himself'' towards trying to be overly masculine, because his passion for sewing is a source of his [[DysfunctionJunction mental insecurities]] (along with the fact that he is AmbiguouslyGay).

* '''Creator/{{BRIAN BLESSED}}''' had the inversion. His father, who was a coal miner, wanted his son to do ''anything'' except work in the mine, and was overjoyed when young Brian decided to try his luck on the stage.

A parent disproving of their child taking an interest in a hobby or career that goes against perceived gender norms is a stock plot that crops up in fiction to a relatively high degree. The moral of these stories is "[[BeYourself being true to who you are]]".

For stories where a girl defies gender conceptions to prove that she's just as good athletically as the boys, see You Go, Girl!.

[[WMG:[[AC:This trope is [[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=1602892974024553600 under discussion]] at the [[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/conversations.php?topic=renames Trope Repair Shop]].]]]]

In many works, the plot involves a teenage boy has or discovers a passion for a "girly" hobby ([[InTouchWithHisFeminineSide e.g. ballet, cooking, singing, double-Dutch]]), however people around him (usually the father) are pushing him to follow a different "manly" one (e.g. sports, manual labor, criminal activity, etc.). In others, the character is a girl who has a love for something stereo-typically “unfeminine” like football,boxing or any other field or hobby that’s considered masculine that her parents disprove of.

A stock plot that crops up in film to relatively high degree. It's all about "[[BeYourself being true to who you are]]".

A teenage boy has or discovers a passion for a "girly" hobby ([[RealMenWearPink e.g. ballet, cooking, singing, double-Dutch]]), however people around him (usually the father) are pushing him to follow a different "manly" one (e.g. sports, manual labor, criminal activity, etc.). The boy is torn between his love of his father along with his masculine appearance to his friends and his love of his hobby. In the end, his father finds out about his son's "girly" hobby--he'll either be against it at first but eventually come around to it or [[MilhollandRelationshipMoment it's revealed that the dad never had a problem with it and is fine with his son pursuing it.]] Either way, the son will usually either give up the "manly" hobby for the "girly" hobby or he'll find a way to continue pursuing both at the same time.

As a subtrope of ComingOfAgeStory, usually stars teenagers since that's generally when people start to find their way as individuals. It's also common for these boys to be [[MissingMom motherless.]] But if their mom is around, she's likely to be supportive of it (at least more so than her husband), which could lead to tension between the boy's parents.

It's similar to the ComingOutStory, except the boy doesn't have to be gay -- his secret hobby ''is'' a great way to meet girls, after all. But if he is, it could add another layer to the dilemma since this tends to be what the father fears all along.

Contrast with JackieRobinsonStory. For the DistaffCounterpart, see ShowingUpChauvinists and StayInTheKitchen.

* Named for the film ''Film/BillyElliot'' where this makes up a good deal of the first half of the movie. The "girly" hobby is ballet, the "manly" one is boxing. [[spoiler: After Billy's dad gets over this, he sells the last of Billy's deceased mother's things and almost becomes a scab during the miners' strike to support Billy's professional dancing dream.]]
** Despite being the TropeNamer, it's actually an atypical example. Billy's family doesn't come around because they want him to "be himself" -- they realize that he's good enough at dancing that he might be able to escape the poverty that has the rest of them trapped. They even have this exchange, albeit in jest: