History LethalChef / Literature

* At least one of MercedesLackey's ''[=SERRAted Edge=]'' books features a Sidhe warrior attempting to cook breakfast. Mind, the Sidhe ordinarily magic their food out of thin air... The sequence includes such gems as breaking the number of eggs required by the recipe and then "carefully picking out most of the shells" and figuring that hey, tomato paste, Tabasco... Both red sauces, a 1-1 substitution should be perfectly cromulent. This disaster actually becomes a major ''plot point'' instead of just a random funny. [[spoiler: He gives up after recognizing his failure and conjures the breakfast - but doesn't do it sneakily enough, blowing his human cover identity.]]

* Hagrid's poor attempts at cooking are the butt of many jokes in ''Literature/HarryPotter''.

* In ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'', Anne unwittingly flavors a cake with anodyne liniment instead of vanilla, due to Marilla placing the remaining contents of a broken liniment bottle in a vanilla bottle.

** [=CMOTDibbler=] sells sausages that qualify as food on a good day.

** The numerous Dibbler copies also have their own barely edible wares: Disembowel-Meself-Honourably Dibhala's funny-colored antique eggs, Al-Jiblah's highly suspicious cous-cous, the terrible yak-butter tea made by May-I-Never-Achieve Enlightenment Dibhlang and the unmentionable blubber of May-I-Be-Kicked-Into-My-Own-Ice-Hole Dibooki (main ingredient: exploded whale), the green beer of Swallow-Me-Own-Blowdart Dlang-Dlang and the meat pie floater in pea soup with tomato sauce (regional speciality of the last continent).
** BunglingInventor Bergholt Stutly "Bloody Stupid" Johnson took up cooking at a few points in his life. His attempt to make a pie took out a significant portion of Ankh-Morpork. The actual recipe was fine; it was just that Johnson approached it with his usual [[{{Mismeasurement}} indifference to measurements]], resulting in something so large that it achieved culinary instability and exploded under its own weight.
** "The Sea and Little Fishes" discusses Granny Weatherwax's skills in making sweets. It tends to result in things like jam you cannot even taste (the spoon needs to be hammered in, and you naturally can't get it out), candy that get your teeth stuck together for days, and cakes you can beat a troll to death with. Her pickles turn out fine though.

* Literature/DocSavage. Along with singing and imitating a woman's voice, cooking is one of three skills he failed to master.

* literature/DocSavage. Along with singing and imitating a woman's voice, cooking is one of three skills he failed to master.

* Fisk, in the ''KnightAndRogueSeries''. Michael gives up on trying to teach him after only two days.

%% * Isabelle Lightwood from ''Literature/TheMortalInstruments''.

* The Justicar from Paul Kidd's trilogy ''White Plume Mountain'', ''Descent Into The Depths Of The Earth'', and ''Queen Of The Demonweb Pits'' is a pretty good camp cook, but that doesn't stop Escalla from once remarking that "real meals don't look up at you from the plate and offer to negotiate". Escalla herself has a tendency to over-sweeten food.

* Isabelle Lightwood from ''Literature/TheMortalInstruments''.

** Properly baked dwarf bread is always made by a lethal chef. Used less as a food and more as a weapon, its main ingredient is apparently gravel. Its most useful purpose when used as rations is to make ''everything else'' look edible. Note that this is intentional on their part, and they can cook other dishes that are perfectly edible to any race (at least, [[AlienLunch if you don't mind rat]]).

** Albert counts too, but it's not so important when you're the cook in Death's household. He firmly believes in grease, fat and black gritty bits, and is the inventor and sole eater of fried porridge. ''It eats spoons''.
** [=CMOTDibbler=] sells sausages that qualify as food on a good day

** BunglingInventor Bergholt Stutly "Bloody Stupid" Johnson took up cooking at a few points in his life. His attempt to make a pie took out a significant portion of Ankh-Morpork. The actual recipe was fine; it was just that Johnson approached it with his usual indifference to measurements, resulting in something so large that it achieved culinary instability and exploded under its own weight.

* Jay Leno's children's book ''If Roast Beef Could Fly'' has Jay's father, who attempts to do a BBQ every year but fails miserably in someway - he even says that his father ''throws'' the roast when it's done.

* Miss Mush and Mr. Pepperadder from the ''WaysideSchool'' series. Subverted in that they aren't so much poor cooks as poor ''quantity'' cooks: when they only have to cook for two or three people, it's gourmet quality. However, Wayside School has 4,000 people in the building...
** Miss Mush's most popular dish with the students is ''nothing''. The kids really dread the days she runs out of it, and they have to get something else.

** Miss Mush's most popular dish with the students is ''nothing''. The kids really dread the days she runs out of it.

** Rincewind turns into this when drunk, inventing bizarre dishes that [[ItSeemedLikeAGoodIdeaAtTheTime make sense only to his inebriated mind]]. Spaghetti and custard is one example, as is eating flour and yeast and washing it down with warm water because that's the same as bread, right? But the real winner is when he's in [[LandDownunder Fourecks]] and decides to make salty vegetable soup with beer instead of water. Yes, Rincewind drunkenly invented the Disc's version of ''vegemite''.

* The Justicar from Paul Kidd's trilogy '''White Plume Mountain''', '''Descent Into The Depths Of The Earth''', and '''Queen Of The Demonweb Pits''' is a pretty good camp cook, but that doesn't stop Escalla from once remarking that "real meals don't look up at you from the plate and offer to negotiate". Escalla herself has a tendency to over-sweeten food.

* The Justicar from Paul Kidd's trilogy '''White Plume Mountain''', '''Descent Into The Depths Of The Earth''', and '''Queen Of The Demonweb Pits''' is a pretty good camp cook, but that doesn't stop Escala from once remarking that "real meals don't look up at you from the plate and offer to negotiate". Escala herself has a tendency to over-sweeten food.

* The outdoor humorist PatrickMcManus has written extensively about growing up in a household headed by his hard, fearless, super-competent mother, commenting that the only thing she couldn't bend to her will was food. He learned to "scrape off the burnt parts". He also has written on occasion about the dangers of eating camp cooking. Don't ever eat the Green Hash.

* Molly Carpenter from the ''DresdenFiles'' is a borderline lethal chef. According to Harry she one time burned a boiled egg, and refers to her kitchen attempts as "committing dinner." At least she can make coffee.