History Main / EvilLawyerJoke

* A Russian, a Frenchman and two American lawyers are on a long train ride in the same cart. Russian takes out loads of vodka and caviar, treats everybody aplenty, and just throws the rest out the window. "Oh, we have an overabundance of that!" Next, Frenchmen takes out loads of vine and cheeses, treats everybody aplenty, and just throws the rest out the window... After some deliberation, one of the American lawyers gets up, grabs and throws the other out the window.

* In the ''Webcomic/KevinAndKell'' universe, most--if not all--lawyers are, in fact, sharks, leading to frequent jokes... for example, when Herd Thinners Inc. is flooded (due to drooling resulting from having an injured rabbit on the premises), Angelique comments that it's not a total loss--now their legal staff can work on-site.

* ''{{TabletopGame/Munchkin}}'':

* In the CollectibleCardGame version of TabletopGame/{{Illuminati}}, there is a card referencing Creator/WilliamShakespeare, (see below) called "First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" which destroys all law cards in play. In order to use it the player must say "Now seriously, Lawyers are an important part of our judicial system and we'd all be worse off without them." The card notes that the player has to '''try''' to say it with a straight face, but is not expected to succeed.
* In ''TabletopGame/BleakWorld'' a [[NintendoHard Nightmare Level]] enemy is "The Board of Executives" a group of Lawyers who sold their soul for immortality and the knowledge of all universal laws.
* ''TabletopGame/{{Pathfinder}}''[='s=] portrayal of LawfulEvil deity Asmodeus is basically this trope personified: he's the god of contracts and tyranny and is portrayed as a BigRedDevil. Pathfinder First Edition even has a unique archetype for Asmodean clerics called the [[https://aonprd.com/ArchetypeDisplay.aspx?FixedName=Cleric%20Asmodean%20Advocate Asmodean Advocate]], which is locked to the Trickery domain and gets to use Profession (barrister) on skill checks in place of Bluff and Diplomacy.
* The ''TabletopGame/DiscworldRoleplayingGame'' says that [[DemonLordsAndArchDevils Duke of Hell]] Vassenego has the soul of an elderly lawyer, before adding that he actually has the souls of ''thousands'' of elderly lawyers.

* The protagonist of Music/WarrenZevon's "Mister Bad Example"
-->''Of course, I went to law school\\
And took a law degree\\
And counseled all my clients to plead insanity''

* Music/WarrenZevon's "Mr. Bad Example" sees the VillainProtagonist narrator of the song mentioning amongst his numerous misdeeds that:
-->''Of course, I went to law school and took a law degree\\
And counseled all my clients to plead {{insanity|Defense}}''

* ''Inverted'' in ''Roleplay/InkCity'' when [[VideoGame/{{Portal2}} Cave Johnson]] meets [[Franchise/AceAttorney Edgeworth]] and automatically punches him upon hearing his profession. The whole reason ''he'' considers lawyers AcceptableTargets is because they try to regulate his MadScience, imposing unwanted ''morals'' and ''values'' upon his work.

* Interestingly enough, this is mostly [[AvertedTrope averted]] in Japan, where it's ''judges'' that get these sort of jokes thrown at them, while lawyers tend to be portrayed in a relatively neutral or even positive light. There's a fair amount of ValuesDissonance going on with this; unlike the United States, Japan uses an inquisitorial court system where judges do not act as ([[{{HangingJudge}} theoretically]]) impartial referees but instead dominate trials. They're tasked with finding facts rather than simply judging cases, question witnesses directly, and hand down sentences and verdicts. They were, historically, members of the nobility and hired prosecutors themselves, meaning there was an ingrained bias against the defense counsel (one which has persisted into modern times). Japan's court system also has an extremely high conviction rate, in part because of the tendency for prosecutors to only take cases they're sure they can win. All of this has combined to make judges the main AcceptableTargets in Japan's legal system. Ever wonder why the ''Franchise/AceAttorney'' series largely avoids cracks about evil lawyers, but portrays the judge as a bumbling, easily-manipulated (though well-intentioned) {{Cloudcuckoolander}}? This is why.

* Music/WeirdAlYankovic's "Jurassic Park":

Lawyers, who often defend people or practices that are considered unpopular or wrong (or justify draconian laws in the case of prosecutors), are an infamous {{Acceptable Target|s}}. It is often stereotyped that students of Law, Political Science, any debate-intensive course, etc. are total, aggressive, shameless, and argument-prone assholes who, for example, [[AmbulanceChaser profit massively from the misery and misfortune of others]], [[TheAlcoholic drink like fish]], [[WackyFratboyHijinx join fraternities]], [[ManipulativeBastard manipulate the system, and everybody else around them]] as [[AmbitionIsEvil ambitious opportunists]] as if they follow [[Creator/NiccoloMachiavelli Machiavelli]] as their equivalent of Muhammad, and so on.

* You wanna bet [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bela_G._Lugosi Bela Lugosi, Jr.]] has heard every bloodsucking lawyer joke ever?

* ''Literature/GoodOmens'': Once human society creates warranties on personal computers, the demon Crowley sends some down to the DealWithTheDevil contract-writers in Hell with a note attached saying "Learn, guys".

** This season one gem as said by Gunn: "Whoo! Whoo! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe em. Damn. Here it is! Evil white folks really do have a Mecca." Let's just say that Wolfram & Hart take evil lawyers to a whole 'nother level.
** "They're the law firm Johnny Cochran was too ethical to join." Really, Wolfram & Hart is the personification of the trope.

** Cordelia discusses the evil law firm Wolfram and Hart, comparing them with vampires Angel and Darla. "You were soulless bloodsucking demons, and they're lawyers." A humbled Angel agrees with her. "We were amateurs."

* What is the difference between a burbot and a lawyer? [[labelnote:Answer]]One is a bottom-dwelling slimy carrion feeder, [[BaitAndSwitchComment and the other is a fish]].[[/labelnote]]

-->'''Kazuya:''' [[Film/Avengers2012 I actually understood that reference.]]

* The ''{{TabletopGame/Munchkin}}'' Card Game has several lawyer monsters, including So Suu Mee--the Chinese lawyer demon.
** And they won't attack Thieves. It's a professional courtesy.
** The Munchkin Booty "Sea Lawyer" even counts as a [[ThreateningShark shark]].

* During the discussion over dinner in ''Film/JurassicPark'', Grant, Ellie, and Malcolm (a paleontologist, paleobotanist, and chaos theory mathematician respectively) argue against Hammond's plans for the park. He laments that the only one to side with him is the "bloodsucking lawyer" Donald Genarro, who's only concerned in the potential profits.

* On one episode of ''WesternAnimation/{{Duckman}}'', there is a law firm called Manson, Dahmer, Gacy, and Bundy, all names of serial killers.

** Variation: What do you have when you have three lawyers up to their neck in sand? [[labelnote:Answer]]Not enough sand.[[/labelnote]]

'''Hyde:''' You deceiver! You false friend! You have m-m-m-m-murdered me, Utterson! You must have realized that vial contained poison!\\

* ''Film/BackToTheFuturePartII'': "The justice system works swiftly in the future now that they've abolished all lawyers." Note that Doc does not necessarily say that as good news. Specifically, the explains how Marty’s future son was tried, convicted, and sentenced to 15 years in prison within 2 hours of his arrest. Considering the context of the line it's more likely that no lawyers mean no protection from the StateSec.

* ''Film/BackToTheFuturePartII'': "The justice system works swiftly in the future now that they've abolished all lawyers." Note that Doc does not necessarily say that as good news. Considering the context of the line it's more likely that no lawyers mean no protection from the StateSec.

---> '''Holly:''' [about Prue making a will] Thank God she did or else we'd still be dealing with lawyers. (''beat as she remembers Cole'') No offence.